A Beautiful Mess

by T. K. Leigh

  Alexander stared off into the distance. There was nothing wrong with him having a girlfriend. He missed his girlfriend more than life itself. But she left and the gap in his heart was threatening to kill him. He needed a distraction.

  His eyes closed in on Chelsea’s chest. “Wanna get out of here?” he asked, his eyebrows raised.

  “I thought you’d never ask.”

  He led Chelsea through the bar and past Tyler who just gaped, wide-mouthed, at his brother. He couldn’t believe Alexander was actually resorting back to his old ways.

  Martin pulled up outside of the bar and ran around to open the car door for Alexander.

  “Sir,” he said in greeting, eyeing Alexander suspiciously.

  “Take us back to my place,” Alexander demanded.

  Martin exhaled loudly as he closed the door to the car and ran around to get in behind the wheel. Out of all the women he used to bring home, Martin couldn’t believe Alexander chose to get back together with Chelsea Wellington. At least it wasn’t Adele, he thought to himself as he maneuvered the SUV through the busy Boston streets.

  When Martin pulled up in front of Alexander’s building, Chelsea waited for Alexander to run around and open the car door for her. Olivia would have just opened it herself, he thought. He took a deep breath, half-heartedly regretting his decision to invite Chelsea over, but, at the same time, feeling that he needed to move past Olivia. And this was the only way he knew how. She wanted him to move on. That’s what he was doing.

  “I just love the view from your place, Alex,” Chelsea said as they entered his penthouse. She kicked off her heels and made her way toward the staircase, turning back to look at Alexander who just stood at the entrance, a dumbfounded look on his face. “Are you coming or not? I don’t have all night.”

  Alexander contemplated what to do. Yes, he did invite Chelsea over for the sole purpose of fucking her until Olivia never again entered his mind. But now that she was there, could he really follow through? Just a few months ago, he wouldn’t even be having second thoughts. He’d bring her upstairs and bury himself inside of her. Now, after Olivia, and after everything they had been through, it felt wrong.

  Chelsea sauntered toward the doorway where Alexander stood deep in thought.

  “Stop thinking,” she whispered, brushing her ruby red lips against his neck, nibbling ever so gently on his earlobe. “This is just sex, Alex. Nothing more. Come on. I know what you need. You need to forget about her. I can help you.” She pressed her body against his as Alexander wondered how she could tell he was thinking about a girl.

  It all felt so different. There was no spark. Hell, he was even having a little trouble getting an erection. That never happened with Olivia. He was always ready to go when she was around. And even when she wasn’t.

  Chelsea grabbed Alexander’s belt, pulling him toward her, quickly unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants. Her small brown eyes met his as she reached into his boxers and helped spring him free.

  “There’s my boy,” she smiled.

  Alexander exhaled loudly, desperately needing to feel something other than the excruciating loss that he had been feeling those past few weeks.

  “Just make me forget, Chelsea. Please,” he pled with her.

  “Okay, Alex.” She pressed her lips to his.

  Alexander grabbed her by the neck, deepening the kiss. Slamming her against the wall, he tore her panties from her body and got lost inside of her, the whole time thinking about his Olivia and what she was doing at that exact moment. Wondering whether he should have looked harder. Thinking about whether or not Kiera was right. Would she ever come back? Maybe Olivia needed to know that Alexander would fight for her, no matter what. But he didn’t fight for her. He just let her walk away from him. Now it was November and the trail had gone cold.

  He thrust even harder into Chelsea, needing to find some sort of release. Release from the hold Olivia still had over him. Would he ever be rid of that? He didn’t see how. Olivia always had a hold over him. Everything he had done throughout his life had been for her. Growing up, he just knew that she wasn’t dead. She couldn’t be. And his lack of serious relationships was due to that, always holding out hope of finding Olivia. And once he found her, he didn’t want to let go. And she left him.

  “That’s it, Alex. Let go!” Chelsea screamed as Alexander bit into her neck, pulling out as he came in his hand. He just couldn’t bring himself to come inside of Chelsea. The last person he came inside of was Olivia and he wanted to keep it that way.

