Redesigned

by Denise Grover Swank

  “That’s how you knew about the rapes on campus. You checked into it before you came here.”

  “And when I found out you were walking across campus in the middle of the night, I flipped out.”

  I grin. “I noticed.”

  His grip on my hand tightens. “God, Caroline. It was hard enough watching Lexi go through that. I can’t stomach the idea of it happening to you.”

  “Even back then? We’d only reached our agreement that day.”

  “I was attached to you already. Besides, I told you, I knew you were the one. The more I’m with you, the more I know I was right.”

  “And what about the woman you went out with in those photos?”

  “Amelia and I broke up last year. There’s nothing there. What we had was more about convenience. I never felt a fraction of what I feel with you with her.”

  One part doesn’t make sense. “What about the fashion show? If you two were trying to stay hidden, why would you do something so public?”

  “Lexi.” He grimaces. “The night at Scarlett’s party, she saw us together and quizzed me about you. You’d mentioned the fashion show, and I told her about it.” He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “She sensed the chemistry between us and called the chancellor and told him she was a representative of the Monroe Foundation and wanted the foundation to partner with the apparel department for the fashion show. She was trying to get closer to you so she could convince you what a great guy I was. When our parents found out, they were livid, but they couldn’t back out and disgrace the foundation. So they agreed, as long as I was the committee chair so I could keep an eye on Lexi.”

  “So you were cranky because you didn’t want to be there.”

  “That and I was frustrated after our near-kiss in the club.”

  “And you were at the club because of Lexi?”

  “She likes to have fun. I endured it for her. The only reason I went to Scarlett’s party was because Lexi had been cooped up with no social life. That was her first outing since her attack, so I wanted to be with her and make sure she handled it okay. I figured Scarlett’s party would be a good first step. And then I met you.” His mouth twists into an ironic smile. “So the next week, she said she wanted to meet some friends at a club. I told her she could go, but I went kind of as her bodyguard and sat at a table close by, there if she needed me. I know it sounds paranoid—”

  I shake my head. “No, Reed. It sounds totally understandable. And very sweet. She’s lucky to have you.”

  “I hated going at the time, but now I’m grateful. I’m not sure we’d be together if I hadn’t almost kissed you that night.”

  “And what about us?” I ask. “What now?”

  His fingers stroke the back of my hand. “That’s your call, Caroline. I’m yours, no matter what my last name is. But I’m going to be a college professor, and I’d like to live on my own salary when I get out of school. I’d prefer not to use my parents’ money and deal with the strings that come along with it.” He looks into my eyes. “Can you live with that?”

  “Reed, when I thought you were going to be a college professor with hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans, I told you I wanted to be with you. Why would that change?”

  “Because now you know about the money.”

  “It was never about the money. It was about the security. I don’t want my future children to go to bed hungry or have to endure the ridicule I faced.”

  “I think you know me well enough to know I’d never let that happen. You told me so earlier tonight. I’d work three jobs if I had to, to provide for my family.”

  “I know.”

  He laces his fingers with mine and looks into my eyes. “I’ve told you everything, Caroline. I love you, and I don’t want to live without you. Tell me what I need to do to make this right.”

  I shake my head. “Nothing.”

  Panic floods his face. “Caroline, please.”

  “Reed, there’s nothing to be done because I forgive you. I understand why you did what you did. I just wish you had trusted me sooner.”

  Relief washes over his face. “I had to make sure Lexi was okay with me telling you. That’s why I wanted to wait for her. I wanted her to tell you herself. I’m sorry.” He pauses. “So are we good?”

  “No more secrets?”

  “None.”

  “Then we’re good.”

  He stands and walks around the table, lifting me from my seat. His mouth lowers to mine and I expect his kiss to have some urgency. Instead, it tastes of contentment and peace.

  And it’s exactly what I need.

  “You look exhausted, Caroline. Let’s go back to the waiting room and you can stretch out on the loveseat there.”

  I laugh. “I believe stretch out and loveseat are an oxymoron.”

  “You need to try to get some rest, Caroline.” I understand his bossiness now. It’s his need to protect me. He couldn’t protect Lexi, so he’s even more determined to do everything he can to protect the people he loves.

  On the way back to the waiting room, I tell him about my talk with my mother. He stops and looks into my eyes. “That had to be healing. To find out not only did she love you, but she did everything in her power to make sure you succeeded.”

  I smile softly. “Yeah.”

  When we get back to the waiting room, my father is dozing in his chair. Reed sits on the loveseat and pulls me down next to him. He drapes my legs over his and he wraps his arm around my back, resting my head on his chest. It doesn’t take me long to doze off, because I know I’m exactly where I belong.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  My mother dies late in the afternoon. My father grips her hand while Reed and I stand on the other side of the bed. Reed holds me close as I cry into his chest, and I can tell that it kills him that I’m upset, and there’s nothing he can do to make me better.

  The hospital asks about arrangements for my mother’s body, but Dad looks lost. Reed shoots me a glance, seeking permission to intervene and when I nod, he takes control, making arrangements and phone calls. This is something he can take control of.

