Obviously feeling left out, Prissy meowed suddenly Reluctantly, Ryan set Nick back on the ground, and the boy proudly showed him his “pitcher.” The turkey was very, very wide in the girth, but Ryan thought it very handsome and said so
“We haven’t had turkey here before,” Nick confided “We went to a rest’rant.”
“You did, did you?”
“By ourselves,” Nick added.
Why? Ryan wondered. She was pretty enough to have a dozen men pursuing her And what had happened to Nick’s father? She’d said he died before Nick was born, but not how She’d said very little about her marriage He’d never even seen a picture of the two of them together.
“Will you watch the parade with us?” Nick’s question interrupted that particular thought.
“What parade?”
Nick looked at him in amazement, as if, indeed, he came from a different planet In many ways he felt he had.
“The Christmas parade ”
Ryan looked up at Julie who’d turned around to watch them. He felt trapped, and yet it was a silken trap he welcomed, wanted. Hell, coveted.
“It starts in the morning,” she said. “Early”
“And we have waffles,” Nick said, obviously trying to tempt him. Ryan’s mouth grew dry The damned lump that too often inhibited his breathing was back.
“Please,” Julie said A simple invitation, seconded by the warmth in her eyes She really wanted him. And he wanted to come
He found himself nodding and was gifted with Nick’s broad grin and pleasure that appeared in Julie’s eyes The lump in his throat expanded even as he smelled the odor of burning, and Julie’s eyes widened with alarm before turning back to her hamburgers.
That moment gave him time to reestablish some kind of internal control.
But then Nick wriggled in his lap, and he was aware of how much he enjoyed that feeling too
Burned burgers Wriggling boys. Christmas parades
He could get used to this.
If only someone wasn’t trying to kill him.
If only he knew why.
Chapter 16
Julie looked sideways at Murphy as he helped her with the Thanksgiving Day dishes.
He was wearing the white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. It was tucked in the jeans that fit him all too well. His dark hair was mussed, and the dark shadow on his jaw was already appearing. All the same, he looked more relaxed than she’d ever seen him
She attributed that to the magic of Nicholas.
She wondered what his former acquaintances would say if they saw him now, his feet propped on a table, a boy tucked within an arm, a soda in the other hand. He had watched the parade with great interest, often asking her questions about this balloon or that one. He earned on secret conversations with her son, especially when Santa Claus triumphantly climaxed the parade.
Only once had she made physical contact with him That occurred when she was handing him dishes to put on the table. For a moment, their hands touched, and the air became charged between them. Warm, curling feelings did a slow waltz in the core of her body and worked themselves upward to twine around her heart. He looked so senous and tried so hard to be of help.
Arrogance? She didn’t think it existed in this Murphy.
He’d eaten hungrily. In fact, he’d seemed to absorb every moment of the day. Several times, she’d caught him studying her, and she had the oddest feeling that he was taking a photo with his mind He looked at Nick the same way.
She knew Nick had discussed Santa Claus—and his wish list—with him She would ask Murphy later what Nick had mentioned So far, she hadn’t been able to pull it out of him There was also a fifth birthday coming up next week, and a party to plan, gifts to get. She suspected Murphy would be first on Nick’s guest list
Murphy finished drying the last dish which didn’t fit in the dishwasher. It was nearly six, and a football game had replaced another football game on the television
He gave a deep satisfied smile.
“Now you know all about Thanksgiving,” she said “Parades, turkeys, football.”
“And football, and football.”
“I thought all men liked football ”
He raised an eyebrow, and she remembered what he’d said before. He wasn’t like anyone else. And he truly wasn’t.
She started back for the living room. Nick was sound asleep on the sofa and she started to pick him up, but Murphy beat her to it. He did it with such careful tenderness that she thought her heart would burst. Prissy jumped down from the top of the sofa back and followed
Julie collapsed on the sofa as she waited for him to reappear When he returned after several moments, he stood awkwardly at the door “I had better go,” he said.
The air sizzled as she stood His eyes seemed to burn through her. The muscle in his cheek pulsed and his lips settled in a grim line
She stood, her legs suddenly more like wet noodles than bone. She didn’t want him gone, now that she wasn’t sharing him with a nearly five-year-old boy. But she also knew he was walking on the sharp edge of a blade.
“All right. Do you need anything?” Suddenly it seemed ridiculous that he would be alone in the apartment and she would be alone here. But there was no denying the set angle of his jaw
“No” It was almost a bark.
She bit her lip and started to turn away.
“Julie.”
She didn’t turn
“This was the best day I could possibly imagine” Despite the words, she heard the bleakness in his voice She realized he hadn’t changed his mind about leaving. As soon as possible.
She turned around. “I’m glad.”
He started to say something, then shook his head wordlessly and headed out the door
The telephone installation man came Friday. Murphy must have left at the crack of dawn for the garage. She’d not been in the apartment since he’d moved in, and she looked curiously around the one main room. It was as neat as if a monk occupied it.
