About Time

by Danielle Torella

“What was that Honey Bee?”

  My eyes shoot open and I see that Leggy McGee had left and I am still on Derrek’s lap. “What?” Uh oh, I play dumb, did I seriously say that all out loud?

  “Did you just say that you think sex with me would be nice?”

  “Oh God!” I throw my hands to my face and I stand right up. Flustered I look around for the ladies room.

  He takes hold of my elbow, “Oh no you don’t. You are not running from me this time.” He leads me outside to his car, unlocks it and opens the passenger side door for me. I reluctantly take a seat and he joins me a moment later. “Now,” He starts, “Would you like to explain that comment that just occurred a few moments ago?”

  I shake my head no, which makes me feel woozy.

  “Okay. Fine.” He starts the engine and he peels out of the parking lot.

  “Slow down!” I snip at him. “You’ve been drinking!”

  He listens and slows slightly, stopping for a red light he turns to me, “I can handle my liquor just fine and it takes a lot more than that to loosen me up. Unlike someone else in this car…” He smiles.

  What is it about his smile that relaxes me?

  “Now. Explain.”

  I look out the window and I see nothing but darkness. I can see the street signs in the head lights, but that’s about it and I know enough that he isn’t going in the direction of my apartment. “Where are you taking me?”

  “I won’t answer your question until you answer mine. Now, repeat what you said in there.”

  My face is red for sure, “I don’t know what I said.” I play dumb and the drunk card.

  “Oh, yes you do know, or you wouldn’t be horribly lying right now. You know alcohol is a truth serum don’t you?” There is cocky Derrek.

  I run my fingers through my hair, trying to think of a way to get out of this conversation, but I am failing. “I, uh…”

  “Here let me help you remember, you think blank would be nice with me.”

  I lean my head on the headrest of the car and close my eyes. “Sex.” I say. I just spit it out.

  “And why do you think that would be nice with me?”

  I turn my head, leaving it on the headrest and open my eyes. He looks back and forth from the road to me. I suck in my lip and my mind wanders to the reasons. His strong body, the way his eyes would look at me, his amazing soft looking lips, and the way he has of trying to sound demanding, but in a sexy way. That last reason really gets me and why I would like that. Especially after what I have already been through.

  “Well?”

  I shrug my shoulders and I see a flash of Josh in my head. I try to shove it away, but I am not that kind of girl who will use booze as an excuse for a mistake. “I shouldn’t have said it.”

  He doesn’t say anything for a moment, but he pulls into a parking lot and it’s too dark to see where we are. He jumps out and helps me out of the car. As soon as I am standing I can smell the ocean air. He brought me to the beach?

  “Where are we?”

  “You have your spot on the beach this one is mine.”

  I rub my eyes trying to get them to adjust to the darkness. I can hear the waves and feel the soothing breeze. My nerves instantly relax. He takes my hand and we walk towards a lightly lit pier. We walk in silence and I wonder what he is thinking about. Once we reach it he leads me down to the end and he offers me to sit on a small bench that faces out over the water.

  “First. I know you have a boyfriend. Second, I don’t give a shit. I know you want to be with me. I am not saying that I or you even want to just screw and leave it as that, but I know you sense something here,” He wiggles a finger between us.

  I drop my head. I can feel the tears start to form and I try my damndest to hold them back.

  Derrek puts his arm around me and I rest my head onto his strong chest and I take in his scent, it reminds me of musk and the woods. I haven’t been in the woods sinc... I let out a little sob at one of the few semi decent memories I have of the time. “What? Please tell me what you are thinking…”

  “You smell like the woods. I love it. When I was younger I was in one foster home and they took us camping once. It was me and two other kids who they were looking after at the time too, they couldn’t have kids of their own…” I stop before I have to go back completely through that time. I can’t think about that right now. I can’t be vulnerable to that point. “We did the whole campfire and s’mores and using sticks to cook hot dogs. They didn’t have a lot of money, but they did what they could for us. It was the only good home I was placed in.”

