In This Iron Ground (Natural Magic)

by Marina Vivancos

  “Casual. Sure,” Nasir teased like he had the first time he was told.

  “It is, actually!”

  Nasir put his hands on Damien’s shoulders, away from his neck, as he shook his head in mock-sadness.

  “Is it a deteriorating disease you have, or acute blindness?” Nasir pouted at him in fake concern. Damien laughed, shrugging his hands off.

  “Shut up. What about you? Are you with someone?”

  “Yeah, actually. She, uh…was one of my TAs.”

  “Damn, Nasir. What, do you also have a type?”

  “What, you mean unavailable?” Nasir answered, giving Damien a meaningful look.

  Damien looked away. “I meant…”

  “It’s fine, man. Anyway, it’s going good, so…”

  “Is she a shifter? I mean, is that rude to ask?”

  “Well, it’s as rude as asking someone their race, I guess.”

  “Yeah, so, pretty weird in casual conversation.”

  “But pretty common.”

  “Yeah.”

  “But anyway, she’s a mijina,” Nasir said. Damien nodded. He’d only briefly read about the werebadgers originating from Japan. He made a mental note to look into it further, for curiosity’s sake.

  Nasir’s nose twitched slightly before he looked up abruptly. Damien followed his gaze and saw Hakan standing stiffly by the house, half the large yard away. Damien and Nasir had tucked themselves at the periphery, almost leaning against the tall wooden fence that circled the yard.

  Damien grinned and waved at him. He’d known that Hakan was going to show up with some friends. Hakan nodded at them, staying where he was. Damien rolled his eyes, waving at him to come closer. He knew Hakan well enough to know why he was keeping away. Hakan hesitated for a moment before walking over.

  “Hey. I’m Nasir.”

  “Hakan.”

  There was a stretch of awkward silence as they stared at each other. Damien began to feel a little uneasy. Normally, Hakan scent marked him as soon as he saw him by putting a gentle hand on the nape of his neck. So far, Hakan had barely looked at him.

  Maybe it’d been wrong to call Hakan over. Maybe Hakan didn’t want other werewolves to see them together. Maybe—

  Hakan looked at Damien, a frown twitching his eyebrows. Damien returned the stare.

  Slowly, Hakan’s hand rose and he placed it lightly on the back of Damien’s neck. Damien relaxed instantly, and the hand gripped a little harder. Not in possession, but in comfort.

  Damien leaned into Hakan’s side and the hand at his neck dropped to his waist. When Damien looked back at Nasir, he was looking at Damien with fond exasperation.

  What? Damien mouthed. Nasir shook his head, smiling.

  Hakan remained a mostly silent presence as Damien and Nasir caught up a little awkwardly. By the time Nasir went back to the main house, however, Hakan was rubbing circles over Damien’s hip bone.

  “He’s nice, right?” Damien turned so that he was face-to-face with Hakan.

  “Mmhmm.” Hakan’s hand came up to grip Damien’s other hip.

  Damien snorted. “Honestly. I get that we run together, but I’m starting to worry you’ll want to pee on me one of these days,” Damien joked. He watched as Hakan’s face turned completely red and tilted away from him. Damien’s mouth fell open. “Oh. My—”

  “No.”

  “God.”

  “No, I did not, that is not—”

  “Oh. My God!”

  “No!”

  “Holy…okay…what…that has to be a werewolf thing. That has to be—”

  “Nothing is a werewolf thing because we’re not having this conversation.”

  “Wow. You want to pee on me.”

  “No.”

  “Wow. Wow, wow, wow.”

  “There is no wow! There is no wow!”

  “Wow.”

  “I’m leaving,” Hakan said, moving absolutely nowhere.

  Damien wrapped his arms around him with a laugh and for a second he almost joked, Maybe for our five-year anniversary.

  He rubbed his forehead against the material on Hakan’s chest, hiding his expression.

  “Maybe for your birthday,” he said instead. Hakan didn’t reply and Damien dissolved into giggles. “Oh my God…”

  “No!”

