The Dancer (Men of the North Book 7)

by Elin Peer

  “Nah, I think you’re underestimating how much Solomon loves my sister. You never saw them together like we did. Seeing Willow with Tristan would have been harder than whatever drills in the forest he was put through seven years ago.”

  “Drills in the forest. Ha!” Zasquash snorted and shook his head. “You have no fucking idea and you’re wrong about your sister. I talked to him about her. He says she’s no longer the woman he used to love. Solo moved on and I think it’s fucking time you people moved on too.”

  My eyes fixated on the crumbs on the table in front of me. Solomon had told me the same thing, accusing me of being brainwashed. I played with my earlobe, not sure how to react.

  “It’s true,” Leo chipped in. “He did move on. Solo even said he approves of Tristan. He called him a nice guy.”

  Tristan gave me a smile but I couldn’t lift my lips and return it. Solomon had always been territorial when it came to me. It had been annoying at times, but I’d come to take it as a sign of his love. For him to tell his friends that Tristan was a nice guy and that he approved of us being together not only shocked me, it saddened me too. I never felt more adrift and lost in my life.

  The others were still discussing Solo’s disappearance until Leo cut through. “Can we do a little less talking and some more finding?”

  “I’m on it.” With hard steps Zasquash walked toward the door.

  “Hang on, I’ll send some of my men with you,” Leo called out behind him.

  On his way out the door Zasquash threw an answer over his shoulder. “Don’t bother. I’m the best tracker in the Northlands. I don’t need help to find him.”

  When he was gone, Salma moved in her seat and spoke with a worried tone of voice. “I hope Solo is unharmed. What if he was attacked by a bear or some other wild animal?”

  Tristan began explaining how all Northlanders are raised to survive in the forest and that Salma had nothing to worry about. I zoned out, my heart and mind at war again. A week ago everything relating to Solo had been simple. I had hated him! That was all there was to it.

  Now, it was getting harder to see things so black and white. Our talk by the lake at the reunion had made me remember things I’d forgotten about our time together. And having Solo ignore me and give Salma his attention had pushed at something inside me too. Now their talk about Solo being hurt made me want to cry. How could I hate him and care about him at the same time?

  “Where are you going?” Hunter asked when I got up from my seat.

  “I need some private time to meditate.”

  “Okay.” He took my seat and as I walked away I heard him and Leo discussing technical specifications on the fancy drone Hunter owned.

  My plan was to meditate and center myself. But I couldn’t. Sitting on my bed with my back against the wall was hard when my legs still felt restless, like they wanted to get up and run out to find Solo myself, just to be sure he was safe.

  I shouldn’t care about him. He’s the most selfish human being and… My thoughts were interrupted by memories of his carrying my backpack when I was tired and asking me to sit down and relax while he built a shelter for us.

  That’s doesn’t mean a thing.

  Another memory was of Solo volunteering to run back three miles when Mila couldn’t find her sweater and thought she might have dropped it.

  Okay, so maybe he’s not selfish to the core, but he’s bad for me. I almost died because of him.

  The thought felt like a safety blanket of familiarity. How many hundreds if not thousands of times had I told myself that?

  I gave up meditating and opened my eyes. A foggy memory of backing away from an angry bear was playing in my mind’s eye. I rubbed my forehead as if I could somehow make the memory clearer.

  The large bear in front of us was protecting her cubs. Her growling grew louder and the way she swung her head from side to side made me sure she was about to plant her teeth and a large claw in one of us.

  “Jump, Willow, jump.” Solo grabbed my hand and I screamed as we fell through the air.

  I got off the bed and paced the floor. So what if he saved me from the bear? We shouldn’t have been in that forest to begin with, and I have every right to be angry with him.

  Opening the door, I stepped out to overhear more of the conversation going on downstairs.

  “He was always very kind to me.” It sounded like Salma was defending Solo to Tristan.

  “Yeah, he has his good side, but Solo has a habit of messing things up for himself.”

