True

by Grace, Gwendolyn

  A fucking For Sale sign. Is he serious?

  Was I just going to come home one day to find this planted in front of the house?

  Enough! He is taking this too far. He is not selling my house.

  I dial Alex’s number on my phone and let it ring until the voice mail picks up.

  “You motherfucker! Why is there a For Sale sign in the damn garage, Alex? Are you out of your mind? You want to sell the house? Well, unfortunately for you this is not just your house! My name is on the deed too, and I’ll be damned if I just let you sell it. I am so done with all of this! If this is how you want things to go down. Fine!” Click.

  I maneuvered back to the Bella Vista website and reserved my ocean view suite with a king sized bed. Then I got out of the car, grabbed an armful of folded boxes that were stacked against the wall smirking to myself. I had asked Alex numerous times to get rid of these, but his answer was always that they were good boxes, and we'll never know when we might need them. Well, their usefulness has been realized today. I stomp back into the house and up to the bedroom. I grab everything that was his and tossed it inside the waiting boxes. Clothes, shoes, electronics, and shampoo were all thrown in random order. They become so heavy that I couldn't lift them, so I tucked the tops closed and slid them down the staircase one by one. I’m pretty sure a cologne bottle was broken because the scent grew pretty heavy from one of them.

  Oh well.

  I place a total of four large and fully packed boxes neatly by the front door. That was all I had the energy to gather for now. I would work on the rest later.

  For some reason I can’t explain, I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. Those full boxes represented so much. A life that I refused to live anymore.

  I went and grabbed the For Sale sign and threw it in the large green trash can outside and pulled it out to the curb, typed in the directions that Justin gave me to Talbot Beach in my GPS and drove away.

  *****

  The entire drive I fluctuated between one hundred percent certainty and wanting to turn my car around and unpack all of Alex’s things. God, I didn’t know what to do. I can have such a quick temper at times. Once the anger goes away, I often regret the decisions I’ve made during what Alex calls my “Hulking out” time. The Welcome to Talbot Beach sign comes into view, and I decide that it’s too late to turn back.

  The town is beautiful. A specific shade of blue seemed to be the theme as it was a part of everything. There were several shops with blue and white striped awnings. Outdoor cafes used the same shade of blue for their table cloths and waiters aprons. Many of the homes had doors and shutters painted blue as well. There were also very little cars on the road as it seemed that everyone preferred to walk or ride bicycles. While Talbot Beach started out as a resort town, over the years many people have made it their permanent home. It could have been my imagination but everyone seemed happy, and I so desperately wanted to feel that way too. I pushed away the sadness still resting on my heart as I allowed my GPS to take me to my destination.

  A large two story house that very much fit the town's theme of cozy looking beach homes came into view. There was the usual scaffolding and wooden crates scatter around. The sounds of hammering and drilling filled the area. Before I could bring my car to a complete stop, Justin was already approaching my door. I put the car in park and let down the window.

  “Hi.” I grin up at him. His hair is damp at the neck and I inhale the clean scent of soap and cologne. He traded his usual black tee for a light blue button up and tan shorts. His face was very relaxed, his eyes smiling with something I had never noticed before. Happiness.

  “Hi, gorgeous.” He replies before leaning down and resting his forearms on the window. “Is it okay if we take your car? My truck is loaded full of equipment.” His face is mere inches from mine.

  “Okay.” I answer breathlessly, reacting the way I always do when this man is in my personal space.

  “Slide over, I’ll drive.” Instantly, I lifted myself up and over the center console, settling myself in the passenger’s seat. Justin was buckling his seat belt when I heard my phone chime. I glanced down and grimaced.

  Alex.

  A wave of guilt washes over me before I send the call to my voice mail. I'll deal with him later.

  I take in a deep cleansing breath and look over at Justin, who was staring back at me expectantly, waiting to see what I would do or say next.

  “Let’s go.” I say hoping to sound cheerful before clicking my belt and putting on my best carefree smile, willing myself to push away the worry and doubt.

  Fake it til you make it, right?

  Justin just continues to look at me for a moment, assessing me with narrow eyes and not speaking. Finally, he nods once and drives us away from the construction site.

  We ride in companionable silence. Justin has his wrist relaxed and resting on the steering wheel as he sits back comfortably in his seat. He adjusts the radio to find a local station. “Balmorhea” by San Soloman is playing as we drove through the quaint town. The ocean was to the left of us and beach side houses were to the right. Again happy people are strolling leisurely along the wooden sidewalks. I let my head fall back against the seat as I close my eyes, and move my head from side to side in time with the beautiful song and before long I feel a genuine smile appear on my face. That’s when Justin’s hand reaches for mine and pulls it slowly towards him. When I don’t resist, he lets our joined hands rest on his thigh. And nope, I don’t pull away then either.

  *****

  We spend the day walking in and out of a few shops in town. Talbot Beach is known for its exquisite handmade crafts. One store in particular had an array of beautiful jewelry. My eye immediately lands on and fell in love with a silver necklace with a dainty seahorse made of pale blue sea glass. Before I knew it, Justin had the shopkeeper swiping his credit card as he fastened his gift around my neck. It was beautiful, but I knew I couldn't accept it. When I started to shake my head. He placed a soft kiss on top of my shoulder and whispered. “Please. Just for today.”

