Redesigned

by Denise Grover Swank

  “Why is feeling pretty wrong?” I ask, my voice tight. “How is having one nice outfit going to harm her?”

  Reed tenses beside me.

  “Because she’ll want more!” her father shouts.

  Reed places his hand on my leg, and although it could be a warning to me, somehow I know it’s a protective reaction.

  “And what’s wrong with wanting more?” I ask, softening my tone. “Wanting more is what gives us hope. It’s what makes us get out of bed every day. Wanting more is what has inspired many people to do great things. All because they wanted more.”

  “Wanting more only leads to disappointment,” her father spits out. “This ain’t no fairytale, missy. You think you’re something coming in here and danglin’ your fashion show and your pretty clothes, but you don’t know nothin’ about our life.”

  “I know all about your life.”

  He snorts and begins to laugh. “Ho boy. Do you now?”

  Reed’s face reddens. “I’ll ask you to talk to her respectfully.” His authority reverberates throughout the room and Mr. Diehl pauses.

  “Reed.” I warn under my breath, then I pull the photo out of my bag. I’m horrified to tell them this in front of Reed, but Desiree is more important than my pride.

  I hold the photo upright on my lap. “This photo hangs in the hallway at Middle Tennessee Children’s Charity. This is just one of many children the organization has helped.”

  Mr. Diehl’s anger returns. “So what?”

  “This photo is me.”

  He and Mrs. Diehl look stunned.

  “I grew up in Shelbyville. My parents didn’t even have a house. We lived in an old mobile home that leaked when it rained and was so drafty in the winter I had to wear two layers of clothes. But look at me now. I’m going to graduate from college this year and get a job doing what I love. I dreamed of more and my dreams are coming true. There’s no harm in wanting more. Sometimes it’s what we need to make us work harder.”

  Mr. Diehl’s face is expressionless, but his wife has tears in her eyes. “We don’t want her to get hurt. We want her to accept her life and not get her hopes crushed.”

  “But she’s not destined to live without money. She can do well in school and get scholarships to college. Or she can get student loans like I did. But please, please don’t tell her she can’t have more. Because she can.”

  Mrs. Diehl strokes the design. “Yes,” she says. “Yes, she can do the show.”

  “Verna,” her husband warns.

  “No, Fred. This girl is right. We think we’re protecting her, when we’re really holding her back.”

  He grumbles, shaking his head. “That ain’t—”

  His wife’s shoulders stiffen. “I said she’s doin’ it.”

  He curses under his breath. “Fine. She can do it.”

  Desiree comes running out of the kitchen. “I can?”

  Her mother nods and pulls her into a hug, and her father clears his throat. “Don’t be lettin’ those fancy clothes go to your head.”

  “Yes, sir.” Her head bobs.

  Mr. Diehl’s eyes turn glassy, and he pushes himself out of his chair. “You’ve interrupted my dinner.” He disappears into the kitchen.

  After I take Desiree’s measurements, I tell her I’ll have something for her to try on tomorrow, but I might not have it all done until Saturday at the show. After I give Mrs. Diehl the paper with the instructions for Saturday, Reed and I move to the door. Before we walk out, Mrs. Diehl places her hand on my arm.

  “We really do love Desiree. I can see how you might judge us, but we were only doing what we thought was best for her.”

  “I know.” I squeeze her hand.

  When Reed and I get in the car, I drive away from the house, waiting for his reaction to my news. I’m not sure what I expect, but I don’t expect nothing. He sits in his seat, staring out the side window.

  After we’ve driven for several minutes, I finally snap. Reed has heard my secret, my great shame. Is he that disgusted with me that he can’t even acknowledge it? “I guess you just found out how lucky you are, huh?” I laugh, but it’s ugly.

  Reed’s anger fills the car. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “You thought you escaped the gold-digging Caroline Hunter. What you didn’t realize is that you escaped the white-trash Carol Ann.”

  His breath comes in short bursts. “Pull the car over.”

