Shattered by Love

by Dani René

  Her long blonde hair is a mess of windswept waves, the purple tank top fits her like a glove, emphasizing her beautiful curves. Her tight jeans hug her toned legs and pert ass like they’re painted on and my cock jumps at the sight of her. My heart stutters, then hammers in my ears, deafening me.

  There’s a little boy with them that keeps tugging the hem of her top as he asks question upon question, but all I can see is her. My eyes are glued to every inch of her perfect body, hair, and skin, the little of it I can see.

  My soul recognizes her in a way I can’t fathom, I haven’t seen her face, but I know it’s her. My Firefly. She pivots and my pulse is so loud everything else fades away, the lump in my throat makes it hard to breathe or swallow and my world spins on its axis. Emotions grab hold of me, holding me prisoner behind steel bars. They whirl together, a tornado threatening to sweep me away.

  Love.

  Fear.

  Anger.

  I am standing face to face with the one woman who is rooted in my soul. When her eyes land on mine it’s as if time stops and the sounds around us dim to a low murmur, no one else matters, just the space between us.

  She’s grown up, and there is nothing more I want than to hold her and feel her body against mine, but I can’t have that. We weren’t meant to see each other again. The universe ripped her from me, stole the only thing that completed me, and left me incomplete.

  “Baby girl.” The guy next to her speaks. She turns breaking the spell, but I still can’t move because my feet are cemented to the spot and I can’t breathe. My chest is tight with an ache I only felt the day she walked out.

  Dragging my eyes away from her, I glance at the man beside her. The urge to punch him because he’s standing next to her is overwhelming. She’s mine. But she’s not. I walked away and I let her go.

  I broke us both hoping to give her a good life. One that didn’t include me. Now my eyes sting with unshed tears for the life I missed out on.

  Her head turns my way again as the little boy tugs her tank top, and she lifts him onto her hip. It’s only then that I take a good look at him. If I thought seeing her had knocked me on my ass, I was wrong because when my gaze settles on him I am slammed with emotions out of my control.

  I reach a hand out gripping the pillar so hard my fingers ache. The dirty blonde hair, the big blue eyes, and his smile. I am sure my heart is about to fight its way out of my chest, it feels as if there’s a hand wrapped around my neck, tightening gradually as everything I have missed out on hits me.

  Once again the tilt of my perception shifts, and it’s as if the world is spinning too fast. It’s like a carnival ride that’s out of control whizzing in rapid circles. “Hold him please?”

  Her voice filters through the fog around me as she turns to the dark haired man. She hands the little boy to him and she takes a step towards me.

  “Flash.” That one word permeates into my veins and drenches my bleeding broken heart. It flows through my veins and grips my soul. Her voice is as soft, sweet, and musical just as I remember.

  She’s right in front of me and I can’t bring myself to touch her. My gaze flits to the little blue-eyed boy that’s the spitting image of me in another man’s arms and fury blinds me. He gives me a small wave, but I am too stunned to move.

  The smile on his face is angelic. His eyes are the color of a clear tropical ocean. Just like mine. His messy spikes are blonde, just like his mother’s. The thud of my heart deafens me. I must look like a crazy person because all I can do is stare at him. He’s perfect. Beautiful. I open my mouth, but I can’t form the right words. I can’t form any words.

  “Jayce.” My name comes out as a melodic sound.

  “What…?” The first word I utter is croaky. My brain feels heavy and I dart my gaze between her and the mini version of us. My son. He’s mine, there is no denying it. The ache in my chest that deepens when my eyes meet his, and it leaves me breathless. I have a son.

  Does he know who I am? No, he wouldn’t. I want to hold him. Hear him call me dad. Jesus, this is unbelievable. I am sure the pillar is about to crumble under my grip. When I turn to her again, there is so many emotions floating through her sapphire gaze, but the one that stands out is guilt.

  “Flash, can we talk?” With a glance back at him, I turn and walk away. I can’t do this. To be near her is a mistake. I need to think. My life has just been tilted in a way I couldn’t even imagine. “Please?” Her plea is whispered, and I twist around, pinning her with a glare.

