Fireflies

by P. S. Bartlett

  “Sarah?” her father called from the yard.

  Her heart pounded so hard she thought for sure it would explode. Disheveled and trembling, she released Dillon’s hair and staggered to regain her balance as he snatched her wrist just before she stumbled.

  “Go,” Dillon whispered as he picked up the broom and ran his hand over his head nervously.

  “Sarah pulled at her gown and swept back the few loose strands of hair which had fallen in their embrace. She dashed out into the yard to greet her father. Her face had a flush and her lips were numb and slightly swollen.

  “Yes, Father?” she asked running up to him and taking his arm.

  “What have you been doing girl?” he asked, as he popped his pipe between his teeth.

  “I've been saying goodnight to Rascal, Father.” she replied as they turned to walk toward the house.

  Her heart still beat wildly and she feared her father could hear it as loudly as she could. It took everything inside of her to just have this trivial conversation because all she wanted was to turn and run into Dillon's arms and stay for the rest of her life.

  “Yer mother's worried you've been spending too much time with that boy,” he grumbled, looking back toward the stables.

  “Oh that's silly. He's nice enough and he takes very good care of me horses,” she answered, perhaps a bit too quickly.

  “You're a young woman now, Sarah and ya' can't be hangin' around with horses all day with some stable hand. It doesn't look proper.”

  Dillon had extinguished the lantern and now leaned in the shadow of the doorway, listening to Sarah's father's lecture. Sarah glanced over her shoulder at Dillon's forlorn expression in the light of the moon and when she peeked for a second time, he was no longer there. In that moment, Sarah was cruelly reminded of who she was and what she was, leaving her lost and betrayed by her own birth. Her breathing began to quicken and her heart to pound even faster, realizing she would never in her life be able to turn and run back to Dillon, without ruining her own life and possibly causing an early end to his if he were caught with her in any intimate situation. Even if they could overcome the barrier of his place in her world that forbid their love, their opposing faiths would most certainly forsake their union.

  The prospect of losing Dillon completely was not even an option for her. She would behave and act the proper young lady as long as she was at least able to see Dillon and speak to him every day. Just after that thought came the realization of knowing she was deceiving herself. She wanted more and the idea of getting it consumed her.

  Sarah's thoughts quickly caught up to the dilemma she faced and she needed to know exactly what her father meant by his previous statement.

  Sarah stopped in her tracks and asked him, “What are you trying to say, Father?”

  “I'll let your mother handle this. Now come along.”

  Her mother sat her down after her next breakfast and firmly explained what was expected of her from this day until she married. No more stables. No more riding – and certainly no more Dillon.

  How could they have known? How could they have suspected anything? How could anyone be so cruel? How could a mother? She did her best not to protest too much as that would surely prove them right.

  In the weeks that followed, she felt herself under constant watch and although she had begged her mother to allow her to visit the horses each morning, Dillon kept a painful distance and the torture of the separation from him had become far too much to tolerate, for both of them.

  She knew he had been warned for he could never spurn her this way after what they had shared, through any choice of his own. In her presence, he would slam things and kick the dirt. He didn’t smile and certainly didn’t speak more than a good morning to her. He was as broken as her and to lay eyes on her each day caused his emotional wounds to reopen each time.

  Sarah had finally made the agonizing decision to stay away from him for good and save them both more heartache before one of them would make a terrible error in judgment. She had to be the one to cut the ties as she was, after all, the only one who had a choice.

  She consented to allow her mother to plan a large party at the estate, to welcome every available gentleman for miles to come and meet her and to do their utmost to win her heart. This time, Sarah sighed for days wishing the night would never arrive. She was plied with beautiful gowns and shoes but her sadness grew as her only solace came from her window and what lie beneath it.

  The morning of the party, Sarah awoke and lay in bed, without the will to rise. As she stirred to turn from her back, away from the light of day, she heard Dillon's voice speaking to an unfamiliar man and she crept to the window and peered down. Dillon held Rascal by the bit as the man inspected the horse. He ran his hands over Rascal's haunches and down his legs. He even looked at Rascals teeth.

