Sophie and Jake (Passports and Promises)

by Abigail Drake

  Sam shook her head, looking back at me. “No, she didn’t.”

  I dug my hands into the pockets of my pants. “My mom…well, she had some issues with me dating Sophie at first.”

  Sam put a hand to her chest. “Because of me?”

  I nodded, my head down. “My mom didn’t blame you. She never blamed you. But when Sophie came into the picture…it was too much for her. Even she can’t fully understand why she reacted the way she did. Things are fine between them now, but it was rough going at first.”

  Sophie chatted with some students, and they seemed to make recommendations for her. They were eager to practice their English on her as well. She responded in her usual sunny way, listening carefully and weighing each option, but she appeared no closer to making a final decision.

  Sam watched her little sister, her eyes sad. “She never said anything about it. Poor kid.”

  “Sophie didn’t hold a grudge. She forgave my mom and moved on. She understood my mom, too, and I give her a lot of credit. I wasn’t so kind. The last few months of Dylan’s life, my mom and I fought. A lot.”

  “You were both in pain. It’s understandable.”

  “And life goes on. No matter what I do or anyone else does, Dylan isn’t coming back. No amount of guilt or sadness or regret will change anything. I choose to focus on all the good times we had, and I’m trying to let the other things, the hurtful things go. Does that make sense?”

  She nodded. “I have a lot of good memories, too.”

  I put a hand on her shoulder. “Hold onto those, but move on with your life. It’s time.”

  “I know,” she said. “I kind of came to the same conclusion after I read Dylan’s letter. Thank you, Jake. It meant a lot.”

  “You’re welcome. And now it’s time to force Sophie to make a snacking decision. We all know she’s getting an iced coffee. Why does she have to go through this whole procedure when it’s obvious she’ll just end up getting the same thing she always does?”

  “Because life is about the possibilities,” said Sam with a giggle.

  “You’re right,” I said, and leaned close. “And Thomas is one of your possibilities.”

  She gave me a sad smile. “That might be one possibility no longer available….to me at least.”

  As she went to help Sophie, I watched the two of them chatting by the vending machine, and, suddenly I knew. I wasn’t done helping Sam. Not yet.

  Chapter 29

  ~Sophie~

  The night after we met Thomas MacGregor, Sam showed me what she learned in her ikebana class, by arranging some flowers using a sharp metal frog as a base. She had one tiny branch of cherry blossoms still in their bud phase.

  “They’ll be opening soon,” she said, wistfully. “All over Japan. I wish you could be here to see it. I’ve heard it’s beautiful.”

  Her roommate, Hana, touched one of the delicate buds. “Do you know what I learned in my Japanese philosophy class today? My professor said cherry blossoms are a metaphor for the human existence, for the beauty and the transience of life. They bloom so brilliantly, in a bright burst of color, and then…it’s over. Poof,” she said with a snap of her fingers.

  Hana had just broken up with her boyfriend, so the cherry blossom analogy hit her kind of hard. It hit Sam kind of hard, too, but Sam was prone to bouts of melancholy these days. She gave me a sad little smile. “Sophie bought something with cherry blossoms on it today. Show it to Hana, Soph.”

  We’d visited some of the local shops, and a small tree made of metal and stone caught my eye. It looked like a bonsai tree, and something about the shape of it, of the delicate pink blossoms appealed to me.

  Hana gushed over it. “It’s so pretty.”

  “Who did you buy it for?” asked Sam.

  I chewed on my lip. Until I’d heard Hana’s philosophical exposition, I planned to give it to my grandmother. Now I had someone else in mind. “Mrs. Hunter.”

  Sam put a hand to her heart. “Oh. Perfect. She’ll love it.”

  “I hope so.”

  I didn’t add my feelings still stung from the last time I brought her a gift, the cranberry apple pie. I’d worked so hard on it, and she spurned it like it was nothing. Like I was nothing. I put the tree back into the box, almost wishing I could take back what I said and give the gift to my grandma. A resentful part of me didn’t think Mrs. Hunter deserved a gift this nice, or any gift at all. And, as hard as I tried to shut that voice up, it still kept whispering to me inside my mind.

