My Sister’s Secret

by Tracy Buchanan

  Dan laughed. ‘Lucky we have the best cruise ship in the world to master these waves, hey?’

  The crowd laughed nervously.

  ‘So, now we have a treat for you all,’ he said. ‘Please take a moment to look towards our ocean viewing area. There are also screens around the room for your viewing pleasure.’

  As he spoke, television screens fixed to the walls blinked to life, showing close-ups of the ocean floor. Charity peered over the rails at the viewing area, taking in the turquoise waters and seabed rocks. Shoals of fish shimmied by as people gasped and clapped.

  All she could see was her sister’s face.

  Nausea worked its way up inside her. She scraped her chair back from the table and ran out into the corridor, towards the bar and out on to the balcony. She slid the glass door open and stumbled out, leaning over the balcony, not even noticing the driving rain, to take in large gulps of air.

  ‘Oh God,’ she whispered. ‘Oh Jesus Christ.’

  ‘Charity, what on earth’s the matter?’ She turned to see Dan step out on to the balcony, the wind buffeting his hair.

  She turned to him. ‘You gave Faith a necklace, didn’t you? It was your mother’s.’

  Dan’s whole body stilled, his face whitening.

  ‘You did,’ she said, putting her hand to her mouth. ‘My God, you really did.’

  His green eyes lifted to meet Charity’s. They were devoid of emotion. ‘I loved her.’

  Charity closed her eyes, struggling to take in this confirmation of all her fears. ‘How long?’

  ‘Seven months.’

  ‘How did you meet?’

  ‘Her first week at university. I came in to do a talk for business studies students about starting up a business. We bumped into each other in the canteen, literally.’ He got a faraway look in his eyes. ‘Her smile did something to me. She saw my label, realised I worked in the shipping business. We got talking and—’ He swallowed, face pained. ‘It went on from there.’

  Charity thought about it for a moment. ‘You were already married to Lana then, weren’t you?’

  Dan nodded.

  ‘So that’s why you both kept it a secret. And you were the father of her baby?’

  ‘I was,’ he said, his voice breaking. Charity shook her head, feeling sick to her very core.

  ‘I can’t believe what I’m hearing.’

  He started pacing up and down the balcony, his face twisted with rage. Charity barely recognised him. ‘I was there the night Faith died you know. I was the witness who took Niall’s licence plate number down.’

  ‘You were there?’ Charity felt her legs go weak. She remembered someone had testified but she’d never been allowed to attend court. ‘What about Faith?’ she whispered. ‘Did you see it happen?’

  Dan placed his hand against a pillar, looking down at the floor as he took deep breaths. ‘No. I got there just after.’

  ‘Why on earth was she walking on the road in the early hours?’

  ‘We argued about the baby. She wanted to keep it but – but I wanted her to get an abortion.’

  ‘How could you!’ Charity shook her head. ‘Poor Faith.’

  ‘She jumped out of my car and hurried down the road. I stayed in the car for a while, trying to calm myself down. Then I went after her but by the time I got there, it was too late.’ He looked up at Charity, face distraught. ‘I heard her moaning at the bottom of the slope.’

  Charity let out a sob. ‘Oh God.’

  ‘She kept saying her head hurt, that she was dizzy. When I felt it, her hair was matted with blood but it was so dark, I couldn’t see it. I learnt later she’d hit her head on a rock. She told me she’d dropped her bag and was leaning down to get it when Niall’s car glanced her, knocking her down the slope.’ He let out a sob.

  ‘She was still alive when you found her?’ Charity asked.

  He nodded, face contorted with grief.

  Charity felt her legs give way and she slumped down on to the floor. It was all too unbearable.

  ‘I held her as she died.’ Dan shook his head, taking in a shuddering breath.

  Charity was quiet for a moment, then she said: ‘So you were the witness who found her?’

  ‘Yes. But I didn’t tell the police I knew her, I said I’d just been walking along the road. I couldn’t have Lana finding out.’ He shook his head. ‘All that beauty and talent extinguished in a few moments. All because of him.’ He curled his hands into fists. ‘But all he got was two years. Two years for taking my love and our baby away from me! So I had to take something away from him too, something he loved deeply.’

