Only the Ocean

by Natasha Carthew

  She gave the girl a push and the wave that reared up from the ship’s belly had the girl tipped backwards into the water; a stupid girl with everything pink and stupid bobbing around her.

  Kel pulled the motor cord one last time and to her relief the engine kicked and punched into life and she opened up the throttle. Behind them she could see the vessel moving slowly toward the horizon and she stared at it a long time until she was certain, the ship was on the move.

  She returned her gaze to the boat and looked at the bundled baby that had started to cry at her feet and then at the girl in the water.

  ‘Damn,’ she said. ‘Damn damn damn.’

  ‘You stupid idiot,’ yelled Rose when Kel raced the boat toward her. ‘You stupid idiot girl, you could have got me killed.’

  ‘Sit down,’ shouted Kel as she yanked her fully into the boat.

  She settled the shivering girl at the other end of the vessel, gave her a blanket and picked up the baby to soothe it shut for peace’s sake.

  In the distance Kel noticed that she could no longer see the ship, just the smudge of engine smoke where it had been. She breathed a sigh of relief and told herself this was worth it, it had to be.

  Time passed. The girl sat mostly good and silent and brooding but on occasion she made a play for the gun, and those were the times when Kel showed her the blade of her knife and she was reluctant to have to flash it but what else was there. This was a job of sorts; she had work to be done and dusted and this is how they went through the short leaden night and on into the next day.

  Chapter Four

  Throughout the dull-dim morning the two girls sat opposed. Kel kept an eye on Rose from the back of the boat and when the girl returned her glare she looked toward the baby snuggled in blankets in the centre of the boat.

  ‘You can’t even look me in the eye can you,’ said Rose.

  Kel ignored her.

  ‘Coward.’

  Kel twisted a little more diesel into the engine. The noise put some distance between them as she wished the day away and for the dark to return for the sake of solitude.

  ‘What kind of person steals another person?’ Rose pushed forward in order to be heard.

  ‘You should sleep some,’ said Kel.

  ‘I’m not tired.’

  ‘If you sleep you’ll feel better.’

  ‘About what? You stole me.’

  ‘Just for a bit.’ Kel looked at the girl and told her that there was bread hidden in the bag at the bottom of the boat and that she could eat some of it if she liked.

  ‘I think I’ll pass, thanks.’ Rose moved closer and Kel told her to sit back.

  ‘Where are you taking me?’

  ‘Mainland.’

  ‘Why.’

  ‘Cus it’s part of the plan.’

  ‘Not mine.’

  Kel cleared her throat and she spat overboard. She wished she could have spat the girl out of the boat the same but she told herself to remember the plan. She reached for her bag and pulled out the compass and put it in her lap, found the coordinates on a piece of paper she kept in her jeans pocket. When the girl asked what she was doing she told her she was setting course for the mainland.

  ‘Whereabouts on the mainland?’

  ‘The docks.’

  ‘Back to where we set off from?’

  Kel ignored her, she didn’t like the girl’s attitude. Rose thought the plan was stupid but she didn’t know the detail and why would she? The man at the river bar said Rose would be looked after until they received the guns from the captain, that she would be returned safely in good time. Kel could have told Rose this, but she realised the time it took the captain to return to Cornwall with the guns would be a long while yet, better to leave the girl to her ignorance. Whatever, that was all their business, all Kel needed to do was deliver the girl to the man from the river bar who would be waiting at the docks.

  She kissed the compass and returned it to the bag. She was so close to completing her plan she could smell it, taste it on her lips, it was the flavour of success.

  Kel looked at the girl and wondered if she was OK. She didn’t like the silence, it unsettled her to know the girl had been all mouth onboard ship and now she was tight-lipped. She wondered if she gave Rose something of herself she might understand and she went to speak but her voice halted suddenly, words had a way of choking her. Nobody had ever given much mind to what she had to say in any case.

  ‘I gotta get an operation,’ she blurted finally.

  ‘What?’ The girl laughed and her sudden spite surprised Kel and she felt for the gun with her foot.

  ‘Gotta get to America, get me some operation.’