  “So, what happened? Why didn’t you stay there longer?” He asks me, pulling my legs up over his lap and I take in a steading breath.

  “After that trip the state placed a kid who was thirteen or fourteen and I knew him from a previous home. He was trouble…” I look to Derrek who has his jaw clenched and looks pained, almost as if he knows where I am going with this story. I keep going, “Well, on a couple of occasions he tried to kiss and touch me. I didn’t want anything to do with that stuff. I had already been abused…” That’s only half the story. I have to cover this. I have to make sure it doesn’t slip out. Lies, I am used to them and if I have to do it to protect him, I will.

  “Margot…”

  “Don’t I need to tell you all the bad?” He squeezes me tighter, “I was probably six the first time and it was one of the foster dads. Right then I was broken. I didn’t know what sex was and he told me this is what I had to do in order to stay out of the group homes. So, I was afraid of going back to the one big room where all the girls sleep and get beat up at night or have my food stolen. I was stuck there with him for nearly a year. Then I was put back into the group home. I never told anyone, because I thought I had to do that stuff. I was in and out of the home, like I told you before. When I was six I didn’t know what sex was. But being ten and hearing it all in the homes, I knew. So it was after midnight when he came into my room and he got in bed with me. He slid off his underwear and I could feel him behind me. I pretended to be asleep, but he didn’t care. Without a word he broke me just like the first time. I stayed quiet. I didn’t tell anyone. He came in nearly every night and during that time I would just think about the woods. The smells, the sounds and the loneliness. I would have given anything to just run away to the woods and survive alone. Even though I have Maddy and Josh, I am still so alone.” The fact of the matter is, is that I am twisting the story.

  “No. You’re not.” His eyes have changed in the way he looks at me. “I am so sorry about what has happened to you. I don’t even know the right words to say to make it better, even though I know nothing anyone can say can make it better. But I want to be the one to make you feel whole and show you what and how love is supposed to be and that includes making love. Not sex.”

  I straighten my back and suck in a breath and get a head full of that scent and I feel safe. I don’t say anything. I want him to ask and say anything that he wants to right now. And he does.

  “What happened last night that got you upset?”

  I look him in the eyes and I want to be brutally honest with him, maybe then he will see that I am too much baggage for him to even want to fight for. “Josh called me angry because I wasn’t home or not calling him back. He told me that he hopes who ever I am cheating on him with can get me off, because he is done trying.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means that I am broken, I told you that. Not ever have I had a normal sexual encounter. Not that there was many. The two or three as a child, then Josh. I have never had an orgasm. I could never relax enough to let it happen and he gave up a long time ago.”

  He brings his hand up to my face and brushes my hair back, he stares into my eyes, “When was the last you slept with him?” I turn my head away, not wanting to go there. “Margot? I want to know.”

  “After I left breakfast with you this morning.”

  He nods his head and turns away. I quickly pull back my legs
and I stand up. Throwing my arms up over my head I let them fall viscously to my sides, “What?” I snap. “I am his girlfriend. That’s what girlfriends are supposed to do, have sex with their boyfriends.” And I will do what I have to, to keep him somewhat complacent. I am normally so much better at it, but since meeting Derrek and Justin, hell even the girls I haven’t been as pleasing to him. I need to watch it.

  “Sex.” He grits his teeth as he says it. “That’s all it is to him.”

  “Yeah you’re right. That is all it is. So what? I am used to it. I am used to him calling when he has been drinking and telling me what to do and let him get his rocks off on me and God knows how many other girls he fucks too, ones that actually scream his name.”

  “I doubt he has anyone honestly screaming his name.” He laughs out.

  I lose my anger once again with Derrek, “Stop that!” I yell.

  “Stop what?”

  “Stop making me smile about something that I shouldn’t be laughing about!”

  He is standing now and coming towards me. I start to walk backwards. He holds up his hands as if surrendering, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that, but I really doubt he is that good for I am guessing a preppy douche bag?”