  “I don’t know about that. All I can say is that he has been nothing but kind and attentive. I really like Solo.”

  I frowned and grabbed my bag from my room. It was surprising how open-minded Salma was when it came to Nmen. They were attracted to her like ants to sugar but then she was Salma Rose, a superstar with a rare beauty and vulnerability that would speak to any Nman.

  Solo and Zasquash had called themselves fans after the first show and complimented Salma for being the most beautiful and talented Motlander.

  It wasn’t that I disagreed with them, but it had still wounded my female pride that Solo, who used to tell me I was the most beautiful woman in the world, had changed his mind.

  I walked to the bathroom, hoping that a shower would help clear my mind, but the obsessive thoughts wouldn’t stop. As the water ran down my body I kept wondering: now that Solo thought I was with Tristan, would he go after another female entertainer? He had shown interest in Salma. Would he prefer her over me? Of course he would. With Salma there would be no bad history between them or hurtful comments to forgive.

  After pouring soap in my palms, I slid my hands across my body, feeling the weight of my breasts and for a split second imagining how Solo’s large hands would feel on my skin.

  Don’t even go there! I scolded myself, but my body didn’t care and my nipples grew hard as I thought about that early morning in the hallway outside my room when I’d had my hand on his strong chest and he’d been visibly affected by it. I remembered the longing in his eyes when he’d seen me stretch, and the desire I had suppressed for years grew bolder inside me. I imagined what he would have done if instead of jerking my hand back, I’d let it slide across his body, down his abs or across his chest to his shoulders and arms. Would Solo have let me?

  This is stupid. Even if I wanted Solo back, it could never happen. Hunter wouldn’t understand. No one would understand. I wouldn’t understand.

  I turned around and let the water fall on my face. It wasn’t enough to wash away the confusing feelings of wanting Solomon to see me. Once, I’d been everything to him. Now he was guarded and reserved around me. His face no longer lit up when I came close and his smiles were reserved for others. Never me.

  That shouldn’t bother me. It’s not like I’m smiling at him either. These crazy thoughts are all just my vanity talking.

  Zasquash’s comment from earlier that Solo had moved on and I should too, bothered me. I had moved on, seven years ago.

  So why am I fantasizing about him in the shower? It’s not normal to fantasize about someone you hate.

  I won’t. It’s going to stop right now!

  My brain searched for someone else to think about but came up blank.

  If only I could fall in love with Tristan. He was tall, handsome, and more than willing to be my partner. It would be so easy with him, but Tristan deserved someone who loved him as more than a friend.

  My hands moved lower and I spread my legs to wash myself. Again forbidden thoughts of Solomon filled me. This time we were in the drone alone and he directed his charming smile at me. I allowed the guilty pleasure of a few strokes against my clit, and images in my head of Solo kissing my neck and holding me close.

  This is wrong, the sensible part of me shouted again. I shouldn’t think about him in this way.

  But I did.

  I thought about his tall, strong, muscular body, his dark blue eyes, and the way a scar cut into his upper lip. His face was like a map of my youth. T
he small bump on his nose from the time he broke it in a fight and I ran to get ice for him. The tattooed compass on his lower arm pointing toward SW that he surprised me with when he was seventeen. Everyone assumed that SW stood for southwest. Only we knew that SW was an acronym for Solo and Willow and the compass a symbol of home’s being the two of us together. Then there were his lips. They had given me my first kiss and whispered promises and words of love at a time when I’d felt unwanted. Even his short beard brought memories of his youthful pride when the first stubble showed at the age of fifteen. It had left my skin red, revealing that we kissed at every chance we got. When I turned off the shower, my body was still humming with an unsatisfied sexual desire for a man I didn’t want and could never be with.

  I activated the dryer function and reached for the moisturizer that I’d brought into the shower with me. Rubbing my thigh muscle, another wave of sadness washed over me as I remembered Solo’s refusal to massage me when I had asked for his help.

