by Shan
When I had finally came to my senses and realized that that nigga didn’t love me, it was too late. They had given me chance after chance to give him up, but love had completely blinded me and made me a damn fool. For some reason, I felt the need to be loyal to Rue, and just in case he was testing me, show him that I was down for him. I was so fucking dumb for Rue; so dumb that I ended up having to plead guilty and taking the five years they offered me. With good behavior, I only had to do three years out of the five.
Five months into my sentence, I got a call from my mother that had only added to my stress. My sister, Alaska, had made it through to give birth to my first and only nephew, but unfortunately, shortly after, she passed away. Her death had been ruled a homicide, and the person that killed her was still out there. I didn’t have any idea of who had done my people that way. It was something that I thought about every day that I was down, but not once could I come up with something that made sense. I wanted to blame Rue since he was so quick to put the blame on me, but that didn’t make any sense either. He took six bullets to the back, damn near lost his life, and was inches away from being paralyzed. I couldn’t see him taking that much of a risk, and I felt like, if anything, he was just a fuckin’ coward for the shit he did to me.
He tried writing me a few times when I was locked up, but I didn’t have anything to say to him. His actions and the way he handled the entire situation spoke to me loud and clear. He was a sucka-ass nigga, and there wasn’t shit that either of us had to say to one another. I could sit there all day long and say what I could’ve done differently, like listen to my parents when they tried to warn me, but it was too late for all that. I knew better now, and although the last thing on my mind was a nigga, I knew for sure what type I was going to steer clear of.
I sighed as I walked into the She is Beauty shop. It was packed to capacity, with ladies and children sitting in every available chair. I looked around for my cousin, Tangie, the only person who had my back and held me down while I did that bid. I don’t know what I would’ve done if it had not been for her. Just like always, my parents blamed me for what happened to Alaska. After sending me a picture of my nephew with a note attached saying: Look at what Alaska can’t enjoy because of you, I knew that I would never hear from them again, and I didn’t. They didn’t write, answer any of my phone calls, or pay me any visits, but Tangie did. She did it all. I saw her one or two times a month, and she put money on my books and sent me letters and books to hold me over.
Tangie was my cousin on my father’s side. We were never close before me getting locked up, and we really only saw each other at family gatherings and a few outings, so it surprised me how down she was for me. She owned She is Beauty and promised me that when I came home she had a job for me at her shop. She even allowed me to stay with her and her boyfriend, Camp, so you know she was a real-ass bitch, because wasn’t no chicks out there letting females stay with them and their man, family or not. Tangie had already given me the talk before I came home about staying away from Camp, but that shit went in one ear and out the other. Not that I didn’t care; I just wasn’t trying to hear that shit, ’cause I wasn’t that type of bitch. I was more than capable, when I was ready, of getting my own man. Didn’t want or need hers. Plus, I would never fuck over anyone that was there for me like Tangie had been for me.
“Hey, cuz, welcome to She is Beauty,” Tangie said with a huge smile on her face.
I returned the smile as I looked around. Tangie definitely wasn’t missing a meal. Business was good, and I was happy for her. She talked about this shop so much, from the time it was just an idea to its building stages, and her hope that it would be successful. I could definitely see that everything she had wished for had come to fruition.
“Girl, look at you,” I told her as I admired the whole setup. It was chill and classy at the same time. Just at first glance, she had about six stylists working for her and a few girls that worked the shampoo bowls. She had already told me beforehand that I would be stocking and keeping up with the inventory and also scheduling appointments for the ladies. I was cool with whatever. Although this wasn’t my dream job or anything that I ever saw myself doing, I was more than thankful. Tangie had afforded me the opportunity to put some cheddar in my pocket, and she was allowing me to stay with her rent free. All I had to do was stack my paper and figure some things out later on down the line. I wasn’t gonna complain at all.
“So, what you think?”
“I’m proud of you, cuz. It’s everything you said you was gonna do. I’m glad that it’s working out for you.”
