Home For Christmas

by Patricia Potter

  She wanted to tell him of her suspicions, that something was very wrong with the plea agreement, that it just plain didn’t make sense, but she couldn’t raise his hopes, just as she couldn’t give him hope about his parole hearing. She was going to try her best, but she was very aware that in today’s law-and-order climate few convicted murderers were released early.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said, releasing his hand. Her own burned from his touch, and she wondered whether he felt that same intense warmth whenever they touched. And it wasn’t only her hand. It was her entire body Her blood warmed, and nerve ends tingled. Every part of her was reacting to him in unfamiliar ways.

  “No,” he said sharply as if he’d suddenly made up his mind about something. “You’ve done enough,” he said “You’ve done what I asked you to do, and I had no right even...”

  The object in her throat was growing larger, threatening to choke her. No right? He had every right to ask for everything—and anything—she had.

  “I’m your attorney,” she said

  “Not any more,” he said “I know you needed to claim that to see me, but now. ...”

  “Are you firing me?”

  His determined dark blue gaze seemed to penetrate her heart “I’ve been made aware of some facts,” he said “Mainly that I have no chance for parole. I don’t want you to waste time on a lost cause.”

  “Who said that?”

  He shrugged. “Seems a common opinion. I’ve been reading the newspapers ”

  She had, too. The headline this morning had made her heart sink. She worried about its effect on Nick at his school. Would someone mention his father to him?

  And her job? A front-page story was not very discreet. Thank God, they didn’t mention the law firm.

  But as she read the article and realized the implications, she felt her commitment to Ryan grow even stronger. He was so dam alone. And now even in that isolation that only he could know, he was offering her an out.

  “No,” she said. “I’ve done too much work.”

  “I don’t want you,” he said stubbornly.

  “You want to stay m prison?”

  He looked at her with those eyes, and she felt herself melt. He was trying so damn hard to save her again If she’d ever had doubts, she didn’t have them now And she wasn’t going to debate with him

  “I’ll be here in the morning,” she said and left before he could reply.

  Chapter 5

  Jerry drove Julie the seventy miles to Macon that night to see Mary Elizabeth Saddler, Murphy’s ex-wife Emily was taking care of Nick.

  “Talked to some of the guys who were on the police force with him,” Jerry reported as he picked her up

  “And..”

  “They didn’t have much to say about him He wasn’t the best-liked guy on the force He never drank beer with them, never shared war stones, never exchanged marital woes. Not one could tell me anything about his private life—whether he had hobbies, or friends ”

  “Money? Did he appear to have more money than he should?”

  “Nope. Lived in a small house in a modest neighborhood He had an old car. His wife had a newer one, according to the motor vehicle records, but nothing fancy. No smoking gun there ”

  “No boats, no expensive vacation home?”

  “The investigators at the time of the murder looked into all that. They couldn’t find anything to indicate he lived beyond his income.”

  “Curiouser and curiouser!” she said

  “He could have money hidden away anywhere.”

  “Then why wouldn’t he have used it for his legal defense?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know why people do anything, Julie.”

  Neither did Julie After spending six years in the district attomey’s office, human behavior never ceased to amaze her. She’d been fooled enough. Often enough, in fact, and close enough that she knew she should harbor more doubts about Murphy She just didn’t.

  “Is she expecting us?” he asked.

  “At seven She was reluctant, then finally agreed because her daughter would be at a play rehearsal tonight.”

  “I don’t know what you expect to learn.”

  Julie. didn’t, either. Her excuse was that the more she knew about her client, the better. She didn’t want any surprises. But she also had an insatiable, curiosity about the man She wanted answers for him, but she also wanted them for herself.

  “Tell me everything you learned about her.”

  “She’s married to an insurance salesman They live well but not luxuriously. She has a son and a daughter from her second mamage ”

  Julie wondered again about the ex-wife An insurance salesman after a detective who apparently walked the edge of danger every day of his adult life? Even with amnesia, Murphy seemed to dominate his surroundings. Even in his confusion, he appeared bigger than life.

  “She filed for divorce almost immediately after Murphy’s conviction and moved to Macon, where she taught school. She remarried the next year ”

  “Did she teach when Murphy was with the police department?”

  He nodded.

  “They should have had a good income then between them,” she mused

  “One thing she never visited him when he went to prison Neither did the daughter.”

  “His decision, I wonder, or hers?”

  “Perhaps you’ll find out,” he said.

  She changed the subject. “Did you get the police reports on the shooting?”

  “Yep. It’s real interesting The investigating officers were very cautious. Isn’t often one cop is accused of killing another, much less his own partner.”

  “You would think a detective would cover his tracks a little better, wouldn’t you?”

  “It doesn’t look as if he had any tune. There were police there almost immediately ”

  “I know, but it wouldn’t take long to stick a gun in his partner’s hand. Where was his partner’s gun?”

  He shrugged “It was never found.”

  “Now that really is strange. If the gun had been recently fired, it would tend to exonerate Murphy”

  “I know. There’s a lot of very curious things in the report But when your client confessed, the investigation was dropped.”

  “Why was he arrested in the first place?”

