My Sister’s Secret

by Tracy Buchanan

  ‘Yes, Hope and I—’ Charity paused. It still hurt to think about what had happened in Austria between them.

  ‘I know what happened out there,’ Niall said softy. ‘Hope told me.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘Just before I wrote that letter suggesting I visit. I had to go back to Busby to take a couple more photos of the submerged forest there for a commission. Hope saw me when I was in town briefly. She was annoyed, had a go at me like I purposely dragged you out that night with the sole intention of killing Faith.’ Charity flinched and Niall shook his head. ‘Sorry.’

  Charity took in a deep breath. ‘It’s fine. I should have told them all those years ago.’

  ‘You were right not to.’

  ‘I’m not so sure.’

  ‘I think Hope’s being unfair.’

  ‘Is she?’ Charity said, feeling angry all of a sudden. ‘Would it really have been so terrible if I’d just told my parents and Hope I was there?’

  ‘Yes!’ Niall said. ‘Look at how Hope has reacted. Your family was everything to you. It would have destroyed you if it changed the way they saw you back then, and it would have destroyed them.’

  ‘No,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘We made a mistake not saying anything, Niall. It’s haunted me ever since.’

  Charity let out a sob and Niall pulled her into his arms.

  ‘It’s okay,’ Niall whispered into her ear. ‘I know how hard this must be for you.’

  She looked up at him. ‘How did Hope seem when you saw her?’

  ‘Hope is fine, you know how she is.’

  ‘But it’s been months and she hasn’t been in touch.’

  ‘This isn’t an argument about you borrowing one of her scarves, Charity.’

  She stepped away from him, wiping her eyes. ‘I know.’

  Niall peered up at the blackening skies. ‘I think the heavens are about to open. Time for fish and chips?’

  Ten minutes later they were sitting in the tiny fish and chip café overlooking blustery seas.

  ‘I forgot how much you liked your ketchip sarnies,’ Charity said as she watched Niall place some chips into his slice of bread and slather it in tomato ketchup.

  ‘Ketchip! I forgot we called them that.’ He looked at Charity’s plate. ‘And I forgot how much you loved your mushy peas. Is that a double helping?’

  ‘I’m trying to be healthy. They’re vegetables, aren’t they?’ She scooped up some of her peas and slathered them over Niall’s sandwich. ‘There, now you can be healthy too.’

  He frowned as he looked at it. Then he smiled. ‘A ketchipea sarnie.’

  They both burst out laughing, people in the café turned to look at them. They continued talking, ordering puddings then tea to avoid having to leave and go their separate ways. When they eventually ran out of things to order, they huddled under the café’s doorway against the rain.

  ‘It’s been good seeing you,’ Niall said.

  ‘Yeah, I’ve enjoyed it.’

  ‘Maybe we can do lunch tomorrow? I’m here until Sunday.’

  Charity smiled. ‘I’d like that. I know a good place near my hut. You’ve got my address, why don’t you come by at twelvish?’ She glanced up at the rain. ‘I better head back before this gets worse. My landlady promises me the hut doesn’t flood but I’m not sure it’ll be able to handle anything more than this.’

  Niall frowned. ‘Call if it does flood. Don’t feel like you have to deal with it alone.’

  She smiled. ‘Oh, Niall, I’m not a helpless girl any more.’

  Niall didn’t say anything, just watched her. She felt her cheeks flush.

  ‘Bye then, Niall,’ she said, stepping away from the doorway. ‘Take care.’

  ‘You too, Charity,’ Niall replied.

  She put her head down and walked away.

  That night, Charity was woken by a howling noise from outside. She got up and peered out of her window to see trees arched by intense winds, the sea so violent, waves were nearly reaching her door. In the distance the little white lighthouse seemed to tremble at the violence of the sea. Nearby, several people were battling against the winds to place sandbags along the beach, including Charity’s landlady and her sullen looking daughter.

