Silent Sins: A Lotus House Novel: Book Five

by Audrey Carlan

  I squeeze each globe, appreciating how the flesh spills over my hands. “Beautiful,” I whisper and nuzzle between the two, dipping my fingers in between to unlatch the clasp. Her tits practically bounce free when I release the hook, gifting me far more than a handful, with two pretty, pale-pink nipples that look perfect for sucking. I grip both breasts, making sure to run my first and third fingers along each side of her pea-sized tips so I can pluck and hold each tit at the same time.

  She moves her hips in a less organized fashion, losing her rhythm, going wild for me.

  “That’s it. Want to see you lose it with nothing but the friction of my cock between your legs and my mouth on your tits.”

  “Oh my…Nick.” She tips her head back as I cover one of her succulent nipples with the heat of my mouth.

  Her body jolts and stills. She brings her hands to my head and holds me there while I suck the hell out of her breast. Each tit is warm, soft, and tastes like heaven. There’s a hint of that fresh flowers scent that clings to her naked skin, making me want to drag my tongue all over her. One day, I will do just that, only not today. Today is for healing. Making her forget.

  “You like when I put my mouth on you?” I pinch the areola at the top and bottom of each nipple and flick the erect nubbin until she’s a frenzied mess of need and want.

  “I’m gonna…oh, my God.” Her hands go for my head, to maneuver me the way she wants.

  I let go of her tits in order to secure her arms to her sides. I’d hold both wrists behind her back, displaying her perfect breasts for my taking, but since she’s hurt, I’ll settle for immobilizing her arms to her sides.

  “Honor, I’m in control in the bedroom. It would be wise for you to get that in your head now.” I hold her arms to her sides but lean forward and suck one of her nipples again. They’ve already gone from the palest pink to a cherry red. I admire my work. “Keep your arms to your sides or on my shoulders in order to ride the length of my dick. Those are your options,” I instruct, and her eyes darken, swirling with unspoken lust as she lifts her hands to my shoulders.

  “That’s good. Now, do you want me to make you come, Dove? End this horrible couple days feeling good?”

  She nods frantically and licks her lips.

  “Words, babe.” I suck on her breasts and bite down on the tip.

  “I.”

  I lave the nub with the flat of my tongue.

  “Want.”

  Switching breasts, I suck that nipple hard, letting it go with a pop.

  “Your.”

  I bite down on the swollen tip.

  “Words.”

  Her nails dig into my back, and her hips thrust forward. “Yes! Please. Do something, anything.”

  On that request, I wrap one arm around her back and bury one hand in her hair, where I grip it by the roots, arching her spine toward me. She comes willingly, presenting her big tits and body for my taking.

  “Fuck, yes.” I tug on her hair, and she cries out with the bit of pain I’ve caused but presses down along my cock over and over. She bucks and grinds her sex wildly, until together we’re a panting, sweaty mess.

  I remove my hand from behind her back, tunnel my fingers down into the front of her yoga pants and inside her panties, and press two digits deep, swirling my thumb around her clit. It’s hard as a rock and hot to the touch.

  She cries out with pleasure, her pussy convulsing around my imbedded fingers, her body arching beautifully. I take as much of her breast into my mouth as I can so I’ve got a piece of her everywhere I can hold. My mouth on her tit, my fingers deep inside her slit, and her arms wrapped around me. I press up against her curves, the movement taking me over along with her.

  I take her mouth and kiss her hard, pressing my fingers up and in until her body locks around mine. My own arousal is racing through my system, drawing up and down my limbs, igniting a passion so intense, I know I’ll be ruined from it. I shudder, my orgasm rippling along my spine, down into my cock and balls, and shredding me completely.

  I lay my lips over a pillowy section of her breast, bite down on the soft globe, and then suck as hard as I can. Her sex tightens around my fingers, and I fuck her with them while I’m still coming until she goes off a second time, her body wrung so tight, I can barely keep hold of her. But I do. I’ll never let her go. Not ever.