  *****

  Damien didn’t tend to take the lead in sex often. Although pleasurable, he found the intimacy of it overwhelming, and sometimes he couldn’t catch his breath enough to say what he wanted. His slight frame seemed to suggest to men that he’d be the one underneath, and Damien didn’t challenge it. He didn’t mind.

  That night, however, returning to Hakan’s after he had scent marked him in front of another werewolf, Damien felt propelled forwards by a force he couldn’t quite control.

  Or, perhaps, it was his own control that felt foreign to him.

  The scent of Hakan’s apartment was achingly familiar by then. So was the routine they easily slipped into. Taking off their shoes, their hoodies, moving around each other like birds in flight.

  Damien stopped Hakan as the werewolf walked towards his room. Hakan paused, looking at him curiously. Damien stepped in front of him, sighing a little as Hakan’s arms looped around his waist loosely. He looked at that known face, lifting his hands to stroke his fingers down Hakan’s cheekbones, his jawline. He stepped a little closer. He tipped his head back, drawing Hakan for a kiss. For another. Pillowed skin and breath, but no more.

  When Damien pulled away, Hakan’s eyes fluttered open. Damien wished he could crawl into that look. Could make it real and lasting. But he’d take what he had, for as long as he could have it.

  Damien pulled Hakan into the bedroom. He laid him down in the darkness of the bed before turning on a lamp. Everything was orange and red and brown and the black of his eyes.

  Hakan moved to the middle of the bed, holding Damien’s hips easily as he straddled his abs. Damien looked at Hakan for a moment. Hakan’s broad hand cupped his cheek, running his thumb over Damien’s skin.

  Damien was melting into the damp earth.

  Hakan’s hands trailed down his back as Damien leaned down for a kiss. The hot breath of Hakan overwhelmed him for a moment. The slick, slow slide of their tongues. And each noise, each small, trembling noise could be felt against each other, trapped between them.

  Damien loved him with a force that could tremble the land. That could uproot trees and ransack mountains. It whipped through him for a moment, but then he was in the eye of the storm.

  Damien broke the kiss to undress them. He didn’t move off Hakan any more than he had to, revelling in the expanse of revealed skin. For a few moments, Damien sat there clothed, running his hands over Hakan’s naked skin.

  When it was skin on skin on skin, Damien guided Hakan’s slicked fingers to his entrance. He lifted his hips up, holding Hakan’s hand steady as he sank onto them. He let out a small noise, setting the pace, deciding when he wanted three, that he wanted the stretch of four.

  “Oh, God,” Damien moaned when he had four of Hakan’s fingers inside him. God, the stretch, the burn and fullness.

  But he still wanted more.

  Hakan’s temples, his chest, the dips of his neck, were damp with sweat, just from watching Damien fucking himself on his fingers. All he did was rub Damien’s thigh up and down, up and down, squeezing sometimes when Damien made a particularly guttural sound.

  Damien moved off Hakan’s fingers, slicking his own hand to cover Hakan’s dark, leaking dick in lube. Hakan moaned at the first touch, tilting his head back and fisting his hair in his own, dry fist.

  Pleasure shivered through Damien at the sight. He squeezed tighter at Hakan’s sensitive head, massaging him with his whole palm. Hakan jerked, almost pulling away at the overstimulation.

  “Jesus. Jesus, Damien, please,” he begged.

  Damien positioned himself over Hakan’s cock, opening the angle of his knees to accommodate the length. He sank down slowly, an inch, inch, inch
, and then dropped the rest of the way down. Damien gasped at the sudden fullness, Hakan cursing underneath him.

  “You’re gonna kill me. You’re gonna kill me,” Hakan muttered, clutching at Damien’s hips.

  Damien smiled.

  He fucked himself slow. He wanted to feel the drag of Hakan’s cock inside him, against the stretched ring of his hole. He angled his hips until Hakan was rubbing Damien’s prostate, using Hakan’s hard dick languidly to pleasure himself.

  Hakan’s hands squeezed Damien where they were wrapped around his waist, but they moved with Damien, not attempting to guide. He let the rhythm be set and followed the tune.

  “Hakan,” Damien said softly, getting close. He fisted his own cock, pumping with increasing speed.

  “Yeah. Yes, yes,” Hakan babbled.

