About Time

by Danielle Torella

  Saved by the whistle, the latest Jam is over and Derrek needs to get back out to the track. He backs away and walks backwards, remaining his focus on me until he reaches the crowed, which seem to engulf him and move him like a wave to the center of the oval track.

  It takes me a second to find my legs and make my own way back to the rest of the audience. I stand further back, because I don’t want Derrek to see the effect he has on me. It’s not right. I shouldn’t be feeling this way for another guy.

  I watch the girls in skates and cool outfits speed around the track, body slamming one another and knocking one another over. But the girls get right up and take off as if they were never taken down. I admire their determination, not just because of their aggressiveness, but just to be able to shrug it off and keep going.

  I take in their names on the back of their shirts, I am assuming they are player names or nick names, because they are really out there. Ones like Fancy Rider, Living Dread Girl, Lobotomy Lacey, Katie-Strophic and Dawne of the Dead. And each has a different player number.

  I keep my distance for the rest of the bout, as Justin called it. The whole thing is over within a couple hours or so, I lost track because I was hypnotized by the whole thing. I am in awe. And the way Justin keeps it lively and even more entertaining is a riot. He is so funny and cute about it all, very theatrical. He stands in the middle of the oval for most of it and makes the calls and picks play fun. Some of the girls would blow him kisses or flip him the bird. I can’t help but laugh. I also keep an eye on Derrek.

  Damn it.

  There is one Jam left of the night and the score is pretty close, with the NC Hammers in the lead. My phone rings just after the whistle, I take a quick glance and see it’s Josh. Feeling guilty as it is, the way I was well…intrigued by Derrek, I feel like I have to answer it. I run for the furthest spot in the rink as I can.

  As soon as I tap the ‘accept’ button I hold it to my ear and before I can say hello, he is yelling. “Where the hell are you? I just stopped at your place and Maddy said you weren’t around. What the hell Margot?”

  Did we have something planned that I am not remembering? Because he never just swings by. “Why did you come by without calling first?” I ask him.

  “What I need to call beforehand? What are you afraid I will catch you with another guy or something?” He is accusing me of cheating now?

  “No! I would never do that and honestly it kind of hurts to think that you think I would.”

  He goes quiet, “Where are you?” His voice is a low hiss.

  “Um, I am just out,”

  “I got that by the sounds in the background. Where the fuck are you Margot?” He rarely swears at me. I can feel the tears starting to prick my eyes. I didn’t even do anything wrong really, I just went to a sporting event. Should I have told him? Should I have invited him? I don’t think he would have went for it though and that’s why I didn’t even ask Maddy.

  “I’m at an event,” and that’s all I am willing to tell him right now.

  “You’re a bitch. I hope you can manage to get off with whoever you are with. God knows I have tried enough…”

  Ouch.

  “That’s messed up Josh and you know it. It’s not my fault I had problems growing up and for you to throw it all back in my face is fucked up!” I never swear so I know I am really pissed and I hope he knows it too. This is ridiculous. I thought he understood, he always said it was okay when I had problems in bed.

  Now I know it was all a lie. Another fucking lie.

  “Yeah well, have at it and tell him I said good luck with a fucking basket case. I am done, fuck this shit.” And he hangs up on me. Done? Is he really? He has said that to me before and it was never really done and it won’t be… No matter how much I really want it to be.

  I run into the large bathroom that has a long bench in the middle of it for girls to sit down who still have their skates on I assume. I drop and put my elbows on my knees and let my head fall. I start to cry, like heavy ugly crying. I knew I wasn’t a strong person and I didn’t know how much longer I could handle a guy like Josh. I always had to hold up appearances and look a certain way, act a certain way.

  I don’t even know who I am.

  Have I ever?