  She knew this examination all too well as she had seen her father do it at least a dozen times when he purchased a horse.

  “No!' she cried from the window. “No! He's not for sale!”

  Dillon looked up at her and his pained expression confirmed her fears. She rushed down the stairs and out the door to where they stood, still in her night clothes, and snatched Rascal's reins from Dillon's hand before he could even protest. Sarah jumped astride on Rascal and raced off across the field without looking back. Her mother flew into the yard calling out to her but it was too late.

  She was gone over the hill and into the woods.

  “I'll find her.”

  Dillon raced into the barn and grabbed the first horse he came upon and in seconds, headed off to search for Sarah. She could have been miles away by now but he knew she wasn't. Just a few acres away in a clearing, he found her. Rascal grazed about, while Sarah sat in the tall grass. He heard her crying before he slowed to a gallop and rode up to where she sat and he dismounted.

  “Sarah, I'm so sorry,” he said, sitting down in the grass next to her.

  “It's not yer fault Dillon,” she wept. “I know you wouldn't do anything unless they made ya' do it. You and me have to do everything they say.”

  “Sarah, once the horses are all sold, your father is sendin' me to work for someone else. It's all arranged,” Dillon woefully confessed.

  “Oh Dillon, let's run away. Let's just take the horses and go and never turn back,” she sobbed as she leaned over against him and he placed his arm around her shoulder.

  “In another life Sarah, we'll do just that. In this one, we'll do what's expected,” Dillon said, pulling Sarah's chin up and looking into her eyes as he spoke.

  “Dillon, I love you. I've loved ya' from the first day I met ya'. I'll love you me whole livin' life,” she sobbed.

  “My heart is yours Sarah. From the first day, you took it. No matter what happens or where we end up, just take it with ya' 'cause I'll not be usin' it anymore,” he said, as he leaned forward and again, covered her lips with his and then scooped her into his lap and held her tight.

  “Sarah? Sarah?” Owen whispered, leaning over her trying to wake her.

  “Oh, Owen I must have dozed off while I was finishing this dress for Teagan.”

  “You were cryin' in yer sleep again, love,” he said, as he took her hands to help her to her feet.

  Sarah gave a heavy sigh and smiled, “Nothing to worry about dear. Let's go ta' bed.”

  She patted him on his shoulder and headed for the stairs.

  “Church in the mornin',” he said, as he followed her up to bed.

  Chapter Four

  Teagan awoke to the sound of Doo screeching, as did almost everyone else in the house. She already smelled the musky aroma of bacon fat and took a deep breath through her nose, stretching beneath her bedding.

  “Teagan, are you awake?” asked Liffey from across the room.

  “How on earth can I not be, Lif?” she yawned as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

  “Teagan, look,” Liffey said, pointing to the large chifferobe against the wall.

  There hung the blue
dress Sarah had stayed up to work on the night before. She must have come in before dawn and put it there.

  “Oh, it's lovely,” Liffey said, sliding out of bed to get a closer look.

  “That can't be for me, Lif. That has to be yours,” Teagan growled as she pulled the quilt up over her head.

  “No, Teagan. I helped Ma sew a bit of it but she must have finished it last night,” Liffey said, brushing her hand over the lace which outlined the neckline.

  Teagan threw the quilt off and sat up on the side of the bed looking sternly at the pale blue dress with contempt. She knew she had no choice but to wear it to church or she'd surely break Ma's heart.

  Liffey backed away from the beautiful dress and sat down on the bed next to Teagan.

  “Teagan, it's not so bad ya' know. I mean, being a girl,” Liffey said, turning to face Teagan who was still glaring at the dress.

  “It's not the dress or being a girl, as if I could change that or want to. I just have no use for girly things and definitely no time or use for boys – and I know with the dresses come the boys.”

  Teagan flopped back on the bed and lay staring at the ceiling for a moment.