“Me too, girl. Me too. So, you ready to work? ’Cause these phones are ringing off the hook, and between that, these clients, and their bad-ass kids, I can’t keep up.”
“Yes, just show me what I’m going to be doing. I’m ready,” I said with a laugh and followed behind Tangie as she showed me to my workstation. It was a cute little desk that held a phone, computer, and a cash register. I started to feel a little overwhelmed thinking I wasn’t going to be able to do this shit. I had never held down a job before in my life. My parents had always taken care of me, and when I was with Rue, I never had to work, because although he was a coward to me now, he was a great provider to me then. I never wanted for anything.
“It’s okay, Cuba. I’ma make sure you become a pro at this. Don’t worry,” Tangie said to me, noticing my apprehension.
I looked at her and shook my head before taking a seat in the soft leather chair. Tangie was so damn sweet. I looked at my guardian angel and admired her beauty. She stood at exactly five feet, and she wore her hair in a short ’do that was neatly tapered around her pretty brown skin. She had dark brown, Chinese-cut eyes and thick lips. She had a small frame just like me, except for Tangie had a nice little ass back there. I smirked, because all the women on my father’s side were small as hell.
It took Tangie about two-and-a-half hours to show me around and to teach me how to use the computer and phones in order to do my job correctly. She didn’t schedule her first appointment until after the lunch hour to ensure that she had enough time to work with me. My first day was going cool, and for the first time in a long time, a sincere smile was etched onto my face. I felt a little bit of happiness, something that I had not thought possible after everything that I had gone through over the last few years. Tangie just didn’t know how much I appreciated her and everything she was doing for me. I felt myself getting emotional just thinking about it. When I stood up to tell Tangie everything that was on my mind, the door chimed, and it seemed like all eyes were suddenly on me.
Once I brought my attention toward the entrance of the shop, I could swear I felt my blood run cold. The smile I wore was completely wiped off my face, and my heart raced inside my chest. I didn’t know how I should feel or even react to seeing him, but I couldn’t stop the anger that had suddenly built up so intensely inside of me. My chest began to heave up and down as our eyes locked with one another. He had the nerve to be rocking a smirk. He loosened the grip that he had around the red-head chick that he was with, who just so happened to be Tangie’s best friend, Anastasia. I looked at Tangie and rolled my eyes, because I knew this wasn’t some shit that had just happened the night before. All the times I had talked to her, and not once did she mention that Rue and Anastasia were dating.
I didn’t want to seem hurt, but I was. I bit down on my bottom lip as it trembled—my attempt to stop the tears that I felt threatening to slide down my face. Everybody had their damn eyes on me, waiting to see how I was going to react, and part of me wanted to be cool, but there was this fire in me that burned so bad with hurt and anger that I just fuckin’ snapped.
“So, you knew this nigga was fucking with this bitch, and not once did you mention that shit to me, Tangie?” I yelled as I walked up to her and got in her face.
“Cuba . . .”
“Nigga, don’t you say one muthafuckin’ word to me,” I said to Rue, cutting him off. I wasn’t trying to hear nothing that
he had to say. He said it all three years ago when he pointed the finger at me for some shit he knew wasn’t on me. My life, my young life, had been ruined all because of him. Fuck him!
“Now, Cuba, that’s their business. I don’t have anything to do with who Tasia dates. Besides, that’s not some shit you needed on your mind while trying to do that time, baby girl. I didn’t say anything, because I knew it would mess with you. Now, Tasia is my best friend, but trust me when I say, she knows that I don’t agree with her dating Rue’s ass,” Tangie told me, and although I was mad, I could feel the sincerity in her voice and knew that she would never do anything to hurt me. I also understood what she was saying. So much was already on my shoulders, and the last thing I needed to know was that Rue was out there doing him, and with someone I knew, at that. “Now, take a deep breath and let’s walk outside.”
I nodded my head and took a deep breath just like Tangie suggested. When I looked up, Rue’s eyes were planted on me, and I could feel the damn room heating up. Anastasia was also looking at me, but she had the nerve to be rocking a smirk.