  “The drug residue. An informant called after the shooting, said Murphy was involved in drugs. His car and home were both searched. Nothing in the house, but his trunk had traces of cocaine That and the fact that neither officer made a call for backup resulted in his arrest,”

  “What about his partner? Was his home and car searched also?”

  Jerry shook his head. “No mention of it That doesn’t mean it wasn’t done. But Murphy wasn’t a popular officer. His partner was The discovery of drugs focused the investigation on him ”

  “Convenient, wasn’t it?” Julie observed. “No gun Drugs in his car Then a week later a confession.”

  “It does happen like that sometimes,” Jerry said. “If he was guilty, a deal might have looked real good when the alternative was the electnc chair.”

  “Life in prison?” she said doubtfully. “A cop?”

  Jerry didn’t answer, but looked out over the rolling Georgia hills as the car neared Macon.

  They found the Saddler home easily. An unpretentious but well-kept brick ranch, it was located in a nice residential area near Wesleyan College She looked at her watch. Five minutes to seven

  “Do you want me to go inside with you?” Jerry asked.

  “I’d rather talk to her myself She might open up more to another woman.”

  He shrugged “You’re paying the bills.”

  Julie stepped out of the car, walked up the drive and rang the bell The door opened almost instantly, and she sensed the woman had been waiting for her

  “Mrs Saddler” she asked, holding out her hand.

  The woman hesitated, then took it. After that brief pause the handshake was strong. Mary Elizabeth Saddler
was an attractive woman, but not a beautiful one. Her light brown hair was short and tousled. Her eyes were probably her best feature They were hazel, the kind that would change color according to the clothes she wore. Now she was wearing a green turtleneck sweater and matching slacks, both a little large and obviously comfortable, and her eyes looked more green than gold

  A frown crinkled the skin around her eyes, and her lips were set in a tight, straight line as though she was forcing herself to do something she didn’t want to do But despite that, Julie saw a kindness in the face that provided its own brand of attractiveness. She imagined a smile would make the woman quite pretty.

  “Thank you for seeing me.”

  “I’m not quite sure why you want to,” Mary Elizabeth said. “But I hope it won’t take long My husband has a meeting tonight, and my daughter a rehearsal at the school. I have to pick her up at nine.”

  “Your other children?”

  “Playing Nintendo downstairs in the playroom. I don’t think we’ll be disturbed.” A small, unconscious smile finally relaxed her face as she mentioned her children. A nice woman, Julie thought instantly Even a gentle one Julie tried to pair her with the portrait she was getting of the early Ryan Murphy a loner without friends, at least without any they had been able to find. And the marriage had been in trouble before the shooting.

  Mary Elizabeth led her into a comfortable breakfast nook and offered her a chair at the table. “Coffee?”

  Julie nodded “Thank you ”

  She watched carefully as Mary Elizabeth poured two cups of coffee and brought them to the table, along with a plate of cookies. She’d obviously brewed the coffee for this occasion

  “What do you want from me?” Mrs. Saddler said after a moment

  “You’ve heard about...your ex-husband?”

  Her lips tightened again “Yes. The paper here carried some of it A friend sent me the clippings from Atlanta.”

  “A friend? Was this a friend of both you and Mr. Murphy?”

  Her hands seemed to tighten around the cup. “No Ryan didn’t have time for friendships He worked long hours.”

  An intriguing defensiveness mixed with the bitterness in her voice.

  “You understand I’m the woman he saved in that car accident. He also saved my son.”

  “And now you are representing him?”

  Julie nodded. “He has a parole hearing coming up ”

  “The paper said he was badly hurt.” Mary Elizabeth couldn’t hide a note of concern, and Julie felt suddenly hopeful At least this woman didn’t hate her ex-husband.

  “He was in a coma for two weeks. He had a head injury, burns, a broken arm and ribs.” She hesitated a moment, then added, “He has amnesia.”

  The hazel eyes across from her widened. “Amnesia ”

  “He doesn’t remember anything of his past Not why he was in prison, not that he’d been a police officer, not.. ”

  “Not that he’d been a husband and father,” the woman completed for her. “Of course, he didn’t remember that before, either” The bitterness was back in her voice, deeper than before

  “You never went to see him.” It was both a statement and question.

  “In prison?”

  Julie nodded

  “I tried. Several times. He wouldn’t see me. He returned letters. He said he wanted both me and Laura to forget he ever existed.” Weary grief filled her eyes. “Easier said than done Especially for Laura She adored him. She sent him birthday and Christmas cards for six years. Each was returned. She finally gave up, and now she never mentions him.”

  “She must have seen something in the papers about him.”

  “If she has, she hasn’t mentioned it to me,” Mary Elizabeth said. “And none of our friends—or her friends—know of the connection. I would like to keep it that way.”

  Julie felt her heart sink. She hadn’t known what she wanted from this visit. She’d prayed she wouldn’t learn something she didn’t want to know, that he’d abused his wife or something even worse. Now she realized she’d also hoped there might be something she could use in his favor at the parole hearing. But that would mean publicity for the Saddlers and for a vulnerable fifteen-year-old girl.

