The Darkest Of Light

by Sandy Alvarez

The fucker that escorted Leyna into the office goes to grab her by the arm but stops short the moment I lift my eyes to his. I dare him with my stare to lay one finger on her. Cutting his eyes to his boss he waits for his instructions. Looking down at my sister, "I promise I’ll be back to get you soon."

  Santino nods his head and I watch his man lead Leyna out of the room.

  "You have my word she will have access to call you anytime she wishes. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have other business to attend to. I’ll be in touch soon with a date and time for our little arrangement," he says dismissing us as he adjusts the watch on his wrist looking at the time.

  Walking out of his office I turn around and look at him straight in the eyes, "If you or any of your men touch my sister. I will kill you." His lips turn up in a deviant smile, making my blood boil even more. It takes both Quinn and Logan to lead me out of the house. My gut is churning at the thought of having to leave Leyna in the hands of this asshole.

  "Let’s head back to the club. I have some calls to make." Prez announces.

  Throwing my leg over my bike, I decide I need to be alone for a little while. "I’m going for a ride. See ya first thing in the morning."

  Turning the engine over, I peel down the driveway. It was not my intention—at first—to go there. The urge to quiet the voices in my head lead me in the only direction I might find a little peace amongst all the chaos.

  It’s late by the time I make it to Bozeman. I pull into the parking lot of a small hotel and park my bike and pay for a one-night stay. It’s not the cleanest of places, but it not the worst either. Walking into the room I slip off my cut, placing it on the back of the chair.

  Sitting back on the bed I rest my head against the wooden headboard and pull a small blunt from my pocket, lighting it. Needing to take the edge off, I take three hits back to back, each time holding the smoke in my lungs as long as possible. I’m not chasing sleep—I’m attempting to calm the storm.

  I’ve been sitting on my bike for an hour and a half.

  Watching. Waiting.

  Until I notice her walking out of the building. Fuckin’ breathtaking.

  Seeing her walking towards some guy has my ass up off my bike in less than a second. I watch the goddamn thing play out several yards away in front of me. The way he wraps his arms around her. The way she throws her head back laughing.

  Just as I take a step, I feel a hand firmly grip my upper arm and I come around swinging and watch as Quinn skillfully dodges the would be blow to his jaw.

  "What the fuck? What the hell are you doin’ here? You following me, brother?" I growl.

  "Yeah, I followed you. Had a feeling you might do something stupid. And I was right, because here you are. You’re the one that sent her away. You told her—”

  "I know what the fuck I told her," I interrupt him.

  "Then you know you broke her heart, man. I saw and heard the tears and the heartbreak in that girl’s voice that morning, and I watched as she skillfully avoided ever having to be around you every day after that." He tells me.

  Diggin’ the knife deeper into the wound I created in my own fuckin’ chest, Quinn keeps talkin’.

  "I get it. I know why you did what you did. You marchin’ over there, kicking that boy’s ass and saying me Tarzan you Jane is not going to get her back. You want a girl like her back—you need to earn it, brother. You need to show her you love her."

  Shit, he’s right. If I did that, it would push her away more. Alba doesn’t deserve to have me like this. She deserves better. The question is can I be better for her? Can I prove to her I’m worthy of a second chance?

  I peer over at her. I want her to laugh like that with me. I want to be the reason she is happy. The reason she smiles every day. I want her to be mine.

  "Come on, brother, let’s go home," Quinn says as he lights up a cigarette and starts to walk across the street in the opposite direction, where I see his bike parked. That explains why I didn’t hear his ass before.

  Getting back on my bike, I allow myself to glance back one last time before following Quinn back home.

  Alba is my home.

  Chapter Eleven

  Alba

  I debated for a minute whether or not to bring Sam or Leah with me on my weekend trip home. In the end I chose to go it alone. Frankly, I needed the time to myself and the drive is allowing me to have just that. At least the guys are away on club business. Hiding things from my sister is my other concern. She always knows when something’s not right with me. Good thing is, if she senses it, she won’t push the issue. Bella has always been good at letting me have my space and waits for me to share with her when I’m ready.