  When she has passed the pinnacle of her release, her entire body slumps against mine in a panting, loose-limbed heap. I remove my fingers and wrap my arms around her, cuddling her close.

  “You’re safe with me. I’m going to take care of you.”

  She nuzzles against my neck. “You shouldn’t have to.”

  “I want to.” I run my hands up and down her back. “But you know what?”

  “What?” Her words are whispers of air against my heated neck.

  “You’re going to have to take care of me too.”

  Her body stiffens before she lifts her head and looks at me with the most soulful gray eyes. “I’d like that more than anything.”

  “Good, because you’re not going anywhere for a long time, maybe not ever.”

  “As long as I’ve got you, I could live with that.” She smiles, and I could almost swear that smile was a promise.

  I tip her head toward my chest. “Rest now. I’ve got you.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  The throat chakra couple will typically have vast musical, artistic, and poetic tastes. Their ability to see beauty and delicacy in everyday things allows them to have happier, more fulfilled lives. It is not uncommon for a person driven by the throat chakra to be a natural singer. These people will often be told they have “God-given talents” that others don’t have.

  HONOR

  Dear Hannon,

  I made a terrible mistake a week ago. I hurt myself and the man I care very deeply for. It was much worse than I’ve ever done before. I didn’t mean to take it so far. If you were here, you’d have been so angry. But you’re not here, Hannon. You left. I have to live with the decision you made each and every day.

  It’s hard not having you here to talk to, to hug, to love. To know that my brother is by my side…

  How could you?

  I know you didn’t want Sean hurt, but he’s not the only one you left behind. He’s not the only one who loved you. I’m your sister, your twin, the other half of your soul. You destroyed me when you took your life. And now, I’m left to pick up the pieces of mine, one shard at a time, not knowing how to put myself back together.

  Nick is helping.

  If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was an angel, a saint sent down from above in order to help me see there’s a beautiful life to live if I just reach out and grab for it. He’s teaching me this. Every day.

  I wish you could meet him. You’d have liked him. He’s rough around the edges and bossy. So bossy, but it doesn’t bother me. It shows he cares. I don’t know what he sees in me, because he deserves a perfect woman, a whole woman. Yet he won’t walk away. He tells me time and time again that he’s going to stay.

  I’m scared, Hannon, because I’m starting to believe him.

  I miss you.

  I love you.

  Your sister,

  Honor

  I tuck my journal under the mattress by the side of the bed I’ve been sleeping on. A full week has passed since I was released from the hospital and moved into Nick’s apartment. My injuries are healing well, and they barely hurt. Nick tends to my bandages each morning and every night like my own personal physician. He’s amazing. Never making me feel less than for what I did. He just accepts the things he cannot change and moves on. I want to learn from him.

  We’ve spent the week moving around each other in harmony. Making meals, working in the gym, side by side. I’ve never felt more happily settled in a routine. Twice a week, therapy with Dr. Batchelor, who is easier to trust than I thought she would be. Lunch with Dr. Hart, who insists I call her Monet or Moe like everyone else. I can sense her sincerity to be friends with
me. I may invite Grace next week. They already know each other, and Grace has been calling my phone nonstop all week with requests to meet up. All of which I’ve denied, wanting to let my wounds heal a bit more figuratively and literally. Overall, it’s been a wonderful week. Being with Nick, spending time with him in his home, is easy, simple, and feels right. I don’t know how he feels about it yet, but he seems content. Definitely not eager for me to find a place of my own. Every time I suggest it, he tosses the paper aside and tells me to just relax and enjoy my time with him.

  Stepping out of my clothes and into the shower, I turn the water on and adjust to a barely scalding setting before I get under the spray. The instant prick of pain that sizzles along my skin offers a touch of bliss. Would this be one of the healthier ways to deal with my need for pain?

