Say You Remember: book 4 in The Witness Series

by Heather D'Agostino

  I sighed as I glanced at the clock again, willing time to move faster. I grabbed a water out of the fridge before striding over to Jenni’s door. “Jenni? Can I come in?” I knocked lightly. I wanted to make sure she was ok. Remembering what happened always took a lot out of her, and I needed to know that when I left to go to the park, that everything would be fine here.

  “I’m fine Mase,” her voice was muffled. “I’m gonna take a nap.”

  “Do you wanna talk about it?” I pushed.

  “Not really,” her voice was sad, and it broke my heart to hear her like this.

  “I’m here if you need me. Do you hear that? I’m here,” I punctuated the words and waited for her to respond.

  I could hear her moving around, and finally the door cracked open. Her tear stained face looked back at me as she chewed her lip. “I’m fine. Really. I just want to sleep.”

  “I’m here for you,” I attempted to push open the door wider, but she resisted and began to close it.

  “I know, Mase. You’re a good big brother, but I really just want to be alone. I’m fine. Trust me,” she closed the door, and the room fell silent.

  I stood there for a few moments before stepping away and heading to my own bedroom. I needed to get ready to head to the park. I needed to think about what I was going to say to her, and I needed to convince myself that I could do this.

  ooooooooo

  Danielle

  As the afternoon approached, the sun hid behind the clouds, and the sky turned gray. Rain had been threatening for days, but we’d yet to get any. It figures that the day I pick to be outside is the day that it might actually rain.

  When I got to Riverside Park, I found a bench near a secluded section of trees. Leaves covered the ground, and I kicked at them like I did when I was little, as I walked to the bench. I lowered myself onto the hardwood, and stared into the distance. It was a quiet day. The playground area only had a few kids playing, and the picnic tables were empty for the most part. It was rather cool for a fall day, and as the breeze blew I wrapped my jacket tighter around myself.

  “It’s always chilly this time of year,” his voice was low and it wavered, almost cracking. I nodded as I refused to look at him. I didn’t know what I felt at the moment, and I was afraid that if I made eye contact I’d forget why I was angry in the first place. “I thought you might want something to warm you up,” he stepped around to the front of the bench and lowered himself beside me. He was dressed in jeans and a grey hoodie. His thigh brushed mine, causing me to jump and scoot away. He tensed before I heard him swallow and mutter an apology. He held out his hand, and in it was a coffee. I stared at it blankly without moving to grab it.

  “I guess I deserve that,” he sighed as he continued to hold it out for me.

  I made the mistake of looking at him when I decided to take the cup, and the sadness in his eyes about did me in. Years of pain that I fought off began rushing back threatening to take over as I watched Mason stare at me. He blinked a few times but made no move to say or do anything else. “Thanks,” I mumbled as I took the cup. Our fingers touched when he was releasing it, and I felt the zing of awareness that was always present when he was around. “You wanted to talk, so talk,” I flipped my hand in the air.

  “You’re right,” his head bobbed and he crouched forward, hanging his hands between his knees. “Can you promise that you’ll listen until I finish?” His head turned as he looked over at me with pleading eyes. I nodded as he watched. “It’s gonna be hard to hear some of this. I want to know that you’re gonna let me finish.”

  “I will,” I mumbled as I sipped the coffee. A gust of wind blew through the park, causing me to shiver and Mason slid closer as if he wanted to put his arm around me to warm me.

  I shook my head no as I held my hand up, “I’m fine.”

  He backed off and went back to his previous position before the words started to tumble out of him. “I was a stupid cocky kid back then. You have to know that. I didn’t think about anybody but me. I wasn’t supposed to fall for you Dani. That was never the plan, but it happened. It happened without me even knowing it, and by the time I figured it out, it was too late.” His head turned and his eyes became glassy. “Brad came up with this idea that all the seniors were going to sleep with virgins of the other players’ choosing by Homecoming. I wasn’t really tied down to anyone, so I didn’t really protest the idea. Like I said… I was cocky and stupid. I didn’t think about the fact that the girl they picked would get hurt by it. Most girls hung all over me. They wanted to be with me even if I didn’t promise them anything. They didn’t care if we had a future, they just wanted to be able to tell their friends that they slept with me.”

  “When you came up to me that day all fired up about our project, Brad latched on to the idea that you’d be a challenge. I knew that he was always slightly jealous me, and he thought if you hated me that much that you wouldn’t give in to me easily. He knew I’d have to work at it,” Mason shook his head and sighed. “When it first started that’s all you were… a challenge, but it changed. As time passed, I saw how cool you were. You knew how to joke around and you weren’t afraid to put me in my place. Your sass is what made you attractive. I started seeing you as a girl, and wanted to be around you. I enjoyed our time together and the way you looked at me made me feel things. You didn’t put up with my bullshit, and you saw more than a jock with a nice spiral. You saw me,” he glanced over in my direction and deep creases marred his forehead.

