Disarm

by June Gray

  She gave a sheepish little grin. “I’m sorry. That was the worst transition in the history of mankind,” she said. “I just wanted to bring up the subject of your relationship with Henry. He and I exchanged several emails while he was stationed in Korea, so we were able to talk about things.”

  “About Will?”

  “Mostly about Jason and Will. But I noticed that your name always came up in his emails, so I just flat out asked him what happened between you two. He was surprisingly open about it and told me about therapy and what he’d done to you.”

  “Did he sound torn up?” I asked. I imagined Henry crying into his ramen noodles and stifled a grin.

  “No. He sounded . . . determined. He said he was going to get you back.” Julie waited for a reply. When she didn’t get one, she asked, “Well? Did he?”

  “Not quite. He’s still trying to make it up to me.” I explained to her the challenge and the added problem of my impending move.

  Julie’s face fell at the news. “I’m really happy for you but I was hoping Will could get to know his aunt.”

  “I’ve got it all worked out,” I assured her. “Direct tickets from Denver to Dallas are cheap, about a hundred bucks round-trip. I plan on visiting every month if you’ll let me.”

  “Of course,” she said, her sunny smile returning. “Come as often as you want!”

  I smiled at her, wishing she could have been my sister-in-law. “Did you love Jason?” I asked, which took her by surprise.

  She blinked a few times. “Yeah. With everything I had.”

  “How did you two meet?”

  Julie’s eyes were misty but she gave a rueful smile. “You’re going to think I’m a complete whore, but I met him at a spring break party and we slept together,” she said, then added, “but he was the only guy I slept with that whole time.”

  The puzzle piece clicked together. “Henry said something about you. That Jason really liked you but you lived too far away from each other.”

  “We had an on-again-off-again love affair, you could say.”

  “I wonder why he never told us.”

  Julie looked pensive. “I’ve wondered that too. My guess is that he just wanted to make sure we were on-again permanently before he broke the news.” She looked down at her bare left hand. “It was during the deployment that he brought up the subject of marriage.”

  I grasped her hand, the one with the phantom engagement ring, and squeezed. “Why didn’t you try to contact us sooner? Didn’t you have the apartment phone number?”

  “I did, but I knew Jason wasn’t due to come home for a few more months so when I didn’t hear from him for two weeks, it didn’t even occur to me to call his apartment. I just started scouring the news for his name, looking for something I hoped to God I’d never find. The day I saw the story about the airman killed by a sniper in Kabul, I became seriously depressed. My roommate even called my mom, who came down to try and talk some sense into me, not knowing I was pregnant with a dead man’s baby.”

  She pulled a tissue out of her purse and dabbed at her eyes, keeping her mascara from running.

  “I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to,” I said. My own tear ducts were threatening to let loose as it was.

  “I want you to know what happened,” she said. “Anyway, I stayed with my mom for a while and tried to pick my life back up. When my coworker Kyle—who had been in love with me for forever—asked me out I said yes and we began to date, pregnant as I was. The day Will was born, Kyle came to visit us in the hospital with a teddy bear for Will and a ring for me. You have to understand, I was vulnerable and was full of excess hormones so I said yes. I just didn’t want Will to grow up without a dad.

  “Kyle and I got married and we lived in Denton and life was nice for a while. He even wanted to adopt Will, but I always put it off because, in my heart, it didn’t feel right. Maybe that was the first indication that our marriage wasn’t going to last.” Julie stared off into space for a few seconds before collecting her thoughts. “Anyway, by the time I left him and it occurred to me to look for you, you and Henry had both moved out. I’m sorry it took me this long to find you.”

  I squeezed her hand again. “Don’t be sorry. I’m so grateful you contacted us.” I glanced back over to Will, who was jumping circles around a laughing Henry. “I feel like I have a piece of my brother back.”

  “Are your parents going to hate me after they hear that story?” she asked.

