Just Breathe

by Anna Leigh Keaton

  That would be a big mistake.

  “Don’t stay up too late.” She headed for the stairs but stopped in the archway and looked back at him. “Sometimes you have to enjoy the ride, though, and not worry all the time. Stop and smell the roses, so to speak. Learn to enjoy the moment instead of always worrying about the future. The present goes by too fast.”

  He stared at her with those gorgeous green eyes. A small smile flitted over his lips, and then he nodded. “Maybe you’re right.”

  She smiled then turned and headed up the stairs. She knew better than most that no matter how much planning for the future one did, one little lump and a trip to the doctor could shatter every carefully laid plan.

  * * * * *

  Ruby and Amber screamed their little heads off as Dex tried to change Ruby’s diaper. The baby squirmed and squiggled all over the place, twisting her tiny body this way and that in every attempt to make his life a little bit more difficult.

  “You okay in there?” Crystal called from the kitchen.

  “Fine,” he growled between gritted teeth as he turned Ruby over once again onto her back, this time over the fresh diaper. “I thought they weren’t supposed to be able to roll over for another month!” He gently pinned her in place with a palm over her belly as he tried to work the front of the diaper into place, and get the tape in the right spot, with the other.

  “They’re advanced children,” Crystal called, humor in her voice. “You should be proud.”

  Diaper finally secured, Dex let go of Ruby. She flipped onto her belly, arched her back, and grabbed hold of Amber’s sleeve. Amber twisted herself to look Ruby in the face, and the screaming died to soft whimpers.

  Dex rubbed his hand over his face and slouched sideways against the front of the sofa. Were they going to be like this their whole lives? What about when they started school and were put in separate classrooms? If the girls were not in direct eyesight of each other, they screamed. As long as they could look at each other and touch, they were happy little babies. Once in a while, if he and Crystal were each holding one and playing with them, they were content, but not for long. Not if one of them took one of the babies to another room. It was as if they knew the other was missing, and the screaming commenced.

  “Here’s their bottles,” Crystal said as she came into the living room. When Dex looked up at her, she made a face. “You look beat.”

  He nodded and took the bottles from her.

  “You want me to call the uncles and tell them not to come? I can take some food—”

  “No. It’s fine. I’m looking forward to getting to know them.” Leaning over to pop the nipples into the babies’ mouths, he smiled. “I just had a bi—uh—heck of a day.”

  Crystal laughed as she sat down on the couch near his shoulder. “Good catch, there, Dex.” Reaching out, she laid her small palms on his shoulders and kneaded his tight muscles.

  He groaned. “God, that feels good.” Still holding the bottles for the girls, he dropped his head forward and let himself relax under Crystal’s soothing touch. For the past week and a half, he’d been very careful to avoid any and all physical contact with her. He wanted her too much. Fantasized about kissing her full pink lips. About pulling her lithe little body against his. Wondering what it would feel like to have her naked flesh against his as he slowly slid into her—

  “So, tell me about your heck of a day.”

  Right. Don’t go there. For the past week and a half, she’d been much more distant than she had that first twenty-four hours she was in his house. She still cooked for him, but rarely did she sit down and eat with him. And he missed her. Why she decided to get touchy and chatty tonight he wasn’t certain, but he sure wouldn’t complain.

  Ruby finished off her bottle, and Crystal stopped rubbing his shoulders so she could pick up the baby and burp her.

  Dex sighed in disappointment. “I really like the red ribbons on the clothes so I know who is who now.” Crystal had sewn little red ribbons on half of the pink pajamas. Ruby got to wear them.

  Crystal’s soft chuckle sent a frisson of warmth down his spine. “If we kept calling both of them Ruby and Amber, they’d develop a complex.”

  Dex grinned as he picked up Amber and put her to his shoulder to burp her. “As much as they want to stay together, I worry they’ll be Ruby and Amber their entire lives.”

  “Um...”

