Without moving on from Byron, Katarina knows she will wither away until there is nothing left of her. Taking one last look at the diamond butterfly and kissing it, she tosses it out into the dark cold waves. This is more than a farewell to Byron. It is saying goodbye to the way her life was before. She will no longer be weak. Too many people have died and sacrificed for her already. Now is her time to stand up, be strong, and do what she should have done all along. She will not let them down again. Doss needs her now more than ever. She realizes that. Taking control of her life and her own actions is far past due.
Strong arms wrap around her waist and soft lips kiss the back of her neck. "Come back inside."
Katarina smiles as she smells Doss's sweet pecan scent envelop her. He's so gentle with her. She turns around and hugs him. "I'm ready."
"For what? To get out of the cold?"
"To be your wife."
Doss picks her up in his arms and carries her up the beach back to the stairs up to the balcony of his apartment, slides the glass door open, than lays her down on the rug in front of the fireplace where a warm fire is blazing. He wraps a blanket around her shoulders and hands her a cup of hot cocoa before sitting down next to her and taking her hand. "It's good to see you happy again."
"I'm still hurting, you know?"
"Of course you are. That's normal and expected. But I'm glad you've opened up to me instead of staying bottled up and silent like you have been. I'm here to help you through everything if you will only let me know what I can do. I'll do anything to see you smile, Kat."
Katarina sips her hot cocoa with the tiny marshmallows and scoots over to sit between Doss's legs. She leans back against his chest and watches the flickering flames in the fireplace as the white shimmering wings protect her from the darkness of the world around her. For the first time in weeks, Katarina lets her body and mind relax. She releases all the pain, the fear, and the terrible memories. They have no place in a sanctuary like this. Relying on Doss for security and hope will be her new life and she will embrace it wholeheartedly. "Let's get married tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?"
"Yes. You're leaving on your mission in a few days, right? I don't want you to go without being married."
"Weddings in Himmel take a lot of planning." Doss says.
"We don't need a big wedding."
"I'm the vice admiral. We'll have a big wedding whether we want one or not."
"Then what's the problem?" Katarina asks as she trails her fingers along the entire length of Doss's wings.
When he speaks, he sounds a bit distracted by her. "You don't have a dress."
"I don't need one."
"Yes, you do. My wife will wear a beautiful white dress."
"I guess I need to go find one." Katarina says. Her hands move from his wings to his legs.
"You really want to do this so soon?"
"Yes. I need to move on and be able to focus on healing all these emotional wounds. You will be the man to help me with that. I want to be your wife, Doss."
"Let me talk to the guys and figure out a plan for tomorrow."
Katarina stops him from getting up. "Not yet." She pulls his face close to hers and kisses him.
Doss gently pushes her down on the rug and leans over her. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
* * *
Jarred knocks on the wall of the cave and listens hopefully for a response. Again, there is nothing. More than a month has gone by since he spoke to Jayce that one and final time. All he can think about is if Jayce is alive or not. What happened to him when they spoke last? When those people went into his room on the other side of this wall and he was screaming for help? Jarred may never know. Now there's only silence. Occasionally, he will hear the door open and people shuffling around moving what he can only think are carts and tables. Sometimes there will be an alarming beeping sound that scares the hell out of him, but other than that, nothing. Jarred makes sure to tap on the wall every day. Even if Jayce can't get to the wall and respond, maybe he will hear it and know that Jarred is still alie and thinking about him.
With everything that Jarred and Jayce have been through together, this is the absolute worst. Not being able to hear his husband's voice, see his face, or even know if he's still there is eating away at him. Jarred does menial things like drawing pictures in the dust on the floor or trying to craft weapons from the utensils out of his and Samuel's MREs just to keep his mind from falling apart.
Jarred holds onto his necklace with the bullet he got from Jayce on their wedding day that he took out of Jayce's leg. It's the only thing connecting them now. He likes to think that Jayce still has the bullet he removed from Jarred's shoulder. It's Jarred's most prized possession and he wouldn't trade it for anything . . . except for seeing Jayce again. If he could only hold his husband in his arms and be close like they always have been, then Jarred could die happy right now. Prolonging this is only hurting him. He can feel his body starting to shut down under this kind of abuse and neglect, but he knows he has to hold on for the chance that he will see Jayce again.
Samuels calls out to him from the other side of the cave. "Hey, Nymph."
They're not going to start that now. Jarred glares at him. "Don't call me that."
"I had an idea."
"That's never a good thing."
"Hear me out. See these lights?" Samuels asks, pointing up to the strings of lights hanging across the ceiling.
"Sure."
"I used to be an electrician before I joined the Inquisition. I think I should be able to rig these to catch on fire."
Jarred sits up and pushes his matted blonde hair out of his eyes. "Are you crazy? If we start a fire in here, we'll die."
"No. Look around. What's going to burn? There's nothing here for fuel."
"I think the lack of food is getting to your brain."
"That's my other point." Samuels says. "They should be bringing us food any day now, right? This time, they'll have a surprise waiting for them."
"I'm not gonna let you set this cave on fire. Think about the smoke."