  Charity pulled her jeans and jumper on, grabbing her raincoat and wellies. When she got outside, her door nearly flew off its hinges. The roar of the wind and the sea were so loud it deafened her. But she battled against it, going to the group and helping them to lay sandbags across the lane in front of her hut as her landlady smiled a thanks at her.

  As she was reaching for another sandbag, she heard a creaking sound and looked up to see a tree bending towards her. Before she had a chance to jump out of the way, someone pulled her from its path as it crashed on to the lane.

  She turned to see it was Niall, face wet from the rain, the hood of his coat blowing up around him. She struggled to take a breath at the sight of him.

  ‘Are you okay?’ he shouted to her over the storm. ‘I woke to the storm and was worried.’

  ‘I’m fine.’ He was still holding her. She looked into his eyes, trying to compose herself.

  ‘Don’t just stand there!’ the landlady said to Niall. ‘You look strong. Come and help.’

  They both jogged over, helping with the sandbags, the storm around them seeming to stir all sorts of feelings. When Niall handed a sandbag to Charity, their fingertips touched, sparking something. He held her gaze and she tried to control her breathing.

  ‘We should get inside,’ her landlady shouted to them. ‘We’ve done what we can. The storm’s getting worse, it’s dangerous out here.’

  ‘Come to the hut,’ Charity said to Niall. ‘I’ll make us tea and we can wait the storm out.’

  They both jogged towards her hut, Niall shielding Charity from the rain with his coat, and she let them in, slamming the door shut against the storm. They stood looking at each other in the semi darkness, rain dripping off their hair and skin.

  ‘God, you’re beautiful,’ Niall said.

  He pulled her towards him, his lips finding hers, his fingertips digging into her wet hair. The familiar feel of Niall’s lips sent Charity plunging back into the past; into other nights like this, stolen kisses in the darkness, whispers of love, the way she was feeling inside matching the storm raging outside.

  He kissed her neck, then her collarbone, her feelings mounting as he yanked her coat off, she his, both hungry for each other after all these years.

  When Niall moved his hand beneath the waistband of her jeans, the sweet ache she remembered as a teenager hummed through her as he slipped his fingers inside her. She leant her head back and let out a moan as he buried his lips in her hot neck.

  They stumbled into the living room, finding the sofa in the darkness. Niall tugged her jeans off then her knickers as she frantically undid his jeans, feeling the same thrill she used to feel at the soft sound of his zip in contrast to the feel of him, hard against her palm.

  ‘God, I’ve missed you,’ he murmured into her ear.

  The storm lashed outside, the noise filling her ears, blocking her senses and thoughts of anything but the way Niall was making her feel when he touched her.

  As he plunged into her, the storm seemed to reach its peak, roaring in her ears as she cried out.

  When Charity woke the next morning, she watched Niall sleeping for a few moments. She’d never seen him sleep. He didn’t look peaceful. He seemed troubled, brow furrowed, breath deep and low. It was exactly how she imagined he would sleep, dreams in turmoil.

  She looked down at his naked body, tanned and muscular. Had they really done what they had done? She ought to feel guilty, regretful. But instead, it felt right.

  She shrugged the blanket they’d thrown over each other off and knelt up to look out of the window. The beach looked ravaged, rubbish and fallen trees strewn all over, water pooling on the path as sirens sounded in the distance. But it was calmer. Charity felt the same, a mixture of tender aching, but cal
m too.

  She felt Niall’s hands slide up her body and grasp her breasts. Then he pulled her on top of him.

  She looked into his eyes. ‘This is right, isn’t it?’

  He frowned. ‘Why wouldn’t it be?’

  She thought of her sister and how angry she’d be. ‘Hope.’

  Niall sighed. ‘You can’t keep basing your actions on what your sister might think.’

  ‘But she’s all the family I have.’

  ‘And you’re all the family she has. She needs to give you a break. Look, I love you, Charity. Always have, simple as that. That’s all that matters. There’s been no one like you since.’

  ‘Like me?’ she said, sliding off him and leaning on her hand as she looked at him. ‘So there have been others?’

  ‘Are we doing the ex talk?’ he asked, smiling.

