Tear (A Seaside Novel)

by Rachel Van Dyken

  By the time we reached the front door, the room felt like it was spinning. Great, add a panic attack to my already awesome night.

  Demetri stumbled slightly, forcing me to grab him so he could walk in a straight line. “Whoops!” He laughed and pushed open the screen door to the porch.

  Evan’s house was nestled a few blocks from the beach. His parents were never home. Everyone in Seaside knew he threw these parties. It just seemed like nobody cared. Sometimes the cops came by, but even then there were always bigger fish to fry in our sleepy town. So it wasn’t ever a problem.

  “Beach?” Demetri said breathlessly into my ear.

  No. Absolutely not. Not with him drunk. With my luck he’d try to swim and I’d have to jump into the frigid water and save his sorry butt.

  “Um, why don’t we just walk around the block? I really don’t want to be away from the party that long.”

  “Okay.” He shrugged and fell into step beside me. “So, you never said yes.”

  “To?”

  He threw his head back and laughed, still unsteady on his feet. “Being my girlfriend. Damn, you’re adorable.”

  I could have sworn I said yes, but then again, he had quickly kissed me and I’m a little fuzzy on what was being said, what with all the music and Demetri slobbering all over me.

  “Why me, Demetri? You date movie stars. You date girls who look like supermodels. I guess I’m kind of confused. I mean, on top of all that, isn’t this sorta fast? I mean, we’ve known each other for like two weeks.”

  Demetri stopped walking and leaned against the chain-link fence, folding his arms across his chest. “Baby, you want to see fast, I’ll show you fast. This is the slowest I’ve gone in a relationship.”

  Right.

  “Besides…” He pushed away from the fence and leaned down to kiss me. “I want you. I figure you’re the type of girl that needs the big gestures. I mean, you’re special. Not the type to spend the night in my bed without any sort of commitment.”

  “So you want to put a label on us in order to get me into bed with you?” I asked, suddenly furious.

  “No!” He started laughing all over again shaking his head. “Seriously, you have to be like the cutest girl on the planet.” He kissed my forehead. “Babe, if I wanted to be in your bed, I could have done it a week ago.”

  Was he calling me easy?

  “Stop glaring.” He kissed my cheek and grabbed my hand as we continued our walk. “What I’m saying, very horribly might I add, is that I really like you. You’re different. Not like other girls. I want to do things right by you.”

  I exhaled. That was better.

  His smile was wide and excited as he pulled me into a side hug and kissed the side of my mouth “Do you like me too?”

  “Of course I do!” I punched him playfully on the arm. “But I’m thinking you don’t have trouble with the opposite sex. I mean, I do read