"That's what will get their attention."
"We'll die." Jarred says. "There's hardly any ventilation down here. And if we're stuck in this room, we will die."
"So pessimistic."
"I prefer realistic."
Samuels leans back against the wall and stares up at the lights. "Do you have any better ideas? I'm not going to die in here."
"If we go with your asinine plan, we will most assuredly die."
"Then perhaps I'll just do it when you're asleep so you can't stop me."
"I haven't slept in three days." Jarred says. It's the truth.
"I'll wait. It's not like we have any pressing matters to attend to."
The more he hears Samuels talk about this, the more Jarred wants to just do it and see what happens. What do they really have to lose? Samuels has a good point. If they don't do anything, they will more than likely die in here anyway. At least with this, they have a slight chance of either fighting back or escaping. Jarred knows he can't die like a coward in a cave. That's not the way Jarred Cunningham does things. He stands up and claps his hands. "Let's do this, then. We might as well."
"I knew you'd come around." He jumps up with a renewed vigor that he hasn't shown the entire duration of their stay here. A dangerous glint of ambition sparks to life in his eyes. "Turn around. I want this to be a surprise."
Jarred reluctantly obeys and hears the familiar sound of a pocket knife being opened. "Did you have a knife on you this entire time?"
"It was inside me for a while then I had it."
What? Oh, that's not okay. "Gross, man."
"Well, at least I have a knife. What do you have?" Samuels asks.
"My dignity."
"Is your dignity going to save us or is my switchblade going to? You can't kill people with dignity."
"Are you sure you were an inquisitor and not some kind of crazy drug smuggler?"
&nbs
p; "To bring in the criminals, you have to learn from them and adopt some of their strategies." Samuels says.
"So what? You just keep a knife there?"
"Maybe. That's private information."
Ugh. "Too private. Now that I think about it, I don't want to know."
"Surely a rough mercenary such as yourself has done it."
Absolutely not. Never. "No. I don't like having things up my-"
"Says the gay man."
Jarred can only laugh at that. That's terrible. "Ha ha. Good one. You're awful. And who are you to make any assumptions about me?"
"Oh, calm down. It was a joke. Your father knew how you were even back then. He was so proud of you."
Jarred turns around and looks at Samuels. "My father? You knew my father?"
Samuel pulls down a string of lights and ties it in a knot. "He was one of the best recruits we had. He was so eager to be assigned as an undercover agent in the church. That's where he met your mother, right?"
He can't believe what he's hearing. "You must be mistaken. My dad was no inquisitor."
"So he held his duties so highly that he never even told you the truth. That is a sign of a good inquisitor."
"No. I don't believe you."
"Inquisitor Cunningham had so much potential." Samuels says. "Even after just a couple of years in the Inquisition, he had been slated as one of the potential candidates for Grand Inquisitor. I could have sworn you knew. When we finally get out of here, I'll give you his insignia. You deserve to have it. Dying in that car accident was not the kind of death for a man as brave and honorable as Garret Cunningham."
A million different emotions swell in Jarred's chest. How could his father have hidden something that important from him? They had been so close. Sure, Jarred was only twelve when he and his mother died, but he thought he knew all there was to know about him. And what did Samuels say? His dad knew how Jarred was even back then? Jarred doesn't feel like talking about this anymore. His childhood was a constant struggle to be the roughest, toughest, manliest man he could be so he would be like his father. He never felt adequate, particularly when the other kids his age were training to be inquisitors or into sports at school. Jarred was the outcast, casting aside their games and future plans of service in Paradise. No. He sat in the back of the room and tampered with hand grenades, rigging them to explode in different ways. That got him in trouble a few times, but it wasn't what he got in the most trouble for. When his father was called to the school for Jarred sharpening knives or setting thermite on fire outside, he would give Jarred a short lecture about not getting caught next time then they'd go to the shooting range together. When his father was called to the school because Jarred was caught kissing another boy in the hallway, he was furious and gave Jarred the worst beating of his life.
They were never the same after that. That was only a week before the car accident. They never had a chance to work it out or discuss things. Jarred was left to be an orphan on the streets with just his father's sniper rifle, a couple hundred dollars, some ammo, and a lifetime of confusion. He looks over at Samuels. "I can assure you that my father wasn't proud of me."
"Why do you say that?"
"He wouldn't approve of the man I've become."
"Because of Jayce?" Samuels asks.
"Yeah."
"The only reason he was scared of you liking men is because he was scared of himself. He didn't want your mother to be hurt if she ever found out about me."
Um . . . he must have misheard that. "What?"
"Your father and I had an on and off flirtatious kind of relationship for a few months before he got your mother pregnant."
"You're not joking, are you?" Jarred asks.
"Not at all. We were never serious or anything."
So that's why his father reacted like he did. What are the odds of Jarred being imprisoned here with the man who knew all of this about his father? Surely Samuels isn't lying about something like this. They've been in here together for long enough that Jarred believes he can trust him not to play around with something as serious as this. But now, he has so many more questions that he needs answers to. The more he finds out about his father, the less he realizes he actually knew about him.
