Sophie and Jake (Passports and Promises)

by Abigail Drake

  Although great to see her again, I hadn’t realized how difficult it would be to keep my relationship with Jake a secret. I’d never hidden anything from Sam before, and not telling her about something this important was torture. It caused a chasm to grow between us. I wondered if Sam felt it, too. She seemed pretty wrapped up in herself and her own pain. She couldn’t seem to focus on much else.

  It was kind of a good thing when I got strep throat and ended up in bed, too sore and sick to hang out with my sister the first few days she was home. My mom kept Sam away from me until the antibiotics had a chance to kick in. She didn’t want Sam to get sick, too. Not on top of everything else. Not right before she left for Japan.

  Jake and I chatted each night, and frequent Skyping got us through the long weeks. So did our plans for January. Jake’s parents owned a house in the mountains near a popular ski resort, and they’d invited me to come for a weekend. It worked out perfectly because the weekend they planned was right after Sam left for Japan.

  “I’ll pick you up on my way to the cabin,” said Jake one night as we Skyped. “My parents will come later, after my dad gets off work.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to meet you there?”

  He shook his head. “It’s practically on my way. I don’t mind. And it’ll give us more time together.”

  I touched the screen of my laptop with my fingertip. It was late in the evening, and we both had school tomorrow, but I didn’t want to hang up. Just looking at his face made me so happy.

  “I can’t wait.”

  “Neither can I.”

  He had stubble on cheeks, and he seemed tired. I remembered how my mom said he looked older than eighteen, and I had to admit she was right. It wasn’t only his height and bone structure, which was more chiseled and mature than most of the baby faced boys I knew. It was something in his eyes. Jake suffered because of his brother’s illness, and the suffering had left a mark.

  A knock on my door startled me. “I’d better go,” I said, keeping my voice low. “Love you.”

  “Love you, too,” he said, before giving me a wave and hanging up.

  I shut my computer, grabbed some paper, and tried to look like I was in the middle of homework. “Come in,” I said.

  I knew it was Sam before she even opened the door. My parents had gone to sleep hours ago. She glanced at my laptop.

  “Were you Skyping with someone?”

  I shuffled the papers in my hands. “Class project. I just finished up. Are you okay?”

  She nodded, and sat at the bottom of my bed, curling up and hugging her knees to her chest. “Can we talk?”

  “Sure,” I said, putting away my laptop and my fake project. “What’s up?”

  She looked at me carefully. “Is something going on with you?”

  I felt my cheeks get hot, and knew blushing was a telltale sign I lied through my teeth, but I hoped she wouldn’t notice. “No. Why do you ask?”

  “You’ve been kind of different lately. Secretive. I know I’ve been distracted with my own problems, but I want you to know, if there is anything you need to talk about, I’m here for you. I mean it.”

  I reached out and patted her hand. “I know, Sam. Honestly, I’m fine. I’ve been busy with school and stuff. Senior year. And getting strep put me a little behind on classwork. You know how it is.”

  “Yes, I know,” she said, giving me a funny look. “I guess you don’t want to tell me about the guy you’ve been seeing.”

  I made a little gasping noise, my hand automatically going to the key charm hanging on the elegant silver chain around my neck. “Guy? What guy?”

  She laughed. “Okay. Fine. I get it. You want your privacy.” She brushed a lock of hair off my face and tucked it behind my ear. “Be careful, okay? Don’t end up like me. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”

  “I won’t,” I said, sad I couldn’t tell her the truth. I was following in her footsteps more than she knew by dating Jake, and my resolve strengthened not to tell her what was going on, not yet at least. In a few weeks, or maybe a month, Dylan would be out of the hospital, and we could finally have a heart to heart about it. My parents had already promised I could visit her in Japan in March. Maybe that would be the perfect time. “Are you getting excited about your trip?”