  It really was a lovely necklace and I told myself that it would be okay just to wear it for today. There is a small sign at the register that says all items can be returned with a receipt, which I watched Justin tuck into his wallet. I would make sure to give the necklace back to him but for today I can pretend.

  We exited the shop hand in hand, stopping to have lunch at an outdoor cafe where we sip Coronas and share a big platter of peel and eat spicy shrimp. We talked for hours. There was no rush, no avoiding topics, no worries that unwelcome ears would overhear. He asked me about Alex, and I told him everything, I don't know why. It was pouring out of me as if I could no longer contain it, and all I was waiting on was for someone to ask. I knew that Justin was probably the last person I should tell these things, but maybe I wanted to see his reaction. I repeated the conversation with Alex's mom, Virginia, the For Sale sign, the boxes, all of it. It felt good to let it all out to someone who was on my side. I could never really talk to Dee the way I needed to sometimes because while she was my best friend she was also married to Alex’s best friend. To some degree her loyalties were divided. I knew from experience that neutrality is the safest choice when best friends were involved. I just hoped our friendship could survive things that are already in motion that can’t be changed. Like me being here with Justin, feeling the warmth from the sun on my shoulders, and a blush on my cheeks every time he looked at me and smiled, which was often. His eyes showed so much adoration and it made me feel special. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time and I realized how much I missed it.

  We continue to walk hand in hand down to the ocean as we wade barefoot in the water. I talked and talked while he gave me his full attention. It was great to be with someone who seemed to be really listening to me, really listening.

  Just as the sun began to set, I gave Macy a called to check on the girls and kept the conversation very short. I knew that if she asked too many questions I was liable
to spill it all. I also had two more missed calls from Alex. I pushed away all thoughts of him. I wasn’t in the mood to fight. Right now, I just wanted to enjoy the imaginary bubble I’ve been in all day.

  Before I could chicken out, I sheepishly told Justin about my room at the Bella Vista, at which he grinned knowingly, but didn’t say a word. He dropped me off at the hotel so that I could change and told me he would return in an hour to take me to dinner. I put on a simple pale pink flowing dress that was light and airy and paired it with some strappy sandals. After applying light makeup I opted to leave my naturally curly hair loose as it wouldn’t make since to do much more than that with the heat and humidity working against me.

  *****

  The band was playing a version of “The Way You Look Tonight” while Justin is twirling me around the dance floor at the Moonlight Lounge. He was singing the words with such animation that I can’t stop giggling. The three glasses of champagne that he insisted on ordering for us could also have been playing a factor in my giddiness. I love this side of Justin, so playful and carefree. He was treating me as if I belonged to him. He always pulls me close to him by grabbing my hand as he guides me through the room. With him, I feel like a better version of me. Not the bitchy, naggy wife. Not the family budget manager. Not the everyday bad guy. I like that Justin takes control. He orders everything for me at dinner, and I am delighted to see that he has good tastes in food, wine and even the champagne we drank afterward. Not to mention he is a really good dancer. I relax into the feel of his hard muscles as he holds me close and moved me effortlessly around the dance floor. We were clearly the youngest people in the room. I watch as the older women looked on at us adoringly, though I’m sure Justin was mostly their focal point. He is adorable with his blue jeans and white button down which he had rolled up at the sleeves.

  As the song came to an end, Justin spun me into a final twirl before leaning me back into a dip, taking me by surprise. When I moved to pull myself up, he leant forward and brushed his lips ever so lightly against mine. It felt nice. Having his strong arms around me as my body was pressed close felt even better. We must have stared at each other several long moments before the sound of applause erupted around us. Justin and I both smile, though we were feeling a bit embarrassed by the spectacle. He made a production of waving to the onlookers and bowing as he grabbed by hand and walked us back to our table. He signaled for our bill while I took a sip of water from my glass.

  “You and your wife make a beautiful couple.” The waitress commented before placing the bill folder on the table with a warm smile and then walked away.

  I felt the air slowly begin to leak out of my imaginary bubble. My eyes immediately went to my wedding rings and realized that she must have assumed we are married. I stared transfixed at the diamond that sparkled in the dim lighting, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by too many emotions. The emotions that I had compartmentalized were surfacing back all at once.

  “Courtney.” Justin’s voice pulled me from my mini freak out. He reached over and grabbed my hand, lightly brushing my knuckles with the pad of his thumb. “Look at me.” His green eyes seemed so confident and sure. “Tonight is about us and how we make each other feel.”

  How did we make each other feel? I don’t know about him, but tonight was the most fun I’ve had in a very long time. My thoughts kept traveling back to Alex though. When I first looked at the menu, I immediately focused on an entree I knew Alex would like. I almost spoke out loud about it before realizing it was Justin across the table from me instead.

  Justin tugged my hand, and I stood from the table and let him guide me out of the restaurant.

