Grey: The Retribution (Spectrum Series Book 3)

by Allison White

  For thirty minutes, I slowly eat my vanilla ice cream cone. I am sitting on the curb in front of the ice cream parlor, listening to Caribbean music from the boardwalk a few blocks over from the town’s center. As I watch some of the cream drop onto the gravel below me, I finally slip into my mind, able to think.

  I want so badly to be in that program. It’ll not only help jumpstart my career as a psychiatrist, but it will give me the kind of training and knowledge that I find enthralling. It’d be informative and get me back on track when it comes to my education and my goals. I’ve already lost so much of myself ever since I started attending college. To turn this opportunity down again would make me ungrateful and idiotic. A part of me is screaming, pleading for me to accept and finally do what everyone, even a therapist, has been telling me to do—move on.

  But I can’t. How do you move on from someone who made you feel…alive?

  I sigh and lick the ice cream again.

  And what do I do about making amends with Grey? Do I tell him that I’m being offered a second chance, but I’m giving it up, again, for him? Do I break down into tears and beg he forgive me? I’d do just about anything to wipe that scowl off his face every time he sees me. But it seems like nothing would work—he hates me.

  The thought makes me shiver and blink back tears.

  “He hates me,” I murmur, feeling a tear drop down my face and into my ice cream. Overwhelmed with everything, I throw the cone next to me and place my hands over my face.

  “…I’m just saying, your cat is evil,” a girl with a slightly high-pitched voice says, and I find myself listening to another reply.

  “He is not evil,” the girl with an Australian accent replies. “He’s just an asshole.”

  “Yeah, an asshole who likes to claw my eyes out!” the girl with the high-pitched voice exclaims.

  I turn around, and they stop in their tracks.

  One with thick black hair and cocoa skin frowns. “Are you all right?”

  “She’s crying. Does it look like she’s all right?” the other girl with fair skin and shoulder-length wavy hair sasses.

  The other girl rolls her eyes and walks over, dropping on the curb next to me. “Hi, I’m Emilene, but you can call me Emily.” She thrusts out a hand with a genuine smile that makes my heart warm. Well, she’s very polite.

  I smile and attempt to wipe away my tears as I shake her hand. “Olivia.”

  The other girl walks over and sits on the other side of me, extending her hand. “Becca,” she says, and I shake her hand too.

  “Olivia, nice to meet you.” I give them both wide, polite smiles and wince. I look like a mess, tears staining my flushed cheeks and loose hair knotted because of the slight wind. I look to my knees and pick at the hospital band. “I’m sorry, I’m just a mess right now.”

  “What’s wrong?” Becca asks.

  “Maybe we can help,” Emily suggests.

  “There’s nothing you can do,” I tell them sadly.

  “Try us.” Becca nudges me, a sly smirk rising on her face. I look at Emily, and she’s nodding encouragingly.

  Why not tell strangers my problems? What’s the worst that can happen?

  I take a deep breath and proceed to tell them everything, because when will I ever see them again, really? I start from the first time I saw Grey, to the parties, to him making fun of me, being cruel, to me developing feelings for him. I talk about the things I wrote about him behind his book, but also about our sweet moments that will always be in my heart, to the kisses, to the heartbreak, to the tears, to the bloody knuckles, to our laughs—everything. Even to last night and the hospital visit and the almost-drowning incident. When I finish, they’re in complete tears, mumbling something about “Your love is legendary,” and “I need a fucking man.” I blush and watch as they sniffle and wipe their black mascara tears away and sniffle some more. I never knew our story could make people cry. Is it that tragic?

  “Well, you obviously have to fight for him,” Becca rasps.

  Emily nods furiously. “You can’t just let him go like that.”

  “I have no choice. He hates me,” I whisper.

  “Girl, you are going to fight for that man!” exclaims Becca.

  “If you don’t, I’ll take him.” Emily nods and narrows her eyes. “I’ll steal him, and we’ll live in Hawaii, and he’ll love me, and we’ll have millions of babies, and he will love me.”

