My Life Would Suck Without You

by Krystal George

Tick Tock

  By Twinkle (Sugandha) Varshney

  ©2014 by Twinkle (Sugandha) Varshney

  Tick –Tock, tick tock!

  I am time, free from all the constrains of this morbid mortal world, I keep flowing forward, never halting, to look back, unchanged, tranquil. An earthquake cannot quaver me, a volcanic eruption cannot pause me, a tornado cannot alter my flow, neither was I born with a big-bang nor will I end with the calamity.

  I cannot ever die neither can my existence ever cease, I have always been a reticent mum spectator of all the confounding whacky episodes of life but I have never stopped as I have the dexterity to withstand and endure the travails of this never lasting journey.

  I have seen a child taking his first breath and I have also been a spectator of the last breath of human, I have seen people falling in love and lovers getting separated, I have seen the start of earth and its end too, but nothing has ever touched me or waivered me. I always keep pacing in my own flow.

  But one day something terrifically perplexing occurred. It’s the story of the day when I forgot to move, when unknowingly I was so lost that my pace got faltered, when I realized the true depth of eros love when I felt something that coerced me to cease, to overlook, to waiver, when I was lost!

  I reside in every petite corner of this space, but it all started on the dusky wall of this bizarre eloquent mansion I have been hanging on for like ages. I have spectated all the unusual incidents which normal human denies to have been happened.

  I have seen this glorified mansion in its age when everyone in the vicinity prayed to own it or just have a chance to visit it but now it was just an old house which seemed to have collapsed inwardly on itself somewhat, like a fresh undercooked loaf of bread taken out of the oven too soon. The roof drooped and the cedar shingles wedged up in places like wonky teeth. Draughty corridors in which cold air seeped from windows with broken glasses covered in cobwebs or from under the doors giving a tinge of musky feeling with the freezing wind they bring in, erecting the spine like the tide on a frigid desolate beach. The lean-to shed on the side hung downwards as if the fight had left it and it could no longer bring itself to stand up against the elements. Icy and bitter wind rattles the hanging horror striking but still anew paintings, which seems like to have their own life, though the hayish canvas of mostly of them is cracked. Spiders scurry in dark misty corners, their old webs flap in grimy stillness, clinging to the wall with their ghostly fingers. In the high winds of the season the old house could be heard to creak as if in its death throes. The grass grew long and unkempt around it and in that grass were tracks which must have been made by the local children who usually dared each other to go there in the eclipse to search for flashes of ghosts.

  I have seen how several of passerby and tramps are hooked in its trap. Once who has walked in that door has never got any chance to return, to go far away from this damp air, which makes the hair on one’s hand go straight. The people out of their lust, greed and desire have entered this painting, the face of their death, hanging affront me, on the opposite wall. This painting has an aura which is a ploy, to magnetize the avarice, the lust, the thirst hidden inside and once a person sees it, the game for life begins. He gets bound by it and his lust arises, so does his way for death.

  Now things have changed, the mansion has gained a repute, no one visits here anymore. But today is different, after almost a century someone has entered this house. I remember it was a century ago when Aiden entered the mansion and after that no one ever came by, not a single life, not even a stray animal or thirsty bird.

  Aiden the only exception this mansion has seen, the only person who returned back from the painting, though he is not the same, that’s what intrigues me more into him. I have so many questions to ask him but he has not set his eye upon anything else then the murky door!

  “So isn’t you always wanted to ask me some questions? Now the time has come when I could answer them for you”, and for that moment I froze, I don’t know how but everything get stature except the source of the voice... Aiden!

  I was amazed when he started telling me his story! I clearly remember when for the first time Aiden entered the mansion. He was different, not like every other man who has come here all mesmerized by its beauty and have lost their soul. But Aiden was nothing like them, his posture mirrored his confidence, he was all solved and somehow knew what he was walking into, he understood that every step was a strife and the cost was his existence. His tall stature, wavy hematite colored hairs, cherry lips which stretched a little but never much to articulate in a smile gave him a fierce look, ardent enough to triumph a war aloof but his eyes were a different story, bright, deep, with a lighter shade of Angelite and its corner extended into fins of a fish mirroring his composure, a stillness even a tornado can’t shake, the deepness of his thoughts, the kindness of his heart, like an unicorn.