  I pour shampoo into my hands, rub them together, and slather my hair with the flowery scent. Nick loves the way I smell. He tells me all the time. I also have a bit of an obsession with his citrus and leather scent. He uses some type of hair product that his friend Genevieve sells to him that, mixed with his natural scent, turns into an orangey smell, but the leather…that’s all my man.

  My man.

  I laugh deliriously as I rinse out the shampoo. Nick’s shower is incredible. The pressure is fast and hard. He says he had to upgrade the shower when he moved in because he works his body hard in the gym and needs the water therapy. In my opinion, a large tub would do wonders, but he’d need to renovate the bathroom to do that. Of course, I could do that for him. Maybe as a thank-you present for helping me through this past week.

  Storing the idea away for another time, I start to sing. The shower is the only place I can be free enough to let the music inside me out.

  I hum the tune at first and then get louder with each verse until I’m belting through the lyrics for “Wild Horses” by the Rolling Stones. The song moves my heart in ways so many others haven’t. Words of suffering and pain have always resonated so clearly with me over the years. I’ve got my eyes closed when I sing my heart out to the last line.

  “Fuck, Honor!” Nick’s voice startles me and makes the images the song inspired disappear instantly inside my mind. “Babe, you’re a songbird.”

  Nick steps into the shower completely naked. It’s not the first time I’ve seen him naked, but this time feels different. More meaningful. The energy around us both is hypercharged and magnetic.

  Nick brings his hands to my waist and tugs me flat against him. “You can sing like angel,” he whispers in awe.

  I shake my head. “No, I can’t. I just…”

  He runs a hand up my bare back, causing goosebumps to rise over my skin even against the heat of the water. “Yeah, babe, you are. Fucking incredible. We’ve gotta get you singing on stage.”

  My eyes practically bulge out of my head, and I try to back away, but he doesn’t allow it. “No, no, no, not possible.”

  His lips twist into a wicked, sexy slant. “Oh yes, anything’s possible, Dove. Anything. Sing something else for me?”

  I cringe. “Here? Now?” I run my fingers down his sculpted arms, arousal flickering through my body at his nearness.

  “If you do, I’ll reward you,” he taunts in a husky timbre while bringing a hand down and squeezing bare ass. The movement forces his hard length against my belly, and I moan, knowing just how badly I want him inside me. He’s been denying me all week, stating that he wanted me fully on board mentally and physically when we took that last step. I’ve almost been to the point of begging for it, I want him so badly.

  “Will you fuck me if I do?” I raise my eyebrows and purse my lips, waiting for his answer, hoping for the response I want.

  He cocks his head to the side and gets his face low enough to look me in the eye. “No, Dove, I’m not gonna fuck you the first time. I will make love to you, though.”

  A ribbon of heat flutters along the surface of my skin and flushes my cheeks.

  “Sing to me.”

  “What do you want me to sing?”

  He holds me close, our bare skin touching from knee to chest. I tremble against him, but he’s there to keep me upright. “Our song.”

  “Which is what?” My voice shakes, wondering how he sees us. What song he’ll chose that speaks of what this thing between us feels like for him.

  “Hallelujah.”

  I swallow around the lump in my throat, and the steam billows around us in the confined space. I close my eyes and start to sing the song that would change me for the rest of my life. When I get to the part about the woman in the moonlight, I tip my head back and give it my all, each verse ringing through the bathroom walls. Nick’s hands move over my body as I sing. Caressing, worshiping…loving.

  A certain verse speaks of my own tale of broken love with my parents, my brother, myself. This time, I sing of love from my heart, for the man cradling me, bared in body and soul. I’m learning anew what love can truly be if it’s given freely and without limitations.

  By the time I get to the end of the song and sing the very last hallelujah, his lips are on mine. Nick ushers me against the wall of the shower, drinking deeply from my mouth. His hands cradle my face as he kisses me. He doesn’t have to speak to tell me what this kiss means. I know from each press of his lips to mine, his tongue to mine, this is it. This is when our bodies, our hearts, and our souls will connect in an unbreakable bond that will span time.

