by K. C. Wells
“Ready?”
“No, but we’re here now, so let’s do this thing.” Tommy took several deep breaths. “Lead the way.”
Mike stunned him by pulling him into his arms and kissing him on the mouth. He brought his lips to Tommy’s ear. “Just remember that I love you.”
Tommy was aware of the small noise of approval Paul made behind him. “Love you too,” he whispered. Mike released him, grasped his hand, and led him through the wide doors beyond the reception area. Tommy held on tight as they passed through a long corridor and out into a wide space.
“This is the main floor of the studio,” Mike told him. “There are different sets here, but they tend only to shoot one scene at a time, to cut down on noise interference.”
Tommy just nodded, gazing around him, trying to take it all in. He could hear noise coming from off to the left. Mike steered them in that direction, and Tommy saw they were in what looked like a hotel bedroom. There were lights set up around the bed, and reflective panels at various angles. A man was walking around the set with a light meter in his hand, while two men in bathrobes were sitting on plastic chairs, chatting about….
“Football? They’re talkin’ about football?” he said incredulously.
Mike took one look at his face and laughed. “Why not? Hell, I’ve sat waiting to be filmed and discussed the elections, the previous night’s TV, just about any topic you can think of.” He grinned. “Why? What did you imagine they’d be doing?”
Tommy gave a nervous laugh. “I thought they’d be, you know… kissin’? Makin’ out? Stuff like that?” He’d imagined the actors getting in the mood, certainly not participating in a boisterous argument about a recent game.
“Hey, Scott!” A young man with a camera walked over to them. “I thought I heard you were coming in.” He gave a polite nod to Tommy. “Hi, I’m Wayne. I take the publicity shots. And you must be the boyfriend.”
Mike guffawed. “Word sure gets around here fast. This is Tommy.”
Wayne extended a hand to Tommy. “Delighted to meet you.” He turned to Mike. “Oh, I meant to tell you. The wife has sent you that recipe you were after, the one for peanut butter pie?”
Mike let out a moan of pleasure. “Oh, great. She’s been promising me that for months. Thank her for me, will you?”
“Sure.” Wayne grinned and then gave Tommy another nod. “It was nice meeting the man who got our Scott. You must be pretty special.” He walked off the set.
Tommy stared at Mike. “His wife?”
Mike nodded. “Wayne’s straight. Having said that, a lot of the guys that work here are straight.”
This was definitely not what Tommy had expected. Then he got a further shock when a short, pretty woman walked over to them.
“Scott! Nice to see you again. Did Tony tell you I was gonna be filming some of ManFactory’s scenes?”
“Hey, Alexa!” Mike hugged her. “Yeah, he might have mentioned it. You’re shooting this one?”
She nodded. “We’re just about to get going. You guys wanna take a seat?” She turned to Tommy. “I hear you’re Scott’s boyfriend. It’s a real pleasure to meet you. About time this guy settled down with someone. He’s been on his own for far too long.”
Her smile was infectious, and Tommy couldn’t help but return it.
Mike pointed to a couple of chairs out of the cameras’ viewpoint. “There,” he whispered.
Tommy followed him and sat, his stomach roiling. He didn’t have a clue what to expect next. He regarded the two actors who were disrobing. “Do you know them?” he asked in a hushed tone, his eyes focused on the lean bodies emerging from the white robes. Both men were tall and slim, with defined abs and well-toned arms and legs.
Mike nodded. “The dark-haired guy, that’s Trey. He’s been in the industry for a while now, about five years. And the blond, that’s Nick. He’s fairly new. He’s a sweet guy, very professional, even if filming with him can be a pain.”
“Why?” Tommy’s throat tightened at the thought of Mike having sex with the gorgeous young man before him. What could be a pain about making love to him?
“Well,” Mike began, leaning closer, “it’s difficult to film with a guy who has to keep stopping ’cause he can’t stay hard for too long.”
Tommy stared at Nick, his gaze drifting lower to the actor’s dick, which was soft. “Does… does he have a problem? I mean, with gettin’ hard?” He couldn’t imagine someone with a medical issue like that lasting long in porn, even with his inexperience.
