Imperfect Love (Heart 0f Hope Book 4)

by Ajme Williams

  He gave me a sheepish smile. “No. That’s not something you say on a first date, or ever. There’s a shame to it. The one thing my mother was able to give me was the message that education and hard work would pull me out of poverty. That along with never wanting to experience the hardship of my childhood is ingrained in here.” He pressed his hand over his heart. “I hadn’t realized how deep it was.”

  “I can see why you were so driven. It makes sense now that you started on your own after Lyle took your idea all those years ago. He took your control of your destiny away from you.”

  He thought on that a moment. “I hadn’t thought of it that way, but it makes sense.”

  We finally reached the gazebo. Other people were enjoying the gardens, but I was singularly focused on him.

  “I used to think that if the business failed and the economy tanked, I’d lose everything, and as you know, I’m overly concerned about that.”

  I smiled. “Yes.”

  “I’ve since realized that you walking away with the kids is when I’d lose everything. I don’t want that, Terra. I want desperately to make you happy. I might have been a dunce, but I’ve never ever stopped loving you.”

  “I know. I just—” I didn’t know what to say because now my reasoning seemed like selfish excuses. Yes, he might have been able to do more to spend time with us, but at least he’d made an effort. It was more than I had done. I could have offered to help him with his work. I could have told him I loved him instead of always getting irritated and angry.

  “I know these last few weeks that you’ve thought I was reverting to old behavior, but I really was trying to set things up so I could be away more. It just took time and issues kept coming up.” He shook his head. “And I know that sounds like the same old same old. It really was different this time.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t more sensitive to that.”

  “It’s not like you don’t have more important concerns.” He kissed my hand. “At the group, I had an epiphany. It scared the shit out of me and yet, it was like the answer had been there all the long.”

  “Oh? What was it?”

  He reached into his inside coat pocket and pulled out folded sheets of papers and handed them to me.

  I opened them and my heart stopped. I jerked my gaze to his. “You’re selling the business?”

  “Well, I can’t sell it without your consent. But I’ve ironed out all the details and it’s ready to sign. We’re partners in this, so your signature is needed too.”

  I stared at him in disbelief, and shame. I’d hounded him so much that he was ready to give up something he loved. “I can’t believe you did this. Are you sure?”

  “I’m a little worried you’ll get tired having me around all the time, but yes, I’m sure.” He nodded his assurance.

  “You’re not concerned about finances?”

  He let out a loud laugh. “No.” He pointed on the paper. “Even if the world ended, I think we’d still have plenty.”

  I looked to where he pointed and gasped as I jerked my gaze to him again. “That much?”

  He nodded.

  Clearly, our modest lifestyle had masked just how well we were doing, and how successful he was.

  “That’s a lot of zeros…” I started to count.

  “It’s ten million for each year of the business. If we invest it well, we can live off the interest.”

  “Our great-great-great grandchildren could live off the interest.” I looked up at him again. “I didn’t realize it was worth this much…how truly magnificent you were in business.”

  He grinned. “I do alright. About twenty percent of that is from a new project in cloud security. We started getting calls about buying the company when that got out. I’d hoped to have it all wrapped up a week ago, but then the buyer made changes to the deal that I didn’t like. That was a bad day.” He shook his head and I realized that was probably when I left to visit my dad.

  “Anyway, Kyle had the bright idea to reach out to some competitors, and all of a sudden there was a bidding war.”

  I couldn’t believe this was happening. How had I missed just how wonderful he was? I missed it because I was lost in my own world and stopped paying attention.

  “Are you sure you’re okay with this. You love your work.” I didn’t want him to resent me for giving up the business.

  “I like my work. I love you. If we get sick of each other or bored, we can do something else. In fact, I was thinking about starting a foundation. Something to help with cancer patients and their families.”

  The emotion swelling inside me became too much. I burst into tears.

  25

  Brayden

  Fifteen minutes ago, I was ready to chuck this attempt at reconciliation, at least until my anger and frustration settled down. Couldn’t Terra see that despite my ineptitude at giving her what she wanted, I was trying? Who spent the last month wracking his brain out to try and take time off? Me. Who had called and texted every fucking night to say “I love you” without a response? Me. Who was the one trying to reconnect and fix this marriage? Me.

  She hadn’t done one damn thing except withdraw and leave. Worse still, she saw my latest attempt at reconciliation as manipulation. I told my kids that I'd get them a shrimp so I did. I had many failings, but manipulating or buying my children wasn’t one of them.

  I was certain when she’d suggested I was buying the kids that she was done with me, and her coming home was simply to appease the kids. If she couldn’t even try to meet me halfway and was hell bent on turning everything I did into something bad, then that was my answer. She was done.

  Since I had nothing to lose, I vented. As I did, I was sure I was doing more damage, but in that moment, I didn’t care. I was tired of being the only one who wanted to save our marriage.

  And then, she changed. All of a sudden, she was listening. It was a fucking miracle. That is until she appeared to make herself the bad guy. There were no bad guys. Just two people who lost their connection and now needed to find their way back to each other.

