Cursed Soul (Cursed, 4) (Cursed Series)

by t. h. snyder

  After what feels like hours, I’ve turned this place over and over only to come up empty . . . nothing was helpful or of any use.

  Realizing my time may be limited. I place the bandage back on the wound, shut down the TV, and toss the covers back over the bed. Glancing around the room one more time, I reach for a tee shirt and pull it over the top of my head.

  I haven’t a clue as to what I’m about to do or where I’m about to go. Miami has been my home . . . this is all I’ve known for years.

  Walking through the door and into the hallway there’s not a lot of options on my mind, but one thing is for sure . . . there is only one other place that will always be home.

  As I begin to wake up, my eyes slowly open as I hear voices coming from outside the room.

  “He’s been in and out of it most of the afternoon. The police took his statement and as far as they’re concerned there isn’t too much more we can do,” Etty says.

  “What can I do? Please, Etty, I’m here, and I want to help,” another voice replies.

  That voice . . . is it, could it be? I know she said she was staying, but would she really be here wanting to help . . . me?

  “I know once he wakes up he's going to have a lot of questions,” she pauses for a bit.

  “I’ll help. I can stay here until he wakes up and answer whatever questions he has. You need to get back to the shop and see what else you guys can find. I promise I’ll keep you posted of anything going on here with Cliff.”

  “You really are a doll, Kris, thank you. We all thank you. Okay, I’m going to let Christian know what’s going on. Call me if you need or hear anything.”

  “I will,” Kris responds.

  The sound of the door creaking open alerts my attention that she’s coming in. I can’t help the bolt of excitement as it rushes through my body while the monitors beside me go into a sounding fast-paced rhythm.

  Chapter 21

  I’m pacing. Why am I pacing? I’m not a pacer . . . Jenn is the pacer. Good God almighty what in the hell is happening to me?

  Pulling a chair out from the kitchen table, I flop down and rest my elbows onto the wooden top while placing my head in my hands. A million jumbled puzzle pieces begin to filter through my mind, yet I can’t concentrate on one thought in particular. With closed eyes, I attempt to picture Brody and the last time I saw him, but I can’t. Instead, all I can see is him and it’s driving me insane.

  “Shit, piss . . . ughhhhh!” I moan out in frustration.

  Why is this happening?

  How could I possibly feel like this?

  What kind of a woman am I to forget?

  “Girl, what in the hell is going on out here? Why does it sound like you are in the midst of an exorcism out here?” Jenn’s voice booms through the room.

  Looking up from my hands, I stare back at my sister. I don’t know how to explain myself so that she’ll understand. Everything I thought I had control over is now unraveling and I feel like I’m going to split apart at the seams. Glancing back down to my hands, I rub my fingertips against my now sweaty palms as my heart rate begins to pick up. I think I’m having a moment of temporary insanity or maybe an out of body experience. Shit, I don’t know what is going on but I need to get a grip.

  Okay, focus, Kris, and breathe. What happened with Cliff yesterday in the hospital wasn’t a mistake . . . even if I feel like it was wrong.

  It wasn’t as if we did anything that was inappropriate. It is not a big deal . . . all we did was talk, that’s it.

  I mean, he was sitting in a hospital bed and I was sitting next to him.

  We were only talking.

  I didn’t realize his hand was next to mine and well . . . he may have grabbed it, we may have wound up holding hands, and our fingers may have been intertwined. He may have been stroking the top of my hand with his thumb and a chill may have crept up my spine . . .

  Shit . . . I’m fucked!

  My hand flies to my mouth, hiding in the inaudible gasp I’m unable to breathe out in this moment. Oh my God, I’m mentally rambling to myself. This feeling of guilt is overwhelming and I haven’t done a damn thing wrong.

  Ugh, this is so frustrating.

  I’ve never had feelings for any other man but Brody. I’ve never wanted to look at another man other than Brody. Now all I seem to think about is the man who is captivating me with his hypnotizing blue eyes.