  Damien squeezed his ass, clenching his hold around Hakan. The noise that was dragged out of Hakan seemed to rip the air itself and then Hakan was coming inside Damien. Rush after rush of it, filling Damien up.

  Damien came a moment later, pressing down so that he was as full as he could get, Hakan’s cock twitching inside him. He came over Hakan’s chest. Hakan growled deeply, eyes flashing, fangs dropping, but Damien could still feel human nails against his skin.

  The comedown was slow and sweet. Damien stayed with Hakan inside him for as long as he could before rolling onto his back, exhausted by the depth of the sex despite its lack of speed.

  Hakan immediately moved to catch the come dripping out of Damien, pressing it back into his puffy hole.

  “Jesus, Hakan,” Damien mumbled but let him. He was too sated to think.

  Hakan kissed him softly. Damien opened his mouth easily, letting him in.

  They settled against each other, messy and drying in places they would regret later. Damien pressed close. He stroked Hakan’s cheek, tilting his face so they were inches away, looking at each other on the pillow. Damien brushed their lips together.

  “I can’t believe you want to pee on me,” he whispered.

  “I never, I never said—”

  Damien just laughed.

  **********

  They went to the nearest forest to collect a species of moss Damien had been reading about. They found a little bit on a tree and Hakan used his nose to track down more. Damien didn’t make any jokes. Hakan told him to shut up anyway.

  It was spring, and everything was flourishing around them.

  The trees opened up to a field, cows grazing in the distance. They laid down a blanket and ate. They stretched out in the sun when they finished, gazing at each other.

  “How’s therapy going?” Hakan asked softly. The question fell gently on the moment.

  “Good, it’s…good. Better than I expected.”

  “In what way?”

  “I’m not sure. I guess…I mean, I haven’t talked much about the past. And I thought, I don’t know, there’d be a lot more…digging. Like, that it would be more forceful. And it’s hard, don’t get me wrong, but it, like…looks forward. Like, it’s about solutions and skills instead of just sitting there, endlessly talking about all the stuff from the past.”

  “Sounds helpful.”

  “Yeah. I hope so. I mean, yes. It is.”

  Hakan smiled at him. “I’m glad.”

  The quiet of the forest settled around them.

  “Hakan…did you miss the pack a lot, when you first came?” Damien asked as the question drifted into his head.

  “Yeah. It was tough. I didn’t expect it to be so hard, to be honest. But…just, the lack of…I couldn’t sense the land like I can back home. And it’s not like I can tell where my pack members are or what they’re doing or feeling or whatever, but it’s like a presence. Like, having someone next to you and feeling their warmth. You don’t know anything else about them, but you know they’re there.

  “And it’s not really about the amount of distance, but not touching or scent marking them for such a long time diminishes the, like…strength of the bond, I guess? Like, you’re not nurturing it or something and it’s just…like, you’re in a new place doing something you’ve never done before with all this new responsibility and on top of that, there’s the bond thing? It was tough.”

  Damien looked down between their bodies. “I’m sorry. For…I kind of…”

  “I get it. I mean…I’m sorry too. For, just—”

  “You don’t have to apologize for that. You didn’t want the kiss, you shouldn’t have accepted the kiss.”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “No, no buts. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now,” Damien said. Hakan didn’t look convinced. “The full moon is in a few days,” Damien said, changing the subject. Hakan hummed in agreement. “Should we invite Nasir?” Damien teased.

  Hakan growled, half-moon shifting, although Damien could tell it was in jest. Damien ran his fingers through the elongated muzzle, the grown hair, looking into Hakan’s bright eyes.

  When Hakan shifted back he was smiling slightly. Damien pressed closer, into the smell of moss and grass and him.

  **********

  Damien had failed the test. He had failed the test.

  He’d known, he’d known—he’d been distracted this week with projects for other classes and a document Nova had sent him. Had felt bad about not hanging out with his friends for two weeks and had gone out with them despite knowing he needed the time to study for the test.

  He used the key Hakan had given him a few weeks ago, for convenience’s sake, to open up Hakan’s apartment, cursing himself. It was just one test, but…

  “What happened?”