  He kisses me so hard and so long, the water goes cold. He moves back a few inches, holding my face with one of his hands.

  “We’re starting over. Both of us, right now. No longer are we alone. When I take you, I’m claiming you. We no longer live alone because we live for each other. Support one another in all things. Be there for the good and the bad.”

  “Sounds like a proposal,” I barely croak out.

  “Call it what you want. I have no doubt we’ll get there too. For now, we live for the other. Promise me, Honor. You’ll live because I need you alive.”

  “I love you, Nick.” The words come out at the same time two tears fall from each eye. One for him, and one for me.

  His smile is as bright as a new day. Full of hope, wonder and, dare I say, love. “Good,” he says, and for now, it’s enough.

  Nick turns off the water, grabs my hand, opens the shower door, and pulls us both out. With gentle movements, he dries me with a towel, each pass of the fabric as though he’s fanning the flames of lust. I close my eyes and enjoy this moment of devotion. I’ve not felt anything like it before, and I want to remember every last second.

  Without delay, Nick has scooped me up, walks me into the bedroom, and lays me on the bed that’s quickly becoming our bed instead of just his bed.

  “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” He shakes his head as his gaze runs over every bare naked inch of me. “I don’t even know where to start.” His voice is rough and laced with desire.

  I point to my lips. “How about here?”

  He smiles and straddles my body, not bringing his big bulk over me, just hovering before he takes my lips. His tongue peeks out, running along the length of each lip before flicking against my teeth when I smile. Who knew Nick would be a little playful as well as dominant in the bedroom? All too quickly, his playful side disappears, and his mouth devours mine, sucking, nibbling, biting until my lips feel swollen and bruised.

  I gasp when he plucks at my bottom lip and pulls back; his normally light eyes are dark and focused. He grabs my hands with both of his and lifts them above my head. “Hold on to the headboard and don’t let go until I tell you.”

  “What happens if I let go?”

  “Defy me and find out,” he warns, and I make a mental note to hold on to the headboard as tightly as I can. The last thing I want is for him to stop touching me, and the worst he could do to me would be that. I’m so primed and ready for this next step in our relationship. I physically need him.

  I grip the wooden rungs and arch up, presenting my breasts.

  He grin
s salaciously. “An offer I can’t refuse.” And before I can take a breath, he’s got one of my nipples in the wet warmth of his mouth. It’s heaven and hell all at once because I want to touch him, hold his head to my breast while he ravishes me.

  Nick laps at my nipple with the flat of his tongue, making it throb and ache deliciously. He wraps his other hand around my neglected breast, pinching and plucking at the erect tip to the point of pain.

  “How does that feel?” He sits up and works each peak until a burning sensation ripples from them throughout my body, creating a euphoria I’ve never known.

  “Mmm, good.” I gasp and arch into his touch when he pinches harder.

  “You try to get closer when I press harder. Do you want more?”

  “Yes! God, please.”

  He pinches and twists my nipples until they are fiery hot pokers. Rivers of pleasure dance through my body and to the place between my legs.

  “Please, Nick.”

  “Oh, Dove, I’m going to enjoy hearing you beg in the future, and I’ll do it until your throat is raw. Now, though, I’m just figuring out some of your thresholds. This pain makes you feel alive, does it not?”

  The concept slams into me like a hose putting out a fire. “Oh, my God!”

  He grins devilishly and plucks at my burning tips again until I have to shut my eyes tight from the delightful pain.

  “I told you, there are more ways to get what you need. Honor, I’m going to make you hurt so good. Give you a healthy outlet for that ache inside.”

  I nod, tears filling my eyes and falling down my cheeks. This man accepts me. Understands my need and wants to fill it, not stop it.

  Nick swipes my tears away before nudging both of my knees with his. I do one better, spreading myself wide open for him. An offer.

  His lips go into a flat line, nostrils flaring, and eyes intent between my open thighs. “You giving me this?” He cups my sex roughly, dangerously. I want so much more.