The only decoration was Nick’s picture taped to the refrigerator, and that touched her far beyond what it probably should. She stood there and stared at it Most people, she thought, would probably have tossed it aside after saying the right things Instead, he truly seemed to treasure it since he’d done nothing more to personalize the room. There wasn’t even a shirt thrown over a chair or a dish out of place. Habits he’d learned in prison? But how would he have remembered them except for that month?
She showed the telephone man where to put a jack. She’d already bought a phone, and she watched as he worked She wondered whether it was all an exercise in futility, that Murphy would be leaving soon.
But then she could rent it to someone else. She might need the money.
The thought was excruciating. Despite the room’s barrenness, she felt Murphy’s presence This room would always be his in her mind.
When the telephone man finished, she wrote the number on a piece of paper and tucked it next to the telephone, then went to the door. She looked back briefly, seeing him pace its confines restlessly. Sighing, she closed the door. She had work to do.
Ryan stood at the door of the garage, waiting for Tim to open up. He shivered in his jacket, its collar turned up against the damp, cold wind. The temperature dropped during the night, and frost had covered yards this morning as he’d walked to work.
He knew he was early. But he hadn’t slept during the night, and he wanted to leave before the Farrells—mother and child—stirred The sky had been gray and bleak, as bleak as his own mood As much as he had savored every warm moment yesterday, it had only emphasized the necessity to leave He was getting altogether too close to Julie and Nick and, in doing so, he was endangering them in more ways than one.
But now that he’d experienced the miraculous feelings of belonging, of caring, he didn’t know if he could bear losing them. Yet he had to. It would have been far better for him if he’d never known them at all..
Just the thought of loss ripped him ap
art
He started pacing back and forth. He’d left the house a little before six. The garage opened at seven for those leaving off a car before work. Minutes seemed like hours before Tim drove up.
“Early again.” Tun observed after parking the car and unlocking the door “Never seen a man so eager to work ”
Ryan didn’t reply, just followed Tim inside. Customers would be coming soon, as would Johnny He had a few moments to work on the car Tim had offered to sell him. He started to go to the back to change into work clothes
“Murphy.”
He turned. Tim O’Donnell was looking at him thoughtfully “You’re the first one here and the last one, next to me, to leave I think you should have a key to the place so you don’t have to wait for me You can also start locking up.”
Ryan stood still, stunned by the expression of trust.
Tim obviously saw his disbelief. “I pride myself in judging character,” he said. “I don’t have the slightest question about giving you a key ” He paused. “Johnny also has one.” Oddly, it sounded like some kind of reassurance.
Tim reached in the top drawer of his desk and Ryan walked over to him. As Tim extracted two keys, Ryan noticed a gun lying inside the drawer.
Tim apparently followed his eyes “I work real late some nights, particularly when I’m doing inventory,” he explained, then closed the drawer. Ryan noticed he didn’t lock it, but then what good was a locked drawer if a robber walked in?
He took the proffered keys and stuck them in his pocket He wanted to say something, but didn’t know exactly what The simple expression of trust meant too much to express. So he merely nodded, and headed for the restroom to change clothes
Customers started appearing, and he and Johnny were busy the rest of the day. It wasn’t until late that Ryan had a chance to talk to Johnny.
They were working together on a brake job, the last job of the day when Ryan broached the subject he’d been musing over all day “I’m looking for a new place to stay. I wondered if you might know of anything”
Johnny looked at him with surprise “I thought you were renting Mrs. Farrell’s apartment.”
“Some neighbors have complained They’re not happy about having an ex-con next door or down the block ”
“She’s kicking you out, huh?”
“It’s my idea,” Ryan said evenly. “And I think you should know that a number of landlords refused to rent to me.”
Johnny busied himself over installing a brake pad He was silent for a moment. “Can you wait a few weeks?”
“Why?”
“I’ve been sharing an apartment with another guy. He’s getting married in a couple of weeks and moving out The lease is in my name.”
“It could mean trouble,” Ryan warned. “My...probation officer can drop over any time. So can the police.”
Johnny shrugged. “I need help on the rent, and you seem easy to get along with We can try it.”
A couple of weeks. At least Julie could tell people he was moving. Perhaps that would lessen some of the hostility. But could he wait that long? Could he live so close to Julie and Nick and keep away from them? He was drawn to them like a moth to fire, only the danger wasn’t fully to him. He was also exposing them to flames.
But he realized that with his work schedule, it would probably take that long to find a place and even more to obtain permission to move from Davidson This way, he could go ahead and inform Davidson. He hated the idea of asking the man for anything, especially since he knew the questions that would be involved.
He could never have a life of his own Not for ten years at least. Which was another reason to keep away from Julie, or any other woman. Hell, he couldn’t even leave the state without permission which limited job opportunities, vacations, or anything else. Just being caught in conversation with a convicted felon—another convicted felon—even if he wasn’t aware of it would sent him back to prison. His existence outside wails was precarious at best.
“Thanks,” he said “I’ll wait” He hesitated, then added, “I won’t hold you to it. In fact, you’d be damn smart to reconsider.”