  “What? So you can tell me how you fucking hid my kid from me?” I keep my voice low, but the venom in my tone makes her wince.

  “Jayce, can we talk somewhere private?” She reaches for me, but I step back. I nod, and my eyes lock on an innocent little boy. My fucking son.

  “Be right back guys.” She offers a smile, but I know she’s nervous, I can hear it in her voice. Heading to the room I was in yesterday, I open the door and let her follow behind me. As soon as the door clicks, I spin on my heel and push her against it.

  “You want to tell me why there’s a mini version of me in the reception area with another man?” The harsh tone of my voice sends a shiver over her.

  “Jayce, let me explain. After you left with Luke, I didn’t know where you were until—”

  “Fuck that Ivy.” Turning, I glare out the window. I want to punch something, anything.

  “When you left, I packed my bags and walked out of my father’s house. He didn’t know I was pregnant. When I found out I knew I couldn’t go back, I didn’t want to. Bryce helped me find a place to stay.” Her words a mere whisper from her lips, and I can just about hear her.

  Dragging my eyes toward her, I find her face stained with tears. I am so tempted to kiss them away, but my anger holds me back. My body radiating fury, and I know she can feel it.

  “So, you couldn’t find me after you found out?” My words hang in the air and I see her lift her head in indignation and I realize the feisty little Firefly is coming out.

  Anger flares in her pretty eyes, and she attacks. “You fucking packed up and walked out. After that you think I wanted you to be near my son? Our son. I had to protect him, I didn’t care about me, but he is my life. I couldn’t take the chance of you walking out again, because you can leave me, but you can’t just leave him. He wouldn’t understand. Fuck that, I didn’t understand Jayce, I didn’t fucking know what you were doing. You seem to do fine fucking half of LA, I couldn’t put my son through that, I needed to be strong for him.” The last few words taper off and she’s quiet for a few moments. The anger in her face melts away. “So much happened. Flash, please listen?”

  Her tone, a soft whisper that engulfs me with comforting warmth, the way it always did, but I am so closed off right now, anger rocks me.

  “Don’t you fucking call me that!” I bite back. I pivot to face her. “Yes, I fucked more than half of the women in California, and you know why? Because I couldn’t love anyone, I couldn’t fucking give my heart to anyone that wasn’t you.”

  Her breathing hitches and I stalk back toward her caging her against the door. As I lean in, the scent of her perfume invades my senses, and I am taken back to the time when I loved her. A time when I was happy. She peers up under wet lashes and my heart constricts to the point of pain. I still fucking love this woman with every fiber of my being.

  My anger heats the blood rushing through my veins. Being this close to her, feeling her body pressed against mine fucks with my head, but I can’t pull away.

  “You had our son, Ivy. You had five years to find me and you knew where I was. How could you hide him from me? Fuck, Ivy, he’s mine too. My blood. But you did what you were told to do, just what your daddy would have wanted, because I am obviously no good for you, now I’m not good enough for our son?”

  It’s a low blow and her face pinches in sadness. I push away from the wall and turn with my back toward her. There’s no way I can bring myself to look at her. How can you hide something like tha
t from someone you love? Maybe she didn’t love me. The thought scares me. Did she ever love me? Was what we had just an illusion?

  “That’s not it, Jayce, let me explain? Also, what are you doing at my sister’s wedding?” She questions forcefully.

  “I’m the hired photographer, Ivy. Who’s the guy?” The growl is evident in my voice.

  “He’s my best friend, he helped me after I found out the truth about what happened that day. You were gone, and I didn’t exactly survive the pain.” I turn slowly, her eyes meet mine, and I find the emotion I long since thought I would never see again. Love. For me. It’s there, bright as day. She does love me.

  “Why?” The word is pained on my lips.

  Her brows crease in confusion and her head cocks to the side. She’s still so fucking beautiful, so adorable and all I want is her in my arms. “Why what?”

  “Why didn’t you fucking find me?” Her gaze drops and again I see guilt. If she doesn’t answer me soon I will punch the fucking wall behind her.