  When she broke down in tears, I wasn’t sure what to think, but I hoped it was good. Not that I wanted her to cry, but I didn’t want them to be the type of tears that had her running from me again.

  Instinct had me pulling her to me. “Please tell me these are happy tears.” I cradled her to me, feeling so fucking glad to hold her again.

  “I’m a terrible wife.” Her words were muffled against my chest.

  “I don’t think so.” I tilted her head back. “I think you’re strong and brave—”

  “I’m a bitch.”

  I flinched. “That’s my wife you’re talking about.” I smiled, wanting to lighten the mood.

  “All this time, it was all about me and what I wanted, and I didn’t even consider your work or how hard you were trying to keep the family together.”

  I wiped her tears. “Admittedly, I did a shitty job at showing you. Now I’ll have 24/7 to show you.” It occurred to me that while she was saying all the right things, I still wasn’t sure if she loved me. I thought she must, but she hadn’t said so.

  Even so, I didn’t want to beg, so I just continued on as if this was a new beginning for us.

  “Our first order of business will be to kill this cancer. Then we’ll do something fun. Maybe a trip to Europe or Disneyland. Maybe we can home-school the kids and take them around the world.”

  “You’re amazing. I’m not sure I deserve you.”

  “Hey.” I didn’t like that. “I appreciate that you understand me better now and see how much I’m willing to do for us, but I was an asshole. I did a lot of things wrong. To be honest, I didn’t realize how much you did until I was having to do some of it. I don’t like doing bills.”

  She gave me a wan smile.

  “I love the kids and enjoy being with them, but sometimes I’m tired, and holy hell, they still need attention.”

  She laughed at that. “It’s strange how such small people can have so
much energy.”

  “The fact is, it’s both our faults that we lost each other. I’m here now where we said our vows, to love and honor each other in sickness and in health forever, to tell you I still want that. And I hope to hell you do too.”

  Her head bobbed up and down. “I do.” She wrapped her arms around me. “I do Brayden. I always have. I’m just an idiot sometimes.”

  I held her close, lifting my head because if I didn’t kiss her soon, I might die. I stared down into her pretty green eyes.

  I started to dip my head to taste her, when she said, “I love you, Brayden.”

  My heart soared, and my lips consumed hers like a starving man having his first morsel after a famine. When her fingers clutched my shirt, gripping at me like she’d never let me go, the final bit of tightness in my chest released.

  “I’m sorry, Brayden, I’m so sorry…” she murmured against my lips over and over.

  “Me too, baby. Me too.” I lifted my head. “Promise me, here where we made our first promise, that when I fuck up, which I’ll probably do, you won’t leave. Even when I seem hard headed or unchanging, don’t leave.”

  “I promise.”

  “And I promise you, my beautiful Terra, that I’m going to be there. For you and the kids. Whatever you need.”

  She pressed her hand to my face. “I can’t let you give the business away—”

  “You’re not forcing me. And did you see the zeros? I’m not giving it away. I’m getting us more time.” I didn’t say it, but I had to be realistic that if her cancer treatments didn’t take, our happily ever after could be over sooner rather than later. “All I’ve ever wanted was to give you the world Terra. I thought all this work to provide for you and kids was doing that. I was wrong.”

  “I don’t have a grand gesture for you and I feel like I need to give one more than you do.”

  “Your promise to not toss me aside is all I need.” I pushed a tendril of her hair back, glad that while it had thinned some, she hadn’t lost it. At least not during this round of treatment. “I do have to confess that I’ll need to go in to the office on Monday and after that, be available, hopefully by phone and video conference just during the transition. But that’s it.”

  “Do you want this? I worry you’ll resent me.”

  I shook my head. “I resented the work when it threatened to cost me you and the kids.”

  “Won’t you get bored?”

  I laughed. “Are you trying to tell me you’re boring?”

  She gave me a smile that lit up my insides. “No. But still…”

  “We’ll cross that bridge if and when we get to it. Like I said, we could start a foundation. Or we can set up a consulting business. Just you and me from home. Or we can focus on you and me and the kids. Maybe even have more.”

  She looked down before I could realize my mistake. “I might not be able to have more.”

  “I’m sorry. I just meant that we’ll be able to do whatever we want if we get bored.”

  “Do you want more kids?”

  Mentally I kicked myself for not remembering that her treatment could cause infertility. “Terra. What I want is you and Lanie and Noah. If that’s all I ever had in this world, I’d be perfectly content. That’s what you’ve taught me. I won’t take you for granted. All I want now is to dedicate myself to making you well and happy. Selling the business gives us the time and money to do that.”

  She nodded. “Yes. Okay. I want that. I want you.”

  “So, you’ll sign it?”

  “Yes.”

  I kissed her again, feeling elated. Like I’d finally achieved a dream. I’d thought my dream was financial security, and while I had achieved that, it turned out my dream was Terra, and building a family and life with her.

  “I’d like to stay here and kiss you some more…well actually, I’d like to take you home and make love—”

  “We can’t?” She looked up at me with disappointment in her expression.

  “Emma and the kids should be showing up shortly.”

  “It was nice of her to help with your grand gesture.” Terra leaned against me. It was unbelievable how good it felt to have her reaching to me for once.