  I look at her like she’s lost her mind. “Um, okay?” Do I fight her for him now or slowly walk away?

  “But she is right, if you don’t fight for him, you’d just let that bitch Rose take him away,” Becca says. “Do you really want her to have him? You better say no, or I will slap you.”

  “I—she’s actually really sweet.” I smile, and they glare at me, so I gulp and back down. “But I wouldn’t like that…”

  “Good, now you go, and you get your man back,” Emily says, and I sigh.

  “He would never take me back. And my mother and therapist wouldn’t really like it—”

  “Fuck them!” Becca exclaims, and I jump, shocked. “Sorry.” She blushes. “What I mean to say is: you can’t let those hags tell you what to do. It’s your life and your heart—you’ve gotta trust your instincts…what do you want?”

  “Grey, of course—” I begin.

  “Then go get him, stupid.” Emily nudges me, smiling.

  I nod, a smile taking up the space on my face. “Okay…but I have to make amends first.” If there’s one good thing that came out of what Dr. Drew told me, it’s that he won’t forgive me all that fast if I don’t try to mend things between us. I shattered his trust, so I have to glue it back together before either one of us get hurt anymore by the sharp edges.

  “Then do that. Get him back,” Becca says, like it’s so easy.

  “I’ll be waiting on the sidelines if you fuck up,” Emily whispers in my ear.

  “What?” I frown at her.

  “Nothing.” She smiles, then nudges at me to stand. “Go get your man,” she instructs. I take a deep breath, then stand. She and Becca watch me with wide, creepy eyes and smiles as I begin walking away. I flash a small smile and a little hand wave over my shoulder, and they “aww” at me. Okay…

  “My fucking OTP…” they both whisper before I am out of earshot.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I called Grey for the millionth time over the last six months. I wasn’t surprised when I got his voicemail. I left a voicemail anyway and sent him a text to come over to the house. That I needed to see him one last time…and that I’d leave him alone after that. I don’t know if he’s going to come or not, but I’m hoping he will trust me just this once and hear what I have to say. A large part of me feels he won’t come. That he’ll ignore me like he has for months. But the tiny part, the almost silent part, says he’ll come. And I need some positivity to get me through the nerves quaking through my body, so I listen to that small part, however quiet she is.

  I listen to the crackle and pops as I add more wood to the fire. Crickets chirping in the ground mix with the sounds, so it sounds like a cricket got stuck in a popcorn bag and is chirping with every pop! Graphic description, but I’m nervous. I don’t know why, though. I’ve seen enough of him to be completely comfortable around him, if you know what I mean. But I don’t know…there’s this incredible knot in my stomach, and my tongue feels heavy.

  I feel light-headed, so I sit on one of the patio chairs and take a deep breath. It’s a breathing technique that will supposedly calm me down, so I don’t act like a psychopath. A technique given to me by the lovely Dr. Drew. She also says to get rid of Grey’s charm because it is holding me back. It’s reminding me of him every day I have it round my wrist…that’s where I draw the line when it comes to listening to her. This charm—this beautiful, meaningful and precious charm—is literally the only thing I have left of Grey. Getting rid of it would mean throwing away all the memories, good or bad, between us and giving up. And I am not going to do that
.

  I freeze when I feel a presence behind me. I stand up and turn around. He’s here. He actually came. I try my best to hide my smile, because it may scare him off. It’s insane to think just six months ago he actually loved me. Now…now he hates my guts. He probably wants me dead…I can’t blame him. After what I did, I took the modified version of himself that was happy and twisted him into the old him. And trust me when I say the old him despises me. I wonder why he even came, to be honest. I wouldn’t.