  ‘We certainly are. So?’

  He laughed. ‘There have been others. But just casual, nothing special.’

  ‘Same for me. Well, there was Ashton the firefighter.’

  Niall quirked an eyebrow. ‘You never said anything about a firefighter.’

  ‘It lasted six months. There are only so many jokes about climbing poles a woman can take.’

  He wrapped his arms around her. ‘I don’t want you thinking about fireman poles right now. All I want you thinking about is me.’

  ‘That’s easy,’ she said, growing serious. ‘You’re all I’ve ever thought about for the past ten years.’

  She’d just been thirteen when she’d started falling for him. But every relationship since – if you could call them that – had been dominated by thoughts and comparisons to Niall. Now he was here, right in front of her, in her bed…naked. She felt the thrill of that fact shimmer through her and she pressed her body against his. ‘You’re right. This is all that matters.’

  As they sunk back down on to the bed together, Niall’s lips exploring her body, she got a brief flash of Faith’s beautiful face in her mind. She quickly buried it away.

  Niall stayed after that. It was just the way it was. He had nowhere else to be, and she wanted him there, with her.

  Her favourite times were at night when she got back from work to find Niall sitting at the small table, photos sprawled out over its surface as he got his portfolio together to send out to agencies. After dinner, she and Niall would curl up together, watching a film or just talking. It felt like they were teenagers again, when they used to huddle together at night in their cave, keeping each other warm and talking into the night about their future together. The only difference now was that they talked about the past, the good past, before Faith died. The future seemed to slip and slide out of Charity’s grasp when she tried to fathom it, and she could tell Niall felt the same. Their future together had been snatched away from them when they were teenagers, so they weren’t sure what to do with it now they had it back. Charity’s contract would run out in April, that’s all that was certain.

  Over two months after their first night together, they celebrated their first Christmas together. Charity cooked them a turkey dinner and, as they said cheers, it almost felt like this was the way Christmas was meant to be, apart from the thoughts of Hope that niggled at the back of Charity’s mind. She’d sent her sister a card and a present – a small scarf she’d found in a local market with lines from famous poems scribbled all over it. She’d also included yet another letter, asking Hope for forgiveness, telling her how much she missed her. But she had received nothing back. When she tried to call Hope on Christmas morning, there was no answer. So she left a message on their ancient answering machine, asking her to at least call or write to let Charity know she was okay.

  ‘Let’s go out,’ Niall said as he watched Charity nibble at her nails, worrying about Hope.

  ‘Where?’

  ‘You’ll see.’

  After a short drive, they reached a stretch of beach, a shipwreck visible in the distance. The wreck looked lonely on the vast beach that spread out around it.

  ‘It’s called the SS Vina,’ Niall explained as they walked towards it under bright blue skies. Charity zipped her coat up and dug her gloves out. It might be bright and beautiful, but it was cold too. ‘It was used as a naval vessel in the Second World War,’ Niall continued. ‘Then the RAF used it for target practice. We’re lucky, you can’t always walk to it if the tide is in.’

  As they drew closer to the wreck, all of it came into view. There were three main parts to rusting ship, with other items scattered all around, including several pieces of long metal that jutted up from the water, reminding Charity of the submerged forest in India. The front of the wreck was the largest part, black, mossy and littered with sea snails. Most of the wreck was so overtaken with moss and sea snails that she could barely see it was a ship any more.

  Niall pulled his camera out of his rucksack and started taking photos.

  ‘Oh, I see, you brought me here for selfish purposes,’ Charity said as she watched him.

  Niall smiled. ‘No, I’ll show you why I brought you here.’ He took her hand and led her to a small archway that may have once been a door. ‘There are no caves around here. So I thought this would be the closest thing we’d get.’

  He pulled a picnic blanket out of his bag and lay it on the wet sand. Then he got out some candles and matches, a small turquoise cushion and another blanket. Charity smiled. He was trying to recreate the cave hideaway they spent hours in during their teenage years. He sat down on the picnic blanket and patted the space next to him. ‘Come on.’