  “No way,” I said with a shake of the head. “How can they hate you when you’ve given them a grandson?”

  We turned when we heard crying and saw Henry approaching with a sobbing Will in his arms.

  “He scraped his knee,” Henry said with his eyebrows drawn. He set Will down on a chair and crouched in front of him. “You okay, buddy?”

  Julie pulled an antibacterial wipe from her purse and handed it to Henry, who proceeded to clean the raw knee gently.

  “Ow, it hurts!” Will said and jerked his leg away.

  “Now, Will,” Henry said firmly. The little boy took immediate note of the change in Henry’s tone and sat up. “I know it hurts a little bit but I need to wipe it down to make sure it’s clean. Do you think you can sit still for me?”

  Will’s lower lip trembled but he nodded. He winced when Henry touched the wipe to his knee again but didn’t cry out.

  After he was done, Henry said, “Good job, Will. You are one tough little man.”

  Will sat a little straighter. “Thanks, Henry.”

  Julie nudged me and whispered, “He’d make a great dad.”

  I nodded. I couldn’t have agreed more.

  * * *

  Julie insisted that we stay at her house that night, setting us up in a charming guest room with a queen-sized bed.

  As soon as Henry saw it, he looked at me and said, “I can sleep on the floor.”

  I agreed to the arrangement, but at the end of the day, when it came time to turn off the lights, I found I couldn’t sleep. I felt a dull ache in my stomach as I lay in that soft bed, thinking about Denver and what my new life would be like. By the time I decided that things would be so much simpler without Henry, the pain had moved up to my chest, radiating around one stubborn muscle. “Are you comfortable down there?” I asked him in the dark.

  He didn’t answer for so long, I thought he’d already fallen asleep. Then he said, “Not really.”

  Before I could decide against it, I said, “Do you want to sleep up here?”

  His head popped up above the mattress. “You sure?”

  I patted the bed. “Come on, let’s bunk.”

  He climbed under the quilt beside me, careful to keep his distance, and folded his arms behind his head. “Remember when this used to feel so natural?”

  “Yeah,” I said wistfully. I turned to my side and laid a hand on his chest, threading my fingers through the dark hair covering his pecs. “I can’t believe how much we’ve changed since then.”

  He wrapped a hand around mine and pressed it closer to his heart. “But some things are still the same.”

  “Are they?”

  “The way I feel about you will never change,” he said in that husky tone.

  But I knew that had changed too. How could it not when the person himself was no longer the same? “I’m not sure that’s true,” I said.

  He blew out a breath. “Are you going to question everything I say?”

  His anger took me by surprise, rendering me speechless.

  “I’m trying here, Elsie. I’m trying so hard to be the good guy, to show you that you mean everything to me,” he said with an edge to his voice. “But this won’t work if you never give me the benefit of the doubt.”

  “Well, do you blame me?” I asked.

  He was quiet for a long time. Finally, he said, “I don’t. But I wish
you would stop doubting me.” He turned over, giving me his back. “Good night.”

  I heard the frustration in his words but his anger only fueled my own. “You put the doubt there,” I said, flipping to my side and taking a large portion of the blanket with me.

  His gruff voice reached out in the darkness. “I love you.”

  I sighed, wishing that, just once, the exasperating man would let me stay angry.

  * * *

  The next morning, when the sun was beginning to peek through the blinds, I woke up to find Henry’s body pressed into my back. I realized cuddling was not all he wanted when his hand slid under my shirt and palmed one of my breasts. He moaned into my ear and pulled me closer, gently rocking his erection into my backside.

  Even though we were on unsteady ground right now, I was only human and needed to release the tension that had started building up since Henry’s reemergence into my life. Unable to resist, I squeezed my butt against his hard length and felt his cock jump each time.

  His hand left my breast and slid down my stomach to the waistband of my pajama pants. The breath hitched in my throat when his fingers crept under my panties and began to draw lazy circles on my clit. His other hand grasped a breast, his thumb playing with my nipple.