  He turned and walked briskly down the hallway to the bathroom to clean himself up, leaving Chelsea alone in the living room. Looking in the mirror, he saw a shell of his former self. Maybe it would have been better if he had never found Olivia. Maybe he should move on, like she asked. Maybe he should just forget all about her. He needed to forget her.

  He splashed some water on his face, enjoying the coolness of the liquid, before walking back down the hallway into his living room.

  “Feel better now, Mr. Burnham?” Chelsea asked coyly as she sat on his sofa.

  “Yes, I do. Thank you.” He strode over to the couch and took a seat next to Chelsea. The air was thick in the room, Alexander not really wanting to initiate conversation.

  Chelsea sighed loudly. “So, want to talk about it?”

  Alexander looked over at her. “No. Not really. I’d rather just forget about everything that went on these past few months and pretend none of it ever happened.”

  Chelsea grinned. “Would you like my help doing that?”

  His eyes met her small brown eyes. How could he possibly forget about Olivia’s big brown eyes? He would always see them in his dreams. He knew that. But maybe, with time, he could forget. “Yes, I would, Miss Wellington.” His eyes became hooded as he pushed her down on the couch, grabbing both her arms and pinning them above her head.

  “Oh, Mr. Burnham, I love it when you tie me up,” Chelsea whispered.

  “Stop talking. Don’t say a word until I tell you to,” he growled. He just couldn’t listen to her voice. Every time she spoke, all he felt was betrayal. And he didn’t want to feel that. He didn’t want to feel anything.

  Alexander ripped off his tie and wrapped it around Chelsea’s hands, binding them together, before pulling out a condom and sinking back into her.

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  Olivia didn’t even know his name, but every morning she looked forward to seeing surfer boy park his Jeep in front of her house and untie his surfboard before hitting some waves with his friends. He would smile at her and she would feel heat coursing through her body. It wasn’t the same as what she felt when Alexander smiled at her, but at least she felt something. And something was better than the nothingness and pain she had been feeling since she ran.

  The mid-November sun shone through the thick clouds one morning as she sat on her beloved deck and drank her coffee like she did each morning. Olivia actually started looking forward to seeing surfer boy. She was surprised that he surfed every day. Some days, the waves were fairly non-existent. Regardless, everyday, like clockwork, his Jeep pulled up in front of her house early in the morning just as the sun rose.

  One of Olivia’s favorite things about her new home was the location. It was so peaceful being able to wake up and watch the sun climb up the horizon over the crashing waves. There was something about the sunlight reflecting on the ocean that made everything seem okay. Not good. But okay. And Olivia was content with just okay. Nothing would ever be extraordinary. Only Alexander was extraordinary. So she settled for okay.

  Just as the sun rose on that November morning, the Jeep pulled up as usual. And, as usual, he untied his surfboard and smiled. Nothing ever changed. A smile. A drink of coffee. A sigh. That’s what her mornings were composed of.

  “My life is pathetic if my only excitement is some guy who’s name I don’t even know,” she said to herself as she read a book on her e-reader, drinking her coffee.

  “Cameron. My name’s Camer
on Bowen, but most people call me Cam.”

  Olivia jumped, looking for the source of the voice. Surfer boy stood to the right of Olivia’s deck in his wetsuit, carrying a surfboard. She hadn’t noticed him walk up to her deck, desperate to finally make an introduction

  Cam turned the corner and stood by the steps leading to Olivia’s deck, watching as she quickly raised herself off her lounge chair, turning to her front door and frantically trying to open it, sticky with the beachy humidity. “You see, usually, when someone gives you their name, they may want you to return the favor. At least where I’m from they do.”

  Olivia listened to his accent, noticing a hint of a southern drawl. “And where is it you’re from, Cam?” she inquired, turning around and crossing her arms.

  “All over really. But truth be told, born and raised in South Carolina.”

  “Me too. But I haven’t lived there in well over a decade.”