  You aren’t good enough for Jake.

  You aren’t smart enough, or pretty enough, or kind enough.

  He deserves someone so much better than you.

  Why is he with you in the first place?

  Mrs. Hunter had never said those things to me, but, in my heart, I felt she must have thought them. She must still think them, because, on a certain level, I believed they were all true.

  I curled up next to my sister on a single futon when it was time for bed. Hana snoozed on her own futon, only a few feet away. It was a tight squeeze for both of us on such a small mattress, and I kind of missed the big double bed in Jake’s hotel room. I’d visited him, and his bed, several times when Sam was in class, but sleeping like this with my sister was nice. I pushed all my thoughts about Mrs. Hunter out of my head. We needed to talk, and there was something important we had to discuss.

  “You’re in love with Thomas.”

  “Yes,” she said, and a single tear slid down her cheek. She wiped it away, her movement impatient and kind of angry, like she’d shed too many tears and was sick of crying at this point.

  “What happened?” Obviously, things weren’t rosy between them. “He seemed ticked off at you, and it tells me something.”

  “What?”

  “If he didn’t care about you, he would not be so upset with you. It’s pretty clear. Why is he mad?”

  She let out a shaky breath. “When Dylan died, I needed someone to blame. I chose Thomas.”

  “Because he was convenient?”

  Hmmm. Like the way Jake’s mother had lashed out at me. I was an easy target, something to focus her anger on, and Thomas provided the same for Sam. Suddenly, I had a lot of sympathy for Thomas MacGregor. I’d been in his shoes.

  “It’s hard to explain the anger I felt,” said Sam. “The grief. The guilt. I said some terrible things to Thomas. Unforgivable things. When Jake gave me Dylan’s letter, it changed everything. I woke up. I’d been a total idiot. I realize the truth now, but I think it’s too late. He hates me.”

  I snorted. I’d seen the way Thomas looked at my sister when he didn’t realize anyone was watching him. Far from being hateful, he seemed more resigned and bitter than anything else. “I doubt it. Have you tried talking to him?”

  “That’s why I’m learning Gaelic.”

  Sam had carried around a Gaelic dictionary with her the whole time we’d been in Japan. I thought it was kind of weird, but whenever I tried to ask her about it, she’d brushed aside my questions, acting secretive and weird. Now I finally understood. Sort of.

  “Why make things more complicated? He speaks English, you know.”

  “English would be the easy way out.”

  “And you prefer to do things the hard way?”

  She yawned. “Not the hard way. The best way. I have to prove myself to him. Win him back. This is my last chance. If I mess it up, I’ll lose my ikigai.”

  I frowned. I had no clue what she was talking about. “Your icky guy?”

  She giggled. “No. Ikigai. It’s your passion. What you live for. What you wake up for each morning. Thomas is mine. He’s the first thing I think of in the morning. The last thing on my mind as I fall asleep. He knew it the minute he met me, but I kept trying to push him away. Finally, I succeeded and now I’m miserable. Pretty pathetic, huh?”

  “You’ll get him back. You’ll find a way.”

  She gave me a sad little smile. “I’m not so sure, but thanks for the vote of confidence.”


  “I know what my ikigai is,” I said, trying to hold back a smile.

  “Jake Hunter. Obviously.”

  I shook my head. “Chocolate.”

  We laughed so hard I thought we’d wake up Hana. Then we laughed harder as we tried to shush each other.

  “I’m so glad you’re here, Sophie.”

  I snuggled closer, my head on her shoulder. “Me, too.”

  Sam wasn’t laughing the next day as she sat between Jake and me at the rugby match. Thomas, it appeared, had his own cheering section. A large group of gorgeous Japanese co-eds. They screamed his name, chanting “To-ma-su” over and over again, and he enjoyed every minute of it, waving and playing it up for the crowd.