Is this bitch getting satisfaction from this? I thought as I followed Tangie out the front of her shop.
“I’m sorry, Tangie, but damn!” I exhaled the breath I had been holding and also the tears that had built up in the corners of my eyes. Tangie wrapped her arms around me and held me until I finally stopped crying. I wiped my face with the back of my hand and let out an embarrassed chuckle. “I’m sorry. The last thing I want is to bring drama to your shop.”
“No, it’s okay. If I had known that Rue’s bitch ass was going to show up here with Tasia, I would’ve told you. He never ever comes here, because Tasia always claims that she doesn’t want him around too many women. I can betcha that he found a reason to come today, because he knew you were going to be here, and for some reason, Tasia’s dumb ass think being with him after what he did to you is cute. I tried to tell that sick bitch not to fuck with him, but she wouldn’t listen. I don’t know what makes her think that he wouldn’t do her the same way he did you. She’s one dumb bitch. Best friend or not, she’s a dummy, and I told her exactly that.”
“It’s cool, Tangie. I don’t give a fuck about Rue no more. It’s just that I would’ve given my life for that man, and he did me so wrong. To see him walking around free as a bird like nothing happened kills me. My sister died, my parents disowned me, and I don’t even know what my nephew looks like. I lost so much because of his shit, and the least he could’ve done was ride for me like I would’ve done for him.”
“Rue ain’t shit, girl. You might have lost three years, honey, but trust me, that was a minor setback for a major comeback. You gonna be everything and then some. Us Lances are nothing to play with, girl. Don’t you ever forget that.”
I laughed and pulled a pack of cigarettes from my back pocket. Smoking these cancer sticks was a nasty habit that I picked up when I was locked up, and I promised myself when I got out that I was going to quit, but not that day. I slid my lighter from my pocket, lit the tip of the square, and leaned back against the wall.
I looked over at Tangie as she looked me up and down. I knew she was taking in my appearance. My hair was halfway combed, and I was rocking a white T-shirt and a pair of loose-fitting sweats with my rundown jailhouse tennis shoes. I shrugged my shoulders, not really giving a damn how I looked. I was just happy to be free and happy that I wasn’t going to be out there starving like I knew most chicks I was locked up with were.
“I was about to tell you thank you for everything, Tangie. I know I’ve said it a hundred times before, but you know it means the world to me that you held me down like that,” I told Tangie, feeling emotional all over again. She hugged me once again, and I tightly hugged her back, holding the cigarette behind my back so the smoke wouldn’t get in her clothes.
“That’s what family is for, boo. You know I got you. My client will be on her way soon. I’ll clock you out for lunch, so go on and get your head together, and I’ll see you in an hour.”
I nodded my head and began to walk down the block while puffing on the Newport. I was in deep thought when I spotted a gas station across the street from where Tangie’s shop was located. I figured I would grab me a few snacks and something to drink while trying to get Rue off my mind, but I guess the muthafucka was reading my mind. He pulled up in front of me just as I made my way across the street, and he hopped out of the car. I can’t lie . . . he looked good. He had grown up so much since the last time I saw him. His baby face was now covered with facial hair that was neatly trimmed around his face. Rue was around five foot eleven, with a high-yellow-ass skin tone and dimpled cheeks, with an innocent smile. Before he had been a little on the frail side, but now, I could see his muscular frame as it poked through his clothing.
I tried to walk around him, but Rue grabbed at my arm and pulled me toward him. Snatching away from him, I frowned, ready to spit in his face; but I had to remember that this nigga was a fuckin’ snitch bitch, and I was on probation for the next two years.
“A’ight, I’m sorry, but damn, ma, you can’t talk to a nigga?” he had the nerve to ask me as if I owed him time.
“Talk to you for what? You said everything you had to say three years ago, nigga, when you sat down at that police station and lied through your damn teeth. And let’s not forget the fact that you were fuckin’ my sister behind my back.”
“It’s not even like that, Cuba. Them muthafuckin’—”
“Look, I don’t even care, Rue. Whatever explanation that you thought up in your head to give me, save it. It’s over and done with now. I took that L for you, nigga.”