  Breathe, woman! In through the nose one, two, three and out through the mouth one, two three. I need to pull my shit together. I can’t keep beating myself up for feeling something for a man who is taking over such a big part of my mind. Something has to give, anything that will help me feel again.

  Continuing to breathe and focus on the fact that my sister is still starring at me. I mentally plant my feet back on planet Earth and remember that I am human and allowed to care for more than one man in my lifetime. The image of Cliff from the hospital plays through my mind. He seemed so frail, yet so strong. As much as he needed his rest, he wanted to get out of that damn hospital bed and find answers to what is going on. I respect his will and determination, but at the same time, I’m scared of the way he makes me feel.

  Oh God, the way he makes me feel. Even attempting to understand emotionally how that man makes every fiber of my being shift into high alert. My eyes see things in a new light, my sense of smell is drawn to his scent, my ears hear a voice that soothes my nerves, and my touch . . . his touch against mine sends goosebumps all over my body.

  For well over a year I closed myself off from everything, even my family. With him, when I’m near him, I feel the need to break through the walls I’ve built and tell him every dark secret I’ve ever kept hidden. There’s something about him that pulls me. He’s so wrong for me, but makes everything feel so right. Standing from the dinette table, I begin to pace a short path between the kitchen and living room.

  “Earth to Kris,” Jenn’s voice breaks through my thoughts while her hand waves inches from my face.

  As I glance up, I see my sister staring at me as if I’ve grown two heads. I’m seriously a basket case. Blinking a few times, I step back and attempt to gather myself. He’s taken complete control over my thoughts . . . he’s all I can think about.

  “Yeah, I’m good,” I respond with a half smile.

  “You are so full of shit. I know you better than you think, young lady, so spill,” she remarks, her arms crossing over her chest.

  Looking at my older sister, I can’t help but laugh. She appears to be in Mom Mode and I know there’s no way she’ll let up unless I give in.

  “Okay, okay . . . I’ll give,” I respond while lifting my hands in surrender.

  Moving over to the couch, I plop down and curl my legs beneath me. She follows suit and sits down next to me, watching and waiting for me to talk.

  “I’m telling myself it’s not a big deal, but I can’t help but feel that it is. I feel guilty, Jenn.”

  “What in the hell should you have to feel guilty about? What am I missing here? Kris, you need to fill me in on what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours. I can’t help unless you let me in,” she remarks placing her hand on mine.

  “I know, believe me I know. I’m so torn and it’s making me crazy. I sat with Cliff for a few hours yesterday and . . .”

  Her expression changes from attentive with a smirk to excited and giddy with a huge grin spreading across her face.

  “Go on . . . go on!” She claps.

  “You need to relax, woman. I’m sitting here a frantic mess and you’re already planning a wedding in your head.”

  “Silly girl, I’m doing no such thing. What I am doing is anxiously sitting next to my little sister while she draws out the fact that she has a crush on the hot, tattooed man with insanely amazing blue eyes. So, as I said . . . go on,” she says with a wink.

  “You are infuriating,” I reply resting my head in my hands.

  “Yes, dear, this we know. Now quit prolonging this, tell me what happened.
”

  Taking in a deep breath, I squeeze together my closed lids and count to ten while my heart rate begins to increase.

  Ten, nine, eight, seven . . . ugh! I know when I open my eyes, I’m going to have to talk . . . am I ready to admit something I’m afraid to feel?

  I can feel Jenn’s warm hand gently touch my arm. As she wraps her fingers around my wrists, she slowly pulls both hands down and away from my face.

  I don’t want to open my eyes . . . I’m not ready.

  “Kris, don’t be afraid. You can do this. I’m right here. I know you’re scared . . . shit, I can feel your pulse racing. Take a deep breath and count to ten . . . we’ll do it together. Ready? Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two . . . one.”

  Opening my eyes, I see my sister’s empathetic and nurturing expression. I know she’s here for me, I understand she wants what is best for me, and I want more than anything to take the steps forward to move on with my life.

