Annihilate Me: Holiday Edition

by Christina Ross

  “And she was right. You are adorable,” Lisa said.

  He looked down at her, kissed her on the forehead, and pulled her closer to his body.

  Love is blooming!

  I turned to Alex, who took the last two glasses off the tray, and then I found a table where I could put the tray. He handed me my glass, we touched rims, and then he asked if he could be one to break the news.

  “I’d love that.”

  “What’s happening?” Daniella said. “Why are they acting all weird and shit?”

  “Just listen,” I heard Blackwell said. “And pay attention. Alex has known and loved you since you were a child. This is a big moment for him. So, be polite and listen.”

  “Fine.”

  “Everyone,” Alexa said. “Just one thing before Alex says whatever it is he’s about to say. We’ve used a lot of bottles here tonight. Let’s make sure that we make every effort to recycle them before we leave here. OK? Doing so is important.” She raised her fist into the air. “Planet Earth!” she said. “Planet Earth!”

  “Really?” Daniella said. “Here’s a question for you, Alexa. You’ve been on the rag since we got here. I’ve witnessed it. I’d describe it as a heavy flow. Are those rags of yours biodegradable? Hmmm? Are you flushing them or recycling them? I think I know the answer. I think you’re a sham.”

  “That’s hardly the same thing.”

  “Oh, whatever, Alexa.”

  “You’re the devil’s spawn, Daniella.”

  “Alexa,” Blackwell said. “That would make me the devil.”

  “I didn’t mean that, Mom. It’s just that it’s important to recycle when we can. Why am I so alone in this world? Why doesn’t anyone understand me?”

  “Because you’re a some green-hugging drama queen.”

  “Stop it, Daniella,” Blackwell said. “And you’re not alone, Alexa. I know this is important to you. We’ll recycle. Now, be quiet and listen.”

  Alex and I stood in front of the Christmas tree, which towered behind us in the glow of many colors, and he looked at Blackwell, who gave him an exhausted nod before he addressed the group. “All of you know that Jennifer and I are engaged. What you don’t know are a few things. First, we’ve set a date for the wedding.”

  “Oh, my God, when is it?” Lisa said.

  “Next year.”

  “When next year?”

  “July Fourth.”

  “Fireworks!” Daniella said.

  “Exactly,” Alex said. “And we’ll have plenty of them on hand. Most of all, I want all of my friends to know how happy I am. And how happy I hope that Jennifer is. I’ve told her this a few times, but I want all of you to know that she’s the love of my life. She’s my best friend, she’s my first thought and my last thought, she’s been beside me in ways that few have, and right now—even if Tank might disagree with me right now, which I feel that he might—I’m fairly certain that I’m the luckiest man in the room.”

  Alex turned to face me, I saw that his eyes were glimmering when they met mine, and he held up his glass of champagne to me. “Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for standing by me when others would have fled after all that we’ve gone through. I think the world of you, Jennifer. You’re strong and smart. You’re kind and you’re loving. And you’re so beautiful to me. I’m grateful that you’re going to be my wife, that I’m going to be your husband, and that we’re going to raise a family together.”

  “Is she pregnant?” Alexa asked.

  I laughed at that, and looked over at her. “No, Alexa. Marriage first. Then a year or three to ourselves. Then we’ll start a family.”

  “Thank God,” Blackwell said. “And so sensible. Pay attention, girls. That’s how it’s done.”

  “May I say something to you?” I asked Alex.

  “Of course.”

  “If I get emotional, everyone should probably just look the other way right now. It won’t be pretty. But I love this man, whom I’d never run from, regardless of what challenges might be ahead of us. You need to know that, Alex. You need to know that I’d never do that. In fact, I’ve proved that to you, so if you have any fears of that happening, put them to rest. I look forward to our wedding. And to having all of our friends there to support us. I look forward to waking up to you each morning—not that I don’t already, but you know what I mean. What I especially look forward to are all of the new adventures that are ahead of us. I love you so much. As Lisa can attest, I think I fell in love with you, at least on some level, on that day you ran out of Wenn and helped me catch my flyaway resumes.”

