by Shan
“I heard the baby crying, and when I tried to knock on the door, no one would open it. I figured I’d call you to come check it out. It stinks, and I hope she’s not in there dead,” Mrs. Davis said as she stood out on her porch with her robe pulled tightly against her body.
“A’ight ’preciate it, Mrs. Davis. I’ma go up in here and see what’s going on,” I told her.
Briana still lived in the hood due to her refusal to let her Section 8 go. We butted heads over it all the damn time, and I had even purchased her a three-bedroom home right outside of DeSoto where my mama lived, but Briana had declined. She wanted and felt like she deserved me and the world, and if she couldn’t have all of that, she didn’t want any of it. She knew that it killed me to have our one-and-a-half-year-old daughter, Skylarr, still living right next to the projects, when I had worked so hard to give her better. But Briana always bitched about how she was the one that wanted better. Everything that I was giving to Selena, Briana had felt like was hers, but we were far beyond that. Briana had long ago fucked up our relationship, and after all the ups and downs we had gone through, the downs outweighed the good far too much for me to ever give that broad another chance.
“Why is my fuckin’ daughter screaming like that?” I questioned as I grabbed the pistol from my back and held it down by my side. The closer I got to the house, the louder Skylarr’s cries had become. My jaws tensed, and I could feel the anger ripping through my veins. I hurried and put my key in the lock, unlocked it, and rushed inside to find my daughter huddled over her mother and screaming at the top of her lungs. The stench in the air hit me so hard that it caused tears to form in my eyes. My daughter ran for me and wrapped her little arms around my legs as she fought to catch her breath from crying so hard.
“My Sky baby. You okay?” I asked as I reached down to pull her into my arms. I shook my head at the smell coming from her soiled diaper that made it damn near impossible for me to breathe. “This bitch gonna make me wring her fucking neck! Briana, get your bitch ass up!”
“Hmmm,” Briana moaned.
“Why the fuck you got my daughter sitting around this bitch in this nasty-ass diaper? Man, get your ass up before I beat the fuck outta you!”
“You . . . you don’t care . . . about me, Khi.”
The slur in Briana’s voice made me even angrier. Is this bitch drunk? I thought as I charged through the house and made my way to Skylarr’s room. Once I flipped the switch, my heart skipped a beat just looking at the condition of her room. There were dirty diapers, soiled clothing, food containers, and toys all over the place. It had been months since I had stepped foot inside of Briana’s home. We would either meet up whenever I picked Skylarr up, or Briana would bring her outside to my car when I came through. Either way, seeing how badly my daughter was being cared for had made me regret every day that I hadn’t been more attentive.
I searched around the room for clean diapers and clean clothes, and when I couldn’t find any, I stormed out of the room and down the hall to Briana’s room. There was a naked man lying across the center of Briana’s bed, and it took everything in me not to pull my pistol and murder that nigga. I bit down on my bottom lip, backed out of the room, and headed back down the hall where Briana was now sitting up. Her face was swollen, with dried-up blood that rested against the opening of her mouth. She had two black eyes and what looked to be a huge knot on her forehead, but the one thing that really caught my attention was the belt that was loosely tied around her right arm. The track marks were fresh, and I knew that all the money I’d spent on rehab to get Briana clean had gone down the drain.
Briana had started using heroin four years ago, unbeknownst to me. It was a secret that she had kept well and one that she had apparently never planned to reveal. I first met her at a going away party that I was throwing for Cassidy for the shit that he got knocked for. She was a bad-ass yella bone with a fat ass, and her sexy-ass eyes had me in a trance when I first met her. Right off the bat, we clicked with a real strong-ass chemistry. Briana and I were like the modern-day Bonnie and Clyde, and I could always count on her to ride for a nigga whenever I needed her to. She was the type to take a charge, beat a bitch down, and even body a nigga if I ever asked her to. Our shit was tight, and no lie, I had fallen madly in love with Briana. We were on some us-against-the-world-type shit, and I was ready to propose to Briana, give her my last name and whatever else she asked for. That is, until about a year or so into our relationship, when a dark side of her emerged.