  “It was a week before I entered this mansion. Our family was among the aristocracy of the city. We had everything anyone could dream of but in the hinge of a second everything fall apart. It was like a huge earthquake which engulfed our family, our happiness and everything we had. I was left alone in the tides of time to fight with what was coming and it was surely not good. A lot of people came with a claim to my father’s territory and I was bound to return them what they lend to father cause Stone’s were gentlemen’s. Father has always taught me to be good, truthful, to never own something that belonged to someone else. At first everything was fine, but then more and more people started coming for money and I was at verge of losing everything father owned. It took me fair long to realize that almost all them were just greedy liars, who had cheated me, fooled for my innocence or mere inanity. I felt stranded, conned, I was unable to seek the greed behind the mask of love and empathy and was soon left with nothing but the house. I was angry at myself, I haven’t not only wasted father’s hard earned money but his reputation too and have become a laughing stock for the whole city. The house which was always crowded with bureaucrats, relatives, friends, hundreds of servants and sometimes even as a shelter for homeless, was now aloof. All servants have left no one ever visited except for some who came just to claim the house. I felt like a culprit and missed my father hysterically, I wished if somehow I could get his guidance, I could get out of all this mess in a second. All the assets, the reputation that our ancestors have hold for centuries, all their wherewithal, I have lost all of that in less than four weeks. I decided to sell the house and fed the left loan but I had nowhere else to go, all relatives have closed their door. I was depressed and that night I really cried with those real tears for the first time in my life as long as I can remember …. I felt like even god has closed all his doors and there was no way out. I don’t know when I slid to sleep thinking about all this.

  When I woke up I found myself lying on a cold hard ground. I opened my eyes to find myself surrounded by long trails of trees, with withered leaves flying all around, like I was in some forest. I panicked and stood straight to find someone, but as far as my sight go there was nothing but trees with snow. I could see hayish Birches, wild bushes, winding path of mud which got boggy in places as it falls into gullies and rises up the hill. Panic started rushing through my veins making me run to find a way back home. I continually ran for hours, to find a way out, with all that I had, thinking I might escape my fate, like I could outrun what was coming, like I could win over the god’s plan for me, but the truth was I was stuck, was just running in circles again and again and whatever I do, how much I try escaping these woods was not in my potential.

  Tired I sat on the ground, and heard, Sound of tinkling water, a stream rushing by in its steep sided ditch. I could hear the water splashing on the rocks, cascading down like there was a small waterfall…and that was a breakthrough. If there was a waterfall nearby it meant I have been moving forward and I could get out of here soon. I moved in the direction of waterfall, after running for about what seems to be millennium I saw the beautiful steep milky w
aterfall carrying twigs and leaves into small natural dams. There were two cliffs separated by a wall of water pouring down from them. Even in this darkness it was radiating its own light. The surrounding trees on which the leaves were dancing vivaciously up above, dappling the light, intermittent shade, snow drops amidst the trees, squirrels scampering and scurrying up and down tree trunks and range of mountains in the background made it even more beautiful and serene. And then I saw long curls like dusk and dawn were interlaced together swaying from behind a tree on the cliff. For once I thought I was imagining but yet I called “who’s there?”

  I waited for a while but no one answered, I twisted my head sideways hopelessly and I heard a voice like bird songs rising and falling in sweet melodious chorus, “All the answers are with me all you have to do is reach me“ and when I turned back, I saw just a glimpse of her “the goddess of beauty” I thought, and she was gone like she faded or dissolved in the thin surrounding air. I wanted to run to catch her, to ask her so many questions, but today’s errands had made me too tired that I fell asleep then and there, a sleep full of dreams telling me there is still a ray of hope left.

  I woke up in the attic of my house, so tired that I felt like I haven’t even slept. I was shocked again, what was happening with me, was I hallucinating or dreaming, but she, her voice, her giggle, she…everything…all of it seemed to be so real to be just a dream or illusion. But that was not possible, there were many questions running wild in my mind, how I reached in the forest and then back here that too in this attic which I have never seen to be opened before. The attic was the most terrible part of the house. It was the soggy, sultry cellar which somehow exerted the strongest repulsion, with only a thin door and window-pierced brick wall to separate it from the rest of the house. The bad odor like something or the whole attic was rotting was making me to feel sick and white fungous growths covering the whole wooden flooring was giving it a littery gradient.

