Chicken Mission: Chaos in Cluckbridge

by Jennifer Gray

  ‘There are more chickens on the way,’ Thaddeus objected. ‘The rats are still giving out the flyers.’

  Virginia Fox Diamond shook her head impatiently. ‘I’ve done my sums, Thaddeus. The battery farm is a brilliant idea, but there aren’t enough chickens in Cluckbridge to feed all the foxes who are coming here. We need to think bigger.’

  ‘Bigger?’ Thaddeus echoed. ‘What have you got in mind?’

  ‘It’s hush hush,’ Virginia Fox Diamond gave the rat foreman a filthy look. The rat scuttled off. Virginia beckoned the two foxes away from Boo’s cage and whispered her plan into their furry ears.

  A look of surprise came over Thaddeus. It was followed by an expression of wonder, as if Virginia had thrown him a surprise party in a hen house.

  ‘So what do you think?’ said Virginia, stepping back.

  ‘I think it’s the most brilliant idea I’ve ever heard in my life,’ Thaddeus replied. And he meant it. ‘Let’s go and tell Cleopatra. We were on our way to see her anyway.’

  ‘I’ll get the flipchart,’ Snooty Bush offered.

  The three foxes moved away, laughing.

  ‘Psssst!’

  Boo lifted her head. The voice came from somewhere above her, along with a faint droning, like an engine.

  ‘Psssst!’ said another voice.

  All at once two familiar-looking chickens wearing flight-booster engines landed on the shelf beside the cage.

  ‘Amy! Ruth! It’s you!’ Boo rejoiced.

  Amy removed her super-spec headset. ‘Hello Boo! Sorry we took so long.’

  Ruth produced Aunt Mildred’s pliers from her backpack. ‘Don’t worry, Boo, we’ll have you out of there in a jiffy.’

  ‘Let me.’ Amy took the pliers from Ruth. She cut a neat hole in the wire with her strong wings. Boo wriggled out. ‘Are you all right?’ Amy asked her.

  ‘Just about,’ said Boo. She gave her friends a huge hug. ‘Did you see what happened?’

  Amy nodded. ‘Most of it. We got here just when Thaddeus and Snooty Bush started giving you a hard time. I wanted to give Thaddeus a big punch in the snout but James Pond told me not to. He said we had to wait until they’d gone.’

  ‘James Pond?’ Boo said. ‘What’s he doing here?’

  Amy sighed. ‘Professor Rooster sent James Pond to collect me from Perrin’s Farm. The professor was cross with me. He said I shouldn’t have gone on holiday without his permission. He’s put James Pond in charge.’ She glanced around the battery farm. ‘I can’t blame him, though. He was right. I should never have gone home. This place is awful.’

  Boo looked ashamed. ‘I’m sorry I told Thaddeus where you were, Amy. I hope I haven’t put your family in danger.’

  ‘It’s all right,’ Amy said gently. ‘It’s not your fault Thaddeus is such a beast. I’m sure I’d have done the same if he’d threatened to feed me to Cleopatra.’

  Boo frowned. ‘What about that vixen though? She said there weren’t enough chickens in Cluckbridge to feed all the foxes. It sounded as though she wanted to get hens from other places as well.’

  ‘I don’t see how she’s going to do that,’ said Amy. ‘Don’t worry about it, Boo. The most important thing is to get everyone out of here alive.’ She offered Boo her flight-booster engine. ‘Now put this on before the rats come back. We need to make a plan. We’ve got some chickens to rescue!’

  The three chickens sat in the loft of the warehouse with James Pond.

  ‘We should get all the chickens back to Aunt Mildred’s,’ Boo said. ‘They’ll be safe there until the humans return them to their owners. We’ll make a break for it when the warehouse closes for the night.’

  ‘What about the rats?’ asked Ruth. ‘The foxes might leave them on guard.’

  ‘I’ve got something to deal with them.’ James Pond produced a packet of grated cheese from a holster under his wing.

  ‘Sleepy Cheese,’ Amy read. ‘What does that do?’

  ‘Duh!’ said James Pond. ‘The clue is in the name – it knocks them out, that’s why it’s called Sleepy Cheese.’

  Amy regarded him with dislike. Okay, maybe she should have guessed what Sleepy Cheese did, but there was no need to be so rude. She only had a small brain and part of it was still busy thinking over what Virginia Fox Diamond and Thaddeus had been plotting. If Virginia wanted more chickens, the obvious place to get them was from the local farms. But most farmers hated foxes. They were good at keeping them out.