  Charity stared up at him. ‘Revenge? This has all been about revenge?’

  Dan nodded. ‘I remembered the licence plate and the make of the car so I reported him. I embellished the truth a little, said he’d seen her fall down the slope but didn’t stop for her. I was patient. I knew you’d eventually return to Busby-on-Sea, Niall too once he found out you were back. Then I did all I could to get you back together so I could pull you apart again.

  ‘I don’t understand, how did you get Lana to drive into a tree?’

  He shook his head. ‘Of course I didn’t make her do that. But it worked out rather conveniently, didn’t it?’ Dan seemed more together now, almost proud of his plan. ‘I didn’t like using you as a pawn, I know Faith wouldn’t have approved of that part of my plan. But it was all I had. And when you really think about it, I was doing you a favour. How could Niall ever be good for you? What on earth were you thinking?’

  ‘So you were responsible for the lookalike model in India. The newspaper article. Sabotaging Niall’s job prospects,’ Charity said. ‘My God, it all makes sense now. And then what? Did you seduce me to hurt Niall, marry me to add insult to injury?’ She let out a sob. ‘You never truly loved me, did you? It was all about getting revenge on Niall.’

  His face softened. ‘That’s the problem, Charity. I did fall in love with you.’

  ‘I don’t believe you. You can’t possibly be capable of love after what you did to me, to Niall. It was an accident, Dan. All this for an accident. There was no intention to kill Faith, you understand that, don’t you?’

  He shook his head. ‘This is what I’ve never understood about you, the way you continue to defend Niall despite what he did to Faith. He killed your sister. You can’t see him for what he is, a murderer.’

  She felt anger build inside. ‘But he isn’t, for God’s sake! Maybe I’d understand all this if he’d actually intended to kill Faith. But he didn’t.’ She shook her head, backing away. ‘I can’t let you have anything to do with me and Willow after this.’

  He laughed. ‘Really? You think you can take her away from me?’

  ‘I can if she isn’t yours,’ she spat.

  He sighed. ‘So it’s true then, you did fuck Niall in Kazakhstan.’

  She looked at Dan in surprise. ‘You knew?’

  ‘I knew he followed you out there, yes, of course I suspected.’

  ‘And yet despite that, you’ve loved and cared for Willow.’

  ‘I was happy to once again take something that belonged to Niall and keep her from him.’ His face softened. ‘Turns out my love for Willow quickly outweighed my hatred for Niall.’

  Charity walked to the edge of the balcony and looked out at the turbulent sea. ‘You don’t know anything about love.’

  ‘And you do, Charity? Aren’t you the woman who has never been able to make up her mind between two men?’

  ‘Love isn’t about revenge,’ she said without looking at him. ‘It’s about protecting the person you love, no matter what.’

  ‘Like you’ve done for Niall all these years?’

  ‘No,’ she said, turning towards hm. ‘Like he has protected me all these years. That’s true love.’

  ‘Protected you from what? What are you talking about?’

  The sea roared in her ears, rain now lashing down on her. Her mind spun, her whole body trembled, her hatred for Dan and the way
he’d manipulated her, taken Niall from her, made a fool of her, boiling inside.

  ‘I was driving,’ she shouted. ‘I killed Faith.’

  It felt shockingly wonderful to say it out loud. She never thought it would feel this way after all these years of keeping the secret – the secrets of all secrets – deep inside her. So many times she’d wanted to confess, to tell Hope, even Dan. But fear had stopped her.

  But now it was out in the open and she felt free.

  Dan looked at her, face stricken. ‘No,’ he whispered.

  ‘Yes, Dan,’ Charity said. ‘Niall’s been covering for me all these years. He loves me so much, he went to prison for me. All your hard work to get revenge has been a waste. I killed Faith, Dan.’ She put her hand to her mouth, stifling her sobs. ‘I – I killed my sister. Oh God, Faith, my poor darling Faith.’ She crouched down, hand to mouth as she saw the wet road as it was that day, felt her feet on the pedals, the gear stick in her hand.