Samuels ties off the bundle of wires. "There. I should have rigged it so when they activate the electronic lock on the door to bring us food, the entire thing will short-circuit and cause a fire. The surprise and the smoke should give us just enough of an advantage to overpower them and escape."
"And if they have reinforcements out there?" Jarred asks.
"Then we'll fight to the death."
"I'm telling you right now. Once we're out of this room, my first and only priority is getting to Jayce."
"I understand. I wouldn't expect anything else. I'll be right behind you to provide support."
Jarred holds out his hand to him. "Thanks, man."
"We're in this together, remember?" Samuels takes his hand and smiles.
21
Doss pulls his t-shirt off over his head and continues to kiss Katarina, tasting her sweet mouth and feeling her warm breath on his face as the light from the fire glows on her pale skin. He runs his fingers through her soft hair and puts his legs around her hips. Something awakens inside of him as he feels her body below him, up against his bare chest. It both tantalizes him and terrifies him. Could this be the awakening of that most intimate and primal part of humanity that he has yet to discover or fully embrace?
He'll have to wait to find out. The door opens and Kazimir clears his throat. "Doss?"
Doss jumps up and wipes Katarina's lip gloss from his face. "Hey. What are you doing here?"
"Breaking your vows already?"
"No. I was just . . . bending them." He pulls his shirt back on and helps Katarina to her feet.
Kazimir's eyes land on Doss's face. "A disciplinary scar? What did you do now?"
"I wasn't prepared for inspection and I didn't read the mission briefing Velex sent me."
"Shameful. That is a permanent mark of shame. I am very disappointed in you."
"I'm disappointed in myself. I'm better than this." Doss says.
"Get dressed in all black and put this on." Kazimir tosses something at Doss.
He catches it and examines it. It's a mask with white feathers and small silver sequins. "A masquerade mask?"
"I hope you didn't have plans for tonight. You, Katarina, Velex, Zach, and Blice are going to a meeting."
"What kind of meeting?"
"More like we're infiltrating a meeting." Velex says as he enters the room, dressed in a long black robe with a hood covering his head and a blue crystal mask. "Shadow Spies. Bet I know something you don't."
"Try me."
"Kazimir founded the Shadow Spies fifty years ago."
"I don't believe you. Anyway, I actually needed to talk to you people." Doss says as he digs through his dresser, searching for something black to wear. "Katarina and I want to get married tomorrow."
"If you do this with us and we get the plans from the Shadow Spies, then we can do that for you." Velex says. "We need your help, though. So get dressed and meet us outside under your balcony in ten minutes. Oh, and here's your mask, Katarina. Don't freak out. It talks."
Katarina takes the green feathered mask with the purple butterfly in the middle. She smiles as she pokes it. "Blice?"
He flutters his wings in response. "Hey."
"Are you going to stay there on my mask the entire night?"
"Yep. Pretty ingenious, right? I will look like just a decoration."
Doss finds some black pants in the bottom drawer. "So, why are we pretending to be Shadow Spies?"
Zach is the last one inside, looking very skinny under the bulky black cloak. "We found out that four of their agents died on Strafe when the atmosphere was destroyed. So, we are going to sneak in there and see what we can find out. Plus, they stole our plans and all the research we have been doing. It's revenge time."
Now Dos
s is even more curious. "What have you three been working on, anyway?"
"Well, we had developed a cure for Byron's nanobots, but that project was recently abandoned due to . . . circumstances." Zach slips on his golden glitter-covered mask. "Our primary research has been centered around some very illegal stuff."
"Sounds about par for course with you three. So, why are you coming, Velex? You haven't been helping out with their research."
"I have my own reasons for attending which have nothing to do with this."
"Ever heard of Nymphs?" Zach asks.
"A bit." Doss says. "Most of it's just legends and stories."
"I'll give you hints because we can't tell anyone outright for fear of them reporting us to the authorities or stealing our research."
"Like the Shadow Spies did?" Doss asks.
Kazimir shakes his head. "Yes, exactly like the Shadow Spies did. It has to do with Nymphs, dark matter, the nuclear reactor at the core of Himmel, the regeneration ring and omega code from Byron's body, and our pesky little nanobot friends, of course."
"Don't blow anything up." Doss says.
"We can't make promises like that. Now get changed and meet us down on the beach. Don't forget to hide your wings. We can't be found out and those would be a dead giveaway."
* * *
The spies in all black file into the basement as the candles flicker and cast their shadows on the walls around the altar. The black fabric hanging from the ceiling and covering the walls billows in the breeze coming in from the open door. The Shadow Spies remain silent behind their elaborate glittering and feathered masks, making this entire gathering look like a masquerade of death.
Doss glances to his right at Velex behind the blue crystal mask. How is he so calm? The longer they stay here and he watches Velex, the more Doss's suspicions make sense. Could Velex be an actual member? How else would he know so much about the inner and most intimate workings of this organization? Velex himself admitted that he is a Technotheist. All of the Shadow Spies worship technology so it fits perfectly.
Paradise Awakened Trilogy Page 37