  Would he have said no if it had been Salma asking?

  I sighed, hating that inside me, there was still a young Willow who craved to be loved and seen by the boy I had once loved and that the Northlander blood in me made me a little possessive of him. I was bigger than this. If Solo wanted Salma and she wanted him, I should be happy for them. Anything else would make me a small person.

  Lifting my arm, I applied the last moisturizer to my back.

  Maybe I could be happy for them if only I knew she was his second choice. But how would I find out? It wasn’t like I could just ask him. Or could I?

  CHAPTER 17

  Danger

  Solomon

  The temperature was freezing but I dove deeper, using my muscles to push myself faster through the water. The pressure in my ears tightened, the darkness around me grew, and so did my need to breathe.

  I forced my body to continue downward. It was my nature to push myself, and I had suffered through much worse pain than my lungs begging for air.

  Four more long strokes and I reached the bottom of the lake. Planting my feet, I set off like a rocket with my arms reaching for the bright surface above me. My lips were pressed together and my eyes squinting in concentration.

  Air – air – air, my lungs screamed in demand and as soon as I broke the surface, my mouth opened in a greedy gulp of fresh forest air.

  “It was about time.”

  Gasping to fill my lungs again, I turned my head to find Zasquash standing by the edge of the water with his shirt in his right hand. “I was about to dive in and look for you. Thought the lake monster might have gotten you.”

  “How long was I down there?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve only been here for a few minutes. Did you break your record?”

  “It felt that way. This lake is deep.”

  “Did you reach the bottom?”

  Swimming toward him, I reached the part of the lake with shallow water and began walking up. “Yes, it was freezing cold down there.”

  He laughed and looked down my naked body. “It shows.”

  I wasn’t amused nor was I offended. Every part of my body was large, and I was comfortable in my own skin.

  “Leo worried because you weren’t at the cabin and no one knew where you’d gone. Why didn’t you tell me you were going for a swim? I would have joined you.”

  I snorted.

  “What?”

  “You were busy and I didn’t want you to come.”

  Zasquash watched me put on my wristband, shorts, socks, and shoes. “Why not?”

  I shrugged. “You do you. I do me.”

  “You always say that but I’m your partner. Your business is my business and vice versa.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  Leaning his head back, Zasquash groaned out loud. “What the hell is wrong with you today?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Do I have to beat you to make you talk to me?”

  Even after the draining swim, I was still on edge and his talk about beating me up provoked me. “As if you could take me in a fight.”

  “Oh, I could throw you around and teach your arrogant ass a lesson for sure. You might be bigger than most. But you aren’t bigger than me.”

  Most days we got along great, but after Zasquash’s worshipping Hunter yesterday, I wasn’t in the mood to take any shit from him. “Fuck off, Zas.” I turned my back on him and began jogging back the way I’d come.

  “Why don’t you just tell me what your problem is?” he called out behind me.

  “I don’t have a problem.”

  “Then explain to me why you’re grumpy as fuck.” Zasquash jogged up next to me. “Is it because of Willow?”

  I ignored him.

  “Don’t worry about her. She’s not all that, anyway.”

  My brain shut down. All the sadness I carried inside me exploded in fury when I tackled him with my shoulder, making Zasquash lose his balance and fall to the ground. “Don’t talk trash about her,” I hissed. I hadn’t allowed any boys to talk badly about Willow at the school and I wouldn’t allow him to do it now.

  He got up too, dusting off his pants and shirt and looking after me as I ran down the forest trail. “You’re crazy,” he shouted after me.

  I turned around and jogged backward. “What? Did your new best pal Hunter tell you that or did you finally figure it out by yourself?”

  Zasquash ran up to me, so I turned around to increase my speed.

  “I’ve always known you’re crazy, Solo. I didn’t need anyone to tell me that.”

  I didn’t respond.

  “I didn’t mean to trash-talk Willow. It’s just that there’s something fishy about her. I think she’s playing you.”