  Lost in the thoughts of my weird dream, I opened the door of the attic but it was jammed, I tried hard but it was immovable. After trying with all of my strength and still failing to open it I kicked the door hard and a pile of files from above the door fell over me and the door hung open. Shocked yet relieved I looked in those files and started shifting them aside in a pile, to my utter shock I found that father has left a yet another fortune for me which no one knew about, not even me. Father has left some mansion for me, which was far away from here, where I can start my life from scratch. He was still looking out for me. He knew I will do something that will wreck me and I would need him, he has always been far sighted and helped me in every little problem, and he left me a cushion, a ticket out of all this mess and he continued it even after going so far. He left me this mansion” Aiden finished.

  He owned this mansion, so he was not just another bystander, I thought.

  Aiden continued “When I entered the mansion all across I could see the dead littered trees with branches, long and spindly, waved in the air, veining like capillaries; the bark flaked off in spots, diseased with a forging moss that stewed for years and ate its way into the tree’s innards, killing from the inside out. Brown crispy leaves littered the yard and danced macabre on light feet, and they smelled of fungus and autumnal-moisture, waiting for a sunlight to dry up its ravaged and rotted being. Steeped in shadow, darkness echoed as if all the sunlight has been folded inside itself, completely absorbed, and the trees, large mammoths of green foliage bunched over, bent and stopped, pouring more exhaunerating shadows across the hallows of what must have been a palace once. The mansion's walls showed black decay by neglect or time. Splotches of original royal paint hinted at the mansion’s former prosperity. Cobwebs covered the corners of the doors, tiny black spiders threading towards their prey. The house is fit for the kings and queens of the dark shadows.

  I moved ahead from the outer lobby, the door begrudgingly creaked open. A fusty, dank, fetid odour creep into my nose. The house was dead silence except for the intermittent creaks and moans. Brown and green mold dotted the ceiling in clusters, evident of rain seeping through the roof. I quietly entered the dark living room. Windows covered with grime and dirt, the calm moonlight struggled to penetrate the darkness in thin thread rays. Sharp shadows roamed around the room. The furniture overturned revealing deep grooves on the ground where they used to sit. Wallpaper lay curled on the floor. A large jagged hole dug through the wall stood as though daring any to enter. Picture frames hanged off-centered as if they were hanged today, like life was flowing through them. Sharp shadows roamed around the room. Almost every bit of the wall was covered with paintings, paintings in wooden frame, paintings in ancient iron frame paintings with cracked hayish canvas, making me feel like selecting the correct painting could reveal a secret doorway into some another world.

  I made my way back into the hallway, a slimmer of light came from behind a door. I approached and opened the door. I had reached the bathroom. The single window was mildly dirty, a flood of light flowed into the room. Dust swirled around the room as I made my way inside. The mirror with wooden boundary lay shattered in pieces on the floor tile. Empty medicine bottle lay in the porcelain sink. The only sound I could hear was the dripping of the faucet. A closer look revealed the tinting of the water, a brownish concoction. A lone lizard stood sentry at the bottom of the tub. Never having a visitor in a while, it curiously eyed me before scurrying away. Approaching the bathtub, a violent odor made it way to my nose. Holding my nose, I leaned over and peered inside. Crusty rags filled the bathtub, little hints of movement underneath them. It would be thoughtlessness to see what was lying under the rags.

  I arrived at the foot of the staircase. I stood and peered at the top, wondering when she will come and… umm I had never thought what I will say to her. I summoned strength and tiptoed my way up the stairs. Each step intensified the moaning and creaking as if the steps could collapse at any moment. I turned to the right, and there was what, supposed to be a bedroom. The door did not give way easier, a forceful push was needed. Stepping inside, a dresser seem to have been pushed against the door, attempting to deny entry. I could make out the silhouette of bed, edging in closer for a better look. A toy dragon lay missing its head on the bed. The sheet was splattered with a dark color. The wind intensified outside, the rustling of the leaves and branches were louder. In the corner, a little chair began to rock slowly. The thin strips of wallpaper showed little trucks. Crayon markings scrambled upon the wall where wallpaper used to stick. The carpet squished as I walked. Little picture frames remained face down on the carpet.