  ‘Not too fast,’ Niall had said. She’d ignored him, pressing her foot on the accelerator, adrenaline rushing through her.

  ‘Practise makes perfect, remember,’ she said. ‘And now you have this car, we can do lots of practising.’ Then she’d turned to him, searching out his lips. It had just been the briefest of moments, mere seconds, but it was enough.

  The car swerved as they reached the bend, and Charity felt a soft bump on the car. Niall grabbed the steering wheel, shouting at Charity to put her foot on the brake.

  ‘What was that?’ she’d asked, voice trembling as they came to a stop.

  ‘A deer or something. We better check.’

  They’d both got out, Charity pulling her coat around herself, terrified at the thought she’d hurt an animal.

  Would it still be alive? Could they take it to the vet’s?

  Would she get into trouble?

  They’d scoured the road but found nothing. When they’d got back into the car, Niall took over the driving. ‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘It was probably nothing.’

  And the thing was, she hadn’t worried. The incident evaporated from her mind as she’d put her hand on Niall’s knee, sad another night with him was drawing to an end. Then they’d driven away.

  Was that when Dan had seen them? If he’d turned up a few moments before, or if Niall hadn’t insisted on taking the blame, how different would things have been?

  ‘We’re not so different, are we, Charity?’ Dan said now, bringing Charity sharply back to the wet deck and tumultuous waves below. ‘Lives filled to the brim with terrible secrets and lies.’

  There was a sound of footsteps on the deck. Charity looked up to see one of the deckhands running towards them, a terrified look on his face.

  ‘The captain needs you, sir,’ he said.

  Dan frowned. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘There’s a wave coming, it—’

  The ship jolted violently. Charity stumbled, falling against a set of sun loungers as Dan slid across the deck, grabbing on to a pillar to steady himself.

  Screams rang out from inside.

  Charity looked out at the sea to see a huge wave curling up into the air. There was a loud creaking sound and the ship jerked again. Dan tried to grab for her, their fingers grazing.

  ‘Willow,’ she whispered.

  Then the wave engulfed the ship.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Willow

  Near Busby-on-Sea

  October 2016

  I hear the creak of a floorboard and look up to see Aunt Hope watching me from the door. Her eyes drop to the photo I’m holding and she sighs.

  ‘Dad knew Faith?’ I ask, holding the photo up.

  ‘So it appears.’

  ‘And you knew?’

  ‘Not until after your parents passed away when I found that same photo. That’s when I put two and two together.’

  I don’t even bother asking her why she didn’t tell me. That doesn’t matter now. All that matters is this photo I’m holding. ‘Didn’t Mum feel odd dating someone who’d gone out with her dead sister?’

  Aunt Hope’s eyes lift to meet mine. ‘I don’t think she knew. Faith never told us and I don’t think your father told your mother. She would have told me if he had.’

  I stare at the photo of Dad. ‘Jesus,’ I whisper. ‘Why would Dad keep such a thing from Mum? And why would Aunt Faith keep such a thing from her sisters?’

  My aunt sits on the bed, gliding her hand along the duvet cover, dust puffing into the air. ‘He was married.’

  ‘Oh.’

  She sighed, grey eyes emotional. ‘As for why Dan kept it a secret from your mum, I’ve asked myself the same thing all these years. I often wonder if he sought your mother out because she was the closest he could get to Faith.’

  I digest what she’s just told me. ‘Poor Mum. If she ever did find out, that would have been so painful.’

  The doorbell goes. We both look at each other. No one visits Aunt Hope here, they always track her down at the café if they need to. She gets up and, for the first time, I notice what an effort it is for her. Maybe working at the café is too much for her now.

  ‘I’ll come with you,’ I say.

  We both walk downstairs and before Aunt Hope even opens the door, I know who it is: Niall Lane. I can tell from the height, the dark hair. My aunt knows it’s him too because she pauses in the hallway, hand going to her chest. It must be difficult, seeing the man who caused her sister’s death.

  She opens the door and there he is, dressed in dark jeans and a leather jacket.

  ‘Hope,’ he says. ‘It’s been a long time.’

