by K. C. Wells
“Don’t you call me that! I heard you say that to him too.” Tommy bowed his head, his shoulders hunched over. “I don’t know what’s real anymore,” he said in a whisper.
Mike got up from the floor and walked around the couch to where Tommy stood, approaching him slowly, trying not to spook him. He came to a stop next to him, hands by his sides. “Tommy, look at me.” When he got no reaction, he edged closer. “Please, Tommy.”
Slowly, Tommy raised his chin and turned to face him.
Mike lowered his voice. “What we have is real. There is no one in my life but you. You hear me? No one. And it’s been like that since September. You are all that I want. What you see on that screen is not reality, it’s acting. Sex on set is not real. You see me acting, with porn actors.” He held out his hand, palm up, and to his relief Tommy took it. Mike grasped his hand tightly. “Think about all the emotions an actor portrays on your TV screen or at the movies. You don’t think it’s real, do you?” Tommy shook his head. “Well, porn is no different. It’s all an act for the camera, so that people watching think we’re really in love, that I’m really lusting after my boss, that I have a thing for my straight best friend, et cetera, et cetera. I could go on and on, but I’m hoping you get it.” He clasped his other hand around Tommy’s. “This is real. This is love. And whatever else you believe, you can take this one to the bank. I fucking love you, Tommy Newsome, and I will do whatever it takes to convince you of that, because I cannot lose you.”
Tommy looked down at their joined hands in silence. Mike waited, his pulse racing, breath hitching. Finally Tommy slowly raised his head to gaze at him. “How do I know what’s real an’ what isn’t, Mike? I mean, how’d you expect me to tell the diff’rence? If I can watch you on-screen an’ think it’s real, then how do I know that what I see when we’re makin’ love is real?”
Mike was shocked into stillness. How the fuck do I answer that?
Tommy was watching him and nodding. “You don’t have an answer for that one, huh?”
Mike stared at him, openmouthed, desperately searching for the right words. Tommy let out a sigh that seemed to come from someplace deep inside him.
“That’s okay, ’cause I don’t have an answer either. But it’s somethin’ I need answerin’, if we’re gonna go any further.” He sat forward and touched Mike’s face lightly. “For the record? I love you too, Mike. So you’d better figure it out, ’cause I don’t wanna lose you either.”
Tommy’s words sank in. He loves me. In spite of the uncertain situation, the pain Mike had caused him and the potential for fucking up big time, Tommy loved him.
“You need to go now, y’hear?” Tommy laid his hand on Mike’s arm. “I’ll be here if you need to talk. I’m not goin’ anywhere durin’ spring break. But you got some thinkin’ to do.”
“Did you mean it?” Mike said softly. “That you love me?”
Tommy smiled, the first smile since Sunday lunch. “Yeah, I love you. That’s why I’m not walkin’ away, and that’s not gonna change. But where we go from here is up to you.” He leaned forward and kissed Mike’s cheek.
Mike closed his eyes at the feel of those soft lips against his skin. It’s not over. Thank fuck for that. He opened them and stepped back. “I’ll be in touch soon.”
Tommy walked him to the door that led out of the apartment. “You’d better,” he said with a half smile as he opened the door. Mike moved to step past him and couldn’t resist pulling Tommy into a hug.
“Thank you,” he whispered, his arms wrapped around Tommy’s firm body.
“For what?” Tommy was warm against him, his scent stronger than ever.
“Not walking away.” Mike kissed him on the lips and released him. He left the apartment, his heart feeling lighter for the first time in days.
Tommy was right on the money. He had some thinking to do.
TOMMY CLOSED the back door and locked it, his legs trembling. Now that Mike had gone, he surrendered to the nerves that had plagued him throughout the entire conversation. The empty feeling in the pit of his stomach was still there, and his skin was sensitive to the merest touch.
“How’d it go, sugar?” Caroline came into the apartment from the main house.
Tommy dropped onto the couch. “Okay, I guess. Better than I thought it would.”
“I suppose what I’m asking is if the two of you are still together.” She came around the couch to sit next to him.