  Sam would leave right after New Year’s to spend an entire semester in Kyoto. She’d planned her trip to Japan for years, but now that it was just around the corner, she seemed a little unsure about it. The guilt she felt over Dylan hung over her like a heavy cloak, and the weight of it seemed to take its toll. She barely ate, and, for as much time as she spent curled up in a ball on her bed, I knew she wasn’t sleeping well. The dark circles under her eyes were proof.

  “I’m excited,” she said, “but I’m worried, too. I hate leaving things so…unresolved. I’m not sure if I’m making the right decision or not.”

  “You need to go,” I said, my voice firm. “Dylan might get better tomorrow, or it might not be for months. You don’t know. You need to go to Japan now. This is your chance to follow your dreams, to get into the Institute for Applied Linguistics in the fall. If you don’t go, you’ll regret it, Sam.”

  “Mom said the same thing, and so did Mrs. Hunter. She’s cool, by the way. We hit it off right from the start. Both of Dylan’s parents are awesome, and so is his little brother. It makes my heart literally ache to think about what they’re going through right now.” She shook her head sadly. “After Dylan and I visited them for a weekend, as we drove away, his brother, Jake, stood in the driveway and watched us leave. There was something about the expression on his face, something so strange. I didn’t understand it at first, but now I think I do.”

  “What do you understand?” I asked, scared to hear the answer.

  She played with the edge of the blanket folded up at the foot of my bed. “He silently begged me not to hurt his brother. He knew Dylan had issues and he was afraid of what might happen. He was right to be afraid.” She teared up. “Look what I did to him.”

  I crawled to the end of the bed and pulled her into my arms for a hug. “Dylan has been sick for a long time. Jake doesn’t blame you for what happened. No one does.”

  “How can you be sure? They were all so nice to me while I visited. They were even nice to me after I found him that day in his apartment. But I feel like they should be angry with me. Frankly speaking, I deserve it, and I can’t understand why they aren’t blaming me for all of it.”

  I thought about Mrs. Hunter’s cold demeanor, and wondered if this was her way of dealing with unexpressed anger toward my sister. I suspected it was a subconscious thing, something she couldn’t control, and, as much as it upset me, I knew I could deal with it…for Sam’s sake and Jake’s…but I still felt stupidly jealous Sam had a great relationship with her and I did not. It wasn’t fair, but my main concern had to be my sister at this point.

  “They aren’t blaming you because it isn’t your fault. Eventually, you have to understand, Sam. You need to let go of the guilt and move on. Punishing yourself isn’t going to help anyone, not even Dylan.”

  She wiped her eyes. “When did you get so smart?” She gave me a playful nudge with her elbow.

  “I’ve always been smart,” I said. “I take after my big sister.”

  The rest of the vacation passed in a blur of family parties, excitement, and lots and lots of food. Sam wasn’t super into it this year, but she made an effort, helping out with sugar cookies, going caroling, and even agreeing to make a snowman with me at midnight. We giggled as we dressed him in Dad’s old scarf and hat, a carrot for his nose and rocks for his eyes and mouth. Afterward, we drank hot cocoa and watched Christmas movies until we both fell asleep under the same blanket on the couch. It was a nearly perfect memory, and made up for all the times I saw Sam staring off into space, looking so sad and bewildered. She was in pain, but she covered it well for our sakes. She didn’t want to ruin our holiday with her problems. She’d always been good about th
ings like that, able to put her own troubles aside for the sake of others. The reason she was such a great friend, and a great sister.

  I clung to each moment of winter vacation, even though I missed Jake terribly and wished I could see him, or at least talk with Sam about him. But I understood. This time was about her, and I had to be there to help her through it. Telling her about Jake would be the worst possible thing to do to her at the moment. She barely held it together. Something like that might be all it would take to make her fall completely apart.

  I couldn’t stop my tears as we said goodbye at the airport. Mom and Dad cried, too, which made things even worse. My father was not an emotionally expressive person. If he cried, it said a lot about how worried we all were about Sam.

  Sam laughed at us through her own tears. “Stop it, you guys. I’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine. It’s only a few months, after all. And I get to see Sophie in March when she comes for a visit during spring break.”

