Rekindled Ember

by Sara Arden

  “You’re not disappointed I’m not like your mom and Grammie?”

  “No, why would I be?”

  “It’s just you grew up with women who can do everything. They’re good at everything. Your Grammie stepped right out of The Donna Reed show and your mom is Firefighter Barbie.”

  He snorted. “She’s going to die when I tell her you said that. But seriously, do you think they both started out knowing how to do everything? No one does. You find what you enjoy, and then you learn how to do it to the best of your ability. With practice comes more ability.”

  “They just seem so extra. In a good way.”

  “They are, but that’s them. You’re you. If you like baking, after we figure out how you can do it without blowing up your kitchen, bake. If you don’t, my mom is happy to feed you all the cupcakes you want.”

  “Did you always want to be a firefighter?”

  “Pretty much. I had a few hiccups here and there. At one time, I wanted to be a doctor. I thought about being a police officer.”

  “I’m sensing a theme. Why did you choose fire over the others?”

  “Family, mostly. Student loans. How long I’d be in school. And with fire, it seems like I can love the job without living it. You know, when I leave the firehouse, I can put it down. As a cop, you don’t do that. I mean, you try, I guess. But the things you see, they stay with you and you’ve got to find a way to live with that.”

  “Don’t they stay with you now, too? I mean, you see bad things as a fireman like any cop.”

  “Maybe it’s what I can do about it as a fireman. The formula is simple. We respond to an event. We can save people, or we can’t. We do our best. We put out the fire. We go home. As a cop, the fire is never out. They respond to a call and sometimes they have to leave while it’s still burning, if that makes sense.”

  She understood exactly what he meant. Abused women who couldn’t leave, children who were placed back in homes time and time again…

  “It makes sense. You would’ve been good at any of those things.”

  “Have you given any more thought about what you want to be when you grow up?” He smiled at her.

  “Not really. The idea that I can be something else is still pretty new and I’m just enjoying that feeling right now.”

  After stopping for snacks, a few hours later found them checking into the hotel.

  Why couldn't she turn her brain off just for a little while? She didn't want to think about these things. She wanted to just be in the moment. Livie let herself do that after the shoot and look what it had gotten her. A whole lot of wonderful.

  "Hey, what's going on in that pretty head of yours?" he asked her when they got to their room. "You've been really quiet. Use up all your words on the way here?"

  She pushed at his shoulder. "You talked just as much as I did on the drive up. Except when you were eating that bison jerky."

  "Never said I didn't." He wrapped his arms around her waist. "But you know what happens when you get quiet like that? Your brain starts taking you places you don't need to go. You start playing the 'what if' game."

  "You know me so well." She leaned back against him and let the moment sink in. The feel of his arms around her, the heat of his body, the solid wall of him behind her. How safe she felt. How cherished. It was a good feeling.

  Livie looked out the giant bay window in front of them at all the foliage and trees that stretched for miles.

  "Do you want to talk about your what ifs? They invited themselves to the party. It'd be rude not to say hello."

  She laughed and realized everything was okay. He always made everything okay. "We don't have to. I think I can kick them out and close the door."

  "Are you sure?" He kissed the top of her head. "I don't want there to ever be anything we can't talk about. Even if it hurts."

  "This weekend isn't about picking at old scars, though. It's about... I don't know. Just not that. I'm not the Widow Dodd here. I'm a girl. You're a boy. And we're alone in a nice room with a killer view, a fire, and a bottle of champagne."

  "That we are." He tightened his embrace for a moment before letting go. "I suppose it would be trite if I said I just wanted to hold you?"

  It couldn't have been anymore perfect, not for Livie. Sophie had told her that sex was easy. Intimacy was the challenge and Livie couldn't agree more.

  "I think I'd like that, but we should order in more snacks. That way we can see who really would or wouldn't kick the other out of bed for eating crackers."