  “Elsie,” he groaned and bit on my earlobe before kissing along my neck. He pushed one long finger inside me, then two. “I want to be inside you like this,” he said, his hips matching the pumping of his hand. He let out a soft hiss when my vaginal walls squeezed at his fingers, bending them so that they were grazing that sensitive spot as they slipped in and out. “Yes, squeeze me like that.”

  Fairly soon I was panting, my entire body coiling tighter and tighter. Henry was everywhere, invading all of my senses, inside and out and all around. I twisted my head around and kissed him, sighing when he pivoted his hand slightly so that his thumb was rubbing against my clit as he screwed me with his fingers.

  “Come for me,” he breathed against my ear and I flew apart into a thousand euphoric pieces. I buried my face in the pillow, biting down on it as I tried to come as quietly as possible.

  His fingers kept up the assault as he wrung out every inch of that orgasm until I was a trembling, moaning mess. When the tremors inside me had subsided, he pulled his hands away. I twisted around to face him just in time to see Henry bring his fingers up to his mouth, sucking on each one with a grin.

  I grabbed the back of his head and kissed him, tasting myself on his tongue.

  “God, Elsie,” he groaned into my mouth. He grabbed my hair and tilted my head back to lick at my neck. “I want you. I want to be inside you and drill you until the only thing you remember is my name.”

  His words did strange things to me, making me tingle with anticipation all over again. I reached down between us and asked throatily, “Do you want to fuck me, Henry?”

  “Hell yes.” His entire body went rigid when my palm made contact with his cock. I squeezed the tip once, twice, but just when I started to stroke, the bedroom door squeaked open and a little voice said, “Excuse me.”

  Henry pressed his face into the pillow and stifled a groan. He took a few deep breaths, then lifted his head to look across the room. “Yeah, buddy?” he asked with a tight voice.

  “Do you want to play Xbox?” Will asked, standing at the foot of the bed. “Mom got me a new game and it can have two players.”

  Henry shot me a longing look; I squeezed his cock in return. He closed his eyes, his eyebrows furrowing as I squeezed him again, then turned back to Will. “Okay,” he said, surreptitiously extricating my hand from his pants and sitting up. “I just need to take a long, cold shower okay?”

  Will’s face lit up. “Awesome! I’ll go set it up!” he cried and ran out of the room.

  I grinned up at Henry as he got out of bed to gather his clothes and toiletries, his lips taut and his pants bulging. “Good morning,” I said with a languid smile, stretching my hands above my head.

  “For you,” he grumbled and leaned down to give me a kiss. He gazed at me longingly a few seconds longer, then, with an exaggerated sigh, stalked off to the guest bathroom.

  4

  ARRIVALS AND DEPARTURES

  Julie was nervous as hell at the airport as we waited for my parents to deplane. The original plan was to have Henry pick them up but Julie decided that it would be less stressful to meet in neutral territory first. My guess was that she was worried they would judge the life she’d provided Will before they had a chance to judge her character. I assured her again that they would like her no matter what, but that didn’t stop her from tapping her foot anxiously as we waited.

  I was first to greet my parents when they came out of the security gate, giving them each a warm hug. With our elbows linked, I led them toward the nervous group. “Mom, Dad, this is Will,” I said, motioning for the little boy to come forward.

  My mom dropped her bags and crouched down. She already had tears in her eyes by the time Will made his way over.

  The kid held out his hand all businesslike. “Hi. My name is William Jason Keaton.”

  Mom laughed as she shook his hand. “Well hello, sweetheart, my name is Elodie Sherman. I’m your grandma.”

  “Are you my dad’s mom?” Will asked.

  “Yes, yes I am.” She gave him a watery smile. “Can I give you a hug?”

  Will gave a small nod and was immediately encircled in my mother’s embrace. “Oh my goodness,” she kept saying over and over. “My little grandson.”