Mike chuckled. “Let’s just say, he’d find it a whole lot easier if Trey was a girl.”
Tommy gaped at Mike, openmouthed, and then glanced over at Nick. “He’s… straight?” Mike nodded. Tommy was bewildered. “But… he’s doin’ gay porn! Why would he do that? Why not just do porn with a girl?”
“Because this pays better.” Mike’s expression had lost some of its good humor. “That’s why there are loads of guys in this industry who are straight. We call them gay for pay.”
Tommy studied his face. “You don’t like them.”
Mike shrugged. “Some gay-for-pay guys are okay, like Nick over there, but there are others who are a nightmare to work with.” He tapped Tommy’s hand with his finger. “They’re ready.”
Tommy gave his attention to the scene on set. Alexa was instructing the two men, who were now lying under the white sheet. The lighting made it look like early morning, and it became clear they were just waking up together. Alexa stepped back, and the cameras started rolling. Nick was spooned around Trey and was kissing his neck and shoulder, his arm reaching over to stroke his dick under the sheet. Trey let out a soft moan and twisted around to face Nick, kissing him and pushing the sheet down past his groin to reveal his stiffening cock. He pushed up gently with his hips, and Nick kissed him while he worked Trey’s hardening dick.
Tommy was mesmerized, not by the men’s actions but by the emotion he was seeing on their faces. Nick was gazing at his costar, his soft moans so real that Tommy could believe they were lovers. Nick shifted and rolled on top of Trey, his hips rocking as he rubbed his cock against Trey’s, getting faster, their moans increasing in intensity.
“Yeah, want you inside me,” Trey whispered, gazing up at Nick before cupping his head and drawing him down into a passionate kiss that made Tommy’s toes curl just watching it. And then abruptly everything came to a halt when Alexa called for a break. Nick and Trey broke apart. Trey lay there on the bed, resuming their previous conversation as Nick sat up and was handed a tablet.
“Why’d they stop?” Tommy demanded. “An’ what’s Nick doin’?”
Mike moved closer until his breath tickled Tommy’s ear. “They stopped because Nick is about to top Trey, and it’s a little difficult to fuck a guy when you don’t have an erection.” He indicated Nick with his finger. “Right now Nick is watching straight porn and working on getting his dick hard for the next bit.”
Sure enough, Nick’s gaze was focused on the tablet, his hand sliding up and down his dick, which lengthened and thickened as Tommy watched. Now and then he’d acknowledge something Trey had said with a smile or a nod.
Tommy turned to Mike. “When they were kissin’ before, if you hadn’t told me Nick was straight, I’d have believed they were both gay.” More than that, he’d have believed they were lovers. The way Nick’s eyes lit up when he looked at Trey, the way his hands caressed his costar’s body, lovingly, tenderly…. Except looking at them now, the passion was gone. Tommy stared at Mike. “That’s what you were tryin’ to tell me, wasn’t it? That it’s just an act.”
Mike nodded. Just then Alexa called out that they were about to film again, and all conversation ceased. Nick put aside his tablet, and he and Trey resumed their positions.
Tommy watched the entire shoot from beginning to end. As each part of the scene progressed, he was amazed by the number of breaks and the almost clinical feel to it. The sensuality and heat of the scene was only present when the cameras were ro
lling. Otherwise, it was a case of stop-start, stop-start, with precise instructions as to what the director wanted to see on the screen. It wasn’t romantic, it wasn’t hot, and Tommy finally understood that it was just a job.
When it was over, the cameras stopped rolling, the lights were moved off to another set, and the actors went to the showers. Alexa came over to speak to them.
“Was it what you’d imagined?” she asked Tommy.
“No, ma’am,” he said gravely. Mike’s hand tightened around his.
“I’ll be seeing you on Monday, right?” she addressed Mike. “I’m filming your scene with Sean Devlin.”
Mike nodded, and Tommy’s gut rolled over. Mike’s doing a shoot? The rest of their conversation went over his head. All he could think of was Mike, having sex where they were standing, surrounded by cameras and lights, him touching another guy….
“Hey.”
Tommy gave himself a little mental shake. Mike was regarding him, eyes full of concern.