  When I came to this mansion I was sure enough that the dream was not just a coincidence, she must be here, somewhere, and she would had all my answers. But then all those unexplainable incidences started and it did not take me long to realize that there was something going on with the paintings, I have seen the characters moving, and even I found the forest from my dream but neither that waterfall nor those beautiful curls with dusk and dawn interwoven in them. And then one day while descending the staircase I saw those curls and the fall and I was so excited, that I touched it thinking that she might hold my hand. But nothing happened, the painting was still and my dream was still in trance. I was disheartened but still I had faith that she would come, I had seen that light in her topaz eyes reflecting her deep desire to be with me, that she cared for me and that I could trust them. And my belief won, she came for me that night, to take me with her into that painting, her curls showing me the light of dawn and the awaiting horror of dusk, were still swaying even in the dark closed walls of the room, the mystic smile on her strawberry lips was still intact, but that light in her eyes was lost, they were dark like a warning of not to trust them, to run for my life, but I trusted her, my heart said that it was safe, if it was with her, so ignoring my instincts I followed pale gown flowing behind her and I entered into the painting.”

  He knew! Aiden has become a puzzle for me. He was really different, he entered that painting after knowing h
is life was at stake. Was he really a fool? I was bamboozled and dying to know what happened next.

  Aiden continued “As I stood, gazing at the decrepit painting, I shivered, as though, ice had replaced my spine. The cold air enveloped the entire body. The multiple layer of clothing failed to protect me against the deathly cold which was freezing me and echoing inside my body screaming, I should dare not to move my foot. The canvas framing the painting was cracked and tainted at several places. Weeds and dandelions poked out from these cracks. Wild vines, creepers were growing wildly in thick batches on the left lower border. The moon smoky and yellow above those forest was hiding behind those demonic, thin scudding clouds, black and grey in the inky night sky, freckled with stars, screaming nothing good can happen here, casting a morbid blaze in the painting. Vines formed a twisted maze upon the sides of the painting, reaching their tentacles towards the canvas. A howl echoed throughout the house. It was time to leave, I told myself. But I flouted all my intuitions listening only to my heart.

  That painting was an another world and I have been there, it was the forest from my dream, and I could hear the falling water, but I was drowned in the pool of questions and I was dying to get my answers, so finally when I didn’t get a word as small as a simple “Hello” from her, I asked her “Are we going towards fall?” and without even a small movement in her lips she replied “follow me” and she swifted ahead. I felt like her beauty was casting a glamor on me, pulling me like a magnet but I knew what I was doing and I could feel there was still a way out and I could still turn back, it was not late yet. May be I was a fool or might be it was just my destiny I was following, I followed her undeviated. I felt someone was following us, keeping a close watch on both of us, I looked around, but there was no one. I saw a strong branch of a tree and I hold it as I wanted to make her feel protected with her, though by now I really doubted that if she really needed any protection, yet I tried to act strong. She gave me a slant look and her strawberry lips widened. Suddenly two figures approached us so steadily like they were there only. I was about to hit them but she hugged one of them frosting me with mouth wide open and the hand in mid-air. She introduced me to them as Nyx and Hedus. I was swallowing her strange friends when the thought came that I never even asked her name.”

  No he was definitely a fool he didn’t asked her name and was just following her blindly. He is smiling now? Strange! Can’t he hear himself? He sounds foolish to me!

  “I thought I was really a fool! With little hesitation I said to her “You know I don’t know …your …name!” Like always I got an unexpected smile from her which widened and she was laughing, a laugh that was more melodier than any song I have ever heard, a laugh masking deep agony under the costume of innocence and her laugh continued and then Nyx stared at her and it ended just there… abruptly and those beautiful rosy lips fell silent in a mute cry. Before I could part my lips to say something Hedus came forward and said in a hateful note “Her name is Athena though this shouldn’t mean anything to you!” and speeded forward.

  After walking for several hours we reached a cave. Athena told me that we were going to stay there for the night and will continue with our journey tomorrow and she went away with Nyx.”

  I was so still like all my senses were frozen, like I have lost all my powers to resilient. I just wanted to know what happened next.

  “After a while I followed her footsteps and I heard Hedus shouting. He was very upset with Athena.

  “Athena it’s about all of us. He dies and we all are free and else we all will be bound, god knows till when. And have you forgotten about Napthalus, he would torture us and you know it would be worse than death. What’s going in your mind, if Gorgon got any hint about any of this, I don’t even want to think what he will do to us! Will you ditch your friends for him, just an acquaintance?”

  And I saw Athena standing there, and tiny pearls rolling down her rosy cheeks from her pale purple eyes. That moment I wanted to run and hold her…

  “Would you tell me what is going on Athena. If it would not have been about all three of us I would have never controverted you” Nyx said.

  “I won’t kill him” was all that Athena said, and she ran for the door.

  I adjusted myself almost falling behind the walls.

  I wanted to follow her and comfort her but Nyx and Hedus were still talking.

