Backstage: Street Chronicles

by Nikki Turner

I had isolated myself in the studio, making hit after hit to prepare myself if I got locked up. I didn’t want the fans that I still had left to forget me. I can’t be forgotten. I put on my headphones to block out any sound. The headphones also prevented negative thoughts from coming to the surface. I wanted so bad to write, but the pen wouldn’t write shit that made sense. Words turned into scribbles.

  I held my head to prevent the migraine from coming. In a short amount of time, BET had pulled every video I had. I had mad publicity but the wrong message; no snitching. How that sound? I worked too hard my twenty-four years on this earth for this to be where I am. Where am I?

  I despise a snitch. I never understood how a snitch could do what they do and walk the same streets and breathe the same air as the person they told on like it’s nothing. That’s unbelievable to me. I can’t sell one brick ‘cause a mu’fucka scared of me. Most of them locked up and the ones that are not act like they’re done with the game. Yeah right! I don’t blame them though. I wouldn’t mess with me.

  Kai strolled into the studio dressed like she was ready to go to a major event. She seldom goes out. She probably just shit, shaved, and bathed to come here. This is her happening spot. Her perfume cleared my sinuses. My mind was so gone I couldn’t think of that smell to save my life even though I had the same perfume. She dressed like she ready to do something in that little skirt. I’m willing to bet she wasn’t wearing any panties. She probably contemplated sex all the way up here. I hate to be the one to disappoint her ‘cause I’m not thinking about her ass.

  The engineer had left so it was just the two of us in the studio. She started rubbing my shoulders to ease the tension. She felt it. My mind went elsewhere. Snitch. I couldn’t think of one person in my family that sold out. Snitch. Me. Never. Humph! The shit they say. I tell you they will say anything out here.

  Kai had eased in between my legs and I never noticed her. Shows how much I was paying attention. She squatted down and began kissing my inner thigh. I looked at her. I couldn’t be turned on tonight even if my life depended on it.

  “No, Kai.”

  She pretended like she didn’t hear me. I didn’t want to have to repeat myself since she probably thought I was playing hard to get. Instead I rolled my chair back, away from her.

  “Kai, I said no. What part of no don’t you understand?”

  “You sometimes say no and we still do it.”

  “Man, I can’t do this.”

  She stood up and came toward me. “What you mean you can’t do this?”

  I didn’t know what I meant. Was I actually speaking of the moment or of us in the present. Everything around me didn’t make sense no more.

  “Exactly what I said. Look, man, I don’t need this right now.”

  Not able to leave well enough alone, she had to go and say, “It’s always what you need. What about what I need? It’s not always about you although that may seem hard for you to believe. I sit around and let you do you.”

  “You let me?”

  “I never say nothing.”

  “You let me?” I couldn’t get past that. How she going to let me do anything? I am a grown-ass woman. She’s like the rest of these mu’fuckas, just say anything. I took the same hand that was holding this big head of mine and wiped down my face real slowly as if to change my expression. Here comes the drama. I swear this girl needed her own reality show.

  “When you gon’ realize it’s me that loves you? Everybody else don’t mean you no good. Bone didn’t do half the shit I do. Now he dead and I thought he was always the problem, but it wasn’t him. It’s you.”

  I didn’t want to be reminded of that. That’s why I hate telling people shit. I got up ‘cause I had heard enough. Meeting adjourned. She stood in front of the door because she didn’t want me to leave.

  “Move.”

  Tears flooded her face like someone in her family just died.

  I was exhausted and it read all over my face. I exhaled. Here we go again. I turned my head to the right because I didn’t want to see nor hear this shit. Out of all the shit going on with me, look at this. Does it ever stop?

  Somebody, anybody, blow my gotdamn brains out! It can’t be that easy, huh Lord? You only gonna put on me no more than I can bear?