  He grabbed the champagne and revealed a dish of chocolate covered strawberries. "I think I'd rather have these than a dry, old, cracker. But hey, to each her own, I guess."

  "I will accept those in lieu of a cracker."

  Royce opened a closet and found an extra blanket that he spread out on the floor in front of the fire place. "Why don't you go take a shower and go put on something more comfortable?"

  "That sounds like the cheesiest line from a bad TV movie."

  "Well, do you really want to snuggle up in front of the fire wearing jeans? As it is, we're going to have to turn on the AC to really enjoy this fire."

  "You're right." She grabbed her bag and darted to the bathroom to put on a t-shirt and sleep shorts.

  When she emerged, he'd spread out everything like a picnic and he, too, was wearing sleep shorts and she was more entranced that she would've been if he'd been naked. Something about the soft material of the shorts and the way they hung on his hips. It made her want to touch it, touch him. His strong, well-muscled legs... so much for every bad TV movie, because it was about to get late night up in here.

  Livie scolded herself and that little voice that told her this could be her future, it also reminded her of Sophie's words. She wanted to spend this time with him. She wanted to know him on a deeper level.

  And she wanted him to know her.

  Livie felt he knew her better than anyone, but she wanted him to see her scars, her ugly places, too. She wanted him to see them, and still want her.

  "You're staring. See something you don't like?" From his grin, it was obvious he knew she saw a lot of something she liked.

  "I get to stare at you whenever I want now, right? I mean, that's included in the package." She arched a brow.

  "Turn about is fair play, then?"

  His gaze was suddenly hot and intense, raking over her, a physical touch that seemed to penetrate beneath her skin and peeled away all the layers she thought she could hide. Even though she'd just been thinking she wanted this, it scared her a little, too.

  She bit her lip and raised her eyes slowly, pushing herself to be bold. To be daring. To let go and let this become whatever it would.

  "There's no doubt we're on fire together, Livie."

  She nodded. No doubt at all. Her mouth had gone dry, her tongue felt thick in her mouth. Too heavy for any of the words she wanted to speak.

  "But," he continued, "I was serious. I want to hold you. I want to feed you strawberries and champagne. I want to talk about everything and nothing. I want to really be alone with you, if that makes sense. There's no outside world. Only you and me."

  "I want that, too," she managed. "But you have to stop looking at me like that."

  "You started it," he teased.

  Even when they laughed together, it did nothing to ease the tension that built between them. She liked that. There was no breaking the thread that bound them together, no shattering the moment. Because it wasn't glass. It was whole, solid.

  It was the realest thing she'd ever felt.

  He pulled her against him and they sank to the floor, him leaning back against the couch, and Livie settled against his chest. Royce pressed a strawberry to her lips and she took a bite, deciding it was the best damn strawberry she'd ever eaten and she never wanted to eat them any other way.

  She knew those were dangerous thoughts and she shoved them from her mind without remorse. They'd still be there in the morning.

  The tension from the week beg
an to slowly seep from her body as she relaxed against him and her breathing regulated to match his.

  “Damn, I forgot to bring the nail polish. You said you’d paint my toes and I outsmarted myself, and left it at home. I don’t really polish them that often, anyway. It’s not really my thing.”

  “I’m happy to polish your piggies any time you’d like, but if you don’t like it…”

  “I just don’t like to keep up with it.” Livie twined her hands with his and brought them to her chest.

  She liked his hands. They were strong and solid. The topography of them scarred in places where he'd been hurt during training or even a save. The very real proof of the danger he put himself in, but at the same time, that voice reminded her, proof of his ability and will to survive. Livie liked looking at them. They comforted her because she knew all of the things his hands could do. They could build, they could fix things, they could save people, they could feed her strawberries and graze across her lips, they could bring so much pleasure.

  How was it just being close to him could elicit such a powerful response from her body? Every sense was attuned to him. The way he felt, his skin, his strength, the cadence of his heartbeat against her back, so strong and sure. The scent of him...