  “Liffey, have you ever kissed a boy?”

  Liffey giggled and fell back lying next to her sister staring up as well.

  “What's so funny, Lif? I'm serious! It seems the most disgusting thing in the world to me, well next to cleaning up after the horses but...”

  Liffey reached over and took Teagan's hand and squeezed it tight.

  “Teagan, do you remember the first church picnic this year? The one where Patrick climbed the big tree behind the church and his pants caught on the branch and...”

  “Yes! Yes! Yes! Lif get to the point.”

  “Well, while everyone was in a panic trying to put the ladder up and they were all watching and praying Patrick wouldn't fall, Eli and I were on the outside of everyone standing next to each other and he reached over and held my hand,” Liffey giggled.

  “What?! My Eli?” snapped Teagan, pulling her hand out of Liffey's and sitting up on her elbows.

  “It was only for a second because I was afraid Ma would see but at the end of the picnic when everyone was leaving, Eli was leaning up against that very same tree and I looked at him and he waved to me to come over, so I walked over and I asked him what he wanted and he kissed me right on the cheek and ran!”

  “That’s a lie!” Teagan shouted and then immediately changed her train of thought, “Wait, that's the kiss?”

  Teagan rose up and was now sitting on the bed.

  “It isn’t a lie and well, where's your kiss story then Teagan?” said Liffey, now pouting due to her sister’s harsh words.

  “I’m sorry. I didn't mean it that way. What I meant was I don't know anyone our age that's had a real kiss. I've never even seen a real kiss have you?” Teagan asked, once again falling back onto the bed next to Liffey.

  “Well, I heard from Rosemary after church once, that her sister Olive had kissed her beau. We could ask her?”

  “No, no, no, Lif. It doesn't matter because I don't want some dumb ole boy kissing me anyway. Blech!” Teagan grumbled, finally climbing out of bed and taking a long hard stretch until she was up on her toes.

  A knock on the door and a shout from Brogan saying it was time to get dressed and get down to breakfast had both girls brushing their hair and washing their faces and hands almost instantly.

  They wouldn't want to make their mother angry on a Sunday morning by doddling around. Soon they were both dressed and Liffey put the finishing touches on Teagan's hair with a light blue ribbon, tied around a low ponytail of cascading black waves pouring down to her waist.

  “Oh, Teagan, you have such lovely hair,” remarked Liffey, standing behind her sister and tying the ribbon into a bow.

  Somewhere down inside, Teagan felt awkward toward her sister. How could she have held Eli's hand? How could he have kissed Liffey on the cheek? How could Teagan not have known of this?

  Eli had some explaining to do. She understood Liffey not telling, but Eli? She told him everything and expected he’d done the same. Teagan knew she'd speak to Eli at church and couldn't wait to see the expression on his face when she confronted him.

  Teagan positioned herself in front of the full length oval mirror as Liffey stood behind her in awe.

  “Oh, Teagan, I've never seen you so pretty. Ma will be in good spirits today once she lays eyes on you.”

  Liffey smiled into the mirror at her beautiful sister and for a moment, Teagan smiled back.

  The girls rushed out of the room afraid of being late. Liffey reached the stairs first and stepped gracefully down, holding the skirt of her dress up slightly.

  “See Teagan, like this so you don't fall,” she demonstrated, looking back at her sister with pride.

  Teagan pawed like a bear at the soft blue material and grabbed a handful, lifting it to her knees and bounded down the steps behind Liffey, who stood at the bottom with a look of horror, shaking her red curly head from side to side.

  Owen was the first to see Teagan as she turned the corner into the kitchen. His face lit like a sky full of comets and a gasp came from Patrick behind her.

  “What!” Teagan said, dropping her skirt and slapping it several times, attempting to straighten the wrinkles.

  She dashed across the room, put an apron over her dress and began helping Sarah and Liffey set the plates of biscuits, bacon and hot cakes on the table.

  “Teagan, you look lovely,” Sarah whispered over her shoulder as Teagan took the pitcher of milk from her hands and placed it in front of Fagan.

