"Maybe," Naomi said doubtfully. "He's been in a pissy mood lately."
"Would you mind asking him to come in, without telling him it's me who's asking?"
"Had another falling out?"
I cringed. Did Naomi know everything?
"I just need to talk with him and clarify a few things."
"I'll see what I can do."
When I arrived at the offices Naomi told me he was in the piano room. She'd asked him to play the song for her again. When I walked in instead of Naomi, Noah shot off the piano bench. His usual scowl immediately transformed, his face going expressionless.
"What are you doing here?" he said flatly, echoing the very first words he'd ever said to me.
"I wanted to talk to you."
"We have nothing to talk about."
"Yes we do. You know we do."
Noah's eyebrow twitched. I could tell he was upset, but didn't want to show it. He probably wanted to pretend like nothing had happened, just like he always did.
"You can't shut me out every time you get angry about something."
"I'm not angry," he said flatly.
"You stormed out on me. You've been ignoring my texts and calls. Giving someone the silent treatment is a really awful thing to do."
"It's not the silent treatment. I just have nothing to say to you."
I crossed my arms, exasperated. "I didn't tell anyone about Lily."
He snorted. "Sure."
"I don't understand why you won't believe me. I care about you. I would never hurt you like that. I would never betray you."
Noah grunted and turned around, facing the piano. "I don't care to hear your excuses anymore. We're done. Get out."
I fumed for a few moments before bursting out. "How can you walk away from everything?"
"There's nothing to walk away from. The song is finished. This business relationship is over."
"We're over? Just like that?"
Noah stayed silent, not looking at me.
Tears threatened to sting the back of my eyes. "Did it all really mean so little to you?"
"You're a fangirl with a crush. Of course it meant nothing to me." He finally looked at me. His eyes were pained for a moment, before his face shuttered close. "Did it really mean so much to you?" he snarked.
I swallowed hard, blinking back the tears. "So what if it did?"
"Then you're a foolish little fangirl. It was sex. That's all."
The words hit me like a blow. Pain radiated from my chest outward.
"I know you're just saying that because you're hurt," I bit out. "You're lashing out like always."
But the fact that he automatically thought the worst of me, that he wouldn't even listen to me, made it worse.
Noah snatched the music sheets off the piano, clenching them in his fists as he stalked towards the door. "I don't need to stand here listening to this."
"You're going to regret throwing this all away," I told him as he passed me.
He looked back for only a brief moment, blank face held not a hint of emotion.
"The only thing I regret is trusting you."
Chapter Twenty-Eight
For the next week I sat in my apartment moping.
I'd barely spent any time here since I first started working with Noah. We were always at his place working or having sex. For a while I only came here to sleep. Then even that changed when I started spending the night.
Natalie and Ivy were technically my roommates — they still paid rent — but they'd essentially moved in with their boyfriends and were never around. I had the entire three bedroom apartment to myself. It felt cold and lonely.
I spent most of my time thinking about what had happened with Noah. Wondering if I could have done something or said something different. But what happened had nothing to do with me and everything to do with Noah's insecurities. With his inability to open up to people. His inability to trust.
I was torn between sadness and anger. I knew Noah had his issues. Maybe I should have been more understanding. But he'd turned his back on me three times already. Once he'd thrown me out and twice he'd walked away.
When Naomi called me, I was immediately worried the new job we had been talking about had fallen through. Maybe Noah had been badmouthing me. I wouldn't have put it past him, the cranky asshole.
Instead, Naomi had a completely different reason for calling.
"Noah has been a complete basket case for the last week," she told me. "Nothing we've been saying to him works."
"What do you mean by basket case?" I asked carefully.
"He's more than his usual pissy self. He won't talk to anyone. Do you know anything about why?"
"I know he's worried about Lily…" I hedged.
"It's not just that. He's supposed to be working on arranging his song, but everything he plays is awful. He storms off whenever anyone talks to him about it. You worked with him. Do you have any ideas?"
Noah and I had been able to write that song because he'd opened up to me. Maybe he was having trouble capturing those emotions with his current mood.
"Would you mind coming in and talking to him?"
"I don't think he'll listen to me."
"It can't hurt. He's certainly not listening to anyone else."
"I'll try."
I walked into the piano room the next day with dread. To my surprise, the rest of the band members were there along with Naomi. August's mouth was twisted in a frown. One of the twins fidgeted with the thick buckles on his leather wrist cuff, looking worried. Noah wasn't there.
"Is this an intervention?" I asked.
"Of a sort," August said. "Noah's been giving us some trouble. We hoped you'd be able to get through to him."
"I don't know how much help I'll be. Noah's pretty angry at me."
"He's angry at everyone these days," said the twin who'd been fidgeting. He didn't sound sarcastic or flippant. He sounded like he was genuinely concerned. For all that they messed with each other, his bandmates did honestly care about their lead singer.
When Noah walked in, he made it two steps before stopping in his tracks.
"Why the fuck is she here?" he said, voice devoid of emotion.