  “Jenn, I never thought it would be like this. I didn’t think I’d ever have to say goodbye and I don’t know how,” I croak out as the tears begin to spill down the sides of my cheeks.

  Reaching her arms around my body, my big sister pulls me into her embrace as we both cry and mourn the loss of Brody. No matter how much I want to stop myself from feeling the pain, it’s so hard. I didn’t get the chance to see him before he left me. I never got the chance to say goodbye. He left me and now . . . now all that is here in his absence are the memories of what used to be. I can’t go on like this. I have to stop hurting. I need to tell Brody goodbye.

  Pulling away from Jenn, I wipe away the fallen tears and take in a deep breath.

  “It’s going to be okay, everything will be okay,” she says while brushing a strand of hair away from my eyes.

  Nodding, I swallow back the fears I’ve held onto for so long. She’s right. Everything is going to be okay and it’s time I accept what’s right here in front of me.

  “Thank you for listening to me sob uncontrollably once again,” I state with a laugh before throwing my head back against the couch cushion. “I know I’m a mess and how obviously you’re able to see that as well. I want to move on from what I’ve held onto for so long and I think I’m ready.”

  Looking at my sister, as she intently listens, I can see the hope pouring from her eyes. She’s wants this for me just as badly as I do.

  “Yesterday, with Cliff . . . I haven’t felt that way in years, yet I woke up this morning feeling guilty. I know we didn’t do anything inappropriate or wrong. I mean, we were in a hospital emergency room for crying out loud.”

  “He made it so easy to talk to him. At times, I could hear myself rambling and when I’d stop, he wanted me to keep going. I opened up about why I’m here, why I needed to get away and why it’s been so hard to let go. Jenn, I haven’t talked to anyone like that besides you and Mom. I don’t know what it is about him, but he makes me feel . . . ugh, I can’t explain it.”

  “I get it and just by sitting here watching you talk about him, I see it. Now I can’t say I know much about the man other than he is hot as sin, but I do know his world is slowly crashing down around him for one reason or another. Be careful, not just physically but emotionally as well.”

  “I’m afraid that may be too late,” I respond with my eyes going wide.

  “Kris, your heart has been tattered and destroyed. Don’t give it away so willingly.”

  “No. I’m not saying I’ve fallen for the big bad wolf of Birmingham. What I am saying is that there’s something there. Emotionally and mentally, he sees me differently than I’ve been willing to see myself. I’m not looking to fall in love and marry tomorrow, but I am willing to let my guard down and see what possibilities are out there again. If he is the one who can help me feel whole again, then, damn it, I’m going to go along for the ride.”

  Realizing the words that just came out of my mouth, it’s as if I had an epiphany. The dam has been broken and I’m finally not only ready, but willing to do what is right for me. The feeling rushing through me is invigorating. It’s like weight of the world has been lifted from my soul and I’m excited to explore a world I never thought could be possible. For a moment, just now, I feel liberated . . . I feel free.

  Chapter 22

  One Week Later

  Walking down the sidewalk, small and large buildings create a shady trail along the street as I glance around the vast space. It’s a beautiful afternoon. The sun is shining, the breeze is subtle, and there isn’t a cloud in the sky. Feeling like I shouldn’t have a care in the world, I allow the noise to surround me of pedestrians, birds, music, car engines and other sounds.

  Mesmerized by the beauty of the area, I begin to fall deeper into my own thoughts while I ponder over the past few days. My mind has been reeling and since I’m not able to control much, I’ve felt more helpless than ever before. I know that everyone is trying to get me to relax and keep my mind off what went down the past few weeks, but I can’t help but be aware of what’s actually going on around me. Laughing to myself, it’s almost as if I’ve been kicked out of my own life. The guys won’t let me back in the shop, I basically lost everything in my apartment to the Birmingham P. D., and Steve and Ash have given me the boot out of my temporary home for the night. Life sure as hell has become a mess of sorts.