  He looked up at Crystal as she sat on the couch, patting Ruby’s back and looking a little guilty. “Um, what? Sounds like you have something to say.”

  “I hope you don’t think I’m out of line, but while you were at work today and the girls were sleeping, I got on your computer and did a little research on separation anxiety in twins.”

  He shook his head. “I’m not upset.” Amber gave a loud, juicy burp, then sighed and laid her head against his shoulder. He loved when they were soft and cuddly like this. “So, tell me what you found out.”

  “Well, I read this interview that was done on adult identical twins. They said that individuality is a big thing, but said not to worry about it until they’re older. And then the way to help bring it out is to spend time with the kids separately, doing things that they enjoy that might be different than their sibling.”

  “How much older?” Dex lowered Amber into the crook of his arm and gently rocked her side to side.

  “Five or six.”

  “So they’ll grow out of this need to be in the same room together?”

  Crystal made a sympathetic face. “Someday. The pair in the study said that to this day they’re upset that school administrators made them go to separate classrooms in first grade. They don’t think twins should be separated like that until they’re ready for it.”

  Dex sighed. “Maybe it was a little easier for me and Sheri since we were opposite sexes. We were very close, but we had our own ideas of what was fun to do and, of course, separate friends.”

  “Yeah, that might make a big difference. But you probably don’t know what the two of you were like as babies, do you?”

  He shook his head. “Not a clue.”

  How sad, Crystal thought as she watched Dex gaze down at the baby in his arms. She had the baby book her mother had made of her first year. She had tons of photo albums and scrapbooks from her entire childhood. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to know nothing about herself.

  “Dex?”

  He glanced up.

  “Do you have baby books for them?”

  “Baby books?” He wrinkled his brow in confusion, which she found extremely cute.

  “Scrapbooks. Baby albums. To write down their accomplishments, like Ruby rolling over for the first time the other day, and to keep pictures of them in.”

  He shook his head again. “Never thought of it.” He touched Amber’s cheek with a gentle stroke of his finger. “See. What kind of parent am I going to be? I didn’t even know you were supposed to write all that down.” He brought Amber up to his chest and closed his eyes as the baby snuggled her head into the crook of his neck. His hand looked so big supporting her head. So big and so gentle. Safety and security. These girls would never want for love.

  “Dex,” Crystal whispered. “You’re a good father. You’re an amazing man to take on such responsibility. There aren’t a lot who would do this.”

  He opened his eyes and stared at her for a long moment, his beautiful eyes blazing with emotion. “They’re my family,” he said, his voice tight. “They’re all I’ve got, and I’m not letting them go.”

  Crystal reached out and touched his cheek. His five o’clock shadow tickled her fingertips. “They’re the luckiest little girls I’ve ever known.”

  His free hand came up, his long fingers wrapping around the back of her neck. Then he was pulling her closer as he leaned toward her. His warm, coffee-scented breath tickled against her lips, and her eyelids floated closed. Yes. Yes, this was what she’d wanted since the day she moved into his house.

  Soft, moist lips brushed agai
nst hers. Her breath caught at the spark of sensation that shot through her at the slight contact.

  “Tell me to stop,” Dex whispered, his lips brushing hers with every syllable.

  She couldn’t—wouldn’t—tell him to stop. She wanted to feel him, even if it was only this small touch. He smelled like heaven. He tasted even better.

  Crystal leaned forward the fraction of an inch it took to fully meld their mouths. Her fingers tightened on his shoulder, but the babies between them prevented her from pulling him closer.

  Dex growled low in his throat, and the sound of pleasure shot through her like fireworks, bursting low in her belly and filling her with heat. She whimpered and opened for him. His tongue swept into her mouth, teased against hers. His fingers tightened at her nape, and she’d never wanted anything as much as she wanted to be in his arms, to feel both his hands on her body. To open herself and let herself feel for the first time in years.

  The doorbell rang.

  They jerked apart and stared at each other, their breaths sawing loud in the silent room.

  Dex licked his lips, and she moaned.

  “Sorry,” he whispered.