  ‘Why what’s wrong with you?’ The girl’s eyes danced with delight and her candy-stick nails drummed on her mouth to keep from giggling again.

  ‘My heart.’ Kel couldn’t believe she was giving something of herself away, she thought it might help but as soon as her words left her mouth she knew it was a big mistake and she kicked out in annoyance and told the girl not to laugh.

  ‘I’m not, it just sounds a bit funny, the way you said it. How do you know you’ll be able to get an operation in America?’

  Kel shrugged and she told her you could buy whatever you wanted in South America, she had read about it.

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘A kidney, other organs I spose, whatever.’

  ‘Even a new heart?’

  ‘Maybe, or bits to make the one I got better.’

  ‘I doubt it. Can’t you get it fixed in the UK?’

  ‘You’re kiddin, int you? Swamp folk don’t get operations, hospitals won’t touch us, doubt if they would even if we did have money.’

  ‘Well, I know you’re poor because of the rags you’re wearing but couldn’t you just have just found someone rich to foot the bill?’

  ‘You reckon?’

  ‘I suppose not, but you could have gone around one of the towers, pleaded or whatever.’

  ‘I int no beggar.’ Kel wished she’d kept quiet.

  ‘Oh God forbid that that was the case, but being a kidnapper is perfectly fine.’ Rose started to giggle. ‘It doesn’t matter anyway, if you came around our tower I’d think you were a beggar, so.’

  Kel looked the girl over; the pretty pink clothes at odds with her rough tongue.

  Kel ignored her, she pushed out a foot to slide her bag toward the girl and she told her to eat something, put something in her mouth besides questions.

  ‘Didn’t you have anything to barter so you didn’t have to steal someone?’

  Kel looked at the baby and shrugged. ‘Nothin,’ she said.

  ‘So what’s in the bag besides bread?’

  ‘Nothin much.’

  ‘Nothing much of what?’

  ‘Just bits and bobs stuff, nothin worth botherin bout.’

  ‘Let me look.’

  Kel watched the girl pull items from the bag like it was an unlucky dip. She began lining the things up on the seat beside her. ‘Rain mac, lighter, lighter fuel, tobacco tins, water bottle, nappies, I’m guessing, pencils, more plastic bags and what’s this? A notebook? Didn’t think you could write, but whatever.’

  Kel told her to stop and not to take anything else out of the bag and she grabbed the notebook and slid it down the side of her boot.

  ‘What?’ asked Rose. ‘These are fine things to carry around, fine mementos from the swamps.’

  Kel put out her hand, told the girl to take some bread if she wanted it but to return her things to the bag and the bag to her.

  ‘I’ll skip the bread, thank you.’ Rose pushed the bag back toward Kel with her foot.

  Kel opened the bag and tore a chunk of bread and split it two ways and passed one to Rose and told her to eat, that it was better to be full than hungry.

  ‘We won’t be long,’ she said. ‘Just gotta get in order to get gone.’ The baby started to cry so Kel picked it up and passed it to Rose, told her to make herself useful and shut it up.

 
; ‘Get in order to get gone, what does that even mean?’

  ‘Get to where we’re goin and then it won’t be long till you’re home in your fancy tower.’ Kel looked at the girl and she could see a little wild wind had picked up inside her, could see it whistling in her eyes.

  ‘How long?’ asked Rose.

  Kel shrugged. ‘Not long.’ She wondered how long it would take the ship to get to America, buy the guns and about turn. It would be weeks at least.

  ‘Like I said. Few days,’ she lied. ‘No more than a week.’

  ‘And how do you know?’ Rose asked.

  ‘Cus that’s the plan.’

  ‘And how do you know I’ll be OK?’

  ‘I’ll be round for a bit, I’ll keep my eye on you.’

  ‘No you won’t, you’ll be off to America to get your big paper-bag heart shrunk or whatever, and where will I be? Basement-bound no doubt, a hole in the ground or some place equally wonderful.’

  ‘You’ll be treated right.’

  ‘Oh, yes, tied up and sedated probably so that freaks and cowpokes can come and do whatever they like with me.’