  He stalks toward me, his long legs carrying him forward with power and malicious intent draped across his face. He’s wearing his normal black tee, leather jacket, and heavy biker boots. He looks so sexy…I don’t know what I was expecting. I’ve seen him dressed like this, and actually get dressed, all the time before. But this time, he just has a harsher edge. Like he’s sharpened himself, ready to slice open old wounds. And he doesn’t seem to be sensitive about doing so. He looks ready to peg me down a notch…

  I stare at him for what feels like eternity and a day. I hold back my frown when examining the black eye forming under his right eye and the deep cut on his lip. It doesn’t look like he’s treated them well enough. Every single bone and cell in my body desperately craves to tend to his injuries. I just want to sit him down and clean his wound before it can become infected and ice his bruise, so his cheek won’t swell. I want to kiss both gently then lay in his arms as he heals from the inside out. But I can’t—not anymore.

  I wonder if Rose even tended to his wounds…

  “Speak. You’re lucky I even came,” he says, and I cringe just the slightest.

  I smile. He cocks his head to the side, and I gulp. “Um, y-you came,” I stutter.

  He sighs, not amused. “Yeah, surprised myself. But I got tired after fucking Rose and all—thought I could use some fresh air.” He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes, head tilted back. I feel my heart skip a beat, and I frown and suck on my lower lip, looking all around as he hums. That didn’t hurt at all. He looks at me with the most sadistic smile, black eyes gleaming with mischief I once adored but I now fear and hate. “But you even destroy that, don’t you?” His eyes flicker to the fire. I gulp again and fidget on my feet. “What the hell is this for?” He nods to it.

  My face and heart pains me when I try to smile, despite the comment he just made. You just need to make amends, Liv. Then you can move on. Then you can finally breathe again.

  I take another deep breath and say, “I know I hurt you six months ago. I’ve been reminded of it every single night. And I mean…every night. There isn’t one that goes by that I don’t see your face and how much I’ve hurt you, and I—I apologize from the deepest spot in my heart. I truly never meant to hurt you. I just—I never cared about you, never cared for you. So I started the journal entries. It was only supposed to get me in the program, then I’d be on my way. But then…then I discovered the real you, and I was fascinated. And I mean beyond the disorder and all that.”

  Another deep breath, then out. “I understand that I have ruined everything between us—I get it. But I just can’t—you can’t possibly forget the good times between us.” My voice is squeaky, so I clear my throat and lick my lips. “And we had many, many good times. Like the time we went on our first date and you threatened to beat up those preteens for looking at me. Or when we went racing at the party, how happy we were.” I laugh and get no response from him.

  I take another deep breath and shake my head. “But that’s not the point. The point is, I got another chance to get into the psych program. I—I gave it up when you left, because I didn’t want to get in at your expense. But now I have another shot, and this time I won’t be able to say no and have another chance…” I bend down and pick up the notebook that destroyed us. I grip it tight and walk over to the fire. “But I won’t take it, because I just don’t deserve it after what I did. I let it come between us once before, and I won’t let that happen again. This book was written when I didn’t know you, but I know you more than I know myself. Consider the words gone and my greatest regret set in the ashes.”

  Without thinking twice, I toss the marble notebook into the fire. The fire sparks with the added paper and blooms with hundreds of little specks. I step back and stare as it curls and turns to char. I feel the weight of a thousand stones lift ever the slightest off my shoulders. I take a breath, exhale, and slowly shift my eyes to Grey.

  He is still, unblinking. He hasn’t spoken a word or changed his facial expression since the minute I started talking.

  “Please, say something,” I croak and hold my hands into my chest, playing with my hospital bandage.

  He eyes my hands, and his jaw ticks. “What happened to your hands?”

  I look at them and put them down, drumming my fingers against my thighs. “I…accidentally burned them this morning,” I lie again.

  “And the hospital bracelet?” If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I heard concern in his voice. But I know he doesn’t care about me anymore, so I don’t know anything at all.

  “The burn was pretty bad,” I lie again. Why is he asking about this anyway? He probably just wants to make me think he does, reel me in enough, and then shove me back with malice. He can be so cruel. “But that isn’t the point: I’m sorry for what I did, Grey. I didn’t mean to hurt you the way I did.”

  He glares into my eyes. “You think burning some book is going to make me forget?”

  “No, but I’m hoping it will help you forgive me.” I take the slightest step forward, and he takes one back. I nearly whimper, pained by the subtle but effective action. “I can’t function with you hating me like this. I can’t sleep with you hating me like this.”