  “I can’t wait,” I said. “I love you, Sissy.”

  “I love you, too. All of you.” She turned and left, pulling her carryon behind her. We watched her until she went through security, giving us one final wave before she stepped onto the train taking her to her departure gate.

  “And that is that,” said Mom, dabbing at her cheeks with a tissue. My father put one arm around her shoulders and one arm over mine as we walked out of the airport together.

  “Indeed it is,” he said. “And I know what will make both of you feel much better. Ice cream.”

  I laughed. It was my father’s cure for everything. “Ice cream? Are you serious? It’s freezing cold outside, Dad.”

  “Since when does it matter? Look, I have more than twenty years of experience under my belt now in dealing with emotional females, and so far, offering ice cream during times of crisis has a one hundred percent success rate. I stick to what works because I am a reasonable man. Am I wrong?”

  My mom shook her head, giggling at him. “No, dear, you are not.”

  “Good,” he said. “Ice cream it is. And we need to pull out the big guns this time, something with brownies, I think, and homemade whipped cream, and lots and lots of chocolate syrup. Fortunately, I know the place.”

  We went to a diner near our house, and indulged in a meal of chilidogs and fries, followed by the biggest hot fudge brownie sundae I’d ever seen. My father was right. I did feel better afterward. And later, as I Skyped with Jake about our upcoming ski trip, I realized I was sad and I missed my sister, but I also felt something else. Something unexpected.

  Sam’s sadness had affected us all, and the pressure to hide my relationship from Jake from her had been more stressful than I realized. I was glad she hadn’t backed out at the last minute and put her life on hold for the sake of a misguided impression her actions might help Dylan in some way. And, as much as I missed Sam, what I mostly felt at her departure wasn’t sadness at all.

  It was relief. I was glad she was gone.

  Chapter 20

  ~Jake~

  I left school after lunch so I could be there the minute Sophie was dismissed. She ran out into the parking lot to meet me, a pink knitted cap on her head and a huge smile on her face as she flew into my arms.

  “Finally,” she said, going up on her tiptoes to kiss me firmly on the lips.

  “Finally,” I said, kissing her rosy cheeks.

  She pulled back and stared at me, a funny little frown puckering her eyebrows. “Did you get taller? Dang it. You grew over Christmas, didn’t you?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe…?”

  She swatted my arm. “The taller you grow, the shorter I look. Stop it.”

  “I’ll try.” I helped her into the car, and took her backpack and tossed it into the backseat. As soon as I sat in the driver’s seat, she hugged my arm.

  “I’m so happy to be with you again. I missed you, Awesome-sauce.”

  “I missed you, too.”

  Christmas had been a nightmare. My parents went through the motions, wanting to make things more pleasant for me, but their hearts weren’t into it. And visiting Dylan in the hospital had been pure hell. We brought his gifts, but he’d been in no shape to open them. He barely opened his eyes the whole time we were there. Instead, we opened the gifts for him, oohing and aahing over each and every thing, and talking about how much he’d enjoy it. Later. When he got better.

  It had been awful, but we all kept fake smiles plastered on our faces, for his sake and for each other. The only good part of the whole day had been hearing about how Sophie built a snowman at midnight with her sister, and for some stupid reason the thought of her frolicking in the snow got me through the whole terrible holiday. The other thing that got me through was knowing we’d have this weekend together, and I’d get to ski with Sophie.

  “Now you know, I’ve never skied before, and I’m going to suck at it, right?” she asked as we drove to her house.

  “I assumed as much, but I’m an excellent teacher. By the end of the weekend, I’ll have you skiing. I promise.”

  She pinched my cheek. “You’re so adorably optimistic. I love it.”

  Her mother, who worked as a kindergarten teacher, pulled into the driveway at the same time we did. She waved when she saw me. “You’re a brave boy, Jake, taking this one skiing. Make sure you bring her back in one piece. She’s not coordinated. You realize that, don’t you?”