Tommy leaned back and closed his eyes. “For the moment.” He tried not to think of the alternative. Mike had become such an important part of his life. The thought of losing him sent ice rushing through his veins.
“And is he gonna continue to be a porn star? That’s the million-dollar question.”
Tommy opened his eyes to find Caroline watching him, her eyes warm and sympathetic.
“And if the answer is yes, how’d you feel about that?”
Tommy sighed. “I don’t know if he truly understands just how… wrong his career feels to me.” He snorted. “That may well be because I didn’t tell him.”
Caroline stared at him. “Why not?”
“Mostly fear, I guess. What if he chooses porn instead of me? But to be honest, I wouldn’t do that,” Tommy explained earnestly. “I don’t want him to do anything for me that he wouldn’t do for himself. If he chooses to quit porn, it has to be his decision.” He clasped his hands in his lap and gazed at them. “All I can do is wait… and hope.”
“Sweetheart, just how long are you willing to do that for?”
He shrugged. “For as long as it takes. What choice do I have? I love him. He says he loves me, so I have to believe in that.”
“Oh, honey, I hope you’re not setting yourself up for more hurt.” Caroline laid her hand over his. “I mean, does he really love you, or is he just saying that?”
Tommy smiled at her. “I believe him. An’ no, I don’t think I’m headin’ for more hurt. You know why? ’Cause I have faith.”
Caroline’s eyes grew misty. “You know something, Tommy Newsome? You’re a wonderful young man. You just blow me away with how much you’ve grown since I’ve known you. And Mike should think himself plain lucky to have you.” She wiped at her eyes and sniffed. “I only want the best for you, and if what you want is Mike, then I’m behind you. I hope it all works out for you, because Lord knows, you deserve some happiness.”
Tommy hoped the Lord was listening, ’cause Mike was all he wanted.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“HEY. DIDN’T think I’d hear from you so soon.” A pause. “Uh, why aren’t you asleep? It must be, what, 2:00 a.m.?” Another pause and then Jack’s voice was laced with concern. “You okay?”
Mike put the phone on speaker and folded his arms under his head, the pillows piled high. “It’s been a helluva few days, babe.”
He heard another voice in the background. “Yeah, some tea would be nice, with honey. Thanks, baby.” The soft rustle of sheets. “Okay, you have my attention. What’s up?”
“Am I disturbing you?” Mike had visions of interrupting his ex in the middle of something intimate.
Jack chuckled. “Nah, Luca and I were having an early night. We’re sitting in bed, watching TV.” He laughed. “I must be getting old. An early night used to mean something entirely different. So, wanna tell me what’s wrong? Because I’m sure this isn’t a social call.”
Mike pushed out a sigh. “Tommy found out about the porn.”
“What do you mean, found out? That implies you didn’t tell him.” Jack’s tone was sharp. “I thought you were going—”
“Someone beat me to it, okay?” Mike let out a low growl. “And now everything’s changed.” He relayed the conversation, holding nothing back. Jack remained silent at the other end until he’d finished.
“Ouch.”
“Yeah, tell me about it.”
“So have you come up with anything?”
It had been over twelve hours since he’d spoken with Tommy, and so far Mike ha
d come up with zilch. “How, Jack? How can I prove to him that what he sees isn’t real?”
“Lemme think for a sec.” Mike caught the rustle of sheets. “Oh, thanks, babe.”
A pause when Mike heard the distinctive sound of kisses being exchanged. He smiled to himself, happy for Jack.
“No, you can stay, honey. This is Mike. Remember, I told you about him?” More soft murmurings. “Yeah, snuggle up and keep me company while we talk.”
It made for a pleasant image in Mike’s head. “D’you want me to call back another time?”
Jack laughed. “No, you’re okay, honest. And I may have a suggestion.”
“Oh?”
“Why don’t you show him what reality looks like?”
For a moment Mike was stumped. “Huh?”
Jack chuckled. “I think you need some sleep. But what I meant was, show him the reality of porn. We both know what happens on a shoot is a completely different animal to what appears on-screen. So why not show him that? D’you think the guys at ManFactory would object if you turned up with Tommy and asked if he could watch while they shot a scene? If you asked them ahead of time, of course. You’d be there to watch it with him, explain what was going on, what he was seeing….”
