The Subway Girls_A Novel

by Susie Orman Schnall

  Olivia sat down and noticed there were several iPads on the coffee table. She picked one up and unlocked the dark screen. It went straight to the UseYourWings home page, and she began clicking around the familiar site. It was a surreal feeling to be in the headquarters of a site she had spent so much time on.

  “Olivia!”

  Olivia looked up. Ben was standing in front of her, his hands stuffed deeply into his pockets. He was wearing dark jeans and a checked navy button-down. He looked adorable. Olivia felt a flutter in her chest, and she knew she had made the right decision.

  She hadn’t quite been able to make sense of her feelings, but ever since Saturday night, when she let Matt into her apartment and said good night to Ben in the hallway, something had been nagging at her, a voice telling her that she was focusing on the wrong man. It was confusing for Olivia because she was so attracted to Matt in so many ways, while Ben seemed so nice, maybe too nice, and, even worse, predictable. But the more she thought about it, the more Olivia realized that those were actually good things for a man to be. That she deserved to be with a man who would be kind to her and whose motivations were clear and rational. She’d been surprised to find herself thinking of Ben ever since.

  “What are you doing here?” Ben asked. Olivia couldn’t read his tone. She realized he liked her and she had paraded Matt right in front of him. Hopefully that little display didn’t erase all the feelings he had for her. Because she was definitely starting to feel them too.

  “I’m sorry to drop in unannounced,” Olivia said suddenly, and uncharacteristically, nervous. She felt her cheeks flush like a sixth grader staging a fake run-in with her crush at the lockers. “And I’m sorry I didn’t respect your text that you had to work—”

  “Come with me,” Ben said, and gently grabbed her hand.

  They walked through the main floor of the office. Olivia had worked for a big company when she was at Y&R, but it was nothing like what she was seeing now at UseYourWings. This was hipster heaven. Each desk area had bumper stickers and postcards from different foreign cities. Olivia saw meetings going on in little annexes filled with comfy couches. And in the center of the space, mounted on a board, was a huge map of the world with pins and colorful strings and all sorts of decor.

  Ben noticed Olivia looking at the map.

  “Every time an employee travels somewhere, he or she gets to put a pin on the map. So far, we’ve collectively traveled to a hundred and two countries and almost two thousand cities.”

  “Wow!” Olivia said, staring more closely at the map as they passed by it. She leaned in to see Paris covered with dozens of pins.

  Olivia followed Ben to the back corner of the space, and they entered an office with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the East River. He stood by the door as she walked into the office, her jaw dropping as she got closer to the windows to see the spectacular view. She was shocked at what a nice office he had, and the thought crossed her mind that perhaps her next job should be at an internet company because they seem to be flush with money. Ben closed the door behind her.

  Olivia stood close to the window, looking at the Manhattan skyline, and when she turned around and started to talk, he was standing directly in front of her. She startled, and he gently put his hands on the sides of her face. And then he kissed her. Slowly, softly. And when he stopped, he smiled at her. Olivia was stunned. Heart racing, palms sweaty, perma-smile stunned.

  “You were saying?” Ben asked, clearly amused. He sat down in his office chair and gestured for her to sit in one of the ivory-colored Knoll leather chairs across the desk.

  Olivia smiled and cocked her head, a bit surprised, and certainly intrigued, at the confidence Ben showed. Perhaps he wasn’t as predictable as she had thought. “I was saying,” she continued, “that I’m sorry to come when you clearly didn’t want me to.”

  “Ah, young Olivia. Clearly, you were mistaken.” He smiled.

  “Clearly,” Olivia said.

  “So why did you come?” Ben asked.

  “Because something happened at work and for some peculiar reason, you were the person I wanted to talk to about it,” Olivia said, tilting her head and raising her eyebrows.

  “Peculiar, indeed.”

  “Indeed.”

  “What happened?” Ben asked.

  Olivia told him about the pitches, about how Pablo and Thomas stole her idea, and about how Matt seemed not to care.

  “Matt? The same debonair Matt I met making his way into your apartment Saturday night?” Ben asked.