  “So you can ridicule me? No, thank you.”

  “Goddamn it, Caroline. Pull this fucking car over now.”

  I turn on my blinker, looking for a place to park, shocked I’m obeying. The first place I find is the park Reed took me to, the day we came to our arrangement.

  There’s no way in hell I’m going there.

  Reed senses my reluctance and his voice softens. “Caroline, I just want to talk. Pull over.” He’s still angry, but he doesn’t act like he’s about to explode.

  I drive to the back of the park, stopping in an empty parking lot. Once I’ve put the car in park, Reed reaches over and turns off the engine, then throws the keys into the backseat.

  It takes me a half-second too long to react. “Wait! What are you doing?”

  “We’re not going anywhere until we’ve talked this out.”

  I press my back into the seat. “Go ahead. Tell me how disgusted you are.”

  “Are you serious?” he asks, his anger building again. “Do you really think I’m so shallow that your background could make me walk away from you? Do you even fucking know me at all?”

  I gasp, turning toward him.

  “Do you have any idea how insulting it is that you think your past would disgust me?”

  I close my eyes and lean back into the seat. “No, I honestly didn’t look at it that way.”

  “Would you have ever told me?”

  I look out the front window. “I don’t know.”

  “Does your new boyfriend know?” Bitterness fills his words. “Did you keep it from me because we were temporary?”

  “No, Reed.” Tears clog my throat. “I don’t tell anyone.”

  He pauses. “What about Justin? Didn’t you date for two years?”

  “Yeah, and no. I didn’t tell him.”

  He shakes his head. “That’s fucked up, Caroline.”

  “I know.”

  “What did you tell him about your past? Did you lie?”

  “No, I didn’t tell him anything.”

  “He didn’t ask?”

  “Of course he did, but I told him it wasn’t important. After a while he finally let it drop.” I rest my hand on the steering wheel, sniffing back tears. “But I ran into him today at the coffee shop and asked him what went wrong with us.” I laugh and cry at the same time. “I was so fucked up we had to sit down so he could tell me.”

  Reed tenses. “That wasn’t your new boyfriend?”

  “I don’t have a new boyfriend, Reed.”

  “But….” He runs a hand over his head. “But you said….”

  I turn toward him. “No, Reed, I never said I had one. You only assumed.” I swallow the lump in my throat, and my words come out broken. “There’s only you.”

  He’s pulling me to him, and his mouth finds mine before I realize what’s happening. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, worried he’ll change his mind. I cry as he kisses me, and he pulls away, wiping my tears. “Don’t cry, Caroline. I’m sorry. I’m an idiot.”

  I press my mouth to his. I’ve lived without him for days and now that I’ve had a taste of him, I crave more.

  I reach for his shirt, but he grabs my hand. “No. Let’s go home.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Home. I’ve only thought of two places as home. The first was when I lived with Scarlett, the second is in Reed’s arms. “You mean my place?”

  He kisses me long and slow. “No, mine.”

  “What about Lexi? Isn’t that why we never go to your apartment?”

  “She has a study group tonight. S
he won’t be there.” His hand cradles my cheek. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you. Words are inadequate.”

  “Then show me.”

  He kisses me again, more ardent. His hands slip under my shirt and he fondles my breast. With a groan, he pulls away and practically dives over the seat. “Throwing these keys back here seemed like a great idea at the time.”

  I laugh and get out, opening the back door and bending over to search the floor.

  “Why don’t you have a bigger car? We wouldn’t have to wait,” he teases.

  “I thought you were fond of beds now.”

  He twists his head so he’s facing me and kisses me. “We can mix it up from time to time, but tonight we need a bed.”

  I find the keys jammed between the seat cushions and I lift them triumphantly. Reed gets out of the car and meets me at the passenger door, taking the keys from my hand. “I’m driving.”

  “You don’t like my driving?”

  “You drive like my grandmother.”

  “Maybe that’s because my brakes are going out.”

  His playfulness disappears. “Why haven’t you gotten them fixed?”