  “I wanted to, but you left. You told me you didn’t want me.”

  “Jesus, Ivy! It fucking killed me leaving you. Letting you walk out that goddamn door was like watching half of me being ripped away and leaving me to bleed to death.” Her gaze falters, and her eyes dart around at everything in the room, but me. There isn’t much to look at, but she focuses on the window. The tears have stopped, but the guilt I feel for making her cry makes me uneasy.

  “You killed me too, Flash. Every moment without you, knowing you walked away hurt me, cutting like a blade, carving my heart out.” She whispers. When her eyes lift to mine again, every emotion I feel is there, pain, love, anger, passion, lust.

  “Ivy, you can’t walk in here and tell me you didn’t choose this. I am easy enough to find, you know that. You knew I was working for Lucien. It wasn’t a goddamn secret. Fuck, I mean, did you not think that I would want to know my son?” She nods, and the tears slip from blue pools. I watch them run down her cheeks. Her face is flush from crying and her nose is bright red.

  I want to comfort her, keep her in my arms so she doesn’t feel pain, but I am too angry.

  Betrayed. Hurt.

  There is no way all the blame is hers, yes, I fucked up too, but she could have found me.

  Fire blazes in her eyes and she steps forward. “I didn’t know I had a choice because you pushed me away. That day my soul got torn from my body. You were so deeply rooted inside me I didn’t have a choice, but to just fall apart. Nothing, since that day to this has made me whole. The only way I can ever be whole is if you came back, and I didn’t know if there was even a possibility that you would. After what my father did to you, I was afraid he would find out if I contacted you and destroy your life.”

  I snap my gaze to hers and find the love and pain we’ve both lived with for all this time burning in those crystal orbs. My heart kicks in my chest with my mind telling me to pull her into my arms and hold on to her and never let her go. But the pain she’s made me live with, the secret she kept from me hurts too much. I know that if I touch her now, I could never tell her what I need to.

  “Ivy, there were so many times over the time we spent apart that I stared at your number on my phone, wondering if I should hit the call button. I never could delete it. I could never wipe you from my life, and I could never expel you from my heart. We’re meant to be, soul mates. Pieces of a puzzle. Two halves of a whole. We have a child, he is a part of me, and I deserve to know him. My father left me, I will never do that to my son.”

  Her lips purse in a grim line. She remembers when I told her he walked out; that I never wanted to do that if I had a child one day.

  “I don’t know where we go from here, but I want to meet him. To hear his voice, see him smile.”

  “Jayce, I don’t want to keep him from you, but I can’t—”

  “Don’t. Not right now. I want to see my son.”

  I turn towards the door, my hand on the knob. “And you don’t ever fucking lie to him about who I am. He will know me.” My words are hard, but I need to steel myself to the flood of emotion that’s coiling deep inside me. “What is his name?” When I face her, I see more tears fall down her cheeks.

  “Benjamin.”

  I gape at her in shock. “You gave him my middle name?” She nods, a small smile plays on her lips.

  “He’s a lot like his dad.” The sadness in her gaze rips my heart in two. “I never wanted to—”

  “But you fucking did. Now go out there, smile, and tell my son who I am.”

  Her hand grasps my arm and a jolt of pure electricity shoots through me. “Before we even step outside that door, I want to make one thing clear, you will not, I repeat, will not walk out on him. If you are going to step up now, then you fucking do right by him.”

  Without a second thought, I nod, because I will not turn into my father. Never. She swipes at her cheeks, drying the tears. She glances up and inhales a deep steady breath. I wrench the door open to find her friend, Bryce, and my son sitting at the fountain. They both glance at us.

  “Ben, come here, baby?” She kneels bringing her eye level with him. He’s got my name. Fuck, this is too much. So fucking much.

  “Yes, mom?” He walks up to her, holding a small plastic camera like it’s his lifeline.