  “Same one,” Olivia said, nodding.

  “Seems our Olivia is involved in an office romance.”

  “Not exactly. But Matt is old news.”

  “I see,” Ben said, hardly containing the glee painted on his face.

  “Part of me is appalled by my impulsive decision to run out of there. And the other part of me is giddy. I just don’t know what I’m going to do next.”

  “Feel like taking a trip to California?” Ben asked. “Ticket’s on me. I have loads of miles. Company perk.” He winked. “Even enough to get you your own hotel room.”

  “That sounds amazing. I don’t even know what to say.”

  “Say yes.”

  “There’s no way I can go. I have to go back to my office. It’s ridiculous that I even left. Are you going for business?”

  “Remember those letters from Saturday night? The ones that fell out of my grandmother’s scrapbook? Well, I read them. And now I want to go to California.”

  “Quite cryptic, Ben,” Olivia said, raising her eyebrows. “You must have a nice boss to let you just take off to California like this.”

  “Yeah, something like that,” Ben said.

  Olivia felt her phone buzz. She pulled it out of her pocket and saw a text from Priya.

  Priya

  We lost. Not sure if it’s bec ur not here or bec Matt chose Thomas. Where the f r u, Liv????

  “From the sound of the text I just got,” Olivia continued, “it appears I may be out of a job, so perhaps I could take a little journey to the left coast with you. Might be good for my soul right about now.”

  “The flight’s at seven thirty tonight. I’m leaving here”—Ben gestured to his wheelie bag—“at five. Can you make it?”

  “Yeah,” Olivia said, standing. “I have to take care of a few things, but, sure, I can make it.” Olivia felt aflutter. She liked to think of herself as spontaneous, but she’d never really had an opportunity to test out the theory.

  “Birthday?”

  “What?” Olivia asked.

  “When’s your birthday? For the ticket.”

  “August eighth, nineteen eighty-six.”

  “Leo,” Ben said, nodding with a smirk.

  “Yep,” Olivia said, smiling. “Through and through.”

  “Keller,” Ben said, pressing a button on his phone system but holding Olivia’s gaze with a penetrating stare. Olivia felt like confetti bombs were going off in her stomach. “Please book a ticket with my miles for the JetBlue flight I’m on tonight at seven thirty to LAX for Olivia Harrison, date of birth eight, eight, eighty-six. And see if there’s another seat in Mint. If not, move me back to coach so we can sit next to each other.”

  Ben hung up and came around his desk to where Olivia was sitting. He took her hands in his, and she stood up.

  “Do you remember when my grandma asked you if you had a boyfriend?” Ben asked.

  Olivia nodded. She couldn’t stop smiling.

  “I put her up to that.”

  “You did? But you got mad at her for asking.”

  “I know. That was good, right? Threw you off the trail. That was our little act. We practiced that,” Ben said, laughing.

  “Wow. You two should really take your act on the road. I think there’s a market out there for that kind of show.”

  “I find you incredible, Olivia. And I am still trying to understand how it is that you aren’t in a relationship.”

  “Priorities, I gue
ss,” Olivia said. “And I guess the right guy hasn’t ever come along.”

  Ben looked into Olivia’s eyes and squeezed her hands. He kissed her again. Longer this time. When they pulled apart, their faces were right up to each other. They were both smiling.

  “Do you want to meet me here and go to the airport together?” Ben asked.

  “No, I think that will just take longer for me. I’ll grab a cab and meet you there.”

  They kissed once more and when Olivia was able to pull herself away, she walked out of Ben’s office, beaming. Had he really just invited her to California? And taken care of all the arrangements? No one had ever done anything like this for her. Took care of her. She had to admit, though she was staunchly in favor of taking care of herself, that it felt kind of nice.

  CHAPTER 19

  CHARLOTTE

  FRIDAY, JULY 1, 1949

  “Sam is the what?” Charlotte asked. Her hands had reflexively hardened to fists at her sides.

  “He’s the father,” Rose said quietly.

  “How could you say such a thing?”