  Problem is, when will I be ready? A swollen, pregnant belly is not something I will be able to hide forever. Nevertheless, this is something I’m determined to do on my own. The last thing I need is a broody Cuban finding out I’m having his baby. Not yet anyway. I need a little more time.

  Feeling my stomach rumble, I stop at the next available gas station. I’ve got another hour before I reach home and I feel like I haven’t eaten in days. Walking into the store I head for the candy aisle and grab some Peanut Butter Cups before grabbing a large bottle of water from the cooler at the back of the store. I head to the front to pay for my things when I get the feeling I’m being watched. I scan my surroundings and find nothing and no one except for the older cashier upfront. I guess I’m paranoid from yesterday. Shrugging my shoulders, I step up to the counter and place my items down.

  I pay for my things and head back outside to my truck when it starts to rain. Climbing in, I get myself situated by taking the time to unwrap some candies and place them in a small plastic cup that’s sitting in my cup holder, so I can munch without having to try and unravel wrappers as I drive.

  Ten minutes later I’m back on the road with the radio turned up as Adele’s Hiding My Heart Away blares through the speaker in the cab of my pickup truck as I cruise down the road with the wipers flicking away the drops of rain from the windshield, and I wipe an escaping tear from my eye.

  Polson city limits. Another twenty-five minutes and I’ll be home. On my way through downtown-main street, I pass the tattoo shop and notice the bikes sitting outside and recognize one of them as Gabriel’s. What the hell?

  Bella said that the guys were gone—out of town. Maybe they haven’t left yet. That’s it. I know Bella wouldn’t lie to me. She knows I’m avoiding Gabriel even though I haven’t said so or told her why. She made it a point that I knew they would be gone.

  Calm down. No one will find out anything.

  I don’t even make it all the way up the driveway of Logan and Bella’s home when she comes bursting out the front door barefoot. A smile lights up my face. I’m genuinely happy to see my sister. My truck door is opened as soon as I park and turn the truck off. Bella is climbing in for a hug before I can even get my seatbelt off.

  "Oh my god! I have missed you so much!" she sing-songs.

  "I missed you too," I say as she releases me. I unbuckle, reach into the back seat, and grab my overnight bag before climbing out. Once we make it inside and Bella closes the door Sofia comes walking down the stairs.

  "Alba! It’s good to see you. When did you get here? I didn’t hear you come in, I was on the phone with my counselor."

  "Everything okay?" I ask as I place my bag on the floor and my purse and keys on the small table by the stairs.

  "Oh, yeah, everything is good. She wanted to know if I felt like volunteering this weekend at the community outreach center. I’m going to stay over at my friend’s house tonight and ride with her since she’s volunteering too." Sofia says, stopping in front of me and giving me a hug. "I just wanted to come down and say hi before Jessica comes to pick me up." The honking of a horn has Sofia rushing back up the stairs. "That’s my ride. I’m going to grab my bag then get out of here and let you guys catch up."

  Walking into the kitchen I sit down on a stool at the large island counter as my sister grabs us bot
h something to drink from the refrigerator.

  "I thought the guys were going to be out of town this weekend. I saw their bikes in town on the way here," I question her.

  Sitting a soda in front of me, Bella stands on the opposite side of the kitchen with a look on her face telling me she sees right through me.

  "I’m sorry, that’s what Logan told me the other day. Then plans changed I guess. All I know is they won’t be leaving after all."

  "Why didn’t you call and tell me?" Shit. That came out kind of bitchy. It’s not her fault.

  Before I can apologize she narrows her eyes and then tells me, "I didn’t call you back and tell you because you might have decided not to come home this weekend. I know you have your reasons for avoiding a certain biker and hopefully someday you’ll share that with me, but I wanted to see my sister."

  I frown and slouch in my seat. All I have to do for the next twenty-four hours is stay away from the clubhouse.

  "I’m sorry. I’m just really tired. And I’m happy to be here too." Needing to change the subject. "I’m starving. What’s for dinner?"