  When I recalled that day, I started to tear up. “It was on that day that my life took a dramatic turn, for better and for worse. And that’s what we’re going to say to each other on July Fourth. For better and for worse. I can’t tell you how eager I am to officially say those words to you, and to finally be your wife.”

  And with that, I leaned forward and kissed him while our friends clapped and Tank whistled.

  “Now,” Alex said when we parted.

  “Just one moment.” I took my cocktail napkin and wiped my lipstick off his lips. “OK, you’re good.”

  “I need a best man,” Alex said. He turned to Tank. “And I’d like that best man to be you. We been friends for years. You’re one of the finest men I know. What do you say? Will you back me on this?”

  “I’ve always had your back. I’ll also have it when you get married. Absolutely, Alex. It’s an honor.”

  “And Lisa,” I said. “This goes without saying, but would you be my matron of honor?”

  “As if I won’t.”

  I turned to Barbara, who was standing across the room, next to the entrance to the hallway that led to the kitchen—her glass of champagne bubbled in her hand. On her face was a conflict of emotions I’d never seen on it before. She looked almost wistful, as if she was part of this moment, but also somewhere else. I wondered where she was and what she was thinking. She was looking at us, but also through us. There was a sense of contentment about her that was palpable.

  “Barbara,” I said.

  She immediately came back into herself. “Yes? Sorry. I was lost for a moment there. Of course I will ask Bernie to do your hair and makeup, Jennifer. I’ll take care of all of that. And your dress. Together with Lisa, we’ll go shopping for the perfect dress.”

  “I appreciate that, but that’s not what I was going to ask of you.”

  She moved to speak, but didn’t respond.

  “It’s no secret that I’ve come to see you as a mother figure.”

  “I suppose it isn’t,” she said.

  “I don’t really have a mother or father. They were lost to me years ago—at least emotionally. I was wondering if you’d be willing to walk me down the aisle and give me away? That would mean the world to me.”

  “Oh, my dear,” she said.

  “Will you?”

  She crossed the room, took me in her arms, and said in my ear, “My sweet, sweet girl. Of course, your mother will walk you down the aisle.”

  * * *

  Later that night, when the party was over and all of the glasses and dishes had been collected and put in the dishwasher, Lisa and I joined Blackwell, Daniella and Alexa, and stored what was left of the appetizers in the refrigerator.

  The girls were abuzz about the wedding.

  “Since I’m a certified flower child, can I be your flower girl?” Alexa asked.

  “You’re a bit ancient for that,” Daniella said.

  “I am not.”

  “Oh, please. And by the way, aren’t you being more than just a little hypocritical? You’d be taking fresh flowers away from the bees just to toss dead petals down the aisle so Jennifer can step on them. Tell me how that’s good for the environment, my little flower child?”

  Alexa’s eyes popped. “I never thought of that,” she said. “You’re right. I’d become everything I hated. We need to save the bees. What was I thinking?”

  “You sure as hell weren’t
thinking green.” Daniella turned to me. “By the way, sweet necklace. Totes looks hot on you. Where are you having the wedding, anyway?”

  “We’re not sure yet. Maybe on a certain island.”

  “Which island?”

  “Maybe one day you’ll see.”

  “You’re being frustratingly vague.”

  “Maybe we have more surprises in store? But those will be revealed closer to the actual wedding. Alex and I still need to talk things through and plan. It’s still several months off yet.”

  “But never too soon to plan,” Blackwell said.

  “I hear you.”

  Just as we were finishing up, Alex and Tank came into the kitchen while Lisa and I were wrapping up the last of the appetizers.

  “Hello, boys,” Daniella said. “Oh, look. You’re too late for the clean-up. Imagine that.”

  “Somehow, we must have missed it,” Alex said. “I don’t know how. Do you, Tank?”

  “I have no idea.”

  I felt Alex’s arm curl around my waist and he kissed me on the back of my neck. “I was just dropping by to say how much I love you.”

