Redesigned

by Denise Grover Swank

  “To never walk alone at night.”

  “Anywhere?”

  “You can walk out your front door, but wandering across campus? No.”

  “Reed.”

  “Did I mention how incredible it was going to be?”

  I tilt my head. “This oath is null and void if your performance doesn’t live up.”

  He leans his head back and laughs. “I’ll agree to that because I have no doubt I will rock your world.” He finishes in a goofy voice.

  I burst out laughing. “Rock my world?”

  His lips press in mock annoyance. “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m a nerdy math guy. We’re not hip to the lingo.”

  “Hip to the lingo?” I put my fingers over his lips. “Stop, just stop, before you embarrass yourself anymore.”

  “So promise then,” he says under my fingers.

  “Fine.” I take my hand off his mouth and hold it upright. “I, Caroline Hunter, do solemnly swear to never walk alone at night, unless I can help it. This oath is negated if Reed Pendergraft doesn’t deliver the best sex of my life within the next twelve hours.” I start to put down my hand then raise it again. “So help me God.” I flash a smile. “Happy now?”

  “You have no idea.”

  “Good, because I’m sure I’m going straight to hell for invoking God and mentioning hot sex within a sentence of each other.”

  Reed laughs and pulls me close. “Then I guess I’m going with you.” He takes my hand and leads me to the parking lot. “Let’s get going. I only have eleven hours to deliver.”

  It takes him less than one.

  Chapter Twenty

  Reed spends the night again, but gets up and leaves around seven. I don’t mention Lexi and he doesn’t either, but we do make plans to eat lunch together.

  I have to wonder if this is a good idea. We’ve only known each other a short amount of time, yet we’re already spending so much time together. But when I consider telling him I need more space, my heart aches. I can’t do it.

  My government class isn’t until ten, and I have a test I’m not prepared for. The time I should have been studying was spent working on my designs or with Reed. I spend the morning studying, then rush to campus to take the exam. When I walk out, I’m hopeful I got an A, but confident I at least got a B.

  I don’t meet Reed until noon so I walk to the design lab to see about reserving a workstation for later in the day. I’m surprised to find the design students in an excited huddle.

  Megan is on the periphery of the group so I approach her. “What’s going on? Why is everyone so excited?”

  “The department just got a delivery. Twenty dressmaker forms. All in child sizes.”

  I gasp. “What?”

  “They were delivered this morning. From the Monroe Foundation.”

  “But … how…?”

  “I don’t know, but it’s definitely a godsend.”

  I stand on my tiptoes to look over the huddle and see multiple boxes in the middle of the workroom.

  Reed.

  I hurry across campus to the math department. I know he has a class now, but it should let out soon. Less than a minute after I reach the second floor, a door opens and a small group streams out. Including the man I’m looking for. “Reed!”

  His eyes widen in shock, then he grins. “What are you doing here? I thought we were meeting in a half an hour.”

  “I’m here to ask you a question.”

  “And it couldn’t wait?” His smile falters and he crosses his arms. “Okay.”

  “Do you have any idea how the Monroe Foundation knew we need child-sized dressmaker forms?

  He pauses. “Well, the Monroe Foundation is sponsoring the show, and they were the ones to mandate that two outfits per designer be designed for children.”

  “I don’t understand how you did it.”

  “I didn’t—”

  I put my fingertips over his mouth. “How did they find out?”

  He kisses my fingers, then pulls my hand down. “I told them.”

  I shake my head. “But how did you know how to get a hold of them? When did you even do it? I didn’t tell you that I had an issue until last night.”

  “I’m their representative and I report to someone at the foundation after our committee meetings. I sent my contact an e-mail while you were working last night.”

  “And they sent the dressmaker forms today? How could they get here so quickly? FedEx doesn’t even work that fast.”

