by Sara Arden
This was everything good. Everything worth fighting for.
Everything worth coming home to.
"Come back to us," she whispered against his lips.
He remembered his mother's words. About how he'd better swear every oath he knew how. "I swear I will."
"And everyone knows Royce Cole's word is as a good as gold," she murmured.
Livie broke away and turned away. "Go. Go now, while I can let you without begging you to be something you're not."
He stood there, his arms cold and empty at the loss of her touch. A chill he felt on the inside. "I love you, Liv. I'll text you when I can."
16
Days blurred together, as did the scenery. They were long, and hot, filled with ash and destruction, but the scent of burning things had been seared into his nose and he didn't think he'd ever get it out.
But he was used to it. He'd learned that scent was motivation to keep going when he felt like he was going to drop. To push past what he thought he could do because everything that burned only fed the beast, only made it harder to coral. More dangerous. As long he could still smell the fire, his job wasn't done. The fire had been beaten back, but not extinguished, it was still a long road.
He missed home more than ever before. Not just the streets and sights of Ember Lake, but he missed Livie. He thought about her every time he got to crash on one of the cots, and every time he woke up.
Royce texted her when he could, and she sent him pictures of her learning to bake cupcakes with his mother. She'd put on a few pounds in the time he'd been gone, but it looked gorgeous on her, like anything would. She was mostly smiling. Except when she texted him pictures of her head on the pillow in his bed. In those pictures, she tried to smile, but it always made him feel her absence more acutely.
Sitting in the tent that had become a makeshift sort of mess hall, his dad sat down next to him.
"Hey," He had a plate of beans and a couple of rolls, just like Royce's own place. "I'm sure missing your ma's cooking about now."
"I bet they're not missing us." He took a bite.
"Yeah, you got that right." He nodded. "Allie said Liv is spoiling her. Loads the dishwasher every night and makes her a Cosmo. Now, I gotta learn how to make Cosmos."
"It's not that hard."
"I know it, but you know they won't ever be as good as what your little girl would make for her."
"I guess that means we have to figure out how to keep her." Royce had known for a long time that Livie was his one and only, but he needed her to get with the program.
"Guess so." Bill tore off a piece of the bread. "I'm proud of you, boy."
"For what?" He braced his forearms on the table, but then put them in his lap. He could feel his mother smacking the back of his head even in another state.
Bill laughed, because he obviously knew exactly what was going through his head. "She trained you right. You're a good man."
"Because I don't put my elbows on the table, even when we're in a firefight?"
"Eh, that could sum it up. It's definitely part of it." Bill popped the bread in his mouth and seemed to be mentally chewing something as well. "You came."
Obviously. He was sitting right in front of him. Royce didn't see what he was getting at.
"You didn't change who you were for her. You managed to keep your sense of self, while still considering her feelings and her needs. That's the kind of man who makes a good partner."
"Thanks, Dad. I thought for sure that she was going to leave me, because I did offer to take the desk job if it would make her feel better and I don't want it."
"She didn't ask you to stay, though, did she?"
"No. Even if she wanted to, she wouldn't."
"That's good. I knew Ben, too. I understand why she would feel the way she does about what we do. He really was married to the job. With you, it's different. You love what you do, helping people is part of who you are, not what you use to fill an emptiness inside of you. Ben wasn't a bad man, but his heart wasn't in the right place. I almost didn't recommend him for hire."
Royce had never known that. "Why not? You have to admit he saved a lot of lives. He did a lot of good."
"He put the house in danger, he put other people in danger, just to be a hero. He was selfish and the only person he was ever trying to save was himself." Bill took another bite of the bread. "Yeah, I know. It didn't seem like jumping off a bridge to save someone was saving himself, but it was. It was the only thing that beat back whatever darkness was in him. I was worried for a long time that Hayden had the same affliction, and maybe he did. But he shed that guilt albatross and he's even better than ever at we do."
Royce leaned back, considering. "So maybe he should take the test for LT."
Bill paused, mid-bite. "Excuse me, what did you just say to me? I don't think I heard you." He whipped out his phone. "Speak clearly into the little box."
Considering, he realized it was the right move. He didn't want it. He'd stepped into a position of leadership because he was the older brother. It was what he was expected to do. He looked out for Hayden, and all the other guys in the house because that's what older brothers were supposed to do.
Hadn't he been telling Livie that they were going to be done with "supposed to?" But how could he expect her to, if he hadn't been living that truth himself.
"I said, maybe Hayden should take the test for LT. I like training, but I like being in the fight. A desk isn't for me. Ever."
Bill wore a serious expression. "What about if you have children?"
"They'll grow up like Hayden and I did and if something happens to me, they'll have our family. Just like if I had any other job."
"Is your girl going to see it that way?"
"I don't know, but I can't change my stripes. And more so, I don't want to. As much as I love her, if she can't handle this, she's not the right one for me."
"Boy, you say that like you rehearsed it."
"That's because I did. We're going to have to have this talk when I get home and I'm feeling strong about it now, if she says she can't hang, I don't know what I'll do. It's like asking if I want to cut out my left ventricle, or my right."