"You worked with Jennifer, didn't you?" August said calmly. "She's one of our production consultants, isn't she?"
Noah grunted and crossed his arms.
"We need you to play the song again," Naomi said. "This time all of us want to hear it."
"Why?" Noah shot back.
"We just want to make sure everything's going smoothly with the songwriting process," August said. "Do us a favor and play."
Noah grumbled but took a seat at the piano. He threw me an unreadable look as he passed.
He paused with his fingers hovering over the keys. He looked hesitant and uncomfortable. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and began to play.
I tried not to wince, but it was hard. This song sounded nothing like what we had composed. The notes were all the same, but he played them in an odd, discordant way. His hands didn't move smoothly over the keys. There were odd pauses in places where there shouldn't have been, and he rushed in places that should have been slower and more thoughtful.
Noah finished the song with a final crash of keys. He sat there, a frown on his face, not looking at the rest of us.
"That was shit," said one of the twins bluntly, the one who hadn't been fidgeting.
Noah scowled at him. "Don't tell me that. Tell her. She's the one who—" Noah cut himself off sharply, looking like he'd bitten his tongue to keep from saying the rest of the sentence.
"Jen helped compose the song," Naomi declared. "Noah had writer's block. Or composer's block. Whatever it was, he was having trouble. We decided to bring in outside help."
I reeled back, shocked that Naomi had told everyone outright. Noah glared at her with so much ire I was surprised she didn't collapse dead on the spot.
"Why didn't you ask one of us for help?" Cameron said, sounding affronted. "Seriously, No
ah, why didn't you just say something?"
Noah looked down at the piano and mumbled something indistinctly.
"It doesn't matter," I said, hoping to save Noah from having to confess his insecurities. Even as upset with him as I was, I didn't want him to lose face in front of his friends and bandmates. "The only thing that matters is that we need to fix this."
"Fix what?" Noah grunted.
"You," I shot back. "That's not the way the song is supposed to be played."
"And you know all about that, don't you?"
"I sure as hell do. We worked on it together. I know how it's supposed to sound. It's supposed to be soulful. It's supposed to be heart-wrenching. It's supposed to be sensual."
"It's supposed to sell records," Noah bit out. "I don't care about the rest of it."
"Don't you? I thought the whole reason we were working together was so you could make a song that sounded like Noah Hart, not like Darkest Days."
"That's stupid," he said flatly.
"You told me you wanted it to sound authentic," I stressed.
"You always think you know everything," he snarled. "Don't tell me what I want. You don't know anything about me."
"I know a hell of a lot more about you than anyone else."
"Do you?" he scoffed. "Maybe you only know exactly what I wanted you to know. Maybe everything you know is wrong."
"And maybe if you actually felt any human emotions aside from irritation and disdain you'd be able to play something that touched people."
His eyes burned with indignation. "I don't need some fangirl telling me how to play my own goddamn song."
"Clearly you do because the way you're playing right now is trash."
"And I'm sure you're going to tell me exactly what you think I should be doing differently."
"You need to stop shutting me out. You need to get back to the Noah Hart who actually opened up to people. Who let himself be vulnerable."
"You think you can just fix everything, don't you?" he snapped.
"I want to help you," I shot back.
"How in the hell can you help me? You're just a fangirl. You can't help anyone. You couldn't even keep your mother from—" he cut himself off sharply.
A burning hot spike pierced my chest before it froze over completely.
"Go on," I challenged. "Finish that sentence."
Noah looked pained. "I didn't mean…" he murmured.
"No. Finish that sentence. I couldn't even keep my mother from what?" My words dripped with a glacial chill. The scabs that had finally begun to heal threatened to tear wide open again.
"Jen…"
"From killing herself?" I saw the others flinch out of the corner of my eye. One of the twins glared at Noah. Cameron looked appalled. "You're right. My mother killed herself and I wasn't able to stop her." I ignored the rest of them as if we were the only two people in the room. "As much as I wanted to, I couldn't fix her." I pinned him down with an icy stare. "And I sure as hell can't fix you."
I turned to Naomi. "Sorry, but I'm out. You need to deal with Noah by yourself." I spun on my heel and stormed out.
I thought I caught Noah calling my name, but I couldn't hear over the blood rushing through my ears and the angry pounding of my heartbeat.
Good riddance to Noah Fucking Hart.
I was done.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
With the curtains drawn to cast my bedroom in shadow and with Darkest Days blasting at full volume, I was practically re-living my teenaged years.
Listening to Noah's voice sing words of both love and loathing wasn't going to help me get over him. Still, I kept listening to his albums, one after another, torturing myself.
Half the time I wondered what in the hell I even saw in that man. He was biting, caustic and cantankerous. He never had a kind word for anyone, and he had a huge ego on top of it all.
But there had been moments of thoughtfulness, too. Moments when he'd been sweet and caring. I knew how hard it was for Noah to trust people. I'd been touched to be one of the few he let inside those carefully guarded walls of his.