“You all right?”
“Can we go now?” Tommy just wanted to get out of there. Yeah, he’d had his question answered, but it still left him with an awful big dilemma, one he was reluctant to mention.
“Sure.” Mike led through off the floor and back to reception, where Tommy handed over his badge. They walked out into the bright daylight, yet despite the warmth of the sun, Tommy felt cold.
This changes nothing. He understood clearly what Mike had tried to tell him, that it wasn’t real, but it didn’t alter the way Tommy felt about porn. Okay, so it was just a job to the likes of Trey, Nick, and Mike, but deep down inside him, Tommy couldn’t overcome his feelings of revulsion. There was a… wrongness to it that he couldn’t get past, no matter how hard he tried to see it from Mike’s point of view.
He was quiet throughout the journey back to Morningside, lost in his own thoughts. Mike didn’t attempt to engage him in conversation, for which Tommy was grateful. But it was a shock when the truck came to a stop and Tommy realized they were parked outside Mike’s house.
“What… why are we here?”
Mike gave a sheepish smile. “I thought we might spend some time together before I have to go to work.” He reached across the seat to take hold of Tommy’s hand. “I’ve really missed you this week.”
Lord, what do I say now?
He knew what Mike wanted. He knew where they’d end up—in Mike’s bed. And right then? Tommy couldn’t. Just… couldn’t. There was too much turmoil in his head. He wanted to yell at Mike, to ask why he couldn’t see what this was doing to Tommy. But he didn’t trust himself to speak. The words would come tumbling out of his mouth, and then everything would change yet again. He could almost picture the look of hurt on Mike’s face, a look that he would’ve put there.
Tommy knew there was only one thing he could do.
“Take me home, please?”
Mike stared at him. “What’s wrong?” He tightened his grip on Tommy’s hand, but Tommy pulled it away. “Tommy?”
“Please, Mike,” he begged. “Just take me home? I… I can’t talk about this right now.”
Mike paled. “Talk to me. Maybe I can help.”
Yeah, you could quit doing porn, Tommy wanted to scream at him. “Trust me, you… you don’t wanna be ’round me right now. I’m… my head’s not in a real good place.”
Mike sat there so still. “You’re unhappy.”
Tommy kept silent. There was nothing to be said.
Mike sighed, the heavy sound rolling out of him like it came from his soul. “I’ll take you home.” Even his words had weight. He switched on the engine and backed out of the driveway.
“Thank you.” It was about all Tommy could manage. The hope that had filled him when Mike appeared in Caroline’s kitchen that morning had evaporated, leaving in its place a sick feeling of dread.
What if we can’t get past this? What if this really is the end?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“SO ARE you gonna tell me what’s wrong, or do I have to beat it out of ya? Who pissed in your Cheerios?”
Mike carried on wiping down the bar, his back to Kevin. “Just leave it, will you?”
“Like hell I will. You’ve hardly said a word all night.” Kevin grabbed the cloth from Mike’s hand. “Okay, now talk to me.” He stood his ground,
“Back. Off,” Mike growled. He’d had half a mind to call in sick. The thought of trying to be sociable with the customers just made him feel nauseated. The worst thing was, he couldn’t figure out what he’d done wrong. All he knew was Tommy was hurting, and it seemed to be his fault. At least the shift was over and he could go home, lock the door, and have a really good stiff drink. It wouldn’t alleviate the pain he was feeling, but it sure would dull the edges.
Kevin regarded him for a moment and then walked away. Mike’s relief was short-lived. He returned a minute later and placed a glass in front of him, filled with about two fingers of bourbon. “I think you need this.”
Mike gazed at the glass and then sighed. “You’re not gonna give up, are you?”
Kevin heaved himself onto the stool next to Mike and gave him a sweet smile. “Not a chance. Now start talking.” He leaned forward to where Patrick was crouched behind the bar, shifting stuff. “You okay for a minute, Patrick, while I talk with Mikey?”
“I got this,” Patrick called back. “See if you can find out who stuck a burr up his ass while you’re at it.”