  My scowl was all the answer he got.

  “Yesterday she hardly touched Tristan and I didn’t get a lover’s vibe from them, and then this morning Tristan said something interesting.”

  “What?”

  “He hinted that they wanted you to believe that he and Willow are a couple. I don’t think they are, though.”

  My interest was instantly piqued. “What were his exact words?”

  “Oh, I don’t remember. But Tristan worried that you might have done something stupid to yourself because you thought he and Willow were a couple.”

  “Like what?”

  “He was hinting at you possibly killing yourself.”

  Another snort escaped me. “He wishes.”

  “But don’t you think it was weird he used the term think? Why didn’t he say ‘now that Willow and me are a couple instead of ‘now that Solo thinks we’re a couple’?”

  “Maybe you heard him wrong.”

  “I heard him fine. I’m telling you they’re faking it.”

  For fifteen minutes we ran side by side back to the cabin, my head analyzing everything relating to Willow and Tristan. She hadn’t seemed overly excited about him coming and there had been annoyance on her face when I called him and told him about her thigh hurting. Because of all my thinking, I missed a turn and was mocked by Zasquash, who had to guide me in the right direction.

  “It’s a good fucking thing I came to find you or you would have been running in circles out here. Some Huntsman you are.”

  When we got back, Leo and some of the other police officers stood outside. “Ah, there you are. We were about to do a search and rescue.”

  I slowed down to a walk. “That’s a joke, right?”

  Zasquash moved past Leo and smacked his large palm down on his shoulder. “Told you I’d find him.”

  “Where were you?”

  “Working on my diving skills. You said we wouldn’t have to leave until eleven a.m.” I looked down to check my wristband. “It’s not even nine yet.”

  “Next time make sure you tell me where you go. Magni wouldn’t be impressed if I lost one of his special forces.”

  I raised a brow. “I think he’d be more surprised than anything.”

  “Did you eat breakfast?” Zasquash waved me throu
gh the door to the cabin. Inside, the performers were hanging out but I didn’t see Willow or Hunter. Heads turned as soon as I walked in.

  “Finally!” Tristan threw his hands up. “What happened to you?”

  I steered toward the leftover breakfast. “Nothing happened to me. I don’t know what the fuss is about.”

  Salma’s soft voice made me look up and see her smile at me. “We worried about you, Solo. I had all sorts of disturbing images in my head of what might have happened to you. I mean there are wild animals roaming these forests. It’s not safe.”

  Tristan straightened up. “I told her not to worry and that these forests are where you’re most comfortable. Isn’t that right?”

  “Yup,” I agreed. “Nothing is going to happen to me.” With my plate full, I walked past them. “I need a shower and a change of clothes before we leave.”

  “There’s a nice tub upstairs. Maybe you can practice holding your breath some more,” Zasquash joked behind me.

  I had only taken a few more steps when Salma called my name. “Solo.”

  I stopped and turned. “Yeah?”

  With the sweetest smile on her pretty face, Salma Rose sat with her right hand lifted in the air and flipped me a finger. “I hope you have a wonderful day.”

  I stiffened a little and narrowed my eyes. “Ehh, thanks. Same to you.”

  My eyes glided to Zasquash, whose eyes were dancing with suppressed laughter. Tristan raised up his finger too and flashed his teeth in a grin. I understood well enough that this was one of Tristan’s pranks, and with a small shake of my head I picked up my bag of clean clothes and headed for the upstairs bathroom.

  The door stuck so I pushed with my hip and entered. The room was full of hot moisture and the mirror was covered with steam. In the corner someone had forgotten a small bag.

  I pushed the door closed behind me and dropped my backpack on the floor. Popping three grapes in my mouth from my plate, I sat it down on the sink close to the bathtub and locked the door before I turned on the water faucets to fill the tub. After making sure it had reached the right temperature, I pulled off my t-shirt, kicked off my shoes, and opened my pants.