  I hear cheering from the rink, it must be over and I missed the final outcome. I stand and take a calming breath, readying myself to make a dart to my Blue Belle. I check my mascara in one of the mirrors on a row of sinks. I smudged it pretty well, so I go to find a paper towel, but isn’t it my luck that they don’t have them? Only the air dryers. I groan and head for a stall to get toilet paper. May as well wipe my eyes with it, because I feel like my life is going down the shitter anyways. When I come out of the stall I find a bunch of the derby girls rolling into the bathroom hootin’ and hollerin’.

  They are high fiving, dancing and playfully smacking one another’s backsides. I stride to the sink dampen the paper to fix my makeup. I just wipe and keep my head bowed and start to leave.

  “Hey, you have a little…” I hear behind me. I turn and see one of them pointing to her own eye, “Paper there…”

  Mortified, I wipe my face with my hands “Thanks,” I turn to start out.

  “Are you okay sweetie?” I hear her ask. I stop in my tracks and am stunned that a tough girl like her would ask me if I was alright and in such a kind tone and to call me that. It was a little endearing.

  I shrug and nod my head, “Guy stuff.”

  By this time two more of the girls join the other side and look at me. “Men suck, who is he and can I kick his ass for you?” One says.

  Another says, “We can totally take ‘em, you just point the dick head out. No guy should make a beautiful girl like you cry.”

  “Thanks, but he’s not here, it was a phone call. He was pretty mean.” I am surprised that I even told them that, but they seem pretty genuine. The girls start to remove all their padding and skates. I look back to the sinks to see a couple of them washing heavy makeup off of their faces. Others are changing out of their striped stockings and I can now see that they are part of the NC Hammers. “You guys were really amazing tonight by the way,” I tell them. “Not that I have anything to compare it to, but I thought you rocked.”

  “Thanks! This was your first bout I take it?” A blonde one asks me.

  “Yeah and I’m hoping not my last.”

  Another one with long wavy blonde hair and few colorful streaks running through it, introduces herself, “Hey, I’m Christy aka Fancy Rider, but everyone calls me Fancy.” She turns around so I can see her player name and number, which is J46. “Make sure you check out our site to see where we are going to be next. We would love to see you again and hopefully not crying over an asshole. You don’t deserve that sweet girl.” Fancy has a soft cute southern accent and I can’t help but smile.

  “Hell yeah!” Another comes up, she is a darker girl with killer long dreads, and she is gorgeous. Muscular and looks like someone you don’t want to mess with, she also has killer tattoos. “But if you bring that douche nozzle with you we will have to remove him physically and I am guessing that will do things to his ego. Which he deserves.”

  Wow, I am blown away by how kind they all are. They don’t even know me and they want to protect me. I offer a light laugh, “Thanks and I am sure that won’t be a problem. This isn’t exactly his scene.”

  “Good! Anyone who speaks to a woman to make her upset as you are, doesn’t deserve to roll with the likes of us.” Fancy tells me.

  “Alright well I need to head out I have a long drive ahead of me.” I wave and exit the restroom. People are filing out, when I hear a girl come from behind me. I turn to find the dreaded one, holding out a paper to me.

  “Here there is an after party if you are up to it! I’m Mesha by the way or as my girls call me Living Dread Girl. We all would love to see you there!” She has a genuine smile. A smile that says we can be friends and I am not going to play you or give you a fake smile. I have se
en so many artificial smiles growing up. They usually come with the statement like “It’s going to be okay,” or “Everything will work out,” or my least favorite line followed by a fake grin, “Trust me.”

  “I don’t know, I am not really a party kind of girl…”

  “It’s more of a get together for the teams, referees and coaches. There’s food, drinks and music. Oh and usually some hot guys,” She winks. “Think about it, I’d love to see you there, besides you deserve to have a good time after that creep.”

  I take the paper with the information on it, I look it over. “How far is this from here?”

  “Just down the road, it’s at a pub.”

  I suck in my lip, “I will think about it.”

  She holds out her fist and I return it with my own and I giggle, because that was my first fist bump. She throws me the rock fingers and returns to her team members. She said coaches, would be there. That means Derrek. I duck my head and blend with the crowed as I walk out of the rink, to the humid air and make way to my car.