  Smiling, she takes the hint, going along with the change of subject. On queue my stomach growls, loudly. Besides the blueberry muffin breakfast, I ate this morning, and the candy on the ride here, I haven’t had much more to eat today. I need to make it a point to eat better.

  "Logan is working late. We can order in tonight. How does pizza sound?" My sister asks me. Pizza sounds amazing right now.

  "I want extra cheese on mine." I respond as I stand and walk over placing my glass into the sink.

  "Why don’t you go get settled in your room while I call the order in. We can watch a movie when you come back down, maybe talk about how those classes are going. I want to hear all about your new friends too." She speaks wearing a smile.

  I walk to the stairs, pick up my bags along the way and proceed to make my way up to my room right next to Sofia’s. As soon as I step inside my phone pings with a new message. Setting my things down on the bed, I pull my phone from my purse, swiping the screen.

  Sam: You make it?

  Me: Yeah, got here forty minutes ago.

  Sam: Call or text if you need me. See you when you get back.

  Me: Thanks. I will. See ya later.

  Glancing at the time on my phone it’s 6:30pm. I should have plenty of time to take a quick shower, so I grab my black shorts and oversized Bozeman University shirt from my bag and head out into the hall and make my way to the bathroom. Once inside, I reach in turning the water on and letting it warm.

  Thankful for all the extra space I have compared to the apartment’s small bathroom back on campus, I strip out of my clothes then take my hair down, letting it fall around my shoulders. Before stepping into the shower, I glance in the vanity mirror and place my hand on my flat stomach and imagine myself a few months from now.

  Will I show right away? Will I have a boy or a girl? How much will he or she look like their daddy? I hope they have his beautiful tanned skin and his thick dark hair. All I know right now is that I will love this baby fiercely, and I will always put my child first. I’ll deal with Gabriel later. My focus is and will stay on me and this baby. Stepping into the spray of warm water—I relax, close my eyes, and center myself.

  I’m sitting on the couch with my sister eating pizza and watching Sixteen Candles laughing so hard I feel like I’m going to pee myself, while Bella tells me about sending a sexy text and a picture of herself in some kind of sexy costume to Quinn by mistake.

  "Oh my god! I would be mortified!"

  "I am never sexting again," she says, burying her face in her hand. I snatch her phone from the coffee table where it was sitting and pull up her texts.

  "Alba, no, give me back my phone. Don’t look at it," she begs.

  I’m thumbing through each photo until I find it.

  "Damn. From what I’ve heard this kind of stuff is right up his alley too."

  "I know. I didn’t realize it until it was too late and Quinn had already gotten an eyeful before Logan walked up to him in the garage and destroyed his phone." She continues to explain.

  Laughter bubbles up making its way out of my mouth again. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. It feels really good.

  "I’m glad you’re finding humor in my humiliation," she says chunking a cheeseball at my head.

  "I really have missed being home. I’ve missed this," I tell her.

  Logan walks into the kitchen through the garage door. Looking at the time it’s already 9:30 pm. Bella has a girls’ day planned tomorrow with shopping, mani-pedi’s and lunch. Logan walks into the living room and judging by the heated stare he has directed towards Bella...it’s safe to say I’m officially the third wheel.

  "Hey, Logan." I greet him with a small wave of my hand and a smile as I get up off the couch. "I think I’m going to turn in for the night guys. It’s been a long day and the drive kind of done me in." I tell the both of them.

  Bella breaks her eyes away from Logan long enough to say, "You don’t have to rush off."

  "No, I really am tired. I’ll see you guys in the morning. Goodnight," I leave the living room and make my way upstairs, giving them their privacy.

  After emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet after breakfast, I clean myself up and make my way back downstairs where my sister is waiting on me. I plaster on a fake smile because I really feel like shit. Not sleeping well and the morning sickness depletes what energy I do have. I’m determined to make the most of it though. Knowing we don’t have to go anywhere near the clubhouse today already has me feeling more at ease. The last thing I need is to run into Gabriel while I’m still dealing with the news that I’m carrying his baby.