Her erratic and spontaneous behavior had never alerted me that shit was as bad as it was with her, but the problem was nothing I could ever put my finger on. Not even the many times that my money would come up missing, the goonies that had always hung close to home, and Briana always being sick and sleeping had ever told me anything. It wasn’t until I found Briana passed out with a needle sticking out of her arm on our bathroom floor that I knew that I’d fucked up when I laid down with her. Briana was already four or five months pregnant with our child, and it was too late to terminate the pregnancy. I had immediately placed Briana in rehab, and she had gotten clean just in time to give birth to Skylarr. By then, we had already broken up.
After time to sit back and think about shit, I realized I was in fucking denial. All the signs had been there, and I just flat out ignored them. Briana had really hurt and fucked a nigga up with that one. It was the first and last time I would ever let a bitch break my heart. She had turned me completely cold to these hoes. Even with Selena, I wouldn’t open all the way up. I loved Selena, but that was only conditional, and I could easily put my feelings in my pocket when it came to what he had.
When it was time for Briana to come home with our daughter from the hospital, she had convinced me that she was well enough to care for Skylarr, and she had up until now. Looking at the condition Skylarr was in was eating me up inside. I didn’t understand how Briana could let almost two years of her being clean go like this.
“I’m taking Sky with me, and I swea’ to God you bet not contact me! Got my fucking daughter up in here with some bitch-ass nigga getting high and shit! You lucky I don’t fuckin’ kill you, Bri!” I roared. I brought my foot up and kicked Briana in the leg, causing her and my daughter to yelp out. I didn’t care that her ass was already bruised and broken. The only thing that mattered to me at this moment was my daughter.
“You better not take my baby, Khi . . . She’s the only thing I have left of you,” Briana slurred as she rubbed the spot where I had kicked her. Once she noticed that I was serious about taking our daughter, she rolled over onto all fours and slowly picked herself up off the floor. “Khi, bring me back my baby! Give her to me!”
“Get the fuck off of me!” I pushed Briana as she grabbed my arm, causing her to stumble back onto the floor. I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see her grabbing a hold of her stomach and doubling over in pain. I shook my head in disgust. That monkey was on Briana’s back now that she was up and alert, and I knew that she would no longer give a fuck about fighting for our daughter.
I raced out of the house, quickly placed Skylarr inside the front seat of the car, and wrapped the seatbelt around her little body as best I could. She had tiny tears falling from her eyes when I looked down at her. I wondered when was the last time she had been cleaned or the last time she had eaten.
“You hungry?” I asked Skylarr, and she nodded her head. “Daddy gonna get that baby something to eat, all right? Just hang on.”
Khian: Bruh, I’m a kill Briana. This bitch is really trying me. Where the fuck you at? Meet me at the Wal-Mart on Wheatland.
I hit send.
* * *
“I’m saying, though, little girl, what kinda diapers ya mama be buying you?” I asked Skylarr as I held onto her. She smiled and pointed at a juice that sat nearby.
“This,” she told me, getting slob all over me.
“Oh, you want some juice. You can’t help your daddy out on these diapers first, though?” I reached over and g
rabbed the fruit juice and pulled the plastic tie away from the cap. I handed it to Skylarr, and she quickly brought it up to her mouth and started to suck the liquid down her throat. I figured she probably was thirsty as hell and no longer wanted to wait until I could stop to get her something to eat.
I shook my head and sighed as I watched her down that sweet-ass juice in damn near less than a minute. We had been in Wal-Mart for the past twenty minutes, trying to figure out the size and brand of diapers that I needed to buy. I was so embarrassed. Skylarr looked and smelled a mess, but this whole situation brought light to an issue that I didn’t even realize existed. I had to and needed to do better when it came to being a father. I was young, though, only twenty-three years old, and Sky was my first kid; but even then, that wasn’t an excuse. It was all good, though, because I had quickly learned from the mistakes I had been making with Sky and already learned what not to do when Selena gave birth to our child.
I was so used to handing Briana money for everything that she’d needed for Skylarr that I didn’t even realize that I knew absolutely nothing when it came to her. I didn’t know what size clothes she wore, shoes, diapers, or anything like that. Going forward, I promised myself that I was going to get more involved when it came to my kids.