  I nod and cover my mouth to muffle a giggle.

  “I knew it. I can tell by the way you talk about him. He is controlling and he could give a shit if you are happy. But he shouldn’t cheat. Cheating is bad.”

  Still walking backwards, “Then why are you trying to get me to cheat on him?”

  “Oh, I am not the one who admitted out loud that I would be fun to have sex with…”

  “I said nice,” I correct him.

  “Nice. I don’t like that term nice.” He plays with the word on his tongue. “Flowers are nice. Sunsets are nice… But making love with me, is not nice. Okay, maybe nice as in the best, but it will be more than you can imagine” He comes towards me fast and I stumble on the wood of the dock.

  The next thing I know I am hitting cold water with a big splash and then Derrek flying up above me, to only crash into the waves next to me. His arms are around me and he is kicking us back to the sandy shore. I am definitely sober now. We crawl up onto the sand and I lay down on my back. He climbs up over my soaking wet body and his eyes look worried, “Are you okay Honey Bee?” He is frantically looking me over.

  I nod and blink. “Thank you.” I can feel him hardening against my stomach now and I feel a little excited about this. I like that I have this effect on him. I take my lip into my mouth and bite it, trying not to make any noise.

  Derrek doesn’t move or try to hide his erection. His hands are on both sides of my face, holding himself up. He lowers himself down, closer to my face, he is looking at my mouth and his past comments about my lip sucking rush back to the surface and how I would love to see him follow through with his threats.

  I can feel a growl deep inside of him as it rolls to the surface and comes out of his gritted teeth. I don’t know what comes over me, but I push up with my hips and I feel the pressure of our wet clothes and his hardness on my clit and I moan and release my now swollen bottom lip. In a flash his mouth is on mine and he tastes like the sea at first, wet and salty, but when his tongue parts my lips, it’s like all of my nerve endings are like barbed wire being struck by lightning. I have my eyes shut as I let him explore my mouth, I meet his tongue with my own and when I open my eyes slightly, I meet his green eyes.

  I pull back and shut them close hard and fast. “I’m sorry…” I start and he just stays still, “I should have been more careful to where I was walking. I didn’t mean to fall in or have you come after me.”

  “I will always come after you.”

  My heart feels like it’s going to pound out of my chest from the glare I am getting from him or I am going to throw it up, right out of my chest for the stinging guilt I have right now. I stand up and start to make my way back to the parking lot, which is now lit by a single light. I am assuming it came on when we got to the dock; I see his Dart and remember that he had driven us here. I can’t drive off on my own.

  I can feel him walking behind me, once I am near the lot he reaches out and takes my hand. “Why? Why can’t you see how good this is?”

  “Because I’m not that girl.”

  “No you are stronger than you think. Most girls…women who have been through the torture you have wouldn’t be who you are today. You are the most brilliant and striving woman I have ever met. You got out and you didn’t let the dark side of the world swallow you up. I want you to see how special you are and you deserve to be treated like the majesty you are…” I don’t look at him when he is telling me these things, because if he only knew... Besides I have heard it from councilors, well not those exact words. “Look at me God damn it!” He actually raises his voice at me.

  “What do you want?” I cry out at him, throwing my hands up in the air and shooting my eyes open.

  He growls and grabs his hair and tugs hard, it looks painful. He turns away briefly when he looks back his face is hard and soft all at the same time. He holds his hands out, palms up. “I want you to find you. I’m not going to force this, because in the end I know I will be the one you come home to one day.”

  Just when I thought that I was going to throw up from the guilt, which is now turning into true sickness. I run to the edge of the retaining wall from the beach and the parking lot, throw my upper body over it and I purge all the beer and shots from not too long ago. I feel Derrek’s fingers swipe my neck to pull back the loose hair that had fallen from the dive. Just another thing to feel like crap about.

  I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and thank him. He nods and keeps a hand on my neck. “Let’s get you home.”