  “You can’t sleep?” His voice is low, but his tone isn’t concerned, but darkly humored. “You can’t sleep!” he screams and storms over to me. He grabs my hands and roughly pulls them up to his face. I wince in pain, but he doesn’t seem to care. “These little burns are nothing compared to the hell-fire you sparked in me! I have felt nothing but rage! It simmers inside me every single second of every single day! I can feel it right now, desperately wanting out to hurt you! And I will make sure to listen to it. Understand me when I say that you have hurt me before…” He pauses, tears welling. “And I will never let you or anyone do so ever again. Even if it de-humanizes me, I won’t hurt. Not. Ever. Again.” He pushes my hands away, and I stumble back, nearly falling into the fire.

  I gasp and don’t bother to blink back the tears as I stare at this unknown man in front of me. The tears burn in my eyes and fall past my cheeks like tiny balls of fire. I try to blink them back and hold in the sob that bubbles past my lips, but I can’t stop it.

  “But I thought you loved me,” I whisper, my voice cracking like glass.

  He laughs. “Funny, I thought the same thing about you. Turns out even you’re a great actor.”

  There is a great silence that makes my throat run dry and my tears fall even faster. He stands there in all his black glory. Now he has a pretty little black accessory to go with his outfit—his heart. I wanted so desperately for him to see past everything and focus on the words I’ve told him tonight. To give me another chance, even if we start fresh as friends. I’ve truly seen the best side of him, the light. But now…now there is only one side left—the darkness. And I fear neither I nor anyone else will ever be able to bring that part out of him again.

  Turning up his mouth, he wheels around on his black boots and begins walking away.

  “I did love you, Grey,” I call out, but he doesn’t stop moving, doesn’t even act like he hears me. “I didn’t lie about that.”

  He leaves, and I am left with a crackling fire and a shattered heart. One can be treated, be put out. But the other…the other will never be repaired. Ever.

  ***

  Grey

  As soon as I slip inside my car, I jam the key in the engine. But I don’t twist it, don’t start it. I just sit here for the longest while. My breathing is wrecked as my heart pounds re
lentlessly. I bet if I look down right now, I’ll be able to make it out, carved into my flesh like in the cartoons.

  After an eternity of shallow breaths and complete silence, I let myself snap.

  I raise my fists and punch the wheel over and over and over and over again, until I can hear the cracking of bones, and my screams ring like a banshee’s cry in the night. I have lost the love of my life, and I won’t ever get her back. I’ve pushed her away too far. She wouldn’t want me; hell, I don’t even want myself right now. I’m a fucking mess.

  I stop and lean back, resting my elbow on the door, twisting and rubbing my lower lip. I taste the blood dripping from my knuckles down to my finger. But I don’t spit it out. I swallow it, and I close my eyes. I let myself taste the metal of the cage that holds every intention to get out of this fucking car, throw her against the wall, and take her, to show her I have not stopped loving her for one goddamn second.

  But I pull my hand away, turn the car on, and speed into the night.

  I let that damned cage stay shut and throw away the key while I’m at it.

  Chapter Fourteen

  When I finally break from the chains holding me back and am able to reach Grey, he stands. I stop in my tracks and try to scream, to move to help him—but my throat is constricted, and my body is made of metal.

  His bloody lips and wide eyes snap into place, and a snarl takes over. Pure evil looms in his eyes as he begins laughing a mighty, dark laugh. It causes goosebumps to run up and down my skin, leaving me shivering from the coldness dripping off his tongue. Next to his feet, the floor cracks open and a raging fire sparks out. I widen my eyes and try to scream, to tell him to move out of the way before he falls in.

  “You and your words can rot in hell.” He draws out the words in a nasty snarl before letting his heart fall into a pit of fire. Then I am catapulted forward and fall after his inky, black heart. Fire licks at my skin, and my throat opens finally, and I let out the loudest scream. The world implodes, and so does the rest of the millions of galaxies.