“I am here, y’know. I can hear ya.” Sometimes working with these queens was like working with a bunch of women—scrap that, it was worse. Mike picked up the bourbon and took a long drink, relishing the burn as it hit his throat. He closed his eyes and let the fiery liquid warm him.
“What happened?” Kevin’s voice was softer.
Mike rested his arms on the bar and sagged. “I thought I’d found the answer, Kev.” He recounted how he’d taken Tommy to the shoot. He’d had such a good feeling about that, only to have it all go to hell when Tommy had asked to be driven home. “He looked so goddamn miserable when I dropped him off this morning.” He took another drink of bourbon.
The silence that followed was unnerving.
Mike glanced over at Kevin, who was staring at him, arms folded. “What?”
“You’re kidding, right?” Kevin quirked his eyebrows. “You gotta know why Tommy’s miserable, because it’s as plain to me as the fuckin’ nose on your face. I can totally see where he’s coming from.”
Mike stared at him. “You can?”
Kevin nodded. “He doesn’t like you doing porn.”
“Then why didn’t he say so?” Mike demanded.
“Maybe ’cause he was hoping you’d work it out for yourself, you dumbass!” Kevin shook his head. “You haven’t had a boyfriend yet who was happy about you doing porn. Why should Tommy be any different? And yeah, I can understand his attitude. If you were my guy? I would be on your case day and night, trying to get you to quit.”
“You’ve never said a word about my career.” Mike’s head was spinning.
“Mikey, when you’re on that screen, working that body? You’re some guy’s sexual fantasy. I just know that if you were my boyfriend, I wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing there were all these men out there lusting after that gorgeous bod. Patrick’s been there, so’s Don. They’ve both dabbled in porn, nothing like you, of course. Yeah, so we know there are some guys who get off on the idea of dating a porn star, but when you’re trying to find a partner, someone to go the distance….” He shook his head. “Yeah, good luck with that. You don’t know how lucky you are.”
“What do you mean?”
Kevin stared at him. “Tommy, that’s why. He hasn’t walked away from you. He’s giving you a chance to make the right decision.” He smiled. “Let’s face it, Mike. You’ve been making ‘I’m-thinking-of-quitting’ noises for a while now. Maybe this is the push you need.”
A heavy feeling settled in Mike’s stomach. Quit porn? He’d always hated change, preferring to ke
ep things as they were. But is that sufficient reason to keep the status quo? Especially if there was a chance that he’d lose Tommy in the process?
“Go home, Mike, and think about it.” Kevin chuckled. “I just got déjà vu, ’cause I swear I’ve said this once already this week. But I remember something else I said too. I told you your porn career didn’t matter, but that Tommy did. That ain’t changed.” Kevin got up off his stool. “So go home and think about that farm boy who loves ya.” He grabbed Mike in a tight hug.
Mike patted Kevin on the back. “Okay, okay, I got the message.”
Patrick came from behind the bar and handed him his jacket.
“Thanks, guys. I’ll see you this afternoon.” He walked slowly around the bar to the door.
“I mean it, Mike,” Kevin called out to him as he crossed the threshold into the street. “Think about it.”
Mike intended to think long and hard. Because right then he felt like a horse’s ass for not seeing what was so clear to his friends and colleagues. Talk about blinders…. How could I have missed this? Kevin had Tommy pegged. His lover wouldn’t be so selfish as to push his desires ahead of Mike’s. Mike, on the other hand….
He got into the truck and sat there, staring through the windshield. What a fucking selfish bastard I am. All his life, he’d focused on what he wanted out of life, what he could get for himself: the house, the vacations…. Okay, so it was good to have that kind of focus, but now that he looked back? Damn, it felt like he’d made an art of it. Did I ever consider how others felt? For the first time he looked back on his previous disastrous relationships with new eyes. Maybe it wasn’t just the porn that had driven them away. Maybe it was just… Mike.
And if that was the case, then it was Mike who needed to change. Because losing Tommy was not an option.
“WOW, TWO phone calls in as many days. I’m honored.” Jack yawned. “Have you just finished work?”
Damn. Mike hadn’t considered the time, knowing Jack was three hours behind. “I’m sorry. Are you in bed?” It had to be eleven at night in Seattle.