  I looked at her. She was still talking. Did this girl ever stop? Obviously not. I could hear her, but the words were not registering. She repeated herself so much that I could say it for her if she decided to take a break. I couldn’t forget that if I wanted to. How? She’s the type who goes on and on about everything that she had ever done for you. All the ripping and running, the penitentiary chances, the meals she cooked, to the gas she put in my car. A car she drives. How that sound? How I never paid her for the penitentiary chances. Yeah right! I felt I did so much for her that that was her obligation. I took good care of her. She my bitch, why wouldn’t I? Anything she asked for she got and this bitch mouth stayed on ask. Her next victim got problems for real. She better have money.

  So in reality, we even. Fair exchange, no robbery. I could try to bogart my way through the door, but she likes to scratch. I didn’t have time for that. She the only female I know that don’t go to the nail shop. A natural bitch. Her nails were not long but they were strong. They chipped in the right places to give them the sharpness they needed to draw blood. I think she kept them that way so that she could use them as a weapon.

  Because of her tears and on some prove my love shit, there was no doubt in my mind she wouldn’t fight me today. I walked back to the console and pushed record because a song played in my head and maybe I could get Kai on a skit. Since she wouldn’t realize it, she’d be spilling her heart out and it’d be genuine. I chuckled within. You got to laugh to keep from crying.

  “I love you, Mayam.”

  She said my government name as if that made a difference. Only white people called me that.

  “I’ve done everything that I could possibly do, and it’s not enough.”

  Don’t tell me Kai going to throw in the towel, too. I never expected that. I thought she would be the last one standing. Just goes to show nothing last forever.

  “What have you done? What makes you so different than anyone else?” I had all day to wait on an answer. After all, what else did I have to do? Nothing. I didn’t have a nigga, no friends, no work, no money, no fans, and now my bitch was getting ready to leave me. I still didn’t give a damn. I sat down.

  “You don’t love me like I love you.”

  “How you know? You don’t know that.” She was pissing me off. “Kai, you stay with your hand out. You don’t do shit for me. Everything you do for me I do for you in return. You don’t pay a damn bill. Say you do! You think you look that good? I got a bitch that’s killing you.” I didn’t. She will never tell the next muthafucka she left me.

  She got ready to charge me. I looked at my gun at my side. Come on, you don’t want to do that. I wasn’t fighting her today. I wouldn’t kill her, but I would do some Harlem Nights shit and shoot her in her pinky toe. See if she love me enough not to press charges. Add that to the list of sacrifices. Let’s test our love. I mean, how much time could I do for a pinkie toe? I bet I would’ve done more time for the coke than the toe. It’s the law.

  Her eyes followed mine.

  “I promise, you don’t want to do that today. I promise, you don’t.”

  Her Keith Sweat face disappeared. Her tears were going nowhere with me so she tried another approach. Lil Jon in the house. I could tell she was getting ready to get nasty by her mean mug. She was moving her head like I had just conjured a major beat and had a hit on my hands and she was one of many that was feeling it. We all know Lil Jon will get a muthafucka whipped in the club. All I can say is don’t do it!

  “You use to talk about Bone like he that nigga. That’s not the same nigga that didn’t go to court with you, is it? Is that the same nigga that swore up and down it wasn’t his baby, as if me and you could make one? Tah!” She let out a nasty laugh. “He didn
’t contribute toward the abortion, nor was he there. Oh! Don’t tell me he was there. Was he, Yummie? I didn’t see him, but he was right there.” The bitch touched my heart.

  “What you said!” What else was I going to say? I bobbed my head to the imaginary beat we all were vibing to. Don’t stop now.

  “It hurt when he did you the way he did, didn’t it, Yummie? You so smart, yet you so stupid.”

  “Yo mama.” I knew her mama was dead. She didn’t give a damn, neither did I.

  “He didn’t do half the shit I do!”

  I didn’t want to hear all that shit again. “Get your ass outta here, Kai. I’m done with yo ass, too.”

  “How you think yo charge got dropped, muthafucka?”

  “What?”

  “How you think your charge got dropped? Fed cases don’t get dropped, you stupid muthafucka. You thought it was God, huh? You thanked him, didn’t you? Just like you. You thanked everybody but me.”