  Reed shrugs then takes my hand, heading for the staircase. “Don’t overthink it. It’s the Monroe Foundation, which is funded by Monroe Industries. They have their hands in all kinds of pies. I’m sure getting a bunch of dressmaker forms here this quickly was no big deal. Especially when their reputation is on the line. Remember, the show reflects on them.”

  I hadn’t thought of it that way. “Thank you.”

  He leans down and kisses me. “Anything for you.”

  ***

  Over the next few weeks, Reed and I spend time together every day. He comes to the workroom almost every weekday night and brings dinner for the both of us. Then he stays and does his own work while I work on my designs. He’s actually interested in what I’m doing, and wants to know why I’ve paired certain fabrics or why I’ve added trim or picked a button size. His questions make me think more about what I’m doing, and the designs turn out better because of his curiosity.

  When I’m done for the night, Reed follows me home and stays until six or seven, then he gets up and goes home to shower and change.

  We often meet for lunch, sometimes coffee, and then again in the evening.

  On the weekends, I slip in some time out of the studio. We’ve gone to two movies and out to dinner. But he still leaves early in the morning, to get back to Lexi, I presume. I stopped asking after the first few mornings.

  I can’t help wondering if this is a good idea. Our arrangement is meant to be temporary, until someone else comes along. But when I think about Reed not being in my life, I feel like someone has sucked the air from my lungs. I can’t imagine life without him.

  And that is a very bad thing.

  Reed walks in the workroom carrying a pizza, and the girls catcall.

  “There’s Caroline’s man.”

  “When you’re done with him, I want a piece of that boy.”

  Reed flashes them a smile.

  I set down the pins I’m using to hem a jacket for my eighth design. “Back off, girls, I’m not done with him yet.” I take step toward him. “Hey, you.”

  “Hey, yourself.” He sets the pizza box down on my chair and pulls me into a hug, giving me a sweet kiss.

  “How did your test go?”

  He sighs and pulls me onto his lap. “I think it went well.”

  “You spend too much time in here with me, Reed. You should study somewhere else.”

  He shakes his head. “I study other places. I have plenty of time to study. Trust me. I like hanging out here with you.”

  I like it too, but I don’t want his grades to be affected by it.

  I get up and hand Reed a slice, then grab one for myself and sit in a chair next to him. “You got my favorite. Sausage and mushroom. Thank you.” I give him a kiss before I take a bite. “It was your turn to pick. How will you live without your black olives?”

  “Somehow, I’ll survive.” He laughs. “I decided you needed a reward for working so hard.”

  “And here I thought your body was my reward.” I tease.

  “That’s a given.” He takes a bite and grins. “Have you thought about how we’ll fill our time when you’re done with the show? When we no longer get to spend hours upon hours sitting in this room.”

  I shake my head with a sigh. “It seems like a distant dream.”

  Reed shifts in his chair, and he doesn’t look at me. “We’ve only really known each other since you’ve been consumed with this project. And we met at a party. What did you used to do for fun before…?”

/>   “All this fun?” I ask.

  “Yeah.”

  “I don’t know.” I shrug. “I went to parties to meet guys, but mostly I stayed home with Scarlett after I broke up with Justin. We’d watch movies and eat Ben & Jerry’s.” I nudge his shoulder. “We’ve had a long-term love affair. They usually hang out with me when I watch Gossip Girl.”

  His eyebrows rise. “Gossip Girl?”

  I grin and lower my voice, teasing. “My dirty little secret.”

  Reed takes another bite and remains serious. “I know we met at Scarlett’s party, but you should know that I’m not a partying type of guy.”

  “Um, that’s not too hard to figure out, Reed.” I cross my legs in my chair. “That’s why I was shocked to find out you asked Tina out on a date.”

  Reed holds up his hand, still holding his slice of pizza. “In my defense, I didn’t really know her that well, and I was trying to nurse my battle scars from you.”

  “Battle scars? You were the one who almost kissed me, just to make me look like a fool.”