  ‘Amy, pay attention!’ James Pond was still going through the plan. ‘When the battery farm closes, we scatter the Sleepy Cheese. Once the rats are asleep, we let the captives out, then you three lead them back through the sewer to Aunt Mildred’s.’

  ‘Eerrrgghhh,’ said Amy, ‘I’m not doing that. My feathers will get poo-ey.’

  ‘That’s an order.’ James Pond quacked.

  ‘We’d better do it, Amy, or Professor Rooster might not let us stay on as chicken agents after this mission,’ Ruth whispered.

  Amy glowered at James Pond. It was typical of him not to get his feathers dirty.

  ‘What happens if we meet any rats in the sewer?’ Boo asked.

  ‘You can use the Stuff-a-Snake,’ James Pond said.

  ‘What’s that?’ asked Amy.

  ‘It’s a replica of Cleopatra made out of an old cobra skin. All you need to do is blow it up with the pump, like a balloon. The rats will think it’s really her. They’ll run away, I guarantee it.’ James Pond gave Ruth the equipment. She put it in her backpack.

  ‘What are you going to do while we’re doing all that?’ Amy asked crossly.

  ‘Capture Cleopatra and return her to the City Zoo before she lays her eggs,’ James Pond said.

  ‘How?’ Amy demanded. It was equally typical of James Pond to claim all the glory.

  ‘With this.’ James Pond produced a flat oblong packet from the holster.

  ‘That’s so cool,’ said Ruth, examining the gadget. ‘Where did you get all this stuff from?’

  ‘The Emergency Chicken Pack,’ James Pond said. ‘The Professor told me to take whatever I needed. There’s a net and a rocket blaster as well.’

  Amy’s cheeks went bright red. Now he was stealing their gadgets!

  Ruth sighed. ‘I wish I could invent something as good as that.’

  ‘You did,’ Amy said. ‘You invented the self-packing suitcase.’

  James Pond gave the chickens a withering look. ‘Get real, you two. A self-packing suitcase isn’t going to defeat a queen cobra.’

  ‘It might if she swallowed something metal,’ Amy retorted.

  ‘The only thing she’s going to swallow, if you don’t shut up, is chicken,’ said James Pond.

  ‘What tunes does the snake-charming flute play?’ Boo asked.

  ‘Yeah. How do you know Cleopatra will like any of them?’ Amy said.

  James Pond gave her a dirty look. ‘Let’s see.’ He read down the list.

  Snake, rattle and roll

  Hiss me baby, one more time

  Cobra Cobana

  Fang you for the Music

  In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the cobra sleeps tonight

  We’re all going to the zoo tomorrow

  ‘Maybe not the last one,’ James Pond said. ‘I’ll go for In the Jungle. It’s nice and soothing. It’ll make Cleopatra think of home.’

  ‘How are you going to get her back to the zoo once you’ve charmed her?’ Amy asked sulkily. It seemed like James Pond had all the answers.

  ‘Once I’ve lured her into the net with the snake-charming flute, I’ll attach it to the rocket blaster, tap in the coordinates of the City Zoo and press the green button. BOOM. And off she goes.’

  ‘What about Thaddeus? And Snooty Bush and all the other foxes?’ Boo asked.

  ‘They’ll be tucked up in their beds,’ James Pond said. ‘Cleopatra doesn’t want company right now. All she wants is somewhere dark and quiet to lay her eggs. She’ll be here alone. And by the time the foxes realise what’s hap
pened it will be too late.’

  ‘Where do you think she’s hiding?’ asked Ruth.

  ‘In the cellars.’

  ‘How can you be so sure?’ Amy wondered.

  ‘I used my vibrating snake detector,’ James Pond said. ‘The closer you get, the more it vibrates. It was nearly off the scale when I got to the cellar door.’

  ‘Was that in the Emergency Chicken Pack too?’ asked Ruth.

  ‘No, it’s standard Poultry Patrol issue,’ James Pond boasted. ‘Pretty cool, huh?’ He smoothed his bow tie, ready for action. ‘Any more questions?’