  Livie felt it when he finally relaxed too, when the tension left his body. Everywhere except for the evidence of his desire pressed against her, but he made no move to touch her in that way. He'd meant what he said. He just wanted to hold her.

  Or course, hero's always meant what they said. For a moment, she'd let herself forget that's what he was and why she wasn't supposed to love him.

  Why she couldn't love him.

  Except in this moment, all of her reasons for refusing to love him were ash. They were dead, just like Ben.

  And she wanted to live.

  As did the ember in her heart she thought had turned to ash as well. It burned and sparked, it reached for the air it needed to turn into a blaze.

  If she wasn't careful, it'd be a raging inferno that would swallow her whole.

  12

  Royce couldn't be sorry that they never made it to the ghost hunt. Spending those hours just holding her was a million times better.

  She'd been right when she said it was like some kind of trite TV movie, but he didn't care. It was a perfect moment. There were a lot of those in life, if you paid attention. Perfect moments were like snowflakes. Each, it's own beautiful thing and most of them were so tiny that they were easy to miss. Not this one. This one had been big.

  He'd known in that moment, he would do anything for her.

  Even give up his job as a firefighter. He could go back to school and get his masters so he could teach. If that was what she needed from him, he'd give it to her.

  The thought of leaving the Seven made a piece of him wither, but he'd decided she was more important.

  But he wasn't ready to spring that on her. He didn't want to push and he knew she already had so much to consider. This weekend was supposed to be about getting away. Not dragging their luggage with them.

  Although, Royce knew you couldn't outrun your problems, but there was no law saying you couldn't ignore them for a little while. Like a weekend.

  The look of innocent excitement on her face as they'd boarded the houseboat made the whole weekend worth it.

  "This thing is huge," she exclaimed.

  "I brought the cupcakes!" Hayden said, as he came aboard carrying a box.

  Livie's eyes narrowed in on her prey and Sophie grabbed the box and held it away from her body, like she was dropping meat for a hungry tiger. "Here, take it!"

  Livie snatched the box and popped it open.

  "Do I get one?" Royce asked reaching over her shoulder. He half expected her to slap his hand, but she just growled. "If you bite me, it's totally worth it." He grabbed one of the cupcakes.

  "You'd like it," Hayden said.

  "You'd be right about that." He winked at Livie.

  Livie's cheeks flushed. "If you keep smelling like these cupcakes, I might just."

  "So noted," he said and shoved one in his mouth. After he swallowed, he said, "How did you get Ma to make another batch?"

  Hayden shrugged. "It wasn't me. That was all Soph."

  "Share your secrets?" he pleaded.

  "It's not like your mother doesn't bake them for you every time you ask." Soph shook her head. "You act like you have to beg her for them."

  "I do, sometimes."

  "Come on, you're not going to tell us how you did it? I know she's got to be sick of making them by now," Royce said.

  "She's definitely sick of the red velvet, but when I told her that was Livie's favorite, she was happy to make a batch."

  "I already told her they were Livie's favorite."

  "Okay, so I may have said the more cupcakes she bakes, the closer she's going to be to a double wedding." Sophie shrugged, as if it was out of her hands.

  Livie stopped mid-bite. He could tell she was trying not to panic.

  "Sophie knows how to get things done." Hayden nodded. "I'm glad she can hold her own with Ma."

  "Those words made Grammie throw in the pile, too. We have chocolate pecan pies," Sophie added.

  "I am going to be fat as a suckling pig if I keep eating like this," Livie said, even as she ate another cupcake.

  "Remember, Grammie promised she'd fix your bridesmaid dress if you outgrow it because of her cooking. So there's nothing to worry about. I'm sure we'll get plenty of exercise this weekend with all the swimming. Maybe some hiking, too, if the canopy cover on the trees is thick enough."

  Sophie still had to protect her skin from the sunlight. The scars from the burns she'd suffered as a child, even after skin grafts, were still sensitive. It was one of the main reasons he'd picked a nicer, more expensive houseboat. Not just to have a posh time, or to spoil Livie, but he knew his future sister in law needed the shield and he wanted her to enjoy the weekend too.