  Damien looked up to see Hakan walking to meet him, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

  “Nothing,” Damien said, taking off his shoes. He didn’t want to talk about his failures, but Hakan moved closer, ignoring Damien.

  “What’s wrong? Damien—”

  “Hakan!” He bit off the rest of his protest. He couldn’t deal with an argument now. He forced himself to talk, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do. It had been a mistake to go to Hakan’s when he was feeling like that. “I failed a test, okay?”

  “Oh. Well…it’s just one test, right? I’m sure it won’t impact your overall grade that much.”

  “I know it’s just a test! That doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.”

  Hakan stepped in front of Damien, lifting his hands to hold Damien’s arms. Damien fought not to move away. He needed space, but he didn’t want to offend Hakan.

  “Just, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

  “Damien…”

  “Just, it’s fine,” Damien grit out, trying to push the anxiety down, bury it deep. He’d lost practice, however. He’d been letting himself feel things for too long.

  “But if it’s upsetting you—”

  “Jesus.” Damien couldn’t take it anymore. He yanked himself from Hakan’s hands, moving towards the living room. He heard Hakan follow after him. “You don’t have to make a big deal about everything. You always treat me like I’m some, like I’m just going to break at every little thing.”

  “I’m…sorry. I don’t mean it to come off that way.”

  “Well. Whatever. It’s fine.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s fine.” Then, as if he couldn’t help himself, “I’m not weak,” he bit out.

  “I know that. Damien, I know that.”

  “Do you, though?” Damien turned to look at Hakan. “You don’t act that way.”

  The admission was hard to voice.

  “Yes. Damien, Jesus, yes. You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

  Damien snorted at that, suddenly exhausted. He sat down on the couch, looking away as Hakan sat next to him.

  “Damien, you are!”

  “Okay.”

  “Damien…” The silence that fell was heavy. Damien wanted to close his eyes and forget the day.

  “You just…you treat me like I’m always about to break. Sometimes…it makes me feel like it’s true,” Damien said so
quietly that, if it weren’t for Hakan’s werewolf senses, he might not have picked it up. Damien heard Hakan take a deep breath and felt guilt curdle inside him. “Sorry. I didn’t mean—”

  “No, I-I understand what you’re saying and…maybe I’ve been…overdoing it. It’s just. Damien. You are one of the…I can’t even, I don’t have the words to describe how strong I think you are. But…and it’s not fair, the way I treat you, maybe. You’re right. It’s not a reflection of what I really think about you, and if I’m making you feel that way, I’m so sorry. I just…when I. When I found you in the forest. That time, with the pills.”

  Damien squeezed his eyes shut. Was he ever going to escape that?

  “No, Damien, I-I don’t know how to put this into words. Because there is no way in hell you should feel guilty about that. You reacted to a situation that you were put in, but I can’t forget it. The way you smelt…God. I thought. I thought for sure you’d…there in mom’s arms I thought…and when they took you away in the ambulance…

  “That wasn’t you. As in, it was the situation, it, it, you—no one, no one deserves what you went through. Jesus, you were thirteen! Or fourteen, just. And…every time, now. It’s not that I think that you’ll break. I know you won’t. You didn’t then, and you won’t now. But I still, I still…I react. I want to just, I don’t want you to feel that way again. Not because it’ll end in the same situation but because you just…you shouldn’t take anymore.

  “And I get that that’s crazy. I get that. You’ve got to, to live. And part of life is feeling like shit but I…I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better. Give me a chance, okay? I know you can take it. I don’t want you to, but I know that you can. You’re strong. It’s me who can’t take it and…I’ll do better. Tell me, when I’m stepping over the line. I’ll do better.”

  Damien’s head filled up with Hakan’s words. With the desperate plea in them. The truth they resonated with. They shook something loose inside Damien. Something old and crusted with grime. It fell to join the dirt.

  Damien turned to look at him. Hakan’s expression was open, unguarded.

  “Thank you,” Damien said softly. Not only for his promises but for having the instinct to protect Damien in the first place. It came out in ways that were stifling, but Damien had been without for long enough to see the value in having someone care about him that much.