  When I look up to unlock my door I’m greeted with green eyes.

  I stop dead in my tracks about ten feet away. I’m parked under a light post as I always have. That’s what a smart girl is supposed to do right? But would a smart girl travel three hours on her own to see a derby bout at night? Maybe for some, but not for me. Am I regretting it at all?

  “Hi,” He says.

  Not moving, “Hello…” I can feel my cheeks pinch while trying not to smile.

  He takes a step towards me and I comply and meet his step for two steps. He drops his head and chuckles and looks through hooded eyes at me and smiles. Man, derby must make people really happy. Do they pump uppers through the vents or something? Everyone is so stinking nice. I adjust my leather strap of my bag, needing to grip onto something. “So, you’re the coach?” I ask, obviously knowing the answer, but I needed to say something.

  “I am.”

  I walk by him to my car and lean against the door. This is my attempt to be cool. Fake it till you make it. “You seem like an excellent one too. The score was pretty nice at the end.”

  “Thank you,” He joins me by leaning up against Blue Belle with me. We don’t look at one another, “So there is an after party…”

  I fish out my invitation and flash it at him, “I already got the invite.” I shyly smile.

  His brows rise, “So you have. By whom?”

  “I met some of the girls in the restroom and Mesha or Living Dread Girl…I think her name was invited me.”

  He crosses his arms across his chest, “You are coming right?”

  “I don’t know it’s late and you know how long of a haul I have.” I don’t tell him that I have already decided to go.

  He turns his body, rests an elbow on the roof of the car, he has his hands by his mouth and he runs his thumb along his bottom lip. I am fixated on this simple act. He has plump lips and they look good for kissing.

  Damn it, I can’t be having these thoughts.

  “So, will you come?” He asks me, looking into my eyes. There is so much within that question, more than he even knows.

  Trying not to let this get to me, I push my chin up and announce, “Yeah I’ll come by for a few minutes, but that’s it. Then I really have to be getting home, my roommate will worry.” No she won’t.

  “Well we wouldn’t want that now would we? Get in and follow me.” And that I do.

  At the pub I walk in with Derrek and the room erupts once again for him, he drops his head and shakes it. “Come on, I’ll buy you a drink.”

  I put my hands up, “Oh, um no that’s okay. I don’t really drink and especially not three hours away from home.”

  “Okay I can respect that, how about a soda?”

  “Sure and thanks.” He winks and walks over to the bar. I look around the dark wood and deep green painted walls. I have never been in a pub before, but this is how I would have imagined one looking. I just pictured burly men with red beards too, but I don’t see one around. The girls from the team have changed into their normal clothes and most are in jeans or shorts with tank tops. A few are in screen print tees with the team logo printed on them. I would love to have one of those, because those girls deserve more recognition. I couldn’t see any man in tights, boy-shorts and makeup and all up on skates. That takes a level of courage.

  They are all spread about the pub, chatting people up, drinking and having a good time. I feel a tap on my shoulder, when I turn to see who it is I am greeted with a smiling Justin. “Hey!”

  “Hey yourself! I was glad to see you show up! What did you think?” He asks me.

  “Loved it! I can’t believe I never had been to one before. Thank you for inviting me.” I smile.

  “Did you tell them I sent you and get in okay?”

  “I did and thanks again … Oh! And thank you for the CD recommendations, I love them all. I listened to them on the way here actually.”

  He puts an arm around my shoulder, “There’s more where that comes from!” He grins, “Stop in this week and I will hook you up with some more.”

  “Oh, I don’t think my bank account would like that so much,” I laugh, but it’s true. I actually shouldn’t have even gotten those few CD’s today, but I am glad that I did.

  His face drops and he looks straight ahead, I follow his gaze to see what made him change his whole demeanor. All I see is Derrek coming back to me to give me my soda. He stops in front of me and holds out my glass.