  “I can’t afford to, Reed.” I sigh. “You know my deep dark secret. I’m poor. I have nothing.”

  “No, you have me.”

  But is it enough? I can’t think about the logistics of us right now. I only know I need this man. I’m miserable without him.

  He narrows his eyes. “I’m still driving.”

  I could put up a fight, but it wouldn’t be worth the effort and would only delay getting to his apartment. “Okay.”

  He’s careful driving toward the campus. When he pulls into the parking lot on the grounds of his apartment, I take in a breath. This is one of the nicer complexes in town. “How can you afford to live here?”

  He hesitates. “My parents pay for it. Since Lexi and I share the apartment, it’s cheaper this way than two separate places.”

  “Your parents pay for your apartment?”

  He kisses me, effectively shutting down my questions. “Do you know what I’m going to do to you?”

  “No,” I’m breathless and feel the familiar ache burning low in my abdomen. I once again marvel at the hold he has on me.

  “Come inside and find out.” He’s out of the car and opening my door, pulling me into his embrace. “I’m going to strip you naked.” He kisses my neck, then trails his tongue to my ear. “And then I’m going to kiss you everywhere.”

  “Everywhere in your apartment?” I tease, but I’m finding it difficult to concentrate.

  “There’s an idea.” He sounds surprised. “Maybe next time.”

  He threads his fingers through mine and takes me to the outside door, pressing a security code to get into the building. Once we’re inside, we stop in front of an elevator.

  “Oh, fancy,” I tease. “You have a security system and an elevator.”

  His arm encircles my back, tugging me close to his body. He leans into my ear. “I can think of all kinds of fun things to do inside an elevator.”

  I grab the front of his shirt and look up into his eyes, wondering how I went from so miserable to so happy in such a short time.

  The doors open and he pushes me backward inside until my back is against the wall. “Let me show you one of them.”

  I draw in a breath as he unfastens my pants. “Reed, the doors aren’t even closed.”

  “No one can see. I’m blocking their view.” But when the door closes, his hand slides down inside my panties. “Fuck, Caroline. You’re so wet already.” He growls before his mouth covers mine, his tongue demanding attention.

  The elevator doors start to open and Reed withdraws his hand and grins. “I need to move to a taller building. That wasn’t nearly enough time. Not to mention I’d have much easier access if you’d worn a dress.”

  “I didn’t know we’d be doing … this.”

  Reed kisses me again. “Always assume we’ll be doing this.” He takes my hand and leads me down a hall. He stops at an apartment near the end, fumbling in his pocket for his keys. Spinning me around, he presses my back against the door, kissing me thoroughly as he unlocks the door. He pushes me inside, his mouth still on mine.

  The door closes behind him, and he enters a code into a keypad, turning off an alarm. Then he pulls me to him again, fumbling with my waistband, pushing my pants and my panties to my ankles. I kick off my shoes, then step out of my clothes as Reed lifts my sweater up and over my head. My bra soon falls to the floor, and I’m completely naked.

  “This hardly seems fair.” I cock my head with a grin. “You have too many clothes on.”

  I take a step toward him, but he shakes his head. “No.”

  “No?”

  He places his hands on my shoulders and pushes me backward again, until I’m backed up to a wooden kitchen chair. “Sit,” he murmurs, lowering me to the seat, moving my butt to the edge and spreading my legs so I’m exposed. “Now reach behind you and grab the spindles.”

  I do as he says, but I’m anxious about what he has planned.

  He stares at me for several seconds, his pupils dilating. “God, you’re gorgeous.” Then he steps back several feet and unknots his tie, watching me as he slides it off his neck.

  “Should I be nervous?”

  His hand stops on the top button of his shirt, his eyes becoming serious. “Do you think I’d ever hurt you?”

  “No.” He’d hurt himself before he’d ever hurt me.

  “I just want to watch you while I take my clothes off. Do you know how sexy you are?”

  I start to reach up for him, but he shakes his head. “No, I want you like you were.”