  Amy couldn’t think of any. James Pond’s plan was a good one even if it did mean him stealing all their gadgets. If it worked they probably wouldn’t have to worry about Virginia Fox Diamond and Thaddeus any more. Without Cleopatra egging them on the city foxes would give up and go back to raiding dustbins and fighting the rats; Virginia Fox Diamond would stop frying eggs in her Foxy’s Fast-Food Restaurant; Thaddeus would return to the burrow in the Deep Dark Woods with his tail between his legs, and they would go back to Chicken HQ until their next mission. She might even get to go home to finish her holiday if Professor Rooster gave her permission.

  If it worked …

  Something niggled at Amy’s little chicken brain: something she felt she ought to tell James Pond; something the professor had said before they left; something about Cleopatra. The problem was her brain was so crowded with other things like Sleepy Cheese and what Virginia Fox Diamond was up to and the thought of her feathers getting covered in poo in the dirty sewers that she couldn’t remember what it was for the life of her. Perhaps she’d just got a small worm stuck between her ears.

  Amy shrugged. ‘Okay,’ she agreed. ‘You win. Let’s do it.’

  An hour later the battery farm finally closed for the night and all the foxes went home. The last three foxes to leave were Thaddeus, Snooty Bush and Virginia Fox Diamond. They emerged from a door beside Row A – the door to the cellar – and headed for the exit. The rescuers watched them say goodnight to one another. They slunk out into the night, leaving the rats on guard.

  ‘Looks like James Pond was right about the cellar,’ Boo said. ‘Cleopatra must be down there.’

  ‘What on earth have they been talking to her about all this time?’ Ruth wondered. ‘I thought Cleopatra wanted peace and quiet.’

  Amy was wondering that too. It had to do with Virginia Fox Diamond’s plan to get more chickens, she was sure of that, but there wasn’t time to think any more about it now.

  ‘Boo, you spread the Sleepy Cheese,’ James Pond ordered. ‘Amy and Ruth, you let everyone out of the cages. I’ll take Cleopatra. Ready?’

  The three chickens nodded.

  ‘Good luck,’ said James Pond. He levered himself out of the loft and waddled along the rafters towards Row A.

  The others waited until he was out of sight.

  ‘Your turn, Boo,’ Ruth said.

  Amy watched as Boo took off and flew as low as she dared up and down between the rows of battery hens, scattering Sleepy Cheese. The army of rat guards stopped what they were doing and scurried towards the flakes of cheese. A horrible snuffling noise ensued as the rats gobbled it down. Very soon they lay flat on their backs, snoring.

  ‘Good work!’ Ruth said. ‘Now it’s down to us, Amy.’

  Amy checked her flight-booster engine was securely fastened and followed her friend out of the loft. Up and down the rows of cages they went, freeing the imprisoned chickens. They worked as a team. Amy opened the cages with Aunt Mildred’s pliers, and Ruth ushered the chickens safely to the warehouse floor. Boo joined them. ‘What can I do?’ she asked.

  ‘Keep them together,’ Ruth said in her sensible, teacher’s voice. ‘Tell them to stay calm. Make sure they don’t panic.’

  ‘Okay.’ Boo flew down to the flock of scared chickens. ‘It’s all right. We’re going to get you home,’ she said.

  Amy’s heart filled with pride. No wonder Boo’s skill was perseverance. Even though she had been through a terrible ordeal on death row, she still had the determination to help others.

  The next cage they came to contained Aunt Mildred.

  ‘Amy!’ she cried. ‘And Ruth! Goodness, am I pleased to see you!’ Her face took on an anxious expression. ‘Where’s Boo? Is she all right?’

  ‘Yes,’ Ruth affirmed. ‘She’s fine. She’s looking after the chickens on the ground.’

  ‘I can help her with that,’ Aunt Mildred said. She fluttered down to join her niece.

  It took a long time to empty all the cages – a lot longer than Amy had expected – but eventually they finished. She stretched her sore wings. She had blisters from where she had gripped the pliers. ‘Let’s get them to the sewer,’ she said, landing beside Boo.

  An alarmed squawking from the assembled flock greeted this suggestion. None of them wanted to go back there!

  ‘Everything will be okay, I promise,’ Boo said soothingly.

  ‘It’s our best chance – please, do as Boo says,’ said Aunt Mildred.

  The chickens signalled their agreement with soft clucking.

  Boo led the way out of the factory. The chickens flocked after her, Ruth and Aunt Mildred bringing up the rear.

  Amy hovered about, trying to keep the flock together. They couldn’t afford any stragglers. The night was very dark. If a chicken got lost it would be almost impossible to find it.