  Kel backed up the motor for a little calm. She looked at the girl and she thought about the plan and how up to this point it didn’t involve thinking of ‘the goods’ as a real person, she hadn’t reckoned on that part of the deal. Rose was a living thing and despite her big mouth Kel supposed she didn’t deserve more than a safe turnaround of events.

  ‘I’ll see to it that you’re all right. I’ll make em promise.’ She nodded at the girl and with her honest eyes she told her that she meant it. Whatever it took, Kel would make sure that Rose was taken care of until she was safely exchanged for the contraband, the guns.

  ‘Yes, well, I don’t believe you.’

  ‘Well you int got much choice in the matter.’

  ‘OK.’

  ‘OK. It won’t be for long anyhow.’ Kel looked out into the ocean and sighed, she was so close to getting what she wanted, so why did she feel so bad?

  ‘Why didn’t you catch me and head off earlier,’ asked Rose, ‘I mean, if we’re having the conversation. Why did you wait two nights?’

  ‘I couldn’t find you.’

  ‘Ha, that’s funny, I should have hidden myself away for the duration. That would have messed things up big time.’

  They sat in silence and Kel knew Rose was filtering and figuring things out and then suddenly she turned to Kel and asked if she had seen the sky.

  Kel glanced up from the horizon. ‘Gettin dark,’ she said. ‘Gettin dark with rain.’

  ‘Getting dark with rain is an understatement. It takes a lot to sink a lifeboat, doesn’t it?’

  Kel nodded. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll be there soon, int so far. Night and day is all. Put the mac on.’ Kel didn’t know what the fuss was all about, she hadn’t bothered with the bind and gag, and anyway, the girl was already wet from falling into the sea.

  ‘You don’t know that,’ said the girl. ‘You don’t know how far we’ve got to go. Didn’t we just spend a couple of days at sea?’

  ‘I know all what I got to do, got instructions for all of this.’ Kel wished she could look at her notebook for reassurance but the girl was watching her, doubting her, making her look stupid. Rich people did that.

  ‘A couple of days by ship versus forty-eight hours by speedboat, how does that even work?’

  ‘We’re smaller, lighter.’

  ‘So?’

  ‘Means we can go faster.’

  Rose nodded, and Kel could tell she was pretending to think. ‘Did you ever go to school?’

  Kel ignored her.

  ‘The ship’s gotta be someplace soon enough, and your dad don’t seem the type of man to be late on a delivery, especially what he got deliverin.’

  ‘Furniture?’

  ‘And the rest.’

  ‘What?’

  Kel sighed. ‘Your dad runs guns if you dint know. He’s not just the captain of a ship, he’s a trafficker – a proper kingpin. That’s just bout why you get to live the life you lead.’

  Rose stared at Kel for the longest time and she asked her if she was serious.

  ‘Why do you think I was asked to kidnap you?’

  ‘Because my dad’s rich? For ransom money?’

  Kel shook her head. ‘Money int worth the paper it’s printed on for swamp folk. You got money and all and everyone thinks you stole it in any case. Guns is currency now, you can get a lot for guns.’

  ‘I thought you were getting money to bring me wherever.’

  ‘I’m gettin paid in goods.’

  ‘What kind of goods?’

  ‘Drugs.’

  ‘What type?’

  ‘I dunno. Drugs is drugs innit? I never ask.’

  ‘Depends what you’re into, how bad your life is.’

  ‘I int into none but sellin. There int no other angle to this whole thing cept fixin up my heart so don’t bother askin.’

  ‘So you’ve decided to piss on other people’s fireworks?’

  Kel shrugged. Life wasn’t fair however you looked at it, it sucked like a lemon every which way.

  ‘You’re just about as selfish as it gets. Hey, you’re not one of those child pirates are you? I’ve heard about them.’

  ‘Course not, just don’t wanna die.’ The truth suddenly made Kel flinch and her hand went to the knife for reassurance.

  ‘She’s not going to die,’ said Rose to the baby that was waking in her arms. ‘It seems to me like you’ve got along OK so far haven’t you?’

  Kel ignored her. Yes, no and whatever else was banging and bumping in her head.