  The night air was the perfect temperature. Not too hot, not too humid. We reached the corner and waited to cross, the breeze swept my hair from my shoulder. Justin leant over to brush his nose along the curve of my neck and inhaled. Our eyes met, and I felt a flush of heat rush between my legs. All of my apprehensions from earlier forgotten.

  We continue to walk with our fingers laced together. His hand felt good in mine. The smell of the salt air and the sounds of the waves crashing had a soothing effect on my nerves. I allowed myself to relax and to just be in the moment with a man who adored me.

  We finally made our way back to the Bella Vista and stood quietly in front of the door for several moments. My room key is dangling from my fingers, and his hand is in mine. Both of us knowing that a decision had to be made. This was the precipice. What happens next would change everything.

  “Courtney.” Justin murmured not finishing his sentence, seeming to be at a loss for words too. I slowly lift my face to meet his intense green gaze. My favorite thing about him are his eyes. They are so open and expressive. Sometimes they were full of humor, and I know that the next thing out of his mouth is going to be a bad joke which he feels is hilarious. I’ve seen them filled with concentration as he studies project plans. I notice the open look of adoration he always gives me whenever I am in his presence. Right now, the look in his eyes is unmistakable. Pure lust.

  My belly does a quick flip. God.

  He takes the room key from my hand and swipes it through the reader. There’s a beep and click before he pushes the door open. He takes a hesitant step inside, then another until my hand is stretched forward in his direction as he walks inside, our fingers still join. I don’t move. My heart is pounding. Can I do this? Should I do this? Why? Why Not?

  Suddenly my feet are moving inside the room, and he is closing the door gently behind me. He presses his hard body against mine and pushes me back towards the door. He moves his lips up the curve of my neck, along my jaw line, over my ear and into my hair.

  “God, Courtney. You smell so good. You have no idea how good. I dream about holding you in my arms, doing exactly this.”

  His hands are roaming up and down my back and sides. It feels good. Being near him like this feels perfect. I allow myself to relax a little, pushing all unwanted thoughts from my mind. Of course, I am going to feel guilty, but I don’t want to. I’ve made my decision. I am here. With Justin. He wants me. He would do anything for me. He would be there for me. Just me.

  His lips hover at the corner of my mouth. Waiting. We’ve never kissed before, and this is the moment.

  “Courtney, if we do this, you are mine. I won’t let him have you. You can’t go back.”

  I know realistically that if I sleep with Justin. I can’t go back anyway. I think about the boxes, Virginia, the missed calls and Ashley Fucking Danielle.

  I turn my head and nod my understanding of his statement. He smiles and lowers his mouth onto mine. The kiss is soft and exploratory. His lips press firmly against my own, while his hands move up to cup my breasts. I gasp at the unexpected touch and open up enough for him to slip his tongue inside. The kiss goes from soft and gentle to hungry and searching. His tongue explores and probes deliciously until I whimper and wind my hands behind his neck, pulling him closer.

  I love the level of passion he uses to kiss me. The way his hands gently cup the side of my face, the way his eyes close as if he is savoring me. I allow myself to feel everything until we are both panting and I’m writhing against him.

  Justin walks me backwards to the bed and pushes me down until he is lying on top of me. He wedges one leg between my thighs and he grounds his hard erection into me. Wetness soaks my panties, and I moan. My dress falls away from my thighs as I pull my legs up so he can settle between them. I gasp as his hand grazes the spot that is aching for his touch. His torso, while muscular and trim, is wider than I am used to so I have to adjust myself to cradle him better. He pushes the drenched strip of lace to the side and I feel his fingers glide into my slick heat, causing me to gasp. Justin groans my name and places a hand on one of my hips as I work my throbbing clit against his hand. He sucks on my earlobe before running his tongue down the column of my neck where he nibbles and kisses just above my collarbone. Goosebumps form on my flesh as his breath lightly brushes over my skin. I grind myself even harder int
o him. I am so close. Just from doing this. All of the weeks of built up tension are working its way out and I am powerless to control it. His mouth hovers over mine as he lets me continue to move rhythmically against him while I mumble nonsensical words. Pleasure brings me higher and higher until I explode. I throw my head back and gasp out my orgasm. Nothing in this moment exists except for the overwhelming sensations flowing through me. No guilt, no rational thinking, just pure bliss.

  While the feeling is magnificent, it is also fleeting.

  As soon as my consciousness returns, and my hazy vision clears, I realize that the face I wanted to see most when I opened my satiated eyes was Alex’s. I am unprepared to the weight of shame that starts at the center of my chest and travels to every part of my body. My dress is pulled up around my waist, and my bare feet are in the air. Wrong.

  I.

  Feel.

  So.

  Wrong.

  My body tenses as Justin begins to slide down my panties. He immediately notices that my body has gone rigid.

  “Courtney?” He gives me a questioning stare but as usual his eyes never lie. He knows something has changed. “Fuck.” he says and lets out a long, shaky breath. Before I can utter a word, he rolls off me, and I begin to cry.