"She's stronger than either of you know. If it's meant to be, it will be."
"I know you're right,"
"Hark, what's that I hear? The old man is right?" He clutched his chest. "My heart can't take it."
"Shut up, Dad. I listen to you all the time."
"Yeah, you listen and then do whatever the hell you were going to do to begin with. Even when you were four. Remember the lemons?"
"I always consider what... wait, what lemons?"
"Grammie Rose was making a lemon tart. She had fresh lemons on the counter and you reached up to take some and crammed it in your mouth. You hated them. The face you made." Bill laughed quietly to himself for a moment. "It's really too bad I didn't get that on video. It was great. But anyway, I think you liked the bright colors because after that, you always wanted them. Grammie got a kick out of watching you make that face, so she always made sure to have lemons."
"I was a toddler."
"You did it until you were ten. I'd say, you don't like lemons and you'd look at me with a thoughtful look, as if you were perhaps considering what I said, but then you'd snatch a piece anyway, cram it in your mouth, and then seem surprised and angry that you didn't like it."
"Okay, so I'm a little stubborn," he allowed. "That doesn't mean I didn't consider what you said."
Bill's phone buzzed. "Oh, text from your mom."
"What does she have to say?"
"Nothing fit for your eyes." Bill smirked.
"Gross," he said, casually, but he didn't mean it at all. He loved that his parents had a good, loving, and openly affectionate relationship.
"By the way, they're starting to send people home. They've got the blaze pretty much contained as of this morning."
He'd done this thing he knew he had to do, and now he was going home. But what was he goin
g back to? Was he going to lose her?
"Eat your beans. There's paperwork to do before we go home. Reports to write. We won't be heading out until tomorrow."
"Do you think if we asked nice that Grammie would do a Tuesday fried chicken?"
"Yeah, I'm sure she would." Bill grinned. "Don't think that wasn't the first the thing I asked your mom. But I didn't have to. She already knew and has Grammie on board."
Royce thought again about how lucky he was.
Could he be lucky enough to get Livie, too?
His dad seemed to know he needed some space, and he shoved the last of his food in his mouth. After he swallowed, he said, "Find me in command so we can finish up your paperwork after you text Livie."
"I'm on it." He scooped a big bite of the bland beans into his mouth, and it didn't matter that they tasted like shit on a shingle. He couldn't taste them anyway. He'd been tasting ash in the air, and his tastebuds were the least of his concerns.
At least until he got back to Ember Lake where the food was always better, the air always sweeter, and sun a little brighter.
And his Livie.
He pulled out his phone. Whatcha doin?
She texted back instantly. Waiting for you to text me.
That's the good girlfriend answer. What were you really doing?
Taking a bath.
So, if I asked you what you're wearing...
Come home and find out. She added kiss emojis.
His fingers paused on the screen, but then he decided to tell her. I'll be there tomorrow.
Don't tease me, Royce.
Seriously. Dad and I both will be on a plane tomorrow, barring any new complications.
I've missed you so much.
There's one good thing about me going away.
Yeah, what's that?
When I come back, we get Grammie's fried chicken on a Tuesday.
In that case, maybe I'll ship you back out there next week.
You're a cruel woman.
I just know how I like my chicken.
...he saw she was typing, but it was a long time before any words appeared on the screen.
I have news, too.
Everything okay? Do you need to call?
It's not that big of a deal. I got an offer on the bar.
His gut dropped like he'd been kicked. The only thing tying to her to Ember Lake now, was him. He knew the next thing she typed was going to be that she'd accepted it. So maybe she actually had been waiting for him to text her.
That's great, if it was a good offer. Are you going to take it?
I signed the papers this morning. I wanted to text you, but I didn't want to be a distraction.
I won't say you're never a distraction, I've thought about you first thing when I get up and last thing before I go to bed.
Good. Keep thinking about me, hero. All I've done is think about you. It's pathetic, really.
Nah, I like it.
I'm going to bake you something. Pray for me. And yourself.
He felt the corners of his mouth turn up in a grin. I'll try anything once.
Royce was touched she was baking. He was glad she had that time with his mother. Ma driving you crazy yet? Did you learn to bake in self defense?
As if. If the answer were yes, do you think I'd put it in a text where there was proof? Not in this lifetime.
He actually did laugh out loud. She delighted him. See you soon.
Royce realized as he was walking to the command center, she'd said she missed him, but she hadn't said she loved him. Things had changed between them and even though he'd known on some level they would, he wasn't ready to face it.
17
Livie had fallen into a much too comfortable routine with Allie. She'd gotten a little lazy. Maybe even a little fat. Well, not fat, but she'd gained some weight. Too many cupcakes. Allie had stayed true to her promise to bake for her.
Her favorite thing to do had become taking a long bath in the jacuzzi tub in the master bedroom. Slowly, she'd taken over the space, but Allie hadn't seemed to mind. She'd brought little soaps and bath bombs, a little rack that fit across the thing for her books and most importantly, her flameless wishing candles that Sophie had given her.