  She lost me. Confusion was all over my face.

  “I’m the one that sat in an abortion clinic while you killed a baby I didn’t make. I can’t even have kids and here you are just killing ‘em. Your form of birth control. I’m the one that was in court with you. I’m the one that cried my eyes to sleep ‘cause of the time you faced.”

  “I didn’t cry, so why you crying?”

  “You so fucking hard. You should’ve had a dick, you ungrateful bitch. Yo ass wouldn’t have been so hard if they would’ve gave you all that time they was talking. But, see, I know you under all that armor you wear, Mayam. Youse a bitch. Youse a me.”

  I never heard Kai talk like that. I guess R. Kelly hit it on the nose; When a Woman’s Fed Up.

  “I love you so much I didn’t want you to do a day. I’m the one that went to the Feds and made their job easy. I’m the one that cut the deal with them.”

  “The Feds can’t do that. You don’t even have a charge.”

  “The Feds can do what they want to do.” She not only worked for them she cosigned for them also. Where was this bitch’s badge at? It wasn’t around her neck on a long necklace. It wasn’t on her side belt, nor in her wallet. Perhaps her purse? Nah! I couldn’t see it. It was right there. I pointed at her heart. This bitch got snitch in her blood. Yeah, it was over.

  Having no idea what I was thinking, she said, “Yeah, that’s love.”

  “So, what deal you cut, Kai?”

  “Every drop off I told ‘em.”

  “You what?”

  “I told them every time and every person you dropped work off to.”

  “Man-Man?”

  “Yeah Man-Man. You or Man-Man?” She held up her hands—Man-Man in one hand and me in the other. My hand was higher than Man-Man. Lucky me.

  “Man-Man is my cousin, you stupid bitch!”

  “See, I knew you wouldn’t understand; that’s why I never told you.”

  “Bush?” I had to know.

  “Bush, K.D., and Rachid.”

  “I grew up with all of them.”

  I had tears in my eyes. What had she done? She misinterpreted my tears and leaned in and kissed me with those same lips that she ran her mouth with.

  “See? That’s love, Yummie. Nobody loves you like I do.”

  “I don’t want you loving me.”

  She backed away.

  “That’s that scary love. See, you thought you knew me, but you don’t have a clue who I am. You don’t listen to my music. My fans—well the fans I had before you did what you did—knew me better than you. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I don’t give a damn about going to jail. This is my first charge, bitch! I meet the safety valve.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You work for them and you don’t know what that is? Less time for first offenders. You so fucking smart. I’m hot at you for not doing your homework. All I give a fuck about is my music and these streets. The streets would be waiting on me. My music was gonna be heard while I laid down. Why you think I’ve been in the studio doing a Tupac? I’ve been meeting with my entertainment lawyer and Jimmy Iovine at Interscope Records, and I was getting out of this contract and branching off to start my own label. Thanks to you, Miss Federale”—I let my tongue roll like a Mexican—”I lost that. I lost my fans. I lost my plug. I lost my soldiers.”

  “You got me.”

  I looked at her. She was beautiful inside and out. She meant well, but not what I stand for. Not representing me and what I’m trying to do. A tear fell from my eye. I thought of all the shit she did without her throwing it up in my face this time. Damn! I was gonna miss her.

  “Naw, Kai. I’M GOOD.”

  She looked at me. A tear fell from her eye, too. She knew it was officially over. I picked up the nine. The red button was shining, meaning everything we said, and were still saying, was being recorded. A smile crept onto my face. I thought of my fans coming back to me ‘cause my music was gonna live. I put the nine to my head. Nobody would ever believe Kai did that shit on her own. “I’d rather be dead than labeled a snitch. Here go your payment for fucking off mine.”

  BOOM!

  Now that’s a muthafuckin song for you.