  “We have to do something Nyx. He is our last prey. We give his heart to Napthalus and we are free and we could even get rewarded by Gorgon, you know how much contented he would be.”

  “Hedus Athena will never agree to it, you know her. It’s different, even without her heart I can see the love flowing in her eyes, they are glowing”

  “Then we will kill her too!”

  Nyx stared Hedus in utter astonishment.

  “What else could we do Nyx! I don’t want to kill her, to deceit her but neither I want to spend an eternity bound in these chains, tortured. I want to be free even if I have to die, that would be more peaceful. Yes I am afraid, afraid of living this damned life, afraid of Napthalus, afraid of Gorgon, his big demonic, petrifying eyes, his castigations. Yes I am frantic, fraught. I can do anything to leave this place, to be set free, to no more be a pet. Are you with me Nyx?”

  Nyx stood still, and gradually she shook her head in a yes!

  I was terrified, will they kill Athena, I didn’t want to lose her even before knowing her. I ran to her, but I was helpless yet again but I would not let her die or be damned to live here. They were chained, a golden chain was bound to their wrist, how had I never noticed it.

  Athena was still sobbing. I hold her in my arms and I said “I would never let anyone hurt you and I will free you from here even if I have to lose my heart” And I said it, I can’ believe myself but yes, that was what I wanted, I loved her with all my heart and I would be lost without her. So what such life meant.

  “Athena he is right, we must have his heart.” Hedus was behind me with a knife near my chest.

  “No! back off Hedus” Athena screeched with all the air her lungs were holding.

  And Nyx holding a jar of water, clamped Athena immobilizing her.

  “Athena please cooperate it’s for all of us, we are bound please”

  “So what Nyx, now you will kill me?”

  “You know Athena I cannot kill you before taking his heart.”

  Athena started smiling and I knew what she was thinking of, and I don’t know it was my reflexes or adrenaline rush, I took Hedus hand and damped it in my chest.

  But Athena was faster she poured the jar over her and said “we will be together, once and forever”, with that smile on her face and she vanished…again…in the thin air…leaving me lost, without heart and lost forever.

  When I opened my eyes I was here in this mansion again, left to wait for her

  I was dead inside, trying to cut myself but None were enough to kill me, but overtime their accumulation bled me of the humanity I once had. Now I am just gaunt and melancholy. Her loss flowed through my veins and deadened my mind. It was a poison to my spirit, dulling me killing off my other emotions until her love was the only one that remained. It was as if a black mist had settled upon me and refused to shift, and no matter how bright the day was I would feel no sun and hear no bird song. For the world was lost to me and I knew of nothing that would bring it back into focus.”

  “It was not like we have talked for ages or it was the deepness the understanding that flow through us that made our love like it was.

  I gave her my heart, so that we could never be apart, so that wherever ever she goes I am always with her, whatever she does I do it with her, whenever she breathe, I breathe with her, and if god forbid she is in pain I can contain the pain in her.

  The height of my love for her is higher than the heaven, its deepness is deeper then hades, its measure is greater than all the water in the universe, and count higher than all the stars if counted.

  I fear not fate cause I know she is my fate,
I want no world cause my world is living in her beautiful eyes, I have no desire, cause an eternity with her is my desire, I have no dreams, cause she is my dream, she is all I need. She is the serenity of moon and the light of the sun, she is the flow of the wind and the breeze of the oceans. It’s no more the blood flowing through me that’s keeping me alive, it’s her love filling every vein of my body with life. I can feel her around, I can feel my heart in her racing to meet me, to love me, to make us one!”

  And Aiden laughed a bitter laugh, which was unhuman, dark, sly, shaking me making me move again in my flow and she entered, a girl with long curls like dusk and dawn were interlaced together swaying even in the dark closed walls of the mansion, with a mystic smile on her strawberry lips, shining amethyst eyes which seemed to be searching for something or someone from ages or centuries and a laugh echoed….

  I am time I never change or halt but something made a change this love was different. It made me feel to wonder to stop to go back but I am time, my existence cannot ever cease, I have always been a reticent mum spectator of all the confounding whacky episodes of life but I have never stopped or take a pause as I am compelled to have the dexterity to withstand and endure the travails of this never lasting journey even when I have been touched and waivered by love. I always have to keep pacing in my own flow.

  Tick- Tock - Tick- Tock!!!

  Everlista - An Otherworldly Realm Tale

  By Mark Mackey

  ©2014 by Mark Mackey