  ‘I mean, how do you know you have a heart problem anyway?’

  ‘Born with it.’

  ‘Yes, but how do you know?’

  ‘Told it.’ Kel leaned forward to pass the rain mac to Rose.

  ‘By who?’

  ‘Me folks.’

  ‘How do they know?’

  ‘Told it, and don’t ask by who.’ She caught Rose’s eye and looked away.

  ‘Does that mean you don’t know either? Sounds like you’ve been fed a load of nonsense to me?’

  Kel sighed. ‘I was born with it and was a weak kid cus of it and all in it beats wrong and I know that cus I can feel it.’ She looked up at the rain that was beginning to fall.

  ‘You don’t look like you were born a weak kid.’

  ‘I was.’

  Kel could tell the girl was thinking things through and she told her not to bother. ‘I just was always meant to take things easy, not to go overexertin, even though my life int nothin but.’

  ‘Ha. Well, I don’t know why you’re so bothered,’ said Rose flatly. ‘Life’s just about as crap and boring as it is anyway: maybe you should accept defeat.’

  ‘Got more fight in me than that.’

  ‘Really? I think I’d just rather go out on one big party and then boom, go up in smoke. At least I’d die happy.’ She leaned back so she could bounce the baby on her lap, it had started to cry.

  ‘How you know?’ asked Kel.

  ‘What?’

  ‘You’d die happy?’

  ‘Girl, there’s too much thinking about you, of course I’d die happy.’ She looked at Kel and smiled, a little light returning to her eyes.

  Kel looked away.

  ‘So how old are you?’

  ‘Fifteen.’

  ‘Snap. So isn’t it all about the partying, Keryn?’

  ‘No, in the slums it’s all bout survivin.’ Kel looked at the whingeing baby and she wished she had the nerve to toss it overboard.

  ‘I thought swamp kids had nothing to lose,’ said Rose.

  ‘We don’t.’

  ‘And everything to gain?’

  ‘That int right.’

  ‘Well that’s sad,’ said Rose. ‘That’s really stinking sad.’

  Kel ignored her, the girl was smirking and Kel was filled with the passion for pushing. She wished the girl gone, gone into the water and down as deep a
s the ocean floor.

  ‘Aw, now I’ve gone and upset the kidnapper,’ said Rose and Kel knew the girl’s eyes were skirting toward the gun that she had lodged behind her legs.

  ‘Won’t do you no good to think bout it,’ Kel said.

  ‘What? What am I thinking about?’

  ‘The gun, escapin, whatever.’

  ‘It hasn’t even crossed my mind; there’s nothing better than being up close and personal with a stinking swamp kid.’

  Kel told her to shut up and she turned her ear away from Rose’s sarcastic run of mouth. It wasn’t humour and if it was it was the worst kind. The girl was all spikes and spears and barb, Kel couldn’t wait to offload her and she put her mind to the motor and let the sea spray splash across the bow as they pushed forward.

  Night came in a slow-slip stretch and Kel was glad when it was finally pulled and tucked neatly about them. She could stare headlong into its yawning gape and take comfort in infinity. Forget about the girl a moment, forget about the baby.

  In the dark night Rose was nothing to her, the girl’s prying eyes just blown-out stars and her dancing tongue silenced in sleep.

  Time eclipsed the two girls racing in the boat. Night followed day followed night. They didn’t speak except to ask for the passing of food or water. Bar feeding and changing time Kel ignored the baby when it cried and on those ear-piercing occasions Rose would sigh and click her tongue and gather it up into her arms for petting.

  Kel told herself that it wouldn’t be long now. She tag-tailed the stars the way she had been told so she knew well the way in which they were heading. She could see the barricade of coastline in the distance, the curve of headland as they finally entered the bay.

  Through the blue of dark light Kel could see the silhouettes of the dock buildings, the cranes and winches swinging into view and behind that the towers stood like shadows haunting the higher ground. She imagined the swamps and her own swamp forest lying off behind and it made her sick thinking about it, her mind returned there and she wished it hadn’t.

  ‘I can see the towers,’ said Rose suddenly.