  “Because it’s true. I’m so sorry, Charlotte. I’m sorry I ever got involved with him. He doesn’t care about me. He loves you, and I know that. I honestly do, and I’m so sorry.”

  “Does he know?” Charlotte asked. She was so in shock, she was having trouble figuring out which of the questions swirling in her mind she should ask first.

  “Yes.”

  “Have you been having an affair?”

  “No.”

  “When were you together?”

  Rose looked down at her hands.

  “For heaven’s sake,” Charlotte said. “Just tell me what I need to know and get it over with already.”

  “The Saturday night after the three of us had gone out for steaks. The next day I was so disgusted with myself, I just couldn’t do the Miss Subways photo shoot that Monday. And when you showed up at my apartment that afternoon, I panicked. That’s why I was so rude to you.”

  “How do you know the father isn’t your last fiancé or some other guy?”

  “Because I’d never been with my fiancé that way, and there’s been no one since that night with Sam.”

  “I can’t believe this,” Charlotte said, kneading her fingers. Her heart felt like it had been squeezed through a meat grinder. Extruded raw and decimated on the other side.

  “I’m so sorry, Charlotte.”

  “I don’t care that you’re sorry, Rose,” Charlotte said, enjoying the sting that hit Rose’s face. “I don’t care about you one bit. I care about Sam. And if what you’re saying is true, then he not only was intimate with you but he’s been lying to me for months.”

  “He loves you. I think he’s just trying to figure out how to handle this.”

  “Don’t you tell me what you think Sam is doing. You don’t know Sam. You don’t know anything about him,” Charlotte said, the anger rising in her voice.

  “You’re right,” Rose said, her palms up in surrender. “You’re absolutely right. I don’t.”

  They were silent while the waitress brought their coffees and cake.

  “So let me get this straight,” Charlotte said, visibly appalled. “You’re intimate with my boyfriend, become pregnant with his baby, and now you want me to raise this baby? On my own? Without a husband, because it’s very clear Sam will never be my husband, and I can’t imagine what man would want to marry me if I’m raising the child of my ex-boyfriend and ex-friend if you ever even were a friend. This is ludicrous!”

  “That’s what Sam said you’d say. He begged me not to even ask you, and I told him I wouldn’t.”

  “You told Sam this ridiculous idea? My goodness, this just keeps getting better,” Charlotte said, laughing in disbelief and then taking a sip of her coffee.

  “He told me to have it taken care of, but I just couldn’t do that.”

  “Why don’t you raise your own baby and do the honorable thing and get Sam to marry you?”

  “I can’t, Charlotte. First of all, Sam would never marry me. He won’t even look at me. He’s disgusted with me. I seduced him.”

  “Takes two to tango, Rose,” Charlotte said.

  “I know, but let’s just say he wasn’t a willing dance partner, and I loaded him with alcohol.”

  “That’s beside the point.”

  “I can’t raise this baby. I don’t want to be a mother, Charlotte. I would be a terrible mother. I’ve had the worst mother for a role model, and I don’t want to mess up this innocent baby. I have things I want to do. I want to go to Hollywood. I still want to be a star.”

  “And I have things I want to do. I want to have a career. I can’t do that and take care of a baby. A baby that’s not even mine!”

  “Sam told me you can’t have children.”

  “Oh yeah, what else did Sam tell you about me?” Charlotte said, her eyes challenging Rose.

  “That he didn’t care about that. That he wanted to marry you anyway. And that you two would eventually adopt a baby. That’s why I thought this wasn’t such a bad idea.” Rose was calm.

  “When Sam and I talked about adopting, it was going to be when we were married. And it certainly wasn’t going to be a baby that he had conceived in an illicit affair. So, no. A big fat NO.”

  “Please, Charlotte. I’m begging you.”

  “Why can’t you just put the baby up for adoption like normal girls do in your situation?”

  “I could, but I wanted to give you the opportunity first. You and Sam. I know this is awful for you to hear, but this is his baby after all.”

  “Stop saying that, Rose!”