  She'd saved his brother in a way and he'd be grateful to her for that forever.

  "After everyone gets settled in, what do you say we take her for a spin?" he said.

  "I want to drive!" Livie said.

  "Oh really? Do you know how to navigate?"

  "No, but you can teach me." She grinned.

  “That I can.” He was happy to teach her anything she wanted to know. Seeing the pleasure on her face made him pliable to just about anything she could ask for. Helping her learn to navigate was the least of things.

  "Well, before we set off on our three hour tour and get marooned, let me get the rest of the supplies," Hayden said.

  "I'll give you a hand," Royce said. "Why don't you show Sophie around downstairs, Liv?"

  "You could just say you want to do all the heavy lifting. I won't argue. This is my weekend to be lazy," Livie grinned.

  Sophie laughed. "Yes, show me around our magnificent weekend home."

  He left the girls and deboarded with his brother.

  "Thanks for jumping on the grenade."

  "What do you mean?" Hayden unloaded three coolers from his truck and handed them to Royce one at a time.

  "Bringing up all the supplies. The fishing gear." He gestured to the load of supplies.

  "It's the least I could do, since you're shelling out for the weekend."

  "Eh, it's a hassle, though."

  "Man, it got you some time alone with the woman you've been in love with since high school. What kind of ass would I be if I couldn't at least pick up the food and bring it? Plus, it gave Sophie an excuse to go talk to Ma and get some cupcakes out of her and pie from Grammie. She's really good at that, actually." Hayden paused, as if considering a future plan of attack, the goal of which was to acquire more pie.

  "Well, she went to school for eight years to have that fancy doctor title to play around in people's brains, so one would hope she knows what she's doing." That made Sophie sound a bit more calculating than he knew the sweet woman to actually be, but he enjoyed giving Hayden a healthy ration of
crap about pretty much anything.

  "You're right about that, brother." Hayden shook his head. "So basically, I can never argue with her because I will lose."

  "I don't get the idea that you argue about anything. You guys seems kind of perfect. It's a little gross."

  "Yeah, that's what she said." He grinned and hopped out of the bed of the truck, grabbing the fishing gear. "But we don't, really. She's my best friend. After we got past the big stuff, there's nothing to argue about. I guess we argue about who is going to pick when we go out."

  "Neither of you wants to do it, right?" Royce nodded. "I hear that's a pitfall of long-term relationships."

  He nodded. "I always thought that this wasn't for me. So, every day I wake up, sometimes I still wonder if it's a dream. If I'm going to wake up and none of this was real. I guess I could go ahead and pick the food. It would make her happy."

  "What else would it be? If it wasn’t real, I mean?"

  "It's kind of fucked up." Hayden leaned back against the truck.

  The serious look on his face got all of Royce's attention. He was in full big brother mode. "Tell me."

  "Sophie is too good to be real. Surviving that jump from the bridge... who does that? Certainly not Ben Dodd. So why me?"

  Royce knew what he was feeling, but he also knew that when he'd finally reached for what he'd wanted, it hadn't been a mistake. He'd had some serious soul searching to do and had done a lot of work in his own head to figure out his path.

  And his self-worth.

  "Every once in a while, I wonder if this is the life flashing before my eyes while I'm drowning. But then I remember I don't care." Hayden smiled, and it was a genuine smile. "Because if it is, every second with her is worth it."

  "That's both one of the sweetest things I've ever heard, and maybe the most twisted."

  "Told you."

  "You two deserve each other, and I mean that in the best of ways." Royce smirked.

  "Yeah, sure you do." Hayden picked up the tackle boxes and fishing poles.

  "One more thing. You know, some people do get the fairy tale."

  "Yeah, I know. After they've earned it." Hayden nodded.

  "Don't you think you guys earned it?"