  "You feeling okay, sis? You look tired." Bella questions me with a look of concern.

  "Yeah, I’m fine. I didn’t sleep well last night."

  "Well, hopefully some retail therapy will help you feel better. The fall and winter apparel is on sale at all our favorite boutiques this weekend and I for one plan on finding myself some new boots. I’ve been saving my money for a particular pair."

  I might as well buy some new leggings and sweaters. They should help hide the pregnancy for awhile.

  "I’m ready whenever you are," I smile.

  Bella locks up then we head out to her car, climb in and drive towards town. Before we know it half the day is gone, and the back seat of her car is full of shopping bags. So far, today has turned out to be a good day. As we are driving down the road I start craving chocolate cake and mint chocolate chip ice cream.

  "Swing by the grocery store. Let’s bake a cake tonight. A chocolate cake." I grin at my sister. I know she’ll be game. Our mom would let us bake a cake together on our birthdays when we were younger then sit down in front of the TV, each with a fork and eat straight from the cake pan and watch movies all night.

  "Don’t forget the ice cream," she says as she turns into the grocery store’s parking lot.

  I sling my purse over my shoulder and get out of the car. Walking in I grab a hand basket and make my way to the baking aisle and grab a box of cake mix of the shelf along with a tub of chocolate icing. Knowing that Bella has the milk, oil, and eggs at home, I head straight to the ice cream aisle but get distracted by a book on the shelf. I pick it up and start to read the blurb on the back when I hear the deep timbre of his voice rasps from behind me, feeling it vibrate through every fiber of my being.

  "Cariño Sweetheart?"

  Gabriel.

  That word spoken from his lips causes my skin to break out in goosebumps and my heart rate increases. Taking in a slow deep breath, I collect myself and turn around. My blue eyes lock with his rich, dark brown ones and for one second I forget about my broken heart.

  "Gabriel," I speak in a soft tone.

  His eyes soften and he steps closer. He smells so good. My eyes fall to his lips. I remember the taste of his kiss like it was only yesterday. Just as his lips part slightly, as if to say something
, my phone rings bringing me back to reality. Blinking, I pull my phone from my back pocket I see it’s Sam calling me. Perfect timing.

  Swiping the screen, I lift it to my ear and stare into Gabriel’s eyes as I speak, "Hey, Sam." I say with a fake smile and watch Gabriel’s face morphs into one of anger before he storms away with his fists clenched at his sides.

  He’s the one who made the choice that there would be no us. He made that clear a little more than two months ago. What right does he have to be angry?

  "You have no idea how glad I am you called just now." I confess.

  "Why is that?" Sam replies, concern laced with his words.

  "I just had a brief run-in with Gabriel."

  "What did he do?"

  "Nothing. It’s what I almost did. Sam, that man is my biggest weakness. I need to get back to Bozeman."

  "Tomorrow isn’t that far away. It’s a small town. It was bound to happen," he tells me. "Anyway, I wanted to check in on you. You still have that appointment this week? I want to make sure I can be there with you—for you."

  "Yeah, it’s this coming Friday."

  I walk to the front of the store scanning the vast area for any signs of a broody six-foot-four Cuban. Glancing down at the basket in my hand, I realize I forgot the ice cream and head back there and quickly grab it. After paying for my things, I walk out of the store and climb into the car. The whole ride home is quiet except for the music playing on the radio. Did Bella see him walk inside? Did she see him walk out? She seems to be deep in thought. My sister and I have a deep bond. I’ve got the feeling she is really struggling with the fact I’m not sharing something with her. I reach over, grabbing her hand. She inhales deeply before releasing her breath and squeezes mine in response. All this is set aside as we spend the rest of the evening sitting in front of the TV eating cake out of the pan and ice cream straight out of the carton.

  On Friday I’m sitting in the waiting room at the women’s clinic waiting to see Dr. Linda Turner for my first prenatal checkup with Sam sitting beside me, but wishing it were Gabriel instead. Not that I’m not grateful to have Sam by my side—I am. I just can’t stop thinking about the run-in I had with Gabriel at the store this past weekend.