“Aye, aye, li’l mama, can you help me?” I asked a woman that stood nearby with her back turned to me. I figured a nigga might as well ask for some help; otherwise, I’d be there all fucking night.
“With?” she asked and turned around to face me.
Damn, I thought as I stared into her brown eyes. I couldn’t help the attraction I suddenly felt for her. It was hard for me to even understand this shit, ’cause it wasn’t like she was bad or no shit like that. She actually wasn’t shit to talk about. She stood about five foot three, thin, with barely any titties or a waist. She had mocha-colored skin, thick lips, and her hair was scattered all over her head. The clothes she had on were dingy, making her look completely busted, but damn . . . it was something about her eyes that made me overlook all that shit. My mama had always told me that what lies behind a woman’s eyes is all a man needs to see in order to know if she is the one for him, and her eyes told me everything. I had previously thought the same thing with Briana, but I had never even felt like this when I first met her.
I stepped closer to her, and my six-foot-two frame towered over her as she looked up at me. I watched as she looked me over for a few, and then frowned a little when she brought her eyes to Skylarr. I couldn’t even blame her, though. Briana had my daughter looking pretty fucked up. Her hair was all over her head, too, not to mention the fucking smell of urine and feces coming from her overly soiled diaper. The shit was fucked up, and my jaws clenched tightly just thinking about it.
“With?” she asked me again.
“I’m embarrassed like a muthafucka to admit this, but I’m trying to figure out what kind of diapers to buy my daughter and . . . shit, what size,” I told her as I licked my lips and continued to stare down at her. This chick had a nigga all the way in a trance.
“How much does she weigh?”
“Damn,” I sighed and said under my breath. “I don’t even know, shorty. She’s a year old. She’ll be two in March.”
“But when’s the last time you changed her diaper? Not trying to be funny, but it looks like you ran out days ago.”
I bit down on my bottom lip in frustration as she moved around me and grabbed a small pack of Huggies from the shelf. She then grabbed another pack in a smaller size and handed them to me.
“Either one of these look like they should work, but hell, I don’t know. I ain’t got no damn kids,” she said and began to walk away from me.
“Aye, aye, hol’ up, ma,” I called after her. “You can’t tell a nigga your name? Let me take you to eat or something for helping me out.”
“Nah, I’m good, babe. You go home and take care of your seed.”
“Don’t be up in here acting like you a super model type or something, shorty.”
“Nah, I ain’t acting, nor am I tryna be a super model. I just do this shit with no effort. I saw you staring though, nigga. Don’t get mad. You cute or whatever, just not my type,” she called over her shoulder as she headed out of the store with her thieving ass.
I headed toward the register to pay for Skylarr’s diapers, a rag that I had picked up when I first got yhere, a bar of soap, and some pajamas that I hoped she could fit. When I got done, I took Skylarr to the Wal-Mart bathroom, placed her in the small sink, and cleaned her up as best I could. Once I placed the pajamas over her body, I placed a kiss on her cheek and headed out of the store.
My brother KaeDee had finally made it up there and was parked right next to my car. He stepped out, dressed down in a white T-shirt and some sweatpants, with flip-flops on his feet.
“What the fuck you want, nigga, and what did Briana do now?” he asked as he walked up on me. I shoved Skylarr into his hands and walked around to my car. “What the fuck you doing?”
“Take her to Deonna, and I’ll be over there to get her tomorrow. I was supposed to meet up with Tramell and them almost two fuckin’ hours ago, and I gotta go out there to pick this bread up.”
“Where the hell is her mama, bruh?” KaeDee asked, and I angrily shook my head.
“Man, Briana gonna make me snap her fuckin’ neck. She got me so got-damn mad, bruh, I can kill that bitch. She back on that shit again and had my fuckin’ daughter in a nasty-ass diaper for I don’t know how long.”
“Damn!” KaeDee sighed and rubbed his fingers through his thick and long-ass goatee. He kissed Skylarr on the cheek and looked at me with sympathy in his eyes. “You a’ight?”