  “By that point it was too late. I knew no matter what I did I’d lose. I wanted to tell you everything, but as Homecoming got closer I chickened out. I knew you’d never want to be with me if you knew why I started pursuing you. I was afraid that you’d hate me, and I’d never have a real chance. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to be your first. I wanted it to mean something,” Mason ran his hands through his hair and yanked. “God, Dani. I didn’t know it then, but I was in love with you. I was so in love, and it scared the hell outta me. I’d never felt that way about anyone and I didn’t know how to deal with it.” His eyes looked pained as he stared at me. “That night at the hotel,” he swallowed. “That was the first time I’d ever made love to somebody. I’d had sex many times, but never made love. The way you trusted me, the look in your eyes when you gave yourself to me so freely, I knew you loved me too.”

  “When we finished, I laid there awake most of the night trying to come up with a way to tell you everything and get you to forgive me. I saw a future with you. I planned it out. How we’d go to school together, graduate, have a family,” he paused as he blew out a breath. “I convinced myself that it would work. When morning came, I got a text from Chris asking me how the night went. He told me he and his date were on their way back, and Brad had, and I quote, banged his virgin too. All the plans I’d made the night before flew out the window as I looked over at you and realized that you were never gonna forgive me.”

  “I berated myself most of the morning as I cleaned up, and when you woke up, it took everything in me to be cold to you. I needed you to hate me. I needed you to want to get away from me, only you didn’t. You acted so understanding, and I was an ass to you. You’d just woken up from your first time, and I treated you like it meant nothing,” he growled and yanked his hair again.

  “That day at school,” he swallowed as he gripped the back of his neck. “Brad threatened to out me in front of you if I didn’t do something to get you to stay away from me. Part of the bet was that we couldn’t be attached. It was supposed to be meaningless, just a random fuck,” he released a self-deprecating laugh. “I knew that you hated Alexis. I could tell by the way you looked at her, and the way you talked about her. I knew if I acted like I wanted her, and not you, that it would rip apart whatever was left of us… and I was right. I’m sorry for everything that I did. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that you’ve thought you meant nothing to me all these years. I’m sorry I was so stupid to let my friends push me into something that I r
eally didn’t want to do, but most of all, I’m sorry I never told you I loved you.”

  I sat there watching him. He looked so broken and worn down, and I wondered how much of what he was telling me was out of guilt. If Jen hadn’t gone through what she did, how much of this would he have really felt?

  “Jen told me what happened to her,” I murmured. “What did you do to them?”

  His eyes lifted to meet mine before he swallowed thickly, “I beat the piss out of them. Spent some time doing community service,” he shrugged. “It was worth it.”

  “And school?” I sipped the last of my coffee.

  “I dropped back to part time when my parents died. I’m all Jenni’s got, and I knew after what happened she was gonna need me. It was my responsibility to take care of her. It was my fault it happened.”

  “No it wasn’t,” I shook my head.

  “Yes it was. I didn’t stop her. By doing what we all did, it made everyone else think it was ok. It wasn’t ok. I know that now. If I could go back and change it all I would. You have to know that,” he reached for my hand, and I let him take it. “I loved you. Seeing what all this has done to you makes me sick. It makes me hate myself.” I nodded and chewed my lip. “I’m not asking for a second chance or anything. I know that’s out of the question, but I’d hope that one day you could forgive me.” He stood and shuffled his feet. “I really am sorry.” He turned and began walking away, leaving me there sitting in the cold.

  “Mason?” I called out and he paused with his back to me.

  “Yeah?” he didn’t turn around, and I forced the words out before I changed my mind.

  “I can forgive you, but I can’t forget. You took something from me that I can never get back, and it’s going to take me some time to be able to be around you again. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.”

  “I can live with that,” he nodded as he started walking away. “See you around, Dani,” he waved as he disappeared across the park.

  I sat there until the rain came. The wind picked up, and fat droplets of water fell from the sky. They were a perfect match for the way I was feeling, and I knew that the healing had finally begun. Hopefully as time passed I’d be able to see Mason for who he was now, and not who he used to be.

  Chapter 18

  Danielle

  As the days passed me by things changed for the better, or so I thought. Mason did exactly what he said he would do. He stayed away. The coffees stopped showing up at my door. The flowers that had been stuck in my mailbox and on my car were nonexistent. I could go to random stores around the city and not worry about bumping into him. I felt relief at first, but as time passed, I began to miss him. He was giving me what I thought I wanted, but a sense of loss seemed to settle over me.

  Amber thought I was nuts. The first time I opened my door to find there was no coffee sitting there, she laughed while I frowned. It was something about knowing that he was nearby and thinking about me that reassured me he cared. Jeff and I had gone on a few dates, and he was sweet but he wasn’t Mason. He backed off too easily when I pushed him away, and when I told him I wasn’t ready to take things further he agreed with me. At first I thought that was what I wanted, but I found myself wishing he was more like Mason and pushed me harder.

  “What’s going on with you?” Amber rolled to the side. We were lying on my bed eating ice cream while we watched some reality show. Mark was working some side job for security, and Amber had come over to keep me company.

  “I don’t know,” I stabbed at the container. “Something’s missing.”

  “What are you talking about?” she pushed up on her side as she turned to face me. “You have like the perfect life.”

  “My life is far from perfect,” I grumbled as I stared blankly at the tub of chocolate in my hand.