“I’ll remember that,” Johnny said with a grin. “I’ll expect your probation officer to call.”
Ryan raised an eyebrow.
“I’m familiar with the procedures. My brother was in trouble once. Just some vandalism at school with other kids, but he drew probation Jimmy almost decked his probation officer”
Ryan smiled slightly “I’m trying not to do that.”
Johnny grinned at him. “You do have a sense of humor,” he said delightedly. “Good. I don’t like dour roommates.”
He said it so easily—as if it were a done thing—that Ryan felt a rush of gratitude Between Johnny and Tim’s gestures this morning, he was beginning to feel as if there was hope he could someday lead at least a partly normal life. He didn’t include Julie and Nick in that prospect. He was doing his damnedest not to include them at all in his future.
“I’ll finish up,” he told Johnny. “It’s easy from here.”
“I’d trust you even if it wasn’t,” Johnny said. “You have ten years of new auto design to catch up on, but you’ll soon know as much as I do.” He hesitated for a moment. “You gonna stick with mechanics?”
“Why not? I can’t very well go back to being a cop.”
Johnny didn’t reply, just wiped his hands on a nearby rag. “See you tomorrow ”
“Right”
Johnny left Ryan took his tune in finishing, then opened the door to the office. Tim was talking to customers, and Ryan waited out of sight until they left Then he checked to see whether there was anything else to do on the last car in the four-car bay
“Get the hell out of here, Murphy,” Tim said with booming good nature.
“No place to go Sure I can’t finish for you?”
Tim hesitated, then said, “Why not? Might as well surprise Katy for a change. I’ve finished everything but replacing the radiator hose on the Greene car. Didn’t have one in stock but the supply company is sending it over by messenger You can install that.”
Ryan nodded.
“I told the customer the car would be ready at eight Can you stay that long?”
Ryan nodded. “I’ll lock up.”
“Okay I know Greene. He always pays with a check, and that’s fine.”
Fifteen minutes later he was gone, and in another five minutes, the hose arrived. Ryan quickly installed it, drove it into the parking lot and closed the bay door, then went into the office to wait for the customer Until now, he’d avoided the customers. He didn’t want anyone to recognize him and place Tim in a difficult position
So he pushed one of Tim’s old caps on his head, pulled it down over his forehead, and hoped no one would connect a grease-stained mechanic with the ten-year-old photo that the papers had used He picked up a tattered magazine, but his gaze kept going to the top drawer, and the gun he knew was there.
He’d been a marksman, according to his personnel records He had handled guns daily. Was it like mechanics? Would he remember how to use one? Would holding it bring back memories as the baseball had done?
The door opened and he rose from the seat The bill was on top of Tim’s desk.
“Mr Greene?”
“Yeah, is the car ready?”
“Yes, sir.” Ryan handed the bill to the man, who looked it over carefully, then wrote a check and left without a word.
Ryan watched him drive out of the garage. He locked the door and pulled the shade. Then he went to the desk drawer and cautiously took out the gun, handling it gingerly His fingers ran over the butt, then the chamber. With ease he checked it, and found it fully loaded. The safety was on.
The weapon felt familiar in his hands, just as the baseball had. He closed his eyes, hoping for a flash of memory, but none came. But then the other two hadn’t come on demand. They had been sudden, unexpected and fleeting.
He placed the gun back in the drawer, exactly where it had been, and
left. It was a long walk home
Ryan got his driver’s license on Monday. Johnny had driven him to the licensing facility earlier so he was first in line An hour later he was the possessor of still another freedom
He returned with Johnny to the garage, although it was his day off. Since Johnny, with Tim’s approval, had taken time away this morning, Ryan helped him catch up. He made final arrangements with Tim to buy the car Tim had offered. It was eight years old but in good mechanical shape and at a thousand dollars a good buy Tim would take twenty dollars a week from his paycheck for a year.
Ryan left minutes later to see his probation officer
It was sheer pleasure to drive himself Armed with maps and directions, he had no problem locating the county offices. He didn’t look forward, though, to talking to the probation officer
Davidson hadn’t required him to report the previous week, but had wanted him to come in today. His desk was just as messy as it had been on his last visits, and he looked as if he’d already worked twelve hours straight rather than just the morning.
“Sit down,” the man ordered.
Ryan sat.
“Have a good Thanksgiving?”
Do you care? Ryan wanted to fling out the words, but instead he said mildly, “Yes, sir ”
“Job going all right?”
“Yes, sir ” Damn, he hated those “sirs,” but he wanted something and he would play the game
“I talked to ..what’s his name. O’Donnell,” Davidson said as he leaned forward in his chair and peered down into the same file he had two weeks ago “He seems satisfied with you.”
Ryan saw no reason to respond.
“Any problems?”
“No ”
“No drinking?”
Ryan remembered Banyon’s offer. That had bothered him ’til this day “No”
“Haven’t seen any of your old prison mates?”
“I don’t remember any of them, so I really don’t know,” Ryan replied, unable to keep the irritation from his voice.
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