  “It’s a pity,” he smiled a small but infectious smile that made Olivia want to melt. “I bet you used to sound too cute for words with a little southern drawl.” He beamed, showing Olivia a perfect set of teeth. God, he was really handsome. This was bad. This was very, very bad. She was trying to get over Alexander. It still pained her to think about what she had done, leaving him. She couldn’t string someone else along, knowing full well she could never give that person her entire heart. She gave her heart to Alexander and he still held it, although he probably didn’t realize that.

  Cam took a few steps closer, still on the sandy road by her deck. He was rather attractive and had a good body underneath his wetsuit. Olivia had noticed how handsome he was several weeks ago, but up close, he was even more so. His silver eyes beamed as he smiled, staring down at her. The ocean breeze gusted, blowing his wild sandy hair in front of his eyes. But she was off men. And no matter what, she couldn’t get Alexander out of her thoughts, as much as she tried.

  “So, are you going to tell me your name, or do I have to try to guess it?”

  Olivia blushed as he cautiously stepped up the stairs of her deck, making sure he wasn’t intruding.

  She uncrossed her arms and took a few steps toward Cam, holding her hand out to him. “My name’s Olivia. People call me Libby, though.”

  Taking Olivia’s hand in his own, Cam felt her soft skin. There was something so tragic about the woman standing in front of him. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but she just seemed so alone. He had been watching her everyday since mid-October when she appeared out of nowhere, renting old man Robinson’s beach cottage. He figured she would only be there for a week, but everyday, without fail, she sat outside, drinking her coffee and staring out at the ocean as if it held the answers to all her questions.

  The first week, she barely smiled. As she drank her coffee, he noticed tears streaming down her face. Something made her sad. The waves were killer that week, a big storm brewing off the coast. The second week, the waves died down a bit and, after checking the surf report, he thought about blowing off surfing that morning. But something about the sad girl who sat on her deck and drank coffee made him put on his wetsuit and go. And everyday, even when the waves were more or less non-existent, he drove down to Ocean Avenue in the Fernandina Beach section of Amelia Island and smiled at the girl with the sad brown eyes.

  “Libby. It’s wonderful to finally put a name to the face.”

  Olivia took in the man she had grown accustomed to seeing every day. His silver eyes had a depth to them. And a kindness that she had never seen before. She felt as if she could spill her entire life on him and he wouldn’t judge her. His smile was infectious and before Olivia knew it, she smiled back. She couldn’t remember the last time she smiled. It felt good.

  “Do you surf?” Cam asked.

  “I’ve tried it a few times. I lived in Hawaii for a bit and I didn’t want to stick out as a haole, so I learned to surf.” She looked over the horizon at the dozen or so bodies bobbing up and down, waiting to ride a wave into shore.

  “What’s a haole?” he asked.

  “It’s a Hawaiian term for mainlanders.” She took a long sip of her coffee, wondering whether she should offer him a mug.

  “Aah, I see.” He smiled a genuine smile at the quiet woman. “So want to catch a few waves?” he asked, gesturing toward the water.

  “I don’t have a board. Or a wetsuit.”

  “Come on. Just grab a bathing suit. The waves are pretty calm today so you’ll be fine without one.” Olivia hesitated, thinking about it. “Come on. I see you sitting here every morning, drinking your coffee, and you just look so sad. Please. Let me at least show you some fun.”

  Olivia looked at him, shocked that in just those few seconds each morning, he noticed how sad she was.

  “Okay,” she said after a few seconds of deep thought. “Give me ten minutes. I need to shower.”

  “Great. I’ll go try to catch a wave or two. I’ll see you out there.” He ran toward the water, holding his board.

  It was a relatively warm morning for mid-November, but Olivia knew the water would be freezing. She had been there several weeks and still hadn’t put a foot in the water. Even if she didn’t get on a surfboard, at least she would finally feel the salt water against her skin.

  She took a quick shower, making sure to shave fairly well. Pulling her hair back, she threw on her two-piece swimsuit she used when training for triathlons. Before heading out her door, she grabbed a towel and walked between the sand dunes down to where the water met the shore.

  Cam ran up to her when he saw her walking down the beach. “Hey. You made it.”