  “All right,” Daniella said. “Now it’s officially become too much. I’m so deep in schmaltz, I’m going to puke.”

  “Then you better grab a bag,” Tank said.

  She screwed up her face at him. “Why?”

  “I’m just giving you fair warning.”

  “Fair warning for what?”

  “For this.” I saw him wrap his own arm around Lisa before he dipped down to kiss her on her own neck. “After all, I might have come here to tell Lisa that I love her, too.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  The next morning, Alex and I woke early. For the first time in years, I actually woke on Christmas Day with a sense of anticipation, and not a sense of dread. I couldn’t wait to give Alex and everyone else their gifts. I couldn’t wait to pull Lisa aside and talk about Tank’s unexpected statement last night. It was going to be one insanely full day, and by tomorrow morning, we’d be back in Manhattan.

  Or at least I thought we would.

  When I sat up in bed and looked out the window, I saw that it was still snowing, but this time at a good clip and with a strong wind driving it. The ocean beyond was a slate blue sea of rough of waters, with white caps crashing onto the shore.

  “We’re having a storm,” I said.

  Alex sat up next to me and squinted out the window. “Where did this come from?”

  “No, idea, but I haven’t been paying much attention to the weather. I hope we don’t lose power. That would be the worst. I’m already worried enough about Barbara making it through the day. We have a gas-burning stove and oven, which is great. But even as light as it is outside right now, she’s still going to need real light to cook. She can’t cook without proper lighting.”

  “Which is why we have a generator,” he said.

  “We have a generator?”

  “I made sure of it before we came.”

  “What don’t you think of?”

  “When you don’t want anything to go wrong, you think about what could go wrong, you talk to the right people—in this case, my caretaker—and take care of things, which is what I did.”

  I traced my finger along the curves of his well-defined chest. “How about if I take care of you, Mr. Wenn?”

  “How about if I return the favor, Ms. Kent?”

  “How about if I get all freaky on you?”

  “How about if I bend you over my lap and give you a spanking?”

  I laughed at that, we slid beneath the sheets, I rolled on top of him, and we made love.

  * * *

  When we were showered and dressed, it was only nine o’cock. I wanted to get downstairs early in case Blackwell needed help. Already I could hear sounds coming from the kitchen. Unless she decided to let her daughters help her, which I doubted, she was in there alone. At the very least, I needed to ask if she wanted help.

  But when we stepped into the living room, Daniella and Alexa were each curled on either end of the sofa facing the ocean and looked at their iPads. They glanced up at us and Daniella said, “Get ready.”

  “For what?”

  “The Greatest Show on Earth.”

  “It’s epic,” Alexa said.

  “Are Lisa and Tank up yet?”

  “Those two love birds won’t stumble out of their nest until it’s time to eat.”

  Alexa nodded toward the kitchen. “Go and have a look, but I’ll warn you right now, it’s dangerous.”

  “How can it be dangerous?”

  “You’ll see.”

  Reluctantly, Alex and I went around to the kitchen, and literally stopped in our tracks. Blackwell had severed the entrance to the kitchen with thick, bright-yellow bands of tape. In bold letters, several read: “CAUTION.” Two others said: “STAY OUT” and “DANGER.” A final one cut to the core of it: “CRIME SCENE.”

  “Oh, my word,” I said.

  “I heard that, Jennifer,” Blackwell called. “And don’t you dare come any closer. Stay in the hallway. In the dining room, you’ll find a coffee station, bagels, croissants, cream cheese and butter, and all sorts of cold beverages resting in ice so no one has any reason to bother me. We dine at one o’clock sharp.”

  “There must be something we can do to help.”

  “Oh, there is—you can let me focus. You can heed the signs. If you must help, I do have an idea that I’m open to.”

  “What’s that? You know I want to help.”

  “Fine. In a few hours, perhaps you and Lisa can set the dining room table. Make it elegant. Use the good china and silver. Dinner is business casual. Everyone should look nice, but also be comfortable. I’m already dressed. I’ve left nothing to chance. That fat contessa is going to get me through this. Just you wait and see.”