  He looks surprised. “It was not my intention to make you look like a fool. I never intended to kiss you at all. But once you got under my skin….”

  “I was like a case of scabies?” I giggle.

  He shakes his head and rolls his eyes with a chuckle. “No.”

  “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I think Tina is regretting cutting you loose so quickly.”

  Reed’s eyebrows scrunch. “What? Why do you think that?”

  “She told me herself she wants to give you another go. She’s heard us in my room.”

  He grins. “I guess we’re not exactly quiet.”

  I wonder if that’s why we never go to his apartment. Maybe he’s worried Lexi will hear us. “Well, she’s quite impressed with your skills, and she wants a chance at you when I find someone else.”

  Reed sets his pizza on the box. “Are you planning to find someone else?”

  I hadn’t thought about how it sounded. Now I feel like a bitch. I squint my eyes closed for second, but I can’t look at him when I open them. “That was the arrangement, right? We dated until we found someone else.” But as I say the words, I realize I don’t want anyone else.

  Reed’s quiet for so long, I finally look up at his expressionless face. “Have you found someone else?” he asks.

  There’s only you stays on my tongue as it hits me.

  I love him.

  I’ve fallen in love with Reed Pendergraft, a debt-laden grad student who will never get out from underneath all of his student loans. How could this happen?

  “Caroline. Have you found someone else?”

  I jump out of my chair as panic races through my blood. I can’t catch my breath, and I bolt for the door.

  “Caroline.” Reed heads me off before I can leave. “Have you found someone else?” He enunciates the words slowly.

  I shake my head. “I need to get some air.”

  I run down the stairs and outside into the cold October evening, breathing in deep lungfuls of air.

  I love Reed Pendergraft.

  I should be happy. Aren’t you supposed to be happy when you fall in love? So why am I panicking?

  Because I’ll always be poor.

  This is okay. I’ll have Reed. That’s enough, isn’t it? But my parents probably said the same thing when they got married. What if we end up like them? What if our kids have to go without?

  I hiccup a sob. Maybe I can salvage this. Maybe I can make this work.

  Reed comes out the door, his face still expressionless. He puts my jacket around my shoulders and waits next to me, his body ramrod stiff. “Talk to me, Caroline. You at least owe me that.”

  The wind gusts, and I swipe at a stray hair blowing in my face. “Did you go to an Ivy League school?”

  “What?”

  I turn to look at him. “Scarlett said she thinks you went to an Ivy League school. Did you?”

  Reed’s anger ignites. “Are you fucking kidding me? Are you comparing our pedigrees?”

  “Reed!” I need an answer and he’s not cooperating. “Did you go to an Ivy League school?”

  Disgust covers his face. “I went to Harvard. Is that Ivy League enough for you?”

  Harvard? Oh, God. That had to cost a fortune. “Did you get scholarships?”

  He shakes his head. “I’m a smart guy, Caroline, but no. I didn’t go to Harvard on scholarships.”

  Tears well in my eyes. How much debt would that be? How many hundreds of thousands of dollars? And he’s only begun his post-graduate work.

  “What’s going on, Caroline?”

  This can still work. I have to find a way to make this work.

  “Caroline,” he pleads.

  “I....” I should tell him everything. Tell him about my past, about going hungry, and the humiliation I faced. Confess I never want my own children to go through what I went through. I should tell him that I love him. I love him more than I thought possible. Tell him that I’m terrified. I’m panicking. I’m desperate to make this work so I don’t lose him. But nothing comes out. Only my terror.

  “I realize we were only supposed to be temporary.” Reed’s voice is heavy with emotion. “But I deserve better than this.” He turns around and goes back inside the building.

  I should go after him, but I’m still frozen with fear.

  I can’t lose him. I’ll do it. I’ll tell him my deepest fears, and if he leaves me, at least I’ll know I tried everything in my power to make it work.