  “Maybe you can just think about it, Charlotte. Maybe you can talk to Sam and see if there’s any way the two of you could find a way to reconcile and raise this baby. I realize how absurd it all sounds when I hear it coming out of my mouth, but I also know that you and Sam are meant for each other. The day after the three of us had dinner, I looked up his number and called him to ask him to go to a movie. He didn’t want to. But I convinced him it would take his mind off you and how upset he was. He was angry because he didn’t know why you had made such a big deal out of his proposal. I think he just did what men do when they’re mad and acting stupid. I brought a flask and encouraged him to drink it during the movie. It’s all my fault, Charlotte. I know that’s hard to make sense of because he was there too. But I take full responsibility. Please, just think about it.”

  Charlotte stood up. She had nothing left to say. Rose scribbled her telephone number on a piece of paper and pushed it across the table to Charlotte. Charlotte grabbed the paper, crumpled it up, dropped it back onto the table, and walked out.

  * * *

  Back on the sidewalk in the fresh air, Charlotte felt like someone had just shot her out of a cannon. She was disoriented and hot. She didn’t know where to go next. And then she did.

  * * *

  “Welcome to Linden & Linden,” a sturdy receptionist said to Charlotte when she approached the imposing desk. Charlotte had never visited Sam at work. She was surprised by how luxurious the waiting area was. She knew Linden & Linden was a prestigious firm, but she hadn’t expected this.

  “Hello, I’m Charlotte Friedman. I’m here to see—”

  “Charlotte!”

  Charlotte was surprised to see Sam walking through the waiting area. “Sam.”

  “What are you doing here?” Sam asked, a smile developing on his face. He leaned in to hug Charlotte and she stood stony. He looked into her eyes searchingly. “I was just on my way to talk to an associate. Will you come to my office with me? We can talk privately in there.”

  When they arrived at Sam’s office (How large it was! With a window! And a view!), he stood at the door and ushered her in. He closed the door gently and pulled a curtain across the window that faced the rest of the office.

  He gestured to her to take a seat in one of the plush chairs across from his desk and he sat next to her in the other. He turned the chair to face her.
She remained facing forward.

  “Charlotte, you look beautiful. That dress! How did the event go? I’m sorry I couldn’t get away from here. I really tried.”

  “I had a visitor there. A pregnant visitor who then asked me for coffee so she could propose the most preposterous idea I think I’ve ever heard in my whole entire life. Would you like to know who my visitor was and what she said?” Charlotte formed a tight smile with her lips and stared directly at Sam.

  “I think I know,” Sam said, staring at the floor.

  “You lied to me, Sam. And how could you do something so awful and then act like everything was normal these past few months? I feel like such a fool!”

  Sam looked up at Charlotte and his eyes were filled with tears.

  “Oh no, you don’t. Don’t you cry and think I’m going to feel all sad. You wipe your eyes right now and tell me what you have to say for yourself, or I’m going to walk right out of this office and never speak to you again. The only reason I’m here is because I want to hear directly from you how you could have lied to me like that. And Rose? Sam, Rose?”

  Sam wiped his eyes with his shirtsleeve and took a deep breath.

  “Charlotte, the first thing I want you to know is that I love you. I’ve never been sorrier about anything I’ve ever done in my whole life, and I love you. You deserve an explanation; you deserve way more than that. So thank you for coming here today so I can tell you what happened.”

  Sam proceeded to tell Charlotte a similar story to what Rose said. How he was so distraught that Charlotte was angry with him. How Rose seduced him with alcohol and wiles. How that doesn’t excuse his behavior. And how the next morning he was so disgusted with himself, so ashamed, and so distressed about jeopardizing their relationship.

  And then he told her that the reason he didn’t tell her, which he felt might even be worse than what he did with Rose, is because he thought if Charlotte knew what he had done, she would never take him back. He had decided to never tell her and that the guilt he would feel for his entire life would be just punishment. And that he would spend that life making it up to her by treating her like she deserved.

  “I know now that lying to you was wrong. I know it’s made this whole thing worse. And I regret that and my behavior more than you could ever know.”