  I heard what sounded like a food processor go off, and then just as suddenly it stopped. “Well, that can’t be right,” Blackwell said. “That can’t be right at all.”

  I looked at Alex, but he shook his head at me. By the look in his eyes alone, he was telling me to respect her wishes.

  The food processor again, and then a frustrated sigh when she stopped it. “This looks nothing like the photo. How in the hell did I make a placenta? What is this?”

  A placenta? Oh, my God.

  “Anyway, we’ll be around,” I called. “Let us know if you need anything.”

  “Right, right. Go and have fun. Put on some Christmas music. Everything should be in the oven soon, and then we can open gifts before dinner.”

  When Alex and I walked back into the living room, we did so with a sense of dread. A placenta? What could she possibly have made that looked like a placenta? Talk about an appetite killer. Gross.

  The only good news is that if everything went to hell, I still had my backup plan. We still could eat at the Crocker House. If Blackwell blew it, I’d just casually call them in front of her and make the reservation. It might confuse the restaurant since we already had a reservation, but I didn’t want Blackwell to know that I’d already gone ahead and made it. I didn’t want to insult her.

  It was at that moment that the fire alarm in the kitchen went off, which naturally set off every fire alarm in the house.

  Before we could reach the kitchen, Blackwell said, “Don’t worry. I just forgot to turn on the vent over the stove. Everything’s fine. Don’t you dare come any closer. Go on now.”

  The alarms went off.

  I heard a scrambling come from downstairs—Lisa and Tank.

  “I told you,” Blackwell said. “There are no issues. I’ve got this.”

  * * *

  When Lisa and Tank emerged from the first floor, Tank was wearing nothing but his boxer shorts and a look of concern on his face while Lisa feverishly tried to tie her robe around her waist.

  “What happened?” she said. “Why did the fire alarms go off?”

  Before I could answer, Daniella straightened on the sofa and said, “H
oly shit. Hello, Smokin’ Hot Santa! No wonder they call you ‘Tank’.”

  “Daniella,” I said.

  “Well, look at him. I had an idea, but even my imagination isn’t that good. Well done, Lisa.”

  “Do you have any idea how rude you’re being right now?” Alexa said.

  “I was just giving him a compliment.”

  “You were objectifying him for his body.”

  “I was not.”

  “You were, too. Tank’s more than his ridiculously cut abs.”

  “So, I see you also noticed.”

  “And thanks for noticing,” Tank said with a smirk on his face. He crossed his arms in front of him and his biceps bulged while his pecs flexed and bounced. “No, really. Thanks.”

  When he did that, the girls immediately became silent and just stared at him.

  “Anyway,” I said. “Barbara just forgot to turn on the vent above the stove. We’re fine. Why don’t you two get dressed, and come up and have coffee with Alex and me? We also just got up. Barbara set up coffee, bagels, and all sorts of other things in the dining room because she wants no one to bother her in the kitchen—as you’ll see. She’s been very creative about her decision to keep everyone at bay. Dinner is at one. Business casual. I asked if she needed any help, and she said that if we wanted to, we could set the table for her. Good china and silver. We’ll make it elegant.”

  “We can totally do that,” Lisa said. Her eyes bore into mine. “Just the two of us. It’ll be fun.”

  And we can be alone and talk about last night. I’m with you, girl. “Perfect. Let’s get moving. Presents are at eleven, so we should have the table set before then.”

  “I’m on it,” she said. “I’ll shower later. Give me a minute to get some clothes on. What a relief. I thought there was a fire.”

  “There is,” Daniella said while looking at Tank. “It’s smoldering right next to you.”

  * * *

  After coffee, Lisa and I set the table. I played Christmas music in the living room, and turned up the volume just loud enough so we’d have our privacy. When I knew we were alone and that the girls weren’t going to follow us, I finally had the moment I’d been waiting for—I went over and hugged her.