About Time

by Danielle Torella

  Josh looked so raged when I told him about it and that made me happy in a sick way. I liked that he defended me. He told me that when the time was right, he would make me feel loved and beautiful as I should always feel. It was about three months in and I finally started to feel good about myself and us. So I went on the pill and we made love for the first time. This time it was slow and he was patient he took care of me after and I enjoyed it a little, but I never climaxed. After a little more time, I decided to tell him a little more about my past. The parts that made me ashamed of myself, but I felt that he needed to know. Things got a little different after that.

  We have never been a: “I have to have you right now” kind of relationship and I was okay with that. He seemed like he has been fine with it too. I know he is stressed with finals. Hopefully things will calm down a little and we can focus on us.

  I am brought back to the present when a guy places a beer down next to me and sits down. “Hi…” I said, not know what to do.

  “Hey, I’m Jackson, what’s your name?” This Jackson guy was tall and lanky with dull brown hair and an attempt at a beard. But I will be polite, because that’s how I am.

  I take his offered hand and shake it, “Margot.”

  “Can I buy you another round Margot?” He asks me with a glimpse of hope in his eye.

  “I’m sorry I am taken,” I admit.

  He leans in closer so I can hear him over the music, “That’s fine baby, the boyfriend doesn’t need to find out.”

  I gasp and my mouth drops open, “That’s right, but you’ll need to open it a little wider to fit me in there.”

  I stand up and he grabs my elbow, “Oh come on, you can’t be that innocent.”

  “Excuse me I have to get going. If you would mind letting me go please.” I try to pull my arm away but his grip becomes even tighter and it’s starting to hurt. “Let go,” I plead and a rush of panic starts to fill my entire body and I can feel my head starts to spin. I manage to pull hard enough to break his grip and I lose my footing and stumble to the floor. Stunned I shoot up and make my way out of the bar. And just as it figures it’s raining again.

  I look back at the door to make sure the creep isn’t following me. I am not that kind of stupid girl to lead a molester back to her own home. I stand out in the rain for a moment, relinquishing in how it makes it feel like the seedy guys hands were being washed off. Who says that to a girl?

  I start my slow walk back to my place. I could rush, but why? I have nothing or anyone waiting for me there. A couple of girls run past me with umbrellas up and I wish I had mine right about now, but that’s long gone. It was a cute one too, it was white with black stars all over it.

  I’m nearly at my building when I see another umbrella come at me. My umbrella. I have never seen anyone with one like it, so it has to be mine. I stop and wait for the guy to pass me, maybe I’ll get a look this time. But once the person is right next to me I see that it’s a light pink umbrella with blue polka dots. Now I am feeling foolish.

  I sluggishly make my way up to my floor and change into dry sweats and a tee, and quickly turn out my light and fall asleep hoping to forget that nasty comment from the guy.

  “Here this one would look good on you, I think it’ll make your eyes pop,” Maddy holds up a cream colored lace cap sleeved dress. “I have a pair of heels you can borrow too.”

  “Thanks, but I think I will stick to my sandals, that and Josh thinks I make him look short in heels.” In fact he told me to never wear heels around him again, that and my over the knee black boots, because they make me look cheap.

  She rolls her eyes and doesn’t make anything of it. I take the dress and pull it over my head and she gives me thumbs up and leaves the room. “Thanks…” I call to her. I pull my hair back and up letting tendrils fall around my face. I keep it to mascara and a pink lip gloss.

  I have ten minutes to make it to our brunch place, so I get moving. Another thing Josh hates is being held up. I drive as fast as I can to get to the upscale restaurant and hand the valet my keys to Blue Belle and he chuckles. I know I don’t fit in here, but it makes Josh happy. We never show up together, but meet right at the bar where he normally has mimosas waiting. I don’t drink much, so I only have a few sips.

  When I see him he reaches for my hand and kisses my cheek and doesn’t say a word, but leads us to our table. There is a bouquet of hydrangeas on the table. “Are those for me?” I ask him.

  “My parents will be joining us, those are for Mother.” He pulls out my chair for me.

  “Oh, okay … what’s the occasion?” I ask disappointed. Josh hasn’t gotten flowers since God knows how long. That and I have never even met his parents yet. Been dating for how long now and never been introduced. I am suddenly even more self-conscious about my dress. I nervously brush the lace material with my hands to discard any wrinkles or lint.

  “I have some news.”

  “Other than introducing me to your parents for the first time?” He has to see that I am practically shaking. I clasp my hands together and suck in my bottom lip and flick it with my tongue again.

  He frowns, “Stop that. You know how much it bothers me.” I instantly release my now swollen lip and bow my head. As he comes around to pull my chair out for me, he looks me up and down, “I approve of the dress, didn’t you pair it with a belt or necklace or something before, like one of those crazy pieces that resemble a collar or bib?”

  I am drawing a blank, because I have never borrowed this from Maddy before in the past. But I don’t say anything, because he actually approves and likes what I am wearing. “Thank you,” is all I say.