  “I have to introduce you to someone.” His bright eyes cut a quick glance at me and then fall back on her. “Remember I told you about your dad, and one day I want you to meet him?” He nods enthusiastically. “And when I told you he loves to take photos, just like you?” His head bobs and he smiles, it’s one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen. The only other smile that can make my heart soar is Ivy’s. “Well…” She stalls and I don’t know why. I want to meet my son so badly; my heart is racing. “This here,” she points to me, “this is Jayce. He’s your daddy, Ben.”

  Big blue eyes gaze up at me in wonder. He looks just like me. Love fills my heart, so much I am sure it’s about to explode. Can you be shattered by love twice in one day?

  Tears burn my eyes, but I blink them away, not wanting to cry in front of him. They say as soon as you have children you feel a love that’s incomparable to any other. I never understood it until this moment as my son looks at me like I am his hero.

  “Hey buddy, do you want to come and say hi to me?” He nods, running toward me.

  My arms open and he runs into them. “Hi.” The small voice fills my ears and nothing else matters. He seems unsure and I know it will take time for us to get comfortable with each other, but I intend to make sure he will know and accept me as his father.

  The tears I tried holding back, spill and I can’t stop them. “Ben…” I whisper his name, burying my nose in his hair. My breathing is ragged as I take in his smell. It’s as if he’s just had pancakes and ice cream.

  His tiny arms wrap around my neck and I lift him in my arms. Ivy’s gaze meets mine, and she smiles the same smile I fell in love with all those years ago. I hate her for hiding him, but I love her because she’s given me my life back, but for how long?

  I am rooted to the spot, watching my son with his father is a sight I never thought I would live to witness. Bryce steps up behind me. “Baby girl, I am heading to my room. You both have a lot to discuss.” Glancing at my best friend, my eyes prick with tears and I nod.

  “Thank you.”

  “He loves you, give him time okay.” He gives me a small hug and leaves Jayce and I with Ben.

  “So, buddy, do you want to go on an adventure? I hear there are really cool stores around here.”

  “Yes, please. Mom only gets me boring stuff, I want a mask and cape, like Batman.” I can’t help giggling. They’re beautiful together. Jayce holds him close and they both look at me.

  “Can we take him out?” The emotion in Jayce’s tone pulls at my heart and emotions assault me like a punch to the gut. The fact that he had to ask me if he could take his son out hurts. I shouldn’t have kept him a secret.

  “Please mo
m?”

  “Sure, monster, but let’s get cleaned up first.” As soon as Jayce let’s Ben down, he runs off to his Batman suitcase and waits for me, like I taught him.

  “Give us a few minutes?”

  “Ivy, we need to have a serious talk.” I nod. I couldn’t agree more, we should sort this out, but not here—close to my family—because this will be a long difficult conversation.

  “I know. We can, there’s a park close by, we can go for a picnic.”

  “Sounds good, I would like to spend time with you both. Meet here in twenty minutes.” With that, he turns and stalks towards the staircase. His tone is harsh, but I can’t be angry with him because finding out you missed out on five years of your son’s life can’t be easy. Even after all these years, looking at him is still my favorite thing to do. The man is exquisite, from his toned arms and torso, to his runners’ legs. Sexy, strong, and masculine in every way. Even the stubble on his chiseled jaw has my core aching.

  Shaking my head to clear the dirty thoughts, I turn to Ben and hold out my hand. “Come on, monster, let’s get changed and then we can spend the day with Jayce.”

  “Does he have a camera? Can he teach me?” Even at his young age, he has such a love for taking photos. I can’t stop my grin and words evade me as the tears threaten to spill, for the second time today.

  I didn’t know Jayce would be here, and it came as a shock, nothing would have prepared me for this. When we reach the balcony, I glance across the courtyard and see the brunette from the photos I found online of Jayce standing with him. They look like they’re in a heated conversation and my stomach drops. When he gives her a hug it looks too familiar.

  Jealousy heats my blood and my veins thrum with the need to stake my claim. He holds her as if he cares, the way he used to hold me. Maybe they’re just friends. I hope to God they are because I can’t lose him after we’ve just found each other again. Opening my bedroom door, I step aside and let Ben enter first and before it shuts, I glance back and notice Jayce walking into his room alone. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.