  “To be honest, I think that would be a good idea. My stomach is still flip flopping and I am thinking the alcohol has affected me more than I had thought.”

  He puts a hand around my waist and helps ease me into his car. Oh, God I hope I can keep my stomach under control in his nice car… “Easy does it.” He says. He goes to the back of the car and he gets something out of the trunk. He comes back and covers me with a large soft blanket. “Your clothes are soaking wet, don’t want you getting sick.”

  I put the window down a little on my side of the car and close my eyes as he drives us back to the bar, so I can get Blue Belle and go home. We don’t speak. I just let the air wash over my face and it helps keep my stomach at ease. I feel a nudge on my leg and I’m startled awake. I open my eyes and my heart is pounding all over again, I cannot handle being woken up fast out of a sleep, not after the night visitor’s years ago. I toss my hands to my head and wince.

  “Hey, hey, it’s okay it’s me Derrek,” I hear a hushed voice.

  I lick my lips and let my vision come back into proper focus, after that adrenalin rush. I rush a breath and take a long blink, “Sorry…”

  “No need. I am sorry I startled you. I just wanted to let you know that you are home.” He nods out the window.

  I turn my head and am greeted with the familiar white sided building, then again most of the homes here are white. I touch my forehead, “But my car…”

  “I will go back to the lot and drive her back here for you.”

  “Then how will you get back?” I ask.

  He smirks and shrugs, “I will walk back.”

  “That’s a bit of a walk.”

  “I will be fine Honey Bee.” He assures me. I don’t argue with him I just take out my keys and remove the car key and hand it to him. I hold up my house key to show him that I can get in myself and he doesn’t have to worry anymore.

  He jumps out of the car and I roll my eyes as I watch him round the car and open the door for me. I step out, “Thank you for the ride and the interesting evening.” Interesting is the only word that comes into mind, because it was. I drank a little, danced a little and got to see some of the kind ladies of the derby team and well the time with Derrek.

  I look around f
or Maddy’s little sporty thing and I see that it’s missing. Good.

  “No problem, want me to walk you up?” I shrug off his offer and he tells me, “Alright well I will be back in a few minutes with your car and I will put the key in the driver’s side wheel well. Can I have your number to text you to let you know that it’s all set?”

  “Phone.” I hold out my hand. He hands it over and I punch into the contacts and hand it back to him. “Thank you so much again.” I go to hand him back his blanket, but he tells me to keep it. I secretly smile at the thought of sleeping with it. I bring it to my nose and it smells like him. I like that.

  He smiles and kisses me on the forehead. I head inside and he takes off fast to bring me my Blue Bell. I think he senses how much I love her and that’s why he is going so fast, so I don’t have to wait and worry. I go into the entry way and decide to check the mail. I see that there is a box lodged in there and it takes me some time to pry it out. By the time I do, I see it’s for Maddy, which doesn’t surprise me. I am just about to go up the steps when I hear Blue Bell being pulled into the parking lot and shut down. I look out the door and I open it to wave bye and he is already on the phone. Instead of a text alert my phone rings. “Hello stranger.”

  “I can see you in the door, why aren’t you upstairs?” He asks.

  I felt silly talking to him on the phone when I can clearly see him. I hold up the box in my arms, “I was fighting this thing out of the mail box.”

  He laughs, “Alright, well we’re all set…” He moves back to my car and grabs the key from the exact spot he said he would put the key and jogs to the door. “Here you go.”

  He drops the key in my hand and kisses my forehead again. “Thank you.”

  I start to turn and he pulls me back, this time he lays a kiss on my cheek. “No, thank you.” He grins.

  I smile a foolish looking smile and I step in through the entry and let the door close between us. I stand there looking at him through the thick lead glass and he stares back. We probably look like a couple of winners right now and the thought makes me giggle. I wave and turn for the steps. When I reach the top I can hear his stereo crank and he peals out of the drive way.