Mike liked that idea. Liked it a lot. “You might just have something there.”
“Can you picture Tommy’s face if he got to see some gay for pay guys filming? Now there’s a heavy dose of reality for ya right there.” Jack snorted. “’Course, you don’t tell him that often there’s a spark between actors, ’cause he does not need to know that shit. But he can see what it’s really like on set.” He chuckled. “You’ll probably blow his mind, from the sound of it.”
“Jack, you’re a genius.”
Soft laughter came out of the phone. “Hey, guess what, hon? Mike says I’m a genius.” A pause and the rustle of sheets. “Glad to have been of service. Let me know how things go.” His voice lowered. “So I guess you’re really serious about this guy?”
“As serious as it gets.”
“Oh, Mike, that’s great. Maybe one day you can bring him out west so I can meet him? Because he has to be pretty special, babe, to have you all in knots.”
Mike wasn’t sure how Tommy would feel about that. “We’ll see. Right now I’m just flying by the seat of my pants.” And praying it all works out for the best. “I’ll call ManFactory in the morning, see if I can arrange a visit soon.” A thought occurred to him. “Hell, I’m supposed to be filming there on Monday.” The silence that fell at Jack’s end was sudden. “Jack?”
“I was just wondering what Tommy would make of that. I mean, okay, so now he knows you do porn. Knowing is one thing, Mike. Accepting the situation is something entirely different.”
In spite of his newfound optimism, a shiver of apprehension rippled down Mike’s spine.
“Let’s just see what happens at ManFactory, all right?” He couldn’t think about that now. Especially when he had the sinking feeling that Jack might have a point. Tommy might not have said as much, but the chances were pretty high that he wouldn’t want his boyfriend continuing in the porn industry.
Mike knew that from bitter experience.
TOMMY POURED out another mug of coffee and then sat down at the kitchen table, his breakfast finished. Spring break had flown by, and all he had to show for it was a pile of reading he’d gotten done. He hadn’t been in the mood to go out, even when Ben had suggested going to see a movie the previous night. So there he was, Friday morning, the weekend upon him once more, and no idea if he was going to see Mike. He’d had no word from him since Wednesday, and he was trying not to let it worry him.
Caroline ruffled his hair. “I’m going shopping this morning in Atlanta. You wanna come with me, keep me company?”
He shook his head. “Would you mind if I said no? I don’t feel like it.” Not that he had anything better to do.
She sighed. “Oh, sweetie. I hate to see you like this.” The door chime interrupted them. Caroline raised her voice. “Ben, be a dear and get that?” His roomie was in the media room, playing with his PS3. Tommy could hear him grumbling as he went through the hallway. She huffed. “That boy would spend all day being a couch potato if I let him.”
Tommy had to laugh. Caroline had Ben pegged.
Ben appeared in the kitchen doorway. “Someone to see you, Tommy.” His neck and cheeks were flushed.
Tommy straightened. It could only be one person. Sure enough, Mike walked into the kitchen behind Ben. Tommy couldn’t help his body’s reaction. His breathing quickened at the sight of Mike in his faded, worn jeans and white cotton shirt, open at the collar, the sleeves rolled up.
Damn, he looks good.
“G’morning,” Mike said, addressing Caroline. His gaze met Tommy’s. “Hey.”
“I’m just going to check and see if the laundry’s finished its cycle.” Caroline got to her feet and left the kitchen after giving Tommy a quick smile.
“I’m in the middle of a game, so if you’ll excuse me.” Ben disappeared, leaving Mike standing in the middle of the floor, looking bemused.
Tommy shook his head. His adoptive family were wonderful. “Subtle, aren’t they?”
Mike smiled. “It was nice of them to give us some space.” He took a breath. “You need to come with me, now.”
Tommy arched his eyebrows. “Oh? An’ where are we goin’?” Mike’s forthright approach made him smile.
“You’re gonna have to trust me on that. All I’m gonna say is if you love me, come with me.” Mike held out his hand, palm upward, and gazed at Tommy, unblinking.