  Giving him a saucy grin, I grab the back of the chair. He leans over to kiss me, playing with my breast before he stands and watches me again.

  I’m panting and throbbing. This seems to be the effect he wanted, because he smiles as he unbuttons his shirt.

  “I’ve missed your body.” He tugs his shirt out of his pants and lets it slide down his arms and to the floor.

  “It was only two days.”

  “It was an eternity.”

  “I’ve missed you too.” Time without Reed felt endless.

  “What do you want me to do to you, Caroline?”

  I gasp, suddenly embarrassed. Maybe it’s the position he has me in. I feel vulnerable and exposed. “You know.”

  “I want to hear you say it.” His voice is low and sexy.

  I look up into his eyes as he unbuckles his belt. “I want you to kiss me.”

  He leans over me and takes my lower lip between his, nipping then licking it with his tongue. “Like that?”

  “Yes.” It seems like such an inadequate response for what he does to me.

  He unfastens his pants and drops them, stepping out of his shoes in the process. His erection is obvious through his briefs, and I keep my gaze there.

  “What else do you want?”

  “I want you to fuck me, Reed.”

  He tugs off his underwear then kneels before me. “Oh, I will, my sweet Caroline. But not yet.” His mouth lowers to one breast while his hand fondles the other.

  I start to reach for him, but he lifts his head.

  “No. I want you like you were.”

  I look into his eyes. “I want to touch you.”

  He grins. “You will, but I get to touch you first.”

  His mouth resumes its torture and I squirm, leaning my head back. “Reed.”

  “Patience.” His mouth moves to my cleavage, licking and kissing as his lips begin to move down to my stomach.

  A dull ache spreads as his tongue trails over my abdomen, moving lower and lower. Agonizingly close to where I want him, yet light years away.

  His mouth glides down my leg and to the inside of my thigh, inching higher and higher but not high enough. And just when I think he’ll drive me mad, his tongue finds the place that’s begging for attention.

  I arch my back and moan, lifting o
ff the chair, but Reed pushes me down, renewing his efforts. My stomach tightens, and I’m close to an orgasm. “Reed….”

  I try to hold on, to wait for him and as if he realizes this, his tongue tries something different, pushing me over the edge. I cry out as wave after wave washes over me.

  Reed moves his mouth up my stomach as I recover. “I’ve missed the taste of you.”

  I open my eyes. “My turn.” I stand and turn him around and make him sit on the chair, positioning him like he had me, except moving his back to the back of the chair. The sight of him this way turns me on more than I expected.

  I lean over and kiss him, making sure the only part of me that touches him is my mouth. His arm moves, then he groans.

  I lift my head and chuckle. “It’s not easy not being able to touch, is it?”

  His eyes are hooded. “You’re already driving me crazy.”

  I grin. “And I’ve only just begun.”

  I kiss the corner of his mouth, licking his bottom lip but moving away when he tries to kiss me. He growls, and I laugh.

  I straddle his legs, resting my thighs closer to his knees. I lower my mouth to his neck, licking and sucking as I make my way down to his chest, which rises and falls rapidly. Rising up, I grab the back of his head and bring his mouth to my breast.

  “I want to be in you,” he grunts.

  “Not yet.”

  “Caroline.”

  “Patience.” I slide off his lap and lower between his legs, pulling his hips closer to the edge of the chair. I lower my mouth to his erection and lick in one long stroke.

  Reed squirms and I press down on his thighs and continue my torture before taking him in my mouth. Reed lasts ten seconds before he’s jerking me up.

  I protest. “You can’t touch—”

  He pulls my mouth to his, his hands in my hair.

  I lean back and grin at him. “No, you’re not supposed to touch me.”

  “Until when?”

  “Until you come.”

  A guttural sound comes from his throat.

  “Do you trust me?” I whisper.

  He’s trying to catch his breath. “Yes.”

  I grab his hand and guide him to the sofa. Then I straddle his thighs and look into his eyes. “No touching.”