  He nervously looks over at the door to the restaurant, and leans into me, I being naïve think he is going to actually kiss me, he doesn’t. “My parents know about you of course, but not about how long. I prefer to keep it that way,” His eyes searching mine for understanding. “They asked if they could join us today, because when I told them I had plans they pushed for what I was doing and when I told them that I was meeting the girl I am seeing for brunch, they instantly want to meet you.”

  “So … I am not your girlfriend?” My heart sinks and my stomach curdles.

  He puffs out and rolls his eyes, “Look, they are picky and my mother doesn’t think any girl is good enough for her baby boy. I am just trying to make this easier on you. It sounds worse than it is, just go with it and trust me.” Not even a question but instead a request.

  I look down at the flowers and when I see a pair of white heels standing next to the table, I instantly look up. Josh jumps to his feet and hugs his mother and shakes his father’s hand. I stand and await the introduction, which comes after Josh giving his mother the blue hydrangeas. “Mother, Father I would like you to meet Margot Epstein, the young woman I told you I was seeing. Margot this is my Mother Alice and my Father Ronald”

  His mother is in a peach twill suit with gold buttons and go with her white heels, white pearl necklace and her nearly white hair. She looks me over just as Josh had only a few minutes ago, doesn’t smile, but extends her hand and tells me, “It’s a pleasure.” Is it?

  I take her hand and fumble with my words when I tell her, “It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Baxter and you as well Mr. Baxter,” I move on to his hand next. He has a firm grip unlike his wife. Mr. Baxter is tall and boxy in a charcoal suit, white shirt and navy tie. He has salt and pepper hair and scream congressman, I am sure he has considered running.

  “Epstein, that is a fairly uncommon name around here, where are your parents from?” Mr. Baxter asks me.

  Before I can speak his mother jumps right in, “Yes, what do they do dear?”

  And as if I am not allowed to speak for myself, Josh tells them the short story. “Margot’s parents weren’t in the picture,” If it were only that simple.

  Mrs. Baxter looks down to her menu and examines it, having to obviously lost interest and Mr. Baxter just nods and raises his hand to call for the waiter. The young man comes around and ta
kes their drink orders first and I am last, when I order my unsweetened iced tea, his mother rolls her eyes. I don’t see this going over well.

  I just sit back for most of the meal, I let Josh and his parents talk about his old friends and what they have been up to and who is doing what were. Then I hear something that catches my ear, “Tiffany Anderson has moved back into town. She is starting her internship at the hospital in a few weeks. Why did you two break up again?” When my eyes meet hers she has this smug determined look on her face, the look that says, no, no I do not want my son to settle for a girl like you.

  “Mother we broke up sophomore year of college, she was transferring and we didn’t see it working out, the whole long distance thing.” Josh explains.

  “Well she is moving back…”

  “Excuse me, I need to use the restroom,” I stand and avoid eye contact with anyone at the round table. I feel like I am going to be sick. I knew Josh came from a reputable family tree, but that stung. I make it in the large woman’s room and stop in front of the large mirror vanity. Gripping the porcelain sink I just let my head drop down between my shoulders. I concentrate on my breathing, a technique that was introduced to me when I was ten and was required to see a therapist. After a moment I turn the stainless steel sink knob and splash cold water on my face to stop any tears that might be trying to escape. I don’t even bother to look in the mirror.

  I go back out and see that they are having an intense conversation. I stay back and watch for a moment. I see Mr. Baxter pointing at his son and his mother nodding along to whatever is being said. Josh has a clenched jaw, which I have seen in the past, just the other night actually. Josh notices me in the corner and purses his lips and looks angry. He shifts his head in the way to call me back over. I slowly make my way, trying not to trip and embarrass myself any further.

  I take my seat and that’s when the interview finally starts, I guess Alice Baxter needed her vodka neat with an onion to finally speak to me. “Margot, where did you grow up?”

  “All over Mrs. Baxter,” I don’t want to explain myself, so I let them make their own assumptions, but Josh finds it necessary to lie.

  “She was a military brat.”

  “I thought her parents weren’t around?” His father asks, confused.

  Not wanting to upset Josh, “We moved around until I was sixteen, but they were hardly home so my mother’s sister came with us and she practically raised me.” Lies.

  That pleased Ronald, because he smiled and nodded, I am guessing he finds pride with the US military and I don’t blame him, but I am not part of it and neither were my parents. Whatever it takes to lessen the heat on me.

  “What do you do? Where did you go to school?” His mother asks.

  I look down again, ashamed. “I didn’t go to college Mrs. Baxter. I decided to just enter the work force.”

  “So, where do you work then?” She is not happy or impressed. She gives Josh a look of, what the hell are you doing with this scrub, but I chuckle inside at the thought of her saying the word scrub in her hoity-toity accent.

  “The library and the diner here in town.”

  Josh knows where this is going, so he changes the topic, “I have been accepted into the internship at the Connors, Buhler and Butler law offices.”

  His proud parents smile and hug their son. Why didn’t he tell me about him applying for it?

  I made up an excuse, which was again another lie, but hey I am on a roll I suppose so what does it matter now? “I am sorry, but I really need to be going, I have to get to work here shortly.” I stand and say goodbye to the Baxter’s and walk for the door. When I reach the hot damp air of the coast Josh is behind me and he has my elbow in hand and his grip is strong.