Tommy swallowed. “You know I love ya.”
Mike grinned. “Then come on.” He beckoned.
Tommy hesitated for all of three seconds and then stretched out his hand to Mike, who grasped it firmly. “Do I need to bring anything?”
Mike shook his head. “Just you.” He led Tommy out of the kitchen and through the hallway.
“I’m goin’ out with Mike,” Tommy called hastily in the direction of the living room.
“’Kay!” Ben shouted back.
He followed Mike out of the house and over to his truck. “We goin’ far?”
“No, not really. I’ll bring you back when we’re done. I have work this afternoon.”
Mike unlocked the truck, and Tommy got in. A thrill of anticipation coursed through him at this unexpected turn of events. Mike pulled out of the driveway and onto the road. Tommy glanced at him before giving his attention to the road, curious about their destination. They drove into the center of Atlanta and out toward Lakewood.
“I’ve missed you,” Mike said quietly, his eyes focused on the road.
“Me too.” Tommy had missed the evening calls and texts. The sound of Mike’s voice always made him feel good. He watched the passing scenery, his mind going over endless possibilities, but for the life of him, he couldn’t guess where Mike could be taking him.
About forty minutes later, Mike pulled into a parking lot, in which sat a low white building with a glass front. The sign above the door said ManFactory.
“What is this place?”
Mike switched off the engine and turned to face him, hands resting on the steering wheel. “This is one of the studios where I come to shoot scenes.” He regarded Tommy steadily, his gaze focused on him.
Lord, no. Tommy didn’t believe what he was hearing.
“You’ve gotta be kiddin’.” Tommy shook his head. “I am not gonna watch you in a—”
Mike stilled instantly, his mouth open, eyes widened. “Oh, God, no! No, Tommy. That is not why we’re here.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve arranged for you—for us—to watch a shoot.”
“Why?”
Mike stared at him. “I told you porn wasn’t real. I wanted you to see that for yourself.”
Tommy didn’t know what to think. The very idea of watching porn sent alternating rushes of ice cold and heat racing through him. It was… wicked. Sinful. Just plain… wrong. But beneat
h the shock, aside from his pounding heart and shortness of breath, there was the lure of the illicit. The curiosity that tugged him, just to see.
“You okay with this?” Mike was gazing at him, sitting so still beside him.
Tommy gulped in air. “No, but I asked you how I was s’posed to tell the difference, an’ I guess you’re tryin’ to show me that.” He looked out at the innocuous building before them. “So maybe I should just trust you an’ go see what you’ve been talkin’ about.”
Mike nodded. “And I’ll be right there with you.” He held out a hand, and Tommy took it gratefully, squeezing it tight. “Shall we?”
Tommy shrugged. “Now or never, I s’pose.” He tried to smile, but damn, his stomach was in knots.
Mike released his hand, got out of the truck, and came around to Tommy’s side to open his door. “Any time you wanna leave? You just say the word, and we’re outta there.”
“’Kay.” Tommy clambered out and waited while Mike locked up. Then he sighed with relief when Mike took his hand and intertwined their fingers. Tommy glanced down at their joined hands.
Mike nodded. “I’ll be introducing you as my boyfriend, just so you know.” He smiled. “That okay with you?”
Tommy breathed easier. “Yeah.” He really liked that. It made him feel… safe.
Mike led him to the main door and held it open for him to enter. Once inside the cool interior, they crossed the floor to the glass desks of reception, where a young man smiled broadly when he saw Mike.
“Hey, Scott. Tony said you were coming in today.” He gazed inquiringly at Tommy. “This is your guest?”
Mike nodded. “Hey, Paul. This is Tommy, my boyfriend. You got a visitor’s badge for him?”
“Sure.” Paul reached into a drawer and handed over a white plastic badge on a red lanyard. He smiled at Tommy. “Can you sign in, please?”
Tommy gave a nod and stepped forward. His hand shook slightly when he signed his name, and he had to wipe the pen on his jacket before he passed it back to Paul. His palms were clammy with sweat. Mike passed the lanyard over his head and then kissed him on the cheek.