  “Yes, it is,” she narrowed her eyes at me. “You have an awesome job that you get to do from home. You have a hot cop for a boyfriend, and you have this great place to live… not to mention you have a really smart best friend who gets to benefit from all of it.”

  “You’re right,” I nodded. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I should be happy, but I’m not.”

  “Talk to me,” Amber nudged my thigh where it was resting next to her.

  I looked at her for a beat before turning to stare out the window. I shook my head almost embarrassed by what I was getting ready to admit. “I miss him.”

  “He has tomorrow off, or you could surprise him at the station tonight,” she giggled. “Mark and I have found some pretty interesting spots in the station house.”

  “Not Jeff,” I lowered my voice. “I miss Mason.”

  “Whoa,” she jerked her head back so fast I thought she was going to have whiplash. “Douchebag? Are you on something?”

  “You don’t get it. I loved him, and up until a month ago he was showing up everywhere. It felt good to be desired and wanted. I miss that. I miss the way he calls me Dani. What’s wrong with me?” I turned to face her. “I shouldn’t feel like this.”

  “He was your first love,” her eyes softened, “and he wants you back. That’s gotta weigh on you,” she shrugged as she reached to set her ice cream on the side table.

  “But you’re right. I have a great guy who likes me. Shit Amber, he wanted to come inside the other night and when I told him no he didn’t even bat an eye. He agreed with me, and left. Do you think Mason would have given up that easily?”

  “Honestly?” she chuckled. “No. Mason would have pushed and pushed until you either let him in, or he’d make out with you in the hallway. I think that’s part of what you liked about him. He didn’t back down easily.”

  “I must need to have my head checked,” I groaned as I picked at a loose string on the comforter of my bed.

  “You know what? Fuck this! We’re going out,” Amber sprung up off the bed, grabbed the ice cream from my hand, and rushed to put it in the freezer. “We are going to have some fun, forget about your man issues, and dance until our feet fall off. Get dressed!” she pointed at my closet.

  “You’re crazy,” I giggled.

  “But you love me,” she stormed back into my room and right into my closet. “Let’s see what you got in here that I can wear,” she teased.

  ooooooooo

  It took us a good hour to get cleaned up and presentable, but I was determined to have fun. Jeff was working, which he’d been doing a lot of lately, and I needed to cut loose. I needed to remember what it felt like to not have a care in the world.

  Before we’d left my apartment Amber had gotten into the liquor cabinet and made sure we were comfortably buzzed. She called a cab for us to take downtown, and pouted to me until I’d given in and we finished half a bottle of tequila. I usually didn’t drink like this, but as Amber put it ‘we were celebrating a girl’s night’.

  When the cab stopped in front of The Rusty Nail, I almost bolted. “What the hell, Amber?” I glared at her as she smiled and opened her door.

  “If you’re going to get over him, you need to see that you can be around him and not want him,” she shrugged as she tossed some bills at the cabbie and slammed her door. I sat there taking several deep breaths before I dared to move. I knew who was going be at the door. I knew who was going to be deciding if we got in, and who I’d have to hand my license to.

  “Stop worrying. He hasn’t even seen you yet,” she groaned as we got in line. Since school was in full swing, the bar had been quite busy. Add to that the expansion and the fact that they now had live music five nights a week, and it was booming.

  The line slowly moved along, and when we got to the front, I sucked in a breath. Mason was so in tune with what he was doing that he wasn’t even looking up. He’d hold out his hand for the ID, scan it with his flashlight, and then motion whoever it was through the door. The person beside him was taking bills out of each patron’s hand for the cover charge, and giving the rules out.

  “ID,” his voice was gruff. His head bent and partially covered with a black
hat that read ‘Staff’ across the front. I handed over my license, and when his flashlight illuminated my name, his head snapped up. His eyes went wide as reality sank in, and I shifted on my feet. I’d gone pretty casual tonight in a pair of skinny jeans and a blue sweater. Mason always liked me in blue, and I guess when I chose my outfit tonight I was subconsciously trying to please him.

  “Dani,” he swallowed as he handed my ID back. “Amber,” he nodded his acknowledgement to Amber. “Cover’s on me,” he barked the order to the guy standing beside him.

  “Thanks,” I smiled as I stepped through the door.

  “Well, that was nice,” Amber giggled as she swayed slightly from the alcohol we’d consumed earlier in the evening.

  “Un huh,” I called as I started weaving my way through the crowd. I wanted to get over to the bar and claim a stool, and I wondered who was working tonight. I hadn’t seen Lena in a while, and I knew she was a student and worked another a job. We hadn’t really talked, but she liked to give Mason a hard time, so she was cool in my book.

  We spent most of the night going between the dance floor and the bar. I lost count of how many shots we’d taken, and had finally stopped thinking about the fact that Mason was just outside the door. At first I could feel his eyes on me, but the more alcohol I poured down my throat, the less I began to care.

  “This is so much fun. We should do this more often!” Amber yelled in my ear. We’d been dancing for a while now, and we were both sweating. She fanned herself as she pointed to the bar, and I nodded as she began weaving her way through the people to get us more drinks.