  My aunt doesn’t say anything at first, just stares at him. Then she crosses her arms, looking him up and down. ‘Yes?’

  He peers over her shoulder towards me. ‘I wanted to talk to Willow.’

  ‘Why?’ my aunt asks, all bravado.

  ‘It’s alright, Aunt Hope,’ I say, taking my jacket from the coat stand. ‘Shall we go for a walk?’ I ask Niall.

  He nods. ‘Okay.’

  I walk past Aunt Hope and impulsively give her arm a quick squeeze to reassure her. The gesture shocks both of us. We rarely touch.

  ‘Don’t be long,’ she calls out like I’m a teenager again as I step outside with Niall.

  I smile to myself.

  Aunt Hope watches us as we stroll down the lane together then she closes the door, a pensive look on her face. I imagine her going to her window seat, craning to see where we are. I thrust my hands into my pockets. It’s really cold today, the sea sending up a fine mist which hovers over the pebbles.

  ‘Your aunt hasn’t changed,’ Niall says.

  ‘And she never will.’

  He smiles. ‘No, she won’t, will she? She’s been good to you, taking you in. I was worried for you when I found out your mother died.’

  ‘How did you find out?’

  He looks around him, face pained. ‘I was in Busby-on-Sea actually. I’d just gone for a dive and saw people gathered at the café. I didn’t even know the cruise ship had gone down the day before. I overheard some tourist saying the sister of the café’s owner had died on the ship. When I saw the news, I realised it was Charity.’ He takes in a deep breath. ‘I felt like I’d died too. I wanted to be angry, at Dan, at the world for taking Charity from me. But there was just gut-wrenching pain. Physical pain. I actually doubled over with it.’ He looks at me as though just realising I’m there. ‘Sorry. She was your mother. I can’t possibly know what you must have felt. The last time I saw her she was with you. It was the day before she died.’

  ‘I remember. It was by the café, right?’

  He nods. ‘She’d have liked the idea of Hope taking you in.’

  ‘And what about you possibly being my father?’ I ask. ‘How would she have felt about that?’

  ‘That’s why I came actually. Turns out I can’t possibly be your father.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I’m infertile. I’ve suspected it for years. One g
irlfriend a few years back couldn’t get pregnant. I got some tests done last week. They confirmed it. There’s no chance I could ever have conceived a child.’

  ‘But what about Luki?’ I ask.

  ‘Judy was sleeping with others when I was staying at the commune. I think Luki just likes the idea his father is a British photographer.’

  I feel a heady mixture of disappointment and relief. Disappointment because part of me wanted to have a father who was alive…and who hadn’t lied to my mum.

  But there’s relief too. The fact is my father was there for me for seven years, held me when I cried.

  ‘Are you surprised?’ Niall asks.

  ‘I think so. You can’t help but see the similarities between you and me, can you? There’s the diving. I like travelling, I’m a bit of a nomad, I’m blunt as hell, not charming like my dad.’

  Niall smiles slightly. ‘You’re a spiky little thing, that’s for sure. But you probably got that from your aunt Hope.’

  I shake my head. ‘I’m nothing like her.’

  He laughs. ‘You’re just like her, it’s as clear as day. Even the way you hold yourself,’ he says, gesturing towards my crossed arms. ‘And that look in your eye.’

  ‘What look?’ I say, uncrossing my arms.

  ‘Like you’re looking right into my soul. Your aunt may have always hated me but I’ve always admired her. She spoke the truth when others didn’t.’

  I laugh. ‘The truth? You wouldn’t believe the stuff she’s kept from me.’

  ‘Maybe it’s been for your own good.’

  ‘No, I have a right to know about my parents. The things I’ve discovered today…’ I shake my head.

  He frowns. ‘What have you discovered?’

  I contemplate his face a few moments. The fact is, he loved my mum and he went out of his way to get his fertility tested for me. He deserves to know the truth. ‘Well, turns out my dad was seeing Faith.’

  Niall’s face goes white. ‘Seeing her?’

  ‘Yes.’

  I hand him the photo of my aunt with my dad. He blinks, clearly shocked. ‘This must’ve been taken the year she died, I remember her hair was really long then.’