  ‘Here!’ Boo had reached the sewer. She heaved at the grate with her strong wings.

  ‘Let me help.’ Amy grasped the metal bars. She groaned.

  ‘What’s wrong, Amy?’ Boo asked.

  ‘Just a couple of blisters,’ Amy said. ‘It’s nothing.’

  The two chickens dug their heels into the dirt and pulled with all their might. The grate came away with a metallic grinding.

  Ruth hurried up to them with the Stuff-a-Snake. She gave it to Amy. ‘I’d better stay at the back with Aunt Mildred and make sure we don’t lose anyone. Are you okay to blow this up if we see any rats?’

  Amy nodded. ‘Do you think James Pond is okay?’ The niggling in her brain had started up again. She felt really worried about the duck. ‘He’s taking ages to capture Cleopatra. I thought he’d have got her out of the cellar and sent her back to the zoo by now.’

  ‘I’m sure he’s fine,’ Ruth said. ‘He had it all worked out. He’s probably just being careful. And he had to find her first, don’t forget. The cellars probably run all the way under the warehouse.’

  ‘I suppose,’ Amy said. She turned her attention back to the job in hand.

  Boo hung back from the edge of the sewer.

  ‘I’ll go first,’ Amy said bravely. She pulled her super-spec headset over her eyes and turned the setting to NIGHT VISION. It would be even darker in the sewers and chickens couldn’t see in the dark unless they had special equipment like she, Boo and Ruth did. ‘Tell the chickens to get in a line,’ she said. ‘Get them to keep one wing on the hen in front. That way no one gets separated.’

  ‘Okay.’

  Amy lowered herself over the edge. She heard water trickling beneath her. There was a terrible smell of poo. But there was nothing else for it. She took a big gulp of fresh air and dropped down into the sewer.

  SPLASH!

  Amy felt for the bottom of the tunnel with her toes. The water wasn’t very deep and she found she could easily stand up. Ignoring the sticky blobs of brown bobbing beside her, she paddled along the sewer to make room for the other hens. She heard splashing behind her as one after another the flock of frightened chickens followed her lead.

  SPLOSH. SPLOSH. SPLOSH.

  Amy trudged along. The chickens trudged behind her in a line.

  SPLISH. SPLISH. SPLISH. SPLISH. SPLISH. SPLISH. SPLISH.

  Wait a minute! What was that? It sounded like something ahead of her was doing an energetic front crawl.

  Boo was beside her. ‘It’s the rats,’ she whispered. ‘They can swim. You’d better get the Stuff-a-Snake.’ She h
alted the line of chickens.

  Amy took the Stuff-A-Snake out of her backpack. She inserted the pump into the nozzle and began to force the air through the pump. James Pond was right. It was like blowing up a gigantic balloon. Gradually the pretend cobra began to inflate. Backwards and forwards went Amy’s wings until her shoulders were as sore as her blisters. The last part of the Stuff-a-Snake to inflate was the cobra’s head.

  BOOMPH! Up it went, the hood towering above the dirty water. It was just as well the other chickens couldn’t see it, Amy thought, or they would all die of fright.

  The splishing stopped immediately. It was replaced by an eerie silence, punctuated by the occasional squeak.

  ‘Why don’t they run away?’ asked Boo. ‘James Pond said they would.’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ said Amy. It was almost as if the rats were too scared to move. ‘Stay here.’ She turned her super-spec headset to TURBO VIEW so that she could see better and took a few, tentative steps. She started. There were dozens of rats floating about. Their eyes were open and staring. But they weren’t staring at her. They were staring at the face of the Stuff-a-Snake. And they didn’t look scared, exactly – more glazed over …

  ‘They’ve been hypnotised by the Stuff-a-Snake!’ Boo said.

  Hypnotised! Professor Rooster’s warning came flooding back to Amy.

  Whatever you do, don’t make eye contact with Cleopatra or she’ll hypnotise you.

  Amy gasped. That’s what had been niggling away in her little chicken brain. It wasn’t a worm at all. It was Professor Rooster’s warning.

  ‘James Pond’s in trouble,’ she said.

  ‘What? How do you know?’ said Boo.

  Amy tried to stay calm. ‘James Pond thought the rats would run away when they saw the Stuff-a-Snake,’ she explained. ‘That means he doesn’t know what happens if you look into Cleopatra’s eyes.’

  ‘You mean she’ll hypnotise him?’