  After the match, Ritsumeikan held a press conference to introduce each of the rugby players and allow them to talk about their home countries. The men went into the locker room all bloodied and dirty, and came out clean and showered. Most of the guys wore suits, but Thomas and the rest of the Scottish players had on kilts.

  I made a funny, strangled little sound and whipped out my camera to take some photos. “Mom is going to die when she sees this. He is so freaking hot.” I gave Jake an apologetic look and he laughed.

  “Don’t worry, Sophie. Even I find him attractive. In a totally manly way, of course.”

  Sam couldn’t tear her gaze away, like Thomas in a kilt was the sexiest thing she’d ever seen. I could sympathize. A girl could only handle so much brazen, raw maleness. Thomas was attractive enough in normal clothing. In a kilt, with his accent and his muscles and all his Scottishness, he was pretty danged irresistible. No wonder Sam had the hots for him.

  The Clan MacGregor plaid was red and grey. Thomas wore a short, formal jacket in the same charcoal grey as the plaid, and he had on a tie. He looked completely comfortable in the ensemble, even the tie, and he wore it well.

  After he finished the interview, and posed for some photos for the newspaper, he came to speak with us. Sam couldn’t stop staring at him. I had a feeling she indulged in a little Highland fantasy. I nudged her. Hard.

  “Your mouth is hanging open,” I whispered. “And I think you’re drooling.”

  She wiped her lips instinctively, making me giggle. She shot me a dirty look, and turned her gaze back to Thomas, but he didn’t even acknowledge her existence.

  “So did you enjoy the match?” he asked, his blue gaze fixed entirely on Jake and me.

  “It was fantastic,” said Jake. “I’ve seen rugby on TV before, but never in person.”

  “I’m glad you liked it.” As he spoke, two adorable Japanese girls came up and nestled under each of his big, muscular arms. “Well, hello there,” he said, as they giggled and stared up at him in awe. The girls asked for autographs, and he happily obliged. He even posed for a photo with them.

  Sam’s entire body slouched dejectedly. I couldn’t imagine how hard this must be for her. If Jake had done the same thing, I would have punched him in the nose. Or kicked him in the nether regions. Probably the second one.

  But as I watched Thomas carefully, I noticed his gaze kept going to Sam. He wasn’t as keen about the attention he got from other girls as he let on. I had the feeling this was his way of getting even.

  “Wow. You have fans,” I said after they left.

  “It appears I do.”

  Thomas’ gaze went back again to Sam, who now had twin spots of angry color blossoming on her cheeks. She kept her eyes downcast, refusing to look at him. His lips twisted into what looked like a cruel imitation of a smile. He enjoyed her discomfort, and he was definitely interested in my sister, no matter how much he might try to deny it.

  Thomas chatted with us about rugby and kilts and Scotland before glancing at his watch. “Well, I’d better go. I have to go inside for a team photo.”

  “See you later,” said Sam, glancing up at him and practically blurting out the words. “I hope.”

  Thomas didn’t respond. He gave her a funny look and walked away.

  When we got back to Sam’s room, I brought up the situation with Thomas. “If he is your ikigai, you’d better iki go and get him.”

  I played on the fact iki also meant “go” in Japanese. Sam’s roommate Hana rolled her eyes. “Did you just create the worst Japanese pun ever?”

  “I did,” I said. “I’m so proud.”

  Sam looked out the window, her expression sad and resigned. She’d hurt Thomas, and now he hurt her back. I could tell by the sad slump of her shoulders that she felt like she deserved it, and now she was on the verge of giving up. She might be making the greatest mistake of her life, and I had no idea how to help her.

  Chapter 30

  ~Jake~

  A Japanese love song blared in the background as I gathered Sophie into my arms for a dance. At least I assumed it was a love long. It could have been something completely different, I had no idea, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except holding Sophie as she stared up at me like I was the only guy in the world. A heady feeling and one I hadn’t gotten used to yet. Whenever she did it, it took my breath away.

  I leaned forward to whisper in her ear. “Are you having a good time?”

  She grinned up at me. “After this afternoon in your hotel room? Hell, yeah.”