  I take the dark liquid filled glass, “Thank you.”

  Derrek’s eyes narrow at me and then at Justin. What the heck is going on?

  “You told me you had a boyfriend, I didn’t think you were seeing Justin…” Derrek starts to turn when I jump out from Justin’s arm and take Derrek’s hand, whoa where did that come from?

  “I do, but that’s not him. I met Justin earlier today at a music store down by the beach. He gave me some music recommendations and invited me to the bout tonight.” I spit out as fast as I can, I don’t want him thinking that I am with Justin, because I most certainly am not. We are barely friends.

  He takes a sip from his beer bottle. I feel like he is slipping, but why? Why do I care so much what he thinks? He starts to turn away again, but this time he takes my hand and he pulls me to the other side of the bar, where there is a little hall way where it leads to the kitchen entrance. He looks around to see if anyone is looking and he puts both arms on either side of my head and I stop breathing and wince. I didn’t see his movement it was so fast.

  “Whoa, I am sorry, what just happened?” He asks me confused.

  I bring a hand to my forehead and shake it, “I am sorry, I … was just startled.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t…” He looks worried and his look is asking me to explain. I don’t want to nearly have him walk away again, so I try to let him in…

  He moves his arms and takes my hand, I think he senses my uneasiness. “I didn’t have the easiest childhood and well, I have been pinned and hit before…”

  “What the fuck?” He steps back, hurt and angry and I mean really angry. His hand tightens on mine and even though it stings I don’t say anything.

  I suck in my lip and he uses his other hand to pull it out from between my teeth, I sigh and explain a little more, “I was moved around a lot as a kid…”

  “You know what? This isn’t the place to talk about something like this. Can I take you out to get something to eat and we can talk?” His eyes begging me to say yes,

  I look back out into the room, “But don’t you want to celebrate your team’s win?”

  He leans in again, “There is no better way to celebrate a win than spending it with you.”

  “Okay,” I nod.

  He leads me with the pull of the hand and once we are seen a couple people cat call, probably assuming we just had a quickie in the back, I roll my eyes and smile inside. Watch it Margot, you’re going to look scandalous.

  “Leaving so soon?” A gi
rl stops us and she looks familiar, she is probably one of the girls I haven’t met yet.

  “Yeah, we are going out for a bite to eat.” He tells the red head with short curly hair.

  “Oh, well why don’t you get something here?”

  He shifts on his feet, “Because we want something that isn’t only deep fried.” He laughs.

  She punches him in his shoulder and laughs, “You know I am shittin’ with yinz!” She looks to me and extends her hand. “I’m Dawne, Dawne of the Dead number forty-one.”

  I take her hand, “Margot, just Margot and no number.”

  Dawne chuckles and tells us to have a good night and “Oh! Derrek, are we on for our beach workout tomorrow?”

  That’s where I had seen her! At the beach! She was one of the girls who rushed Derrek in the water!

  “Um, I’m not sure I think we will both be getting home late and I won’t want to get up so early. How about Monday?” He is mentally scheduling her in his mind. I just hope it’s only for a work out and not a work out.

  “I suppose,” She replies and saunters off.

  He looks down to me and smiles, “Ready?”

  I nod and we get about three steps closer to the door when I hear the voices of Fancy Rider and Living Dread Girl. “Where are you taking our girl before we have a chance to have fun?” Fancy smacks Derrek’s shoulder.

  “Yeah!” Mesha agrees.

  I giggle, and Derrek groans and looks at the beautiful ladies, “We are going somewhere to talk.”

  The two women eye each other and have a look of mischief on their faces, “Yeah, okay…” One says.

  “You better watch it with this one D, she is pretty special and I have no problem fucking you up if you mess with her.” Fancy threatens him. She looks at me with asking eyes if I am okay and I flash her a thumbs up. She steps in and whispers in my ear, “What about the beau?”

  I keep my voice low and answer her, “We are just grabbing a bite to eat and to talk derby.”