  Crystal shook her head. “Don’t be.”

  A ghost of smile tilted his lips. “Wow.”

  She giggled, and her face flamed with heat. “Uh huh.”

  The doorbell rang again.

  “I think that’s the uncles,” Dex said but made no motion to move from his spot on the floor.

  “Yeah.” Her brain had turned to mush. Damn her uncles for showing up right then!

  No. No, it was good the kiss was interrupted. She shouldn’t be kissing her boss. Shouldn’t kiss the man she’d been lusting and drooling over for the past week and a half. Oh, God, now what? Where was this going to go now? It couldn’t go anywhere!

  “Here.” She held out Ruby for Dex to take from her. She shouldn’t have done this, should never have let him kiss her. Now she wanted more. Lots more. Full frontal nude contact would be a good place to start.

  No.

  After Dex settled Ruby into his other arm, she stood up and went toward the door just as the bell rang again. No nude contact. He couldn’t see her. He’d... She didn’t want to even contemplate what his reaction would be.

  She pulled the door open and pasted a smile on her face. “Good evening, uncles. Come on in. The lasagna is almost done.”

  Chapter Eight

  “Our little Crystal didn’t always cook this well,” Gus said to Dex as he swiped a chunk of garlic bread over his plate to soak up the leftover Italian sauce.

  Crystal moaned and covered her face as Jerald and Charlie chuckled. “Don’t you dare, Uncle.”

  Charlie reached for his glass of wine. “She was about nine years old and decided she was going to make macaroni and cheese from scratch, just like her mother.”

  “Hush, you,” Crystal said as she stood up and started gathering empty plates. “My boss does not need to know about my cooking disasters.”

  Dex stood up to help with the table clearing. He hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off of Crystal since their kiss more than an hour earlier. “I think I’ve moved past the point of just being your boss since I invited your family into my home for supper.” And tasted you, he silently added.

  Jerald leaned over and said to Gus, “The way he keeps staring at her, I wonder what he’s paying her.”

  Dex decided to pretend he hadn’t heard the not-so-subtle comment and took the stack of plates to the sink.

  “Ignore them,” Crystal whispered when they were alone in the kitchen. Her cheeks were bright pink, and she wouldn’t meet his eye. “They’ve been trying to play matchmaker for me since my husband left.”

  Dex carefully set the plates in the sink. They hadn’t spoken directly to each other since the kiss. The kiss. Best kiss of his entire life. He wanted more. Much more.

  “I’m sorry,” Crystal whispered from beside him as she squirted dish soap on the plates and turned on the water. “I shouldn’t have kissed you earlier. I didn’t mean to make everything awkward between us. Could we just forget it happened?”

  She was apologizing for kissing him? Hadn’t he been the one to initiate it? To pull her as close as they could get with babies in their arms? And how the hell was he ever going to forget that kiss, other than doing it again and finding out if it was really as life altering as he thought it had been?

  He cleared his throat. Then he leaned over slightly and whispered in her ear, just loud enough for her to hear over the rushing water. “I’m not sorry.”

  She went perfectly still and gripped the edge of the sink.

  He moved behind her and brushed his chest against her shoulder blades, raised his hands and laid them gently on her the cool skin of her arms bared by the silky tank top she wore. Then he buried his face in her short, soft hair, breathing in her sweet, flowery scent. His cock hardened in an instant, nearly sucking the breath right out of his lungs. “I’m not sorry, and I want more.”

  She shook her head but didn’t move.

  Running his hands down her arms, he leaned over a bit more and laid his lips against her neck, sucking ever so lightly.

  She whimpered, and her head fell forward.

  “You feel it, too, don’t you? We’ve been fighting it since day one, haven’t we? Tell me I’m not alone in this.”

  “Dex, no,” she said, her voice still soft and low, but this time she moved away from him. “I work for you.” Shaking her head, she glanced toward the dining room. “I can’t...”