  “You look surprised,” she mumbled dryly.

  “Well, a little. I thought you would blow me off, maybe go for a run and then just sit in your house the rest of the day.”

  His statement caught Olivia off-guard. “How do you seem to know so much about me?”

  “You caught my eye. I have a thing for beautiful women,” he winked, grabbing her hand and pulling her toward the water’s edge.

  “Holy crap that’s freezing!” Olivia squealed when her foot hit the cold ocean, stopping dead in her tracks as Cam pulled away.

  “Come on. Stop being a baby,” he shouted back. He was already up to his knees in the water.

  Olivia took a deep breath and just ran into the water, knowing that once she was fully submerged, she would feel better.

  “Here. Grab onto the other end of the board,” Cam said when Olivia finally caught up to him.

  “Thanks.” They swam out to just beyond where the waves crested.

  “Hey! Cam-Bam!” a guy on a surfboard yelled.

  “Come here. I want you to meet the guys,” Cam said to Olivia. They swam over to a group of three guys.

  “Hey! Who’s this?” one of them asked.

  “Everyone, this is Olivia. Olivia, this is Chris, Benny, and Jason.”

  Olivia waved with little enthusiasm. “Hi.”

  “Are you going to try surfing today?” Chris asked.

  “Yeah. Might as well,” she shrugged. “I’ve surfed before, so I’m not totally useless.”

  “Why don’t you catch the first one? I’ll hang back here on one of the guys’ boards,” Cam said as he swam over to Benny’s board and hung on to it. He grinned while he watched Olivia swim away with the board.

  “She’s hot, man,” Jason said, nudging toward Cam in the water. “Is she the one you’ve been talking about?”

  “Yeah. That’s her. I’m glad I worked up the nerve to finally talk to her.”

  “You’re such a pussy,” Benny laughed.

  “Suck it, man!” Cam joked back. “Whatever. There's just something kind of sad about her. I couldn’t help it.” He returned his eyes to Olivia as she climbed on the board, throwing her legs on either side, getting ready to catch a wave.

  After a few minutes, she saw a wave coming in that was perfect for her to ride. She positioned her hands and quickly hoisted her legs onto the board, balancing the board perfectly as she rode into the shor
e.

  She was thrilled. She hadn’t surfed in so long, she was sure she would never be able to catch the board properly. Along the coast, a few people were milling about, collecting shells. As the sandy beach got closer, she started to space out and thought she saw Alexander. She saw him everywhere. Her heart began to race and she panicked, losing her balance. The board slipped out from underneath her and she toppled off, hitting her head as she sank below the water.

  “Shit,” Cam exclaimed when he saw Olivia sink underneath the surface. He swam quickly toward where she went under, desperately searching for her, worried that, in the few minutes it took him to get to her, she hadn’t resurfaced. He dove into the water, his eyes stinging from the salt. A few feet away, he saw her, her eyes closed, bubbles coming out of her mouth.

  He reached her and grabbed her around the waist, kicking toward the surface. “Come on, Libby. Stay with me, here.” He pulled her toward the shore and laid her on her back. The rest of the guys finally joined him.

  “I think she hit her head pretty hard.” He leaned his ear down over her nose and couldn't hear any breathing, but she still had a pulse. He started rescue breathing, desperate for her to cough up the water that appeared to be stuck in her lungs. After a few long breaths, Olivia gasped, coughing. Cam helped roll her onto her side, getting the water out of her mouth.

  “You scared me there, sweetheart,” he said softly, gazing down at the woman laying on the ground.

  Olivia looked around, trying to get her bearings. She went surfing. She tried to make a new friend and now she looked like an idiot. She tried to stand up, but her legs were weak, causing her to lose her balance. Cam caught her. “Hey. Take it easy. You bumped your head pretty good. Let’s get you back inside your house. You should probably go lay down.” Cam led Olivia up the beach to her house.

  He walked through her living room and into the kitchen, searching the freezer for some ice. He assembled a make shift icepack and brought it to Olivia as she was laying down on the couch.