“I’m good now that I got my shorty cleaned up. It broke my heart to see her like that, bruh. I can’t believe Briana would let this shit happen to her.”
“So, what you gonna do?”
“I’m not gonna do a muthafuckin’ thing. Briana is dead to me, bruh. Ain’t shit to me. Sky is gonna be good with her daddy. Ain’t that right, baby?” I said as I gently pulled at her hair. She looked at me and smiled before resting her head into my brother’s chest. “But look, bruh, I met my soul mate just a minute ago, and that bitch don’t even know she belong to me.”
“What-the-fuck-ever.” KaeDee laughed and shook his head. “That ho must’ve had a fat ass. The last bitch you thought was your soul mate running around with a baby in her stomach, and that ho stay mad. Half-breed-ass bitch always calling me, speaking Spanish and shit. She called me right before you did, nigga, talking about you gone mad.”
“Fuck that bitch. And nah, my soul mate is ugly as fuck, and she ain’t have a fat ass . . . but I know for a fact shorty is for me, nigga. It’s just something about her, and you ain’t never heard me say Selena was my soul mate. I said she was perfect for a nigga, but that was at-the-moment-type shit. She was an I-was-in-my-feelings-type fuck, and shit just went kinda too far. Shit sometimes changes, though, you know. Just never did with her.”
“So, who is this chick then, bruh?”
“I don’t know.”
“What you mean you don’t know? What’s her name? Where she live at?”
“Why the fuck you gotta ask so many questions, bitch? I don’t know none of that shit, but I’m the nigga that’s gonna change her life. I promise you that,” I said just as my phone buzzed in my pocket.
KaeDee laughed at me as he placed Skylarr in the back seat of his car and strapped the seatbelt around her. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone only to see a text from Tramell that made my heart drop. I could feel the sweat forming on my forehead as I went to slide the bar across the screen and open the message.
Tramell: Bruh . . . Twelve did us dirty my nigga. Everything is gone. Everybody gone. I’m fucked up.
“What’s wrong?” KaeDee asked, noticing the change in my demeanor.
I showed him the text, but he showed no emotion. KaeDee was cool like that. He had always been that way, though. Growing up, didn’t too m
uch piss him off, but when it did, he was not a nigga that you wanted to fuck with. KaeDee was a beast with his muthafuckin’ hands. He was the biggest of us all, standing at six foot four and weighing about 240 pounds. Niggas that didn’t know him was often misled by the fact that he preferred the suit-and-tie look and had a muthafuckin’ degree that he received from Howard University. He was a smart-ass nigga, but ruthless nonetheless. He only got down when he absolutely had no other choice. For the most part, I fought his battles because I knew that if it ever came down to that, he would get me out of whatever charge I caught. He was important in the scope of what we was trying to build, and the last thing we wanted was him in anything that we could handle ourselves.
“I’ll go drop her off with Deonna and catch up with you. Keep yo’ shit open, nigga, and make sure you watch your fuckin’ back,” KaeDee told me, and we dapped each other and hugged before I walked off to the Mazi, got in, and peeled out of the Wal-Mart parking lot.
Chapter 2
Cuba
It had only been three days and a few hours since I walked out of that tiny cell with a bunk bed that I shared with my cellmate, Tiffany. I had spent the last three years of my life locked up and told what to do damn near every second of the day. It was no place for a chick like me, but I had made my bed, so I had to lie in it. Jail was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do in my young life, but I did it, day for day. Some days were harder than others, and most times, it seemed like I wouldn’t make it, but I pulled through that bid feeling stronger than I ever had.
Them pigs had charged me with two counts of attempted murder, one count of murder, and one count of possession with the intent to distribute for that coke that Rue and Bry had lifted off some niggas that night. I had to count my blessings, though, because the only thing that they were able to stick was the possession with the intent to distribute charge. The DA didn’t have enough evidence to prove their case against me for those murder charges, and I knew that that wasn’t nobody but God on my side. I had tried my hardest to get out of that drug charge too, but with Rue pointing the finger at me, they wasn’t having it any other way.