  She adored him. That said a lot right there. Yet he had cut her off cruelly, probably in as heartless a fashion as a father could: rejecting her cards and the heart reaching out to him.

  She could see m her mind’s eye the look on Nick’s face, the shattered faith if she’d rebuffed him that way. A child’s heart was so fragile.

  The next question was difficult. “Had he been indifferent to her previously?” Children often loved, even when they weren’t loved m return.

  “I think she’s the only person he ever loved,” Mary Elizabeth said, the bitterness stronger than ever. “But even with her he held back. As if she were made of glass.”

  “He must have loved you.”

  “If he did, he never said so. I hoped, oh how I hoped. I hoped for years. I thought he did...in the beginning. Or I never would have married him I fell in love with his intensity, perhaps even with the air of mystery around him. He never said anything about his family—not a word. When I asked, his lips would tighten, and he would turn around and leave the room If for some reason, he couldn’t leave me physically, he did it emotionally. Ryan had built a very high wall around himself. I think I knew it when I married him, but like most women I thought love could tear it down. I didn’t make a crack in it. I married a stranger, and he never allowed me to become a friend. I often wondered why he married at all.”

  “Could he have been guilty of murder?” Julie finally asked the damning question.

  “Before he admitted it, I would have said no. But the one dependable thing about Ryan was he couldn’t abide lies. I can’t imagine him admitting to doing something he didn’t do, especially if it involved police work. That was his life. It was his life far more than Laura and I ever were.”

  “But if he were guilty of being involved in drugs, his whole life would have been a lie,” Julie said

  A tear snaked down Mary Elizabeth’s face “He compartmentalized everything. And he never let one aspect of his life interfere with another. He never brought police friends home He never talked about his work. That led to long silences. He was full of secrets Money disappeared from our account, and he wouldn’t tell me where it went. He would receive phone calls and leave without telling me where he was going ”

  Her hands were wringing together on the table, and Julie could see the frustration in her eyes, the gradual disillusionment of dying hopes

  She also saw a mirror of her own marriage. The secrets The disappearances.

  “In the end, after I was told he confessed, I had to believe he could have done it,” Mary Elizabeth said. “I tried to see him, but he wouldn’t see me. I wanted an explanation. I wanted a denial I wanted some kind of remorse for what he had done to us.”

  “Is that why you divorced him?” Julie asked, remembering Dan saying the marriage had already been in trouble prior to the shooting.

  “Ryan asked me to. I’d been thinking about it before. I would say we’d had arguments, but Ryan didn’t argue. He just tuned out.”

  “Did he have any friends?”

  “Not close ones Oh, I would invite the neighbors over occasionally, and he would be civil He could even be charming at times, but his heart was never in it. The only person I ever saw him greet warmly was a pnest We were at a restaurant, and Ryan saw him come in He got up and went over to him They talked for several moments, then the priest put an arm around his shoulder I was stunned Ryan isn’t Catholic He would never go to church with me, and yet that’s the only time I saw him publicly show any warmth.”

  “Did Ryan introduce you?”

  She shook her head. “They talked for several moments, then Ryan shook his hand and came back. I asked him who it was. He kind of mumbled the name, but I don’t remember it. I asked how he knew him, and he got that closed, tight look again. I dropped the
subject. Perhaps I shouldn’t have, but by then I was tired of trying.”

  A puzzled look came over Mary Elizabeth’s face as if she suddenly remembered something, then she added softly, “I did see him again. I saw him at the jail when I went to visit Ryan right after 1 heard he’d confessed, when he refused to see me. The priest was just coming in..”

  “Did he say anything to you?”

  “I don’t think he saw me. I was crying, trying not...to let anyone see it ” Her throat was working, just as it must have done on that day ten years ago. Julie could see tears in her eyes. She felt more and more sympathetic toward Mary Elizabeth, whom she’d been prepared to dislike for deserting her husband. It was déjà vu, almost the same scenario that she herself had experienced with Douglas. How long do you hold onto a dead marriage?

  And some of her empathy with Ryan Murphy faded. She didn’t like the picture Mary Elizabeth was drawing. But it fit with what everyone else had told her about Ryan Murphy.

  “I didn’t entirely believe the charges until then,” Mary Elizabeth said suddenly. “He always seemed so ..dedicated to police work. Too much so, for us to have any kind of a future. And he never seemed to care about money. As I said, money would disappear from time to time, but it was always our joint account, the one only he paid into. He insisted I put my own salary into savings in case anything ever happened to him. That was the only thing that saved me when I got the divorce. There was nothing left in our joint account. What bothered me was not that he took money, but that he never had an explanation for it.”

  Another puzzle. Another contradiction.

  Douglas had had no such scruples. Both their salaries went into one account, and he’d never felt any guilt in raiding it.

  Mary Elizabeth apparently interpreted her thoughts from the expression on her face. “It doesn’t make sense, does it? He wouldn’t use a cent of my money for his defense. Instead, he used what little he had in the joint account, and after pleading guilty he didn’t want an attorney. But Ryan was like that Full of contradictions. I would catch him looking at Laura with so much tenderness, but he could never express it. I think that look is why I held on for so long. I knew he was capable of loving if he’d ever allow himself that...privilege.”