None of that made a difference. Noah always turned cold and shut me out at the first sign of conflict. As much as I'd come to care for him — as much as I loved him — I didn't need the emotional rollercoaster ride that came with being in a relationship with Noah Hart.
When Ivy and Nat came over one day only to find me huddled in blankets in complete darkness with Darkest Days on repeat, I didn't even need to tell them what had happened. They decided on the spot to take me out clubbing to distract me from my misery.
It seemed like a good idea at the time. When our taxi dropped us off at the same club where Noah and I had sex in the limo, I began to have second thoughts.
"Get drunk and dance and forget all about him," Natalie urged.
"Focus on having fun tonight," Ivy said.
"Aren't your boyfriends wondering what you're doing out at a club on Saturday night?"
They both shrugged.
"It's a girls' night out," Natalie explained.
"Ren can live without me for one night," Ivy said.
"I don't know if he can," Nat joked. "The two of you are pretty inseparable."
My phone buzzed. My heart leaped into my throat. Could it be Noah? After the last time we'd seen each other, I didn't know if I even wanted to hear from him again.
I couldn't not check. I pulled out my phone.
hey gorgeous. what u up to 2nite?
Cameron. Of course.
Out clubbing with the girls, I texted back.
where?
Why do you care?
maybe I can get you vip access. as an apology.
You're not the one who needs to apologize.
i know. but that asshole might never get around to doing it, so i figured one of us should.
Thanks Cameron. You're a good guy.
shh. don't tell anyone. ;) so where u at?
That same club we went to after your concert.
where you and his royal highness had sex in the limo?
OMG no!!! We didn't!!!
you sure did, gorgeous. it's okay. i've done worse. and i can definitely get you a super swank vip lounge. i know the owner.
It's fine. Me and the girls are just going to have fun on the dance floor.
well, you know what they say.
I know, best way to get over a guy is to get under another one, blah blah.
just saying, gorgeous. i'm always willing.
I put my phone back in my small clutch purse, not bothering to respond. Cameron may have been a manwhore, but he wasn't a bad guy.
The three of us got drinks and headed out to the dance floor. I decided to partially take Cameron's advice and picked out a few hot guys to grind against, moving on whenever one of them got too frisky.
Halfway through the night I felt hands on my hips as another guy came up behind me. He kept a respectable distance, so I let him dance with me for a few minutes. He smelled good. Familiar, with hints of leather and something spicy.
It didn't hit me until soft lips touched my ear.
"I thought this was supposed to be like having sex on the dance floor."
I whirled around to find myself in Noah's arms. I jerked back in surprise. He kept his hands on my hips, pulling me close. The flashing strobe lights of the club lit up his features, turning his dark eyes bright, highlighting his cheekbones. Messy dark hair fell over his forehead. I resisted the urge to smooth it back.
I'd spent a week trying to remind myself why this man was no good for me. Trying to remind myself that he could tear me apart with his words just as easily as his lyrics healed me years ago.
One look, one touch, and I was close to forgetting all my resolve.
I finally managed to find my voice. "I thought you didn't dance."
Noah hugged me closer. "I can make an exception. For you."
"What are you doing here, Noah?" I murmured.
He scanned the crowd with a frown.
"I don't even know what 'this' is."
His eyes burned into mine. "I want to apologize."
My heart started beating faster. I tried not to react, showing no emotion.
"Can we step outside for a few minutes?" Noah took my hand and tugged me off the dance floor before I could answer. I let him drag me out one of the side doors and into a back alley. The door closed behind us, leaving the two of us alone in silence.
I tugged out of his grip and crossed my arms. "My previous stance still stands."
"What?"
"I'm not fucking you in a crack alley."
Noah looked taken aback for a moment. "No. That's not why we're here."
"Good. Because I'm mad at you and I don't do angry break up sex."
He seemed to almost smile, before his lips turned down in remorse. "I'm sorry."
"For which thing? There's a lot you need to apologize for."
"All of it. I did some shitty stuff. I said even shittier things."
"You did."
"I was wrong. I shouldn't have blamed you. I should have listened to you. I shouldn't have shut you out."
"No. You shouldn't have." I gave him no mercy.
"And I never should have…" He looked shame-faced. "I never should have brought up your mom."
My chest ached, the pain I'd felt when I'd first lost her rearing its head. "That was awful of you."
"I'm sorry," he repeated desperately.
"You know how much I was still hurting over what happened with my mom. You know I was only just starting to forgive myself. And you still went there."
"I know," he groaned, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "I was a complete asshole. I lashed out."
"Like always."
"It was Lily," Noah blurted.
"What about her?"
"Lily was the one who leaked it," he said. "She said she knew I was going to try to keep her a secret. She said she didn't want to be kept hidden away. She doesn't care if everyone knows she's Noah Hart's little sister. She said she's an adult and she can handle herself."
I nodded, indicating that I'd heard his words. It made sense. Lily wasn't a kid anymore. I couldn't imagine she would enjoy being treated like a glass doll to be put away and cared for, never having a life of her own.
Hard Rock Tease: A Rock Star Romance (Darkest Days Book 1) Page 18