  After all the arrangements that can be taken care of on a Saturday are made, Reed offers to take Dad home.

  My father scowls. “I drove here on my own, and I damn well can drive home on my own.”

  Our parting is awkward. Despite our hug when I first showed up, my father has never been demonstrative. He pats me on the arm.

  “We’ll be by the house tomorrow afternoon,” I say.

  He nods, then turns and walks away.

  As we watch him go, Reed wraps me in an embrace. “What do you want to do? Do you want to stay here in a hotel tonight or go home and come back tomorrow to make the funeral arrangements?”

  I rest my head on his arm. “I want to go home.”

  When we get back to campus, it’s too late to go to the fashion show, and I’m too exhausted to face it anyway. I can only hope that Scarlett and Lexi—who volunteered to help her—got everything organized. As long as the kids were happy, that’s all that matters. It’s not even about the grade anymore.

  When we’re almost to Reed’s apartment, Scarlett calls.

  “Caroline, it went wonderfully! The kids were great and they loved their clothes. The entire show was a huge success.”

  I sigh with relief. “Thanks for helping.”

  “You sound exhausted. How are you?”

  “Tired. Sad. But Reed is with me and has been a huge help.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t kill me for telling him where you were. But any guy who willingly let Tucker punch him just so he could find you deserved to know.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  Reed’s cell phone rings, and he glances at me with a grin. “Lexi.”

  Reed puts her on speakerphone, and she gives him a similar report, as well as a report on the show overall, only with much more detail and excitement.

  “We’ve come back for the night, so we’ll see you a
t home,” he says before he hangs up.

  When we get to Reed’s apartment, I take a shower then climb into bed with him, grateful I haven’t lost him. Grateful this hotheaded, overprotective, loyal, and incredibly sexy, self-proclaimed math nerd is mine.

  I kiss him gently on the lips. “Thank you for believing in me.”

  “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

  I’m about to fall asleep when my phone rings, and I roll away to reach for it.

  Reed pulls me back down. “Let it go, Caroline.”

  “What if it’s my dad?”

  He releases his hold, and I sit up, checking the caller ID, surprised to see it’s my advisor.

  “Hi, Ms. Carter. Thanks again for understanding about the show.”

  “Caroline, I’m so sorry about your mother. Of course, your place was with her.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I know this isn’t an ideal time, but my friend from New York was very impressed with your collection. I wanted to give you a heads-up that she’s going to call you sometime next week to offer you the job.”

  The job in New York. It was my initial goal, but it was never my dream. I’d only decided to go after it for lack of a better purpose. But designing the clothes for these children, and making them happy, has given me more joy than I imagined. It’s helped me find my real purpose.

  “I’m very honored and flattered. Please tell her thank you, but I’m not interested in moving to New York.”

  Reed sits upright.

  “Are you sure you want to make such a big decision without thinking about it?” Ms. Carter asks. “Your mother just died and you’re under stress. I know that Mimi will wait a week or so for your answer.”

  “I don’t need another week to decide. I’ve been offered another job, and honestly, it’s a much better fit.”

  I hang up. Reed watches me with a wary expression. “Caroline, don’t turn that job down for me. We’ll make it work. I promise.”

  I shake my head. “I don’t want the job in New York, Reed. I never really did. I’ve decided to take the job as a liaison between the Middle Tennessee Children’s Charity and the Monroe Foundation, even if it feels skeevy taking a job you set up. The good I can do outweighs the guilt.”

  His eyes narrow. “What job as a liaison?”

  “The day Evelyn talked to me alone, she told me that the Monroe Foundation was impressed with my work and wanted to create a position to provide new clothing to the children.” I lower my gaze. “Are you telling me you didn’t set it up?”

  He looks perplexed. “I didn’t have anything to do with that.”

  “You’re kidding?”

  “No, I swear. And I didn’t tell anyone that we were dating either.”

  “Maybe Lexi?” I ask.

  “I don’t think so. They weren’t very happy with her so they sure wouldn’t have listened to her suggestion.” He pulls me back down into his arms. “I think you got this one all on your own. Evelyn must have gushed about you. I know she sang your praises to me.”

  “Will that be too weird if I work for the foundation? I know you don’t want your parents’ money.”

  “Caroline, there’s a difference between a handout and a paycheck. You’ll be perfect for it.”

  “Thanks.”

  I settle into him, and he’s soon asleep, the rise and fall of his chest soothing my raw nerves. When I met Reed, I had no idea my life would change in every conceivable way. Reed instigated a redesign of every expectation I ever had.

  And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  Epilogue

  I wake to Reed’s kisses. They cover my face then move down to my neck as I drift from the haze of sleep to consciousness. I pull his mouth to mine and kiss him leisurely, sighing my contentment into his mouth.

  His hands are under the covers, finding the hem of the T-shirt I’m wearing and lifting it up and over my head. Now I’m completely naked since Reed dispatched with my panties last night before we even made it into bed. The only reason I’m wearing a shirt now was because he gave me his as I drifted off to sleep.

  He has no clothes to remove. He likes to sleep naked next to me, not that I ever complain.