  All of the children’s faces were fresh and their attire immaculate. The boys wore their freshly pressed suit clothes with their hair combed back and their faces so clean you could distinguish freckles from dirt. Each one had a linen napkin tucked in their collars, even Fagan and Connell. Teagan again held her breath during Ennis’ morning grace and exhaled only when he finished. She had survived three of Ennis' meal prayers since yesterday’s breakfast and at church, she planned a silent prayer that God would tell her it was He who healed her hand as a sign to be more careful and to watch where she was going in her life. She occasionally flexed her hand and looked down at it, when she believed no one was watching.

  When they arrived at church, it appeared the entire county had shown up to worship. Teagan seemed moody and out of sorts but having spent close to two hours already in her new dress, she began to relax and accept the discomfort, at least for today. She took great pains not to embarrass herself or her parents. She observed Liffey intently and mimicked her movements and gestures as best she could, even though she thought herself ridiculous.

  Fagan drove the wagon around to the left of the chapel, along the side of the others and she noticed Eli doing the same. She decided she couldn't wait until after the services to speak to him about what Liffey had told her and she started to bolt to him but stopped on her toes and collected herself, repeating over again “Ladylike, Teagan. Ladylike,” and she strolled as if on air toward the wagons.

  “Teagan, where are you going?” Fagan asked as he approached her on his way into church.

  “I need to have a word with Eli before church begins, Fagan. I'll be along in a minute.”

  “Okay. I'll save you a seat,” said Fagan, removing his hat and bowing to his sister.

  “Well aren't you the cheerful one today?”

  “Why yes little sister, that I am!” he answered placing his hat back on his head with a tap. His merry mood had even affected his walk as he proceeded to the wide white chapel steps.

  Teagan’s attention turned back to Eli, watching him as he climbed down from the wagon and walked toward her. She stood with her gloved hands cupped together behind her back and waited for him to approach. When he drew closer, within a few steps of her, he removed his hat and plainly said, “Good morning, Miss,” and continued on.

  “Eli?”

  Teagan turned and watched him proceedi
ng toward the church and called out again, “ELI!”

  He stopped and spun around, running up to her.

  “Teagan? Is that you?” he asked, now standing within a few feet of her and restraining a laugh.

  “Yes it's me! What's wrong with you, are ya’ simple?!”

  “Teag, I didn't even recognize you!”

  “Oh for Heaven's sake, Eli, I wear a dress every Sunday!”

  “Not this dress, and you’ve fixed your hair different. Teagan, is that a ribbon?” Eli asked, circling her twice as if he were stalking her.

  “Yes,” her voice softened, “it's to match my new dress. Do you like it?' she asked, spinning around and bowing to him.

  “It's nice. You make a very fine girl,” Eli answered with an impish smile. “Shall we?” he added, offering her his arm playfully, to escort her into the chapel.

  “Don't be ridiculous Eli. Besides, wouldn't you rather escort Liffey?”

  Teagan squinted her eyes tight, leaning forward and placing her hands on her hips.

  “Liffey? Oh, Liffey! I'm sorry, Teagan. I don't know what came over me. I apologize for not telling you but after it happened and you never mentioned it, I just figured Liffey didn't want anyone to know and I don’t even understand to this very day why I did it.”

  Eli rambled on and practically begged forgiveness.

  “Well, I forgive you. Now give me your arm. Maybe these other boys won't keep staring at me if they think you're my beau, especially that Thomas Kennedy because he makes me itch.”

  Teagan grabbed Eli by his left arm and pulled him toward the church.

  “I kinda' like the sound of that-your beau!”

  Eli struggled to stay on his feet as Teagan dragged him along and she responded to his comment with a pinch to his ribs.

  Fagan waved to Teagan to come and sit down as she and Eli entered arm in arm. Several heads had turned and nodded in approval of Teagan's appearance and of her escort. They parted ways half way down the center aisle and Teagan slipped into her seat between Fagan and Ennis.