It had become a ritual of sorts when she first sank into the comforting heat of the water to list the things she was grateful for, the things she was hopeful for, and her deepest, truest wishes.
Royce was on all of those lists.
Every night, her first real wish, the one she wished the hardest, was that he would come home safely.
Now he was. He was coming home.
But everything was different.
She didn't have a place in Ember Lake anymore.
A cold chill skittered down her back at the thought, because it wasn't true. If she didn't have a place, what was she doing here, in the Cole household sleeping in her boyfriend's childhood room and hanging out with his mother?
She had a place.
It was maybe that she didn't know quite how to fill it.
She'd learned a few things about herself. She'd learned she hadn't known herself, not anymore. Not after she became Ben's wife. That's why being the Widow Dodd was so hard on her, because it reminded her she didn't know how to be anything else.
Right now, she was just Livie. So far, Just Livie was pretty okay. Just Livie had sold a bar she didn't want, and she'd gotten her asking price. She'd sold it, lock, stock, and barrel. Including that bar top that Ben had made himself. He'd loved that bar, taking it with her, well, that would've taken something special from the place that he'd obviously wanted there.
Just Livie wasn't mad at him anymore. She missed him, in her own way, even though she was butt over teakettle in love with Royce.
She loved him so much, it made her feel like she would burst with it. Except she still had to figure out what else there was to Just Livie than loving Royce.
Livie felt like she was supp--no. There would be no more supposed to. If she wanted to ride this wave and see wherever it went, then that was what she would do.
Without worrying about supposed to.
Of course, that was easier said than done.
He was going to be home tomorrow! She had to shave her legs and at least get a pedicure. That was something Allie had gotten her hooked on too. The salon experience. She'd never really cared for those sorts of things one way or another. She'd never really had close girlfriends, but the three of them, sitting together in the salon had gotten to be another ritual that meant so much to her.
She picked up her phone to text Allie when a loud knock sounded on the door. "Did you die?" Allie asked.
"No. I was just going to text you."
"Pedicures," she said. "When Bill told me they were coming home, I booked them. Can you be ready in an hour?"
"I can be ready in thirty minutes."
"Child, don't lie to your future mother in law. It's going to be at least forty minutes shaving those legs."
She laughed. "You're right. I need a weed whacker."
"I'll tell you a secret. Get one of Bill's disposable razors beneath the sink. They're sharper."
"He won't mind?"
"Eh, they're not really his. When he goes on shift at the firehouse, I don't bother until he comes home. Unless I'm wearing shorts. Or going somewhere."
"Okay, I'll be ready in an hour."
He was coming home! Oh God, he was coming home!
Almost an hour later, if not to the exact minute, Livie's nerves quieted as she settled into the chair between Sophie and Allie.
"The best thing about working for myself is that I can leave mostly whenever I want to get a pedi with you guys."
One of the salon employees handed them all flutes of champagne. Allie said, "My treat. We have a lot to celebrate. Bill and Royce will be home tomorrow and Livie sold the bar."
"Oh my God, congratulations!"
"With the caveat that the calendar and auction will still take place as planned," Livie added.
"Who did you sell it to?"
"Do you remember Bruce Maddigan?" Livie asked. "Did you ever know him?"
"No. I didn't go to Ember High, remember?" Sophie cocked her head to the side. "But that sounds kind of familiar."
"Crap. I forgot. Anyway, he left Ember Lake when he was seventeen. Got cast as a movie extra. Oh, wait. You might know him as Maddigan Broome."
Sophie and Allie both choked on their champagne.
"You're kidding me?" Allie spluttered. "How did I not know that little shit that ruined Royce's twelfth birthday party grew into... him?"
"No one did. How insane is that? You come from a small town, you make it big, everyone knows you. Your town is quick to claim you. I don't know how he kept it a secret. But hopefully, he's not a little shit anymore, since he's going to be a permanent fixture. Apparently, he's retiring from acting."
"Probably some Hollywood stunt to help his likeability."
"That's mostly fine with me. I'm just glad he agreed to keep the shoot and auction. Erin!" she squeaked. "I have to tell her that Maddigan offered to be a bachelor."
"Oh really?" Allie put a finger to her chin. "Who do you think we need to match him up with? I haven't even seen the boy in... damn it. Grammie and I have to speak to him immediately."
"I don't know why you guys don't just start a matchmaking service," Sophie said, wiggling her toes in the water.
"That's not a bad idea, but I don't think it would work. I'm too contrary. I don't really care what people want in a relationship. Who they think they want to be matched with, because they're always wrong." Allie grinned.
"That could be part of the charm," Livie agreed.
"I guess it could be, and since I don't want to do it on demand, I could make it so exclusive people would pay lots of money to have me tell them they're wrong. I mean, I tell Bill for free all the time," Allie picked out the color polish she wanted and handed the color chain down to Livie.
"Red, please. This one." She pointed to a bright, happy, cherry red.
"That's sexy," Sophie said. "I want that one, too."