  We’ve been together a little over two months and it’s as though we’ve always been together, yet every day is new and full of possibilities.

  His mouth resumes its descent, his head disappearing under the covers and finding my breast. I arch up to him, the familiar heat spreading throughout my body, and I tangle my hands in his hair. His hands skim my body, down my waist to my thighs, before one hand finds the aching spot between my legs. He soon has me breathless and needing more.

  I’ll never have my fill of this man.

  We make love without words this morning. We’ve become so attuned to one another that we read our signs—the little sighs and grunts that signal what we want and need.

  Reed knows I’m more than ready, but tortures me a little longer. He chuckles as his mouth finds mine again, his tongue joining with mine. And finally, he gives me what I want—every part of him, body and soul.

  Afterward, we lie together in each other’s arms. We still haven’t spoken a word. Sometimes we make love like this, slow and gentle as though we have all the time in the world. Other times it’s hot and passionate and full of dirty talk. Like last night.

  Reed kisses my temple and whispers, “Merry Christmas.”

  I look into his loving eyes. “Merry Christmas. Thank you for the best Christmas ever.”

  “And I haven’t even given you your present yet,” he teases.

  “You’re all I ever wanted, Reed. You’re my present.”

  He pushes up on an elbow and gives me an ornery look. “Well, if you don’t want what I got you....”

  I bolt upright. “Oh, no you don’t.”

  He sits up and pulls me into his arms as I giggle. “Why don’t you put something on and I’ll give you an early present?”

  I lift an eyebrow. “Usually those kinds of presents involve the removal of clothing.”

  “This isn’t one of those kinds of presents, although I’m very fond of those kind.”

  I grab Reed’s T-shirt and slip it on, then pull a pair of panties out of the drawer.

  Reed steps into a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. His eyes linger on my bare legs.

  “Focus,” I say, pointing two fingers at my eyes.

  “Your legs are very distracting.”

  “I can put on some pants if you like.”

  He grabs my wrist and drags me out the bedroom door. “I’m focusing.”

  The living room has been transported into a Christmas Wonderland. Reed’s intention was to give me the Christmas I always wanted but never had. The result looks like someone threw up every kind of Christmas decoration imaginable.

  I love it.

  He leads me next to the tree, a seven-foot, Douglas fir with a star on top that nearly touches the ceiling. The branches are full of so many clear Christmas lights that I’m sure it can be seen from space.

  Reed sits in front of the tree, pulling me down next to him.

  “Are you sorry you’re not with your parents?” I ask.

  He frowns. “No. I want to be home for Christmas, that’s with you and Lexi. Not in a ski lodge in Aspen. Plus, Scarlett and Tucker are coming over later.”

  “And don’t forget, Brandon is coming for New Year’s.”

  Reed scowls. “I don’t know why he can’t stay in Nashville for all of winter break.”

  “Because he and Lexi are crazy about each other. And you agreed to try to be nice.”

  “Hmm.” He still worries over Lexi, and I think he always will. Even when she’s the grandmother of half a dozen kids. It makes me love him even more.

  I lift my fingertips to his face, smoothing his worry lines. “I want to give you your present first.”

  A smile fills his eyes. “Okay.”

  I pull a rectangular box out from under the tree and hand it to him, suddenly anxious.
What if he doesn’t like it?

  He takes it and grins, carefully slips off the bow, then rips the paper. When he opens the box, he stares at the book inside, expressionless.

  Oh, God. He hates it. “I know how much you admire Donald Knuth….” He’s still not reacting and now I’m talking non-stop in my nervousness. “It’s a first edition copy of Surreal Numbers. I wrote Dr. Knuth, practically begging him to sign it, but first I had to track down his address—”

  Reed lifts the book out of the box.

  “—I was pretty persistent, which I think explains his signature—”

  Reed looks up, incredulous. “He signed it?”

  I nod.

  He reads out loud, his voice tight, “Reed, With Caroline behind you, nothing will stand in your way, Donald Knuth.”

  “Do you like it?”

  His mouth drops open, and he looks up at me. “Do you know who this is?”

  “Well, yeah … I tracked him down….”

  His eyes bug out and he leans forward. “Do you know what this is?”

  “Does that mean you like it?”

  “Oh, my God, Caroline! This is the best present I’ve ever gotten in my life. Ever.” He wraps his arm around my back and pulls me to him, kissing me senseless. Then he drops his hold and examines his book.

  “I’m glad you like it.”

  He shakes his head. “Not like. Love.” His smile falls. “My present for you pales in comparison.”

  “Reed, I don’t care. You’re what I want.” And I really mean it. It makes me happy that I came up with something he loves so much.

  He puts his book back in the box and closes the lid, before reaching behind the tree and pulling out a ring box with a bow.

  My heart slams into my ribcage.

  Reed takes a deep breath. “Caroline.” He smiles and caresses my cheek. “I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  Tears fill my eyes as he opens the box and shows me a solitaire princess-cut diamond ring.

  “Caroline, will you marry me?”

  I start crying, big ugly tears flowing down my face.