  I looked up at Dad, and he too was a little misty around the eyes. “He’s the spitting image of Jason,” he murmured. He swallowed down the oncoming grief and took a step toward Julie with his hand outstretched. “You must be Julie,” he said. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

  “Same to you, Mr. Sherman,” Julie said with a tentative smile.

  “Please call me John.”

  Mom stood up but instead of shaking hands, she hugged the surprised Julie instead. “Thank you,” Mom said. “Thank you for giving birth to this little wonder and for letting us be a part of his life.”

  Julie shook her head. “I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner.”

  Mom looked down at the miniature version of her son. “Well there’s lost time to make up for. That just means we’re going to have to spoil him extra rotten.”

  Julie laughed. “As long as you don’t get him a flamethrower, we’ll be fine.” When my mom cast her a confused look, Julie added, “Henry’s been giving Will toy weapons.”

  All eyes swiveled around to Henry, who had been standing quietly at the edge of the crowd with his hands in his pockets. He met my parents’ eyes and I swear there was dread on that handsome scruffy face.

  On the way back, I rode in the car with Julie and Will as my parents insisted on riding with Henry. When we arrived at the house, Henry emerged from the car looking more than a little shell-shocked, his face pale. I hadn’t told him that my parents already knew about his return from Korea and his objective to win me back. I guess I could have given him a heads-up, but where was the fun in that?

  Dad pulled me aside as we made our way toward the house. “We talked some sense into that boy,” he said, his lips twitching. “Gave him a good talking-to.”

  I glanced behind us at Henry, who was bringing in the luggage. “What did you tell him?”

  “The gist of the talk was that if he really loved you, he would let you go and fulfill your dream.”

  “And?”

  “He said that’s what he was trying to do,” Dad said. “Is that the truth?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, he’s trying to be supportive.”

  “Good,” Dad said. “I’d hate to think Henry would do something so selfish as to keep you from your dream job.”

  “He’s trying,” I said. “Did you tell him anything else?”

  Dad had mischief in his eyes when he sai
d, “I said if he ever hurt you like that again, I would castrate him.”

  * * *

  We spent the rest of the day at Julie’s house, catching up on the lost years. My mom commented on how much she loved Julie’s decorating style and was especially drawn to the collection of birds. Julie showed her the glass eagle that I had guessed correctly was a gift from Jason.

  “He knew how much I loved birds,” Julie said softly. “Every time we said good-bye, he liked to tell me to fly on home, little bird.”

  Mom took great care in placing the fragile figurine back onto the mantel. “You should come to Monterey soon. We can show you where he grew up.”

  Julie nodded. “I’d like that.”

  After Will showed off his room and his impressive Lego collection, he set up the Xbox and the men started a game of “Lego Star Wars.” Mom, Julie, and I—content to play out gender stereotypes for one afternoon—went to the kitchen to start making an early dinner.

  “I’m glad you’re giving Henry a second chance,” Mom said as she cut vegetables for the salad.

  “You are?” I asked, tearing apart the lettuce leaves. “I thought you wanted to put a hit out on him.”

  Julie coughed out a surprised laugh as she headed toward the pantry.

  Mom grinned. “I know, but the boy seems genuinely contrite,” she said. “Still, I hope you’re making him grovel.”

  “He’s suffering, that’s for sure,” I replied, thinking back to that morning.

  Julie joined us at the counter with some fixings for the chicken. “You’re not mad at him?” she asked my mom.

  Mom shrugged. “I am but I’m not. I just think that his actions were not as selfish as they first seemed,” she said. She turned to me. “Before your dad retired, I met a lot of the airmen under his command. I noticed that when they returned from their deployment they felt alienated from the world, like they no longer fit in. And worse, their friends and family didn’t—or just couldn’t—understand them and what they were going through. It’s a pretty common problem for soldiers coming home from war and each person deals with it differently.”