  “What are you doing?” He is angry.

  I don’t even try to pull my arm back, because I know he will only grip harder and bruise my arm. Been there once before. “I need to go to work.”

  “Like hell you do! You are embarrassing me in front of my folks Margot! Jesus Christ.” He is right in my face now. He directs me to the side of the building, which is a little ally with garbage dumpsters. “Aren’t you happy for me?” he corners me against the building.

  “It is a great opportunity for you. I am sorry I didn’t know about it before.” I play it cool and tell him what he wants to hear. I know I annoy him occasionally, but I have only really upset him once and I don’t want to do that again.

  “It means that I am not going to be around as much, I am going to be busy working.” He finally lets me go and backs up.

  I rub the now sore spot, “I understand. This is very important to you.”

  Josh looks at me through the slits in his eyes and presses me up against the wall once more, “Are you patronizing me Margot?”

  “No, I wouldn’t do that to you. I know you have been working and studying hard and this is part of the pay off. I know you are going to be stressed out, so I will do what you need and tell me to.”

  “That’s my good girl.” My skin crawls when he calls me that. I can feel my eggs start to climb up my esophagus. I cover my chest with my arms and look down to the ground and shift my feet. He kisses my forehead, “I need to get back in there.” He doesn’t say good bye, but just walks away.

  The rest of the week goes on as if nothing happened. I went to the library and did my shifts at the diner. Maddy was hardly home, working and going on dates. One of which was Michael, Ms. Datton’s nephew. When I made the suggestion she grumbled and muttered something like, “What does she know about dating?” which I ignored. But once I showed her the photo of him that Ms. Datton sent me, she was fanning herself and snatched the number right out of my hand. She called him and he asked her out to dinner last night and I am assuming it went well, because she didn’t get home until the morning, in the outfit she left in.

  I didn’t hear much from Josh either…

  It’s Friday evening and I decide to head to the beach, to my spot. I pick up my iced tea at the coffee shop and drive over to Atlantic Beach. The sun is still up, I have a couple of hours before it disappears. I take in the colorful beach houses and wonder how people settle on such a bright color for their home. I settle on my blanket and lay back with my book.

  My stomach catches me off guard when it suddenly starts to grumble, I haven’t been eating as well as I should be, It’s a little while back home so I decide to gather up my stuff, as I am doing so I hear a couple girls walk by talking about this place having the best hush puppies. My mouth waters instantly. I haven’t had those in forever! I casually walk behind them, but not too close so I don’t look like a creeper. The restaurant is white wood painted shack like place. You order at one window and pick up at the other. I place my order for a large order of hush puppies, I figure I can save some for tomorrow too and a grilled chicken sandwich.

  It starts to rain so I take my brown paper bag dinner and walk to my Blue Belle. Damn all this rain! Throwing my bag in the back and my food next to me, so I can snack on the way home. The sun quickly disappears as the rain really starts to pick up. Beach goers run to the parking lot and start the slow escape from the shore. When it starts to rain everyone leaves at the same time, causing a traffic jam, not only on the beach but the roads off the small beach island. I am at a standstill on the bridge. I see a familiar umbrella in my review mirror and my stomach clenches. Holy moley.

  I suck in my lip and squeeze my eyes shut. When I open them the guy is standing by the passenger side door. I scream and cover my face, and the guy steps back. I lean over and roll down the window manually.

  Before I can say anything he is apologizing, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just, I remembered your car, because no one else drives one of these things, so I thought that I would offer you your umbrella back.” I must me staring because he smiles and tilts his head to the side, “Are you alright?”

  “Uh, yeah, sorry.”

  He starts to close the umbrella to hand through the window and what co
mes out of my mouth next surprises me, “Do you want a ride?” Why am I asking this? I can’t even see his face clearly yet and I can usually tell how a person is by their eyes, so right now I am wishing I could see them.

  “I don’t want to put you out…” He looks around and up at the sky which has decided to open up even more.

  Traffic starts to move and people in the cars behind me are honking their horns for me to move. “Hop in!” I tell him.

  When he opens the door I quickly grab my dinner before he sits on top of it. He closes the door and sets the closed umbrella on the floor by his feet and pulls his hood back. Who wears a hoodie down by the beach?

  “Mmm, what smells so good in here?” He asks as I nervously shift into first gear. I can feel his eyes on me. My breathing hitches.

  I look down at my lap that holds my dinner now, “Oh, uh my dinner.”

  “Here,” He reaches over to my lap and pulls the bag off of my lap. “Don’t want you to stain your clothes with any grease or burn your legs…” His eyes settle on my legs for a moment. This doesn’t make me nervous, when I know it should.

  “Thanks,” I tell him, not taking my eyes off of the road. “I got a large order of hush puppies if you want to help yourself to a few…”

  “Really? I mean I am hungry, but you look like you need all the food you can get...” I shoot him a look, “Not that you look like your starving or anything, you are just thin and probably have a high metabol…”