  To the Beat and You Don’t Stop … Ya Don’t Quit …

  One for the Money … Two for the Show …

  Come on Harold Turley … Rock This Show

  CHASING THE RING

  by Harold L. Turley II

  Chapter 1

  he clock on the scoreboard read zero, showing proof the game was over. Trey, filled with exhaustion, was jumping for joy knowing he was only one step away from fulfilling his dream. The championship ring he craved was finally within his grasp. He could taste it. This would finally validate his career and silence his critics.

  Trey headed back to the locker room, where a team of reporters stood at his locker waiting for him.

  “Trey! Trey! What a game tonight. Tonight you played like you had a purpose, were you trying to send the league a message? Thirty-seven points and thirteen assists—what inspired you tonight?” a reporter asked.

  “No, it wasn’t about trying to send a message. I just felt real good tonight. I wanted to come out tonight and be aggressive hoping it would put us in a good position to get a win. Thankfully, I was able to get into a groove and the shots just kept falling and we were able to come away with the victory.”

  “You’ve won Rookie of the Year, you are a seven-time All Star, and have been MVP of the league three times, yet you haven’t been able to win a championship. What do you say to the critics who say you don’t have what it takes to win a championship?”

  Trey couldn’t help but laugh. Here he was one win away from achieving his ultimate dream and still, somehow, a reporter would try to find a way to diminish that light.

  “Susan, you ask what do I say to them? My reply is nothing. I don’t have anything to say to them. I allow my play on the court to do my talking. All I can do is give every ounce of me and play as hard as I can. Thankfully, tonight that was enough for a win. Right now we know that we are close and we can finally see that light over the mountaintop. But we still have a lot of work to do. If we lose the next three games all this talk is for nothing. We still have a task at hand and we don’t want to lose sight of that. That is what happened last year. Last year we put ourselves in a good position to win yet lost in Game seven, so we know this year to take things one game at a time and not to take Dallas lightly.”

  “But with that said, up three games to one some might say you are the odds on favorites to win Game five on your home floor.”

  “Some might, but we aren’t one of them. You won’t catch me making any predictions, Susan. I’m not about to give Dallas any bulletin-board material. The only thing that I will predict is that both teams will come out and play hard on Saturday and try to get a win. Hopefully, with God willing, that will be us,” Trey said, then winked.

  The reporters started to laugh, all but Susan, who kept probing.

  “Trey, surely with the next game being at
home, you have to have some extra motivation.”

  “I’d be lying if I said we didn’t. I love the city of D.C. Nothing would make me happier than to bring this city a championship. Of course, we want to do it on our home floor and that is what we are going to try to do. So if you’ll excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I need to take a shower. I’m sure you’ll have more questions during my press conference. Until then, would you please excuse me?”

  The crowd started to disperse, all except Susan.

  “I hope you don’t think I’m going to let you off that easy?” she asked.

  “Actually, I was hoping you’d follow me to the shower and finish the interview there,” Trey replied with a devilish grin.

  “Boy, you know you aren’t ready for that!”

  “I’ll race you there if it’s like that. You and I both know it’s not me. You are the one who is holding out,” Trey replied.

  “And you know exactly why there will be none of that so don’t go there! This is your doing, not mine!”

  “Okay, let’s not go there. You are right!”

  “Excuse me, Mr. Winfield, I’m sorry to interrupt, but there is a gentleman here to see you,” one of the team managers said.

  “It’s no problem, Billy. Did he say who he is or what it’s about? I haven’t taken my shower yet.”

  Nervous, he replied, “I’m sorry, Mr. Winfield. He said his name is Slim and he is a friend of yours. He said you would know who he is.”

  Out of all the names to say and in front of all the people. Luck wasn’t one of Trey’s strong points. He could see the anger on Susan’s face the minute she heard Slim was here. Trey knew he’d have to find a way to explain.

  “Billy, do me a favor and escort him back to the lounge. Tell him I’ll be out once I take my shower.”

  “No problem, Mr. Winfield.”

  The second Billy turned to leave, Susan jumped right in with her rant. “What is Slim doing here? Please tell me you are not still dealing with him?”

  Trey didn’t respond.

  “I can’t believe you are still dealing with Slim!”