  We’d taken advantage of Sam’s class schedule as much as we could, and this afternoon had been one of those times. We’d barely closed the door before we started ripping each other’s clothing off. It was like that every time. I wanted her so badly it hurt, and even after making love only a few hours ago, I grew hard just thinking about the idea of being with her again. She noticed my arousal, and gave me a naughty little smile. That took my breath away as well. Dating Sophie had turned me into a borderline asthmatic.

  I let my hand slide across her back and briefly touch her bottom, being careful no one watched us. She rewarded me with a small gasp, and a widening of her eyes. She nibbled on her lower lip, her gaze focused on my mouth.

  “Do you think this will ever get old?” she asked.

  I kissed her, enjoying the rush of sensation when her tongue touched mine. “I doubt it. I can barely go ten minutes without wanting you again. I’m concerned about the lack of oxygen to my brain, since all the blood seems to go…somewhere else.”

  She giggled. “I think your brain will be okay.” She grew pensive and tilted her head toward her sister, who sat sullenly at a booth in the corner, watching Thomas dance with a pretty Japanese student. “Sam is not happy.”

  I’d been studying the interactions between Sam and Thomas the entire evening, and I came to the conclusion Thomas was not as immune to her as he let on. He did this on purpose. “They’ll figure it out,” I said. “Don’t worry.”

  She continued to stare at her sister. “I don’t know, Jakey.” When the song ended, she kissed my cheek. “I’m going to go talk with her, okay?”

  “Sure,” I said. “I’ll get both of you a drink.”

  I sidled up to the bar, choosing a spot next to Thomas. “How’s it going?” I asked.

  “Very well,” he said. “And you? I’m sorry about your brother, mate. I wanted to say something earlier, but couldn’t find the right moment.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “It’s been rough, but I learned one thing from the whole experience.”

  “What?”

  I stared him straight in the eye. “Life is too short for bullshit.”

  “Aye,” he said. “I learned the same when my father died a few years back.”

  “Did you?” I asked. “Are you certain?”

  He frowned at me. “What do you mean?”

  I put a hand on his beefy bicep. I’d never thought of myself as small, and I’d always been one of the taller guys in my class, but Thomas was so big he looked like a different species. It was kind of hard not to be taken aback by it.

  “Look. I’ll be blunt here. Sam’s a good girl, and she went through a rough time. My brother…” I swallowed hard. “No one knows better than me what Sam dealt with, and I
’m not just talking about when he was in the hospital. It happens so gradually, it’s hard to see what’s going on until it’s too late. Sam wasn’t equipped to handle it. She didn’t know what was going on, and had no idea how to cope. Can you imagine what it was like for her?”

  He shook his head. “No. I cannot.”

  “Did she tell you about the night she found him? He stopped taking his meds, all at once, and crashed. He was catatonic, nearly dead. If she hadn’t have gone there and found him when she did, I’m not sure what would have happened.” I ran a hand through my hair, feeling I needed to get this out; that Thomas needed to understand. “Actually, I do know what would have happened. He would have died months ago. Because of Sam, because she found him when she did, it gave us a chance to have some extra time with Dylan. It’s part of the reason I came to Japan.”

  “I don’t follow. What do you mean?”

  “Her relationship with Dylan, and finding him the way she did, it damaged her. She’s tortured herself for months, feeling like she caused his illness. My brother knew this, and he also knew he had to make things better. That’s why I’m here. He wrote her a letter, right before he died, and I needed to bring it to her. He called me ‘the fixer,’ and the last thing he asked me to do was to fix this.”

  “So you’re ‘The Fixer,’ eh? It sounds like a character from Batman,” said Thomas with a smile.

  “It does,” I agreed with a laugh. “She thought it was all her fault, you see, and now she’s able to let it go. But tonight, I figured out there is one more thing I’d like to fix.”

  “What?” he asked.

  “You and Sam. You’re in love with her, Thomas.” He opened his mouth to protest, but I stopped him. “Dude. It’s obvious. And do you know what else is obvious? She loves you, too.”