  “I worried she might not. I wasn’t sure what you might have told her. I was afraid she’d hate me.”

  “I did talk to her about some things. Interestingly enough, she seemed to side with you. Maybe that’s why the kids wonder if you’ll marry her if I die.”

  I jerked, not sure how to respond to that crazy statement. “Ah…”

  She laughed softly. “Kids really do say the darndest things.”

  “Why would they even say that?”

  “I told them I had to have surgery. They put together that I had what my mom had and it didn’t go well for her. I tried to reassure them without lying, but...They worried about who’d take care of them.” She looked up at me with apologetic eyes. “They thought you worked too much to—”

  “I know.”

  “Anyway, I told them Emma and others would always be there and that’s when they asked if you’d marry her.”

  “There’s only you for me, Terra. Whatever happens.”

  Her eyes watered again. “I know it might not seem like it, but I do want you to be happy. If I did die—”

  “Don’t. Don’t talk like that.” I gave her little shake because I couldn’t bear thinking about it.

  “I’d want you to be happy. Maybe not with Emma because that would be weird.” She paused. “Then again, I trust her—”

  “Jesus, Terra…stop.” I was ready to cover my ears because I couldn’t hear anymore of this nonsense. If Terra died, I’d be alone for the rest of my life. How she could think I could love someone else was beyond me.

  “I wouldn’t want you to be alone.”

  “Don’t think like that. You’re going to beat this.”

  She nodded. “I suppose there’s always your hand in the shower.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes. If necessary. But it won’t be because I expect you to give me all my orgasms from now on.”

  She grinned. “Deal.”

  “We better get going because my dick is growing and I don’t want to be arrested for indecent activities in the gazebo.”

  While I wanted to focus on completing the connection between Terra and me, we had children, and so instead, I focused on us as a family. We went to lunch and for the first time in what seemed like forever I felt a part of them. This was what I’d sacrificed. I wouldn’t do that again.

  It started to rain that afternoon, so we headed home. The kids asked if we could camp and have s’mores. I looked at Terra sitting next to me in the car.

  “Camping? In the rain?” I asked.

  “The living room,” she explained.

  Again, another thing I’d missed out on. “That sounds like fun. I can make a fire in the fireplace for s’mores.”

  “Yay!” Lanie’s hands shot up in victory. “I love s’mores, daddy.”

  “Me too.” Noah copied his sister, lifting his arms up.

  Turned out, camping in the living room was fun. We barely fit in the tent with all the pillows and toys, but being immersed in tight quarters with my family helped me feel more connected to them. I wasn’t the odd man out.

  “Thank you for this.” I leaned over and whispered in Terra’s ear.

  “No kissing,” Lanie demanded.

  I grinned. “Kissing? You want kissing?”

  “No!” the kids yelled, but I didn’t listen. I planted a big one on Terra and then grabbed the kids to kiss them too.

  We ordered pizza for dinner and ate it in front of the fire. We made s’mores and told kid-friendly ghost stories, like a real camp out. Eventually, I looked over and saw both kids crashed out.

  “They’re exhausted. Maybe they’ll sleep in tomorrow,” Terra said when she noticed them too.

  “You’re an optimist.” I rose and went over to pick up Lanie. Terra got Noah and we put them both to bed.

  Wi
th them tucked away, I could finally focus on Terra alone. When I finished putting Lanie to bed, and checking both shrimp, I found Terra sitting, staring into the fire.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  She turned and smiled at me. The light from the fireplace made her face glow. “Yes. I was just thinking about how quickly things can change. Bad and good.”

  “How about some wine and we focus on the good?”

  “Wine in front of the fire. How romantic. Are you hoping to get lucky?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

  I grinned. “I’m already lucky. But maybe I can get laid.”

  She laughed. “Chances are good.”

  I considered getting started right then and there, but forced my dick to wait. I got the bottle of wine and two glasses, and met her at the fireplace.

  “A good campout needs wine,” I said, uncorking the bottle and pouring her a glass.

  “Indeed.” She clicked her glass with mine. “I love you, Brayden.”

  There it was again. The three words I’d been starving to hear. “You don’t know how much I’ve wanted to hear you say that.”

  Her expression turned apologetic. “My father said you didn’t think I loved you. I’m sorry for that. I’ve never not loved you, Brayden. Ever.” Her palm rested on my cheek. “I know why you felt like that and I hate myself for being such a bitch. I’m sorry.”

  I kissed her palm. “As long as you love me, I’m good.”

  She reached over and grabbed her purse, pulling out the papers I’d given her at the zoo. “Are you sure about this?” She laid them out and got a pen.

  “I’ve never been more sure about anything, except marrying you. When the idea came to me, it was a giant duh, why hadn’t I thought of it sooner. And such a relief. So yes, I’m sure.”

  She bit her lip, looking apprehensive.

  I nodded toward the papers. “You’ll notice that I’ve already signed.” I signed them the minute I was happy with them. I was eager to get it done and get on with the business of loving my wife and family.

  She went to the page with the signature lines, and I guess realizing that yes, I was committed to this new plan, she signed the paperwork.