“Man, that fuckin’ night, Cuba, I told you to get Alaska and get out of there before twelve ran down on us. Do you think I would get down there and snitch on you like that?”
“Do I think? Do I fuckin’ think? Nah, I fuckin’ know! I heard you on the tape loud and clear saying I put them bricks in that car and that I set y’all up to be killed. You said that shit, not me, so what the hell do you mean, do I think?”
“Those cops twisted—”
“Save it, Rue. I don’t care, man. For real, I don’t care.”
“Cuba, come on, baby. You know I love you,” Rue said, causing me to shake my head and laugh.
“Love me? If what you showed me was love, then I don’t ever—and I mean ever—wanna be in love again.”
Chapter 3
Daelan
“Aye, I’m saying it’s only a few niggas that got that kinda fire power to do some shit like that. My man, we lost fam and shit up in that bitch last night. Start talking,” I told this Arab muthafucka as he separated brown paper bags with his nasty-ass fingers. I was standing inside of the local food mart in my hood that was owned by these got-damn Arabs. They wasn’t paying taxes to the government, nor were they paying taxes on that bullshit-ass dope they were pushing in my streets. I was sick of these clowns, and I knew that they had to be responsible for that loss we took the night before at the factory. I had been telling Khi and KaeDee for the past year that we needed to take these dudes out, but they were always talking about I was a hothead and never thought shit through.
My bro Tramell lost his baby mama, Cocoa, in the chaos when six dudes came through dressed from head-to-toe in military gear and packing assault rifles, claiming to be the DEA. They shot everything moving, taking all the dope, money, and the lives of men and women that I fuckin’ cared about. Tramell was one lucky nigga, ’cause he only caught a couple of bullets that were through and through and didn’t do any damage.
“I don’t know anything about that, Dylan,” he said, and I sighed, hiking my pants up a couple of inches, and then pulled my dreads from my face.
“You tryna be funny, huh? You think this shit is a game?” I clasped my hands together and looked at him before I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him over the counter. Dragging his ass outside, I punched him in the face as I kept my grip tight around his neckline. Blood squirted from his
mouth, and he yelped a few times before the red liquid filled his mouth and prevented him from speaking.
I pulled my pistol out the back of my pants and shoved it in between his teeth, causing a few of them to shatter. He choked, and his arms flailed while I laughed. Fuck Khi and fuck KaeDee. I was going to start listening to my gut when it came to matters that fucked with my money and fucked with my fam.
Damn. Cocoa and Rhamin. I thought about two of the people I messed with the most. Two of the people that grew up on the same block as me was gone and never coming back. Tramell and Cocoa’s kid would never get a chance to see their mother again, and that agony alone was enough to body the muthafuckas I thought were responsible. If I was wrong, then so what? Fuckin’ Arabs already had the game fucked up by pumping that poison they were selling into the streets that didn’t even come from the coalition. Not only that, that shit was quickly killing my people, and these niggas was turning a blind eye to it like they couldn’t even see it.
Yeah, I moved that dope, pushed that crack to damn near whoever would buy it, but even then, I had a heart. I didn’t want shit with my name on it going into the hands of pregnant chicks and kids. The Arabs didn’t give a damn about that. I had seen far too many deaths from the neighborhood that was marked by that shit that they called Allah. These cats were just straight up with that disrespect, and I was a low-tolerance-ass dude.
“Nigga, what’s my muthafuckin’ name? Call me Dylan again, bitch. Say that shit again!” I told him as he looked up at me with desperate eyes. By now, a small crowd had formed, and instead of me backing down, it only made me go harder. I wanted anybody who even thought about testing my gangsta to see this shit. I gave no fucks about no witnesses. I was a real live goonie out there, the type that had no fucks to give. Khi be hollerin’ all the time that he put us on the map and that he was the one that made us gain the respect from the streets, but after the night before, that nigga ain’t do shit. But it wasn’t shit, though. I was about to show everybody not to fuck with the Prince brothers.