  He wanted to reach for her, pull her into his arms and kiss her lips, feel her sweet little body with all its sexy curves against his. “You said they want to set you up, but now you’re worried what they will think?” He glanced at the doorway, but the uncles were out of view.

  She shook her head and finally met his eyes. “No. They’d love for me to get...involved.” She crossed her arms and hugged herself, as if she were giving herself some kind of comfort. “I’m not ready for anything.” She poked herself in the chest with her thumb. “Me.”

  He took a step toward her, but she backed up until she bumped the kitchen table. “Please, Dex,” she whispered. “I just can’t.”

  Tears shimmered in her eyes, magnifying the brilliant blue of them, and it nearly tore his heart out to realize he couldn’t pressure her. Maybe her husband had done a number on her. She’d said they’d been married ten years. A long time to live with someone and then have them leave. A million questions circled in his mind about the whys of her divorce, but he clamped his teeth together and nodded. “Okay. I won’t.” He shrugged. He’d go back to keeping his distance, even if it killed him. “But I want to,” he added, because she had to know how he felt.

  If only he knew exactly how he felt about her. She was like no other woman he’d ever known, pure warm sweetness. Absolutely nothing like the women he’d always surrounded himself with. Crystal so obviously wasn’t the “sex for the sake of sex” type of woman. But he didn’t know anything beyond the physical chemistry between men and women. He’d never let himself go beyond that point. He didn’t even know where to begin or if he even wanted to. The question had never come up before.

  She nodded in understanding, almost as if she felt the same way. “Thank you, Dex.”

  Charlie came through the doorway from the dining room. “They’re not even touchin’,” he called over his shoulder, then winked at Crystal. “J bet me five bucks you were in here makin’ out, but I told him you wouldn’t do that while we were around.” He chuckled and pulled open the refrigerator door as if he lived there, helping himself to a can of cola. “Gus noticed your Jacuzzi in the back yard,” he said as he peered out the window over the sink.

  “Yeah,” Dex said, a little relieved at the interruption. He didn’t want things strained between him and Crystal. He enjoyed her company too much.

  “He’s hinting,” Crystal said with a slight smile.

  “Hinting?” Dex asked.

  “He and
the boys want to try it out. They’ve been thinking about getting one for their backyard but haven’t decided yet.” She dropped her voice to little more than a whisper. “They’ve been thinking on it for about four years.”

  “Ohh.” Dexter laughed. “Well, then. By all means,” he said turning back to Charlie. “Why don’t you guys go over and get changed into some swim trunks, and I’ll turn up the heat on it. Should be ready in about twenty minutes.”

  Charlie gave him a big grin, something she wasn’t used to seeing from her uncle. “That’s a right nice offer, son.” Then he turned and ambled back into the dining room where they could hear him telling Jerald and Gus.

  “You made their day,” Crystal said as she went back to the sink and started washing plates. “Doesn’t take much to make them happy.” Fondness shone in her eyes when she turned to smile at them. “I really appreciate you letting them come over.”

  “I like them,” he said. They were funny and kind and grumpy and noisy and all around a very neat bunch of men. “So,” he said, hoping the tension between them had dissipated. “Are you going to tell me about the macaroni and cheese incident?”

  “We’ll be back in twenty minutes,” Gus called from the living room.

  Dex went to the archway and said, “You can let yourselves back in. We’ll be out back.”

  Charlie gave him that big, false-toothed grin again, then headed out the door with the other two shuffling behind.

  After going outside to turn up the heat on the Jacuzzi and uncover it, he went into the dining room to gather up the rest of the dishes and brought them to the sink. “Well? Are you going to tell me?”

  Crystal chuckled. “Long story short,” she said as she handed him a plate to dry. “I didn’t know what three-quarters of a cup was. When I saw the three-slash-four, my little eight year old brain thought that meant three of the four-cup measuring cups.” She grinned up at him, and it took all his effort to keep from leaning over and kissing her full, beautiful mouth. “Needless to say, we had a lot of cooked noodles to eat up.”