  It shouldn’t be like this. I should feel better knowing they’ve arrested the supposed culprits of the attacks, yet I’m not.

  Three young men, whom I’ve never met, never had an affiliation with, and never crossed decided to target me . . . it doesn’t add up. The explosion, the break in and the poison, I can’t fathom what they were after but the authorities are one hundred percent certain those men were responsible.

  Now, all I can do is await their trials and hope for the best . . . whatever that means.

  Maybe I’m becoming a bit more paranoid than usual, but something still doesn’t sit right with me. I just can’t get over the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that this isn’t over, not yet.

  In need of a mental escape, at least that’s what the girls are telling me, I’m on my way for a night out. Walking toward my destination I can’t help but think that this is insane, it’s downright crazy. Not that I mind the company I’m going to be with for the evening, it just seems like an arrangement of sorts.

  I don’t like knowing that the crew has been meddling in my love life behind my back. They know and I thought they understood that I’ve never wanted the whole relationship thing. Dating one woman isn’t something I’ve ever wanted to do . . . especially right now. There’s too much going on with the shit surrounding me. I should be focused on getting my own life in order, but instead I can’t get her out of my head . . . she came into my life when I least expected the best distraction. She has come out of nowhere and has made me think differently ever since her doe eyes met mine. She’s the type of woman you want to get to know and take your time understanding her every like and dislike. She is the one you take home to Mom for Sunday dinner. She’s different . . . she’s perfection.

  Everything about her . . . me . . . us, it’s all unknown territory. It’s not me, never has been and I’m afraid it may never be. Kris has a way of making me think of possibilities and the future. For so long all I did was worry about the here and now, living in the moment is how I was able to get by. Right now, I worry that I can’t give her the things we talk about. She helps to take my head to another place. Being with her lets me escape everything that I feel brings me down. There’s a way about her that makes me want to see through all this Miami shit and hope for what is yet to come . . . especially where it involves her staying in ‘Bama. Even if I don’t think it’s possible, she makes it seem like anything with her could be.

  Walking up to the front door, I ring the bell as my stomach begins to fill with an unknown sensation.

  “You ready, Romeo?” Christian asks as he opens the door to Jenn’s place.

  With a nod, I stare him down unt
il he steps to the side and allows me to enter.

  “Well, I can see you brought your charming personality with you tonight. Let’s hope you treat Kris with a bit of a better welcoming,” he responds with a sarcastic tone.

  “Don’t start with your shit. You may be in with the rest of the crew and you may or may not have been there in the ER for me, but the jury is still out in my mind where you are concerned.”

  Lifting his hands in surrender, he plops down on a chair in the living room and kicks his feet up onto the coffee table.

  “Look I’m not here to make friends with you, man. I don’t know why you’re the only one who chooses to hold a grudge against me. I’ve moved on, Etty has moved on, and from my vantage point, it seems that everyone else has too,” he remarks while sitting up and resting his elbows onto his legs.

  His tone oozes frustration; I can’t help but chuckle to myself. Getting under his skin is something that simply provides joy to my stressful life. I may be evil in a sense, but this scumbag brings out the mad hatter in me.

  “Jesus Christ, Cliff, even Dault considers me at least half human. Cut me some slack and just be cordial. If it were up to me I’d keep you as far away from Kris as possible, but I’m not her keeper. For some ungodly reason she seems to really like you and that’s her choice. Just do me a favor. You’re life is fucked up, big time. Don’t pull her down with you and don’t hurt her. The last thing she needs right now is becoming attached and something pulling the two of you apart. She’s dealt with a loss none of us should have to at her age. Keep that in mind when you’re trying to get in her pants tonight.”

  What in the actual . . . No way in hell am I going to let him talk to me about her that way.

  “Fuck you!” I seethe taking a step toward him. “It’s not like that with Kris. I don’t want in her pants, that’s not what I’m doing here with her. I genuinely enjoy her company and tonight was planned out for us. I didn’t do anything, so quit trolling your mouth when you haven’t a clue what you’re talking about.”