  I shiver in the cold and wait for him to return so I can tell him everything. But he must have used the back door because he never comes out.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Two days later, I still haven’t heard from Reed. I’ve called him three times, and he won’t pick up, despite my pathetic voicemails begging him to call me back.

  I’m miserable.

  This hurts worse than when Justin broke up with me. I’m not sure I’ll survive the crushing pain that makes it difficult to breath. I want to curl up on the sofa and watch Gossip Girl and pretend I never met Reed. That I never fell in love with him.

  They say it’s better to have loved and lost than never love at all. Whoever made that shit up obviously never loved Reed Pendergraft.

  But I can’t wallow in my misery. I’ve completed all nine designs, and I’m taking the outfits for a fitting this afternoon. Since I haven’t heard back from Evelyn, I’ve finally accepted that Desiree’s parents aren’t going to let her participate. I’ve designed an outfit for her, all I need is the measurements. But that design is for Desiree. Now I have to come up with something entirely new. But if Desiree can’t do it, I’m not sure my heart can accept someone else taking her place. The alternative is a failed grade and no chance at the design job in New York. After losing Reed, I should try my damnedest to get as far away from him as possible, but I can’t find the motivation. I’m hoping I’ll find it at the center today.

  On my way to the workroom, I stop at the coffee shop on campus and order a cup of coffee when I hear, “Caroline?”

  I turn in shock, recognizing the voice. It’s Justin. I haven’t talked to him in a year. Since our breakup.

  “How are you?” he asks, shifting his weight. He looks like he thinks talking to me might not have been a good idea.

  “I’m good,” I lie. “I hear you’re engaged.”

  He squirms and looks away. “Yeah.”

  “I’m happy for you, Justin.” I’m surprised I actually mean it.

  His grin is tentative. “Thanks.”

  “Can I ask you a question?” The barista hands me my coffee, and I step to the side to face him.

  His eyes shift before he says, “Sure, I guess.”

  “Why did you break up with me?”

  Justin looks around the room, scoping out the exits.

  I give him a soft smile. “Relax. I’m totally over you. Consider this a fact-finding mission.”

  He relaxes a bit. “When we were tog
ether, I felt like I never really knew you.”

  I shake my head in disbelief. “How can you say that?” When I see him get defensive, I hold up my hands. “No, I’m not attacking you. I’m trying to understand.”

  The barista calls Justin’s name and he steps over to get the cup. I’m sure he’s going to bolt for the back door, but he comes back. “Do you want to sit down? I have a couple of minutes, if you really want to know.”

  We sit at a table for two, and I set my bag on the floor at my feet and wait.

  “When we first started going out, you were like this pretty girl with this mysterious persona. You let out little pieces of yourself, one bit at a time, and I kept thinking if I hung in there long enough, I’d find out the mystery. I’d discover the real Caroline Hunter.” Justin’s face reddens. “I realized I loved the illusion of you. I never really knew you at all.”

  The blood rushes from my head. “I see.” And I do.

  He runs a hand through his hair. “We were kids when we first started dating. Hell, we were eighteen and barely graduated from high school. We didn’t know what we wanted.”

  I nod, unsure what to say. Finally, I choke out, “Thanks.”

  “I wish you the best of luck.” He stands. “I really mean that, Caroline.”

  “Thanks. I wish you the best of luck too. Truly.”

  He bends over and kisses my cheek. “I’m glad we had this talk. It’s good to get some closure. I ended it pretty shitty.”

  “Yeah, well, water under the bridge and all.”

  Justin walks away, and all I feel is numb. No wonder Reed won’t call me back. He probably feels the same way and doesn’t think I’m worth the effort.

  I look up at the front entrance, as though my eyes are drawn by some unknown force and see Reed standing outside the glass door. His eyes follow Justin as he walks out the back door. Reed turns around and walks away.

  I grab my bag and hurry after him, but a group of students pouring through the entrance slows me down. When I get outside, Reed’s already disappeared into a crowd.