  She sat beside him, teeth chattering from the freezing cold. He lay a blanket over their legs and she smiled.

  ‘What’s in there?’ she asked, pointing to the plastic box.

  He opened it to reveal a small Christmas pudding. She laughed. ‘I love it.’

  ‘Happy Christmas.’

  ‘Happy Christmas to you.’

  They kissed then looked out at the calm sea, eating Christmas pudding as they huddled together, the flames from the candle flickering in the dark archway.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Charity

  Norfolk, UK

  January 1988

  Charity watched Niall preparing his diving equipment, a look of concentration on his face, his broad shoulders hunched as he examined his camera. Her eyes travelled over the nape of his neck and the dark bristles of his hair, and she had to stop herself marching out there and dragging him back into the hut to make love again. She smiled to herself. It was like she was a teenager again. She felt the same as she had in those heady days, carefree and happy.

  She was about to get up and make some tea when Niall let out a yell of frustration and threw his camera against a nearby wall.

  She ran outside, wrapping her cardigan around herself, picking up the pieces of his camera as Niall paced up and down in frustration. ‘Why did you do that?’

  ‘It’s busted.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yeah. I had a feeling this might happen, I’ve had it years. This is a fucking nightmare.’

  ‘Can’t you get another one?’

  He laughed bitterly. ‘With what money? It’s run out, Charity. Haven’t you been wondering why I haven’t offered to contribute towards the rent?’

  ‘I didn’t realise your money situation was that bad,’ she said.

  Niall sighed. ‘Well, it is. I was hoping I’d get an assignment from the portfolios I sent out, but nothing. Maybe people are starting to realise I’m no good.’

  Charity put the camera pieces down and ran up to him, wrapping her arms around him. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. You’re talented, Niall.’

  ‘Nothing I can do about it now though, is there?’ he said, looking towards the broken camera.

  ‘I have a bit of money.’

  He shook his head, face vehement. ‘No. Your contract’s up in April. You’ll need that to tide you over to your next job.’

  ‘Honestly, Niall, I don’t mind.’

  ‘But I do.’ He stepped a
way from her, looking out to sea. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out.’

  Two weeks later, Niall came home with a brand new, very expensive-looking camera.

  ‘How’d you get this?’ she asked him.

  ‘Advance from a new assignment.’

  ‘That’s wonderful, Niall! What sort of assignment is it?’

  ‘I’m taking photos of submerged forests around the UK for some adverts.’

  ‘They must have really liked the photos you took in Busby and India.’

  Niall nodded. ‘I’ll be heading up north to the Wirral next week to take some photos of the forest there. I’ll be able to give you some rent after.’

  ‘How long will you be gone for?’

  ‘Just a week.’ He smiled, leaning over to kiss her on the lips. ‘We better make the most of the days we have left.’

  Over the next couple of months Niall visited different submerged forests around the UK’s coastline. He’d return and they would carry on as normal, but Charity noticed that he seemed preoccupied. When he returned from a visit to Dartmouth, he seemed in better spirits, grabbing her into a hug and twirling her around when she got back from work.

  ‘You seem happy,’ she said, laughing.

  ‘They’re going to exhibit my work!’

  ‘Who are?’

  ‘A gallery in King’s Lynn. I just got the call while you were at work. The owner heard about the work I do and he wants to dedicate an entire space to my photographs.’

  ‘That’s brilliant, Niall!’

  ‘I feel like things are really happening,’ Niall said, blue eyes sparking with excitement. ‘People are starting to take notice.’

  ‘And so they should.’

  ‘They’re even having a drinks reception.’ He quirked an eyebrow. ‘I might need to buy a suit…and a dress for you. I’m going to treat you to one with the money I’ve earned.’

  She smiled. ‘I better make sure I’m not on call that night. When is it?’

  ‘Twenty-first of March.’ He closed his eyes. ‘Shit, Charity, I’m so sorry. The anniversary of Faith’s death. I’ll get it changed.’