  “Understatement,” said Sophie under her breath, making me laugh. “Mom. I’ll be fine. Jake is an excellent teacher. He told me so himself. There is nothing to worry about.”

  She looked up at the sky, which had turned an ominous slate grey. “Except the weather. I hear a storm is coming. You two had better get moving, or you might drive through the worst of it.”

  Sophie’s suitcase was already packed and sitting by the front door. After reassuring Mrs. Barnes I had all wheel drive, and would stop if the roads got dicey, she handed us a giant hamper of food and sent us on our way.

  “Freedom,” said Sophie, raising her arms as we pulled out of her driveway. “At last.”

  She reached into the hamper her mom provided and pulled out food. “You’re hungry? Already?” I asked. “We haven’t even left your neighborhood yet.”

  She put a hand over her stomach. “Starving. I haven’t eaten since lunch, which was like…” She glanced at her phone. “Two hours ago. Aren’t you hungry, too?”

  “Actually, I am,” I said, taking a sandwich from her. “By the way, my parents texted me while I waited for you. They’ll be a little late. My dad got stuck at work, and it’ll take them at least three hours to get to the cabin. I have all the groceries in the trunk, though. We can start dinner once we settle in.”

  “Or we can get naked and hop into your hot tub,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows at me. “I saw it in the photos you sent. I’m kind of eager to try it out.”

  The thought of Sophie’s delicious little body all warm and wet and naked made me so instantly aroused it was hard to concentrate on the road. I swerved to avoid a pothole and gave her a stern look. “I’m eager to try it out, too, but we’re going to crash if you keep talking like that, Miss Barnes.”

  She grinned at me, her eyes twinkling with mischief. “Sorry. I’m so excited about this weekend. I’ve missed you a lot, Jake.”

  I grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it. “I missed you, too.” More than you possibly know.

  The log cabin, perched high on the side of the mountain, had always been one of our favorite family getaways. I had so many happy childhood memories of this place, and most of them involved my big brother. He taught me to ski here, and we spent endless hours playing games and talking in front of the roaring fire in the giant stone hearth. It was a happy place, and I needed a little happy right now. It seemed perfect to be here with the one person who made me happiest…Sophie.

  The first flakes fell as we pulled into the driveway. As soon as we got inside, we called both sets of parents to let them know we arri
ved safely.

  “We’re going to stop by the hospital and check on Dylan first,” said my father. “We’ll reach the cabin closer to nine or so.”

  “Be careful.” I steadied my voice and tried not to sound too excited about their delay. The idea of uninterrupted alone time with Sophie was incredibly appealing, and ever since she brought up the idea of the hot tub, I hadn’t been able to get it out of my mind. I cleared my throat. “It’s snowing hard, Dad. Take your time, okay?”

  “You sound like me,” he said with a laugh. “Don’t worry. We’ll be fine. See you soon.”

  I hung up the phone, and stared at Sophie, feeling suddenly awkward and nervous. I’d packed an entire box of condoms for this weekend, hiding them beneath the clothing in my suitcase. But, suddenly, I wasn’t sure if this was the right time or not. Was she ready for this? Was I?

  “My parents are going to be even later than anticipated. They’re stopping by to see Dylan before they leave.”

  There was a pause before she handled in a typically Sophie kind of way. Directly. “Well, as much as I’d like to jump your bones this minute, Jake, I’m starving. Want to make dinner first?”

  And, suddenly, the tension was broken, and everything went right back to normal. I grinned at her. “Of course. There is nothing worse than a hungry Sophie.”

  She nodded. “Food first, fornication later.”

  We made a frozen pizza for dinner with a big salad and ate cookies her mom had provided for dessert. I was starting a fire, hoping to snuggle up next to it with Sophie, when my phone rang.

  “Jake,” said my father, and I heard the worry in his voice. “Dylan is having some problems right now. He’s on a downswing, and your mom isn’t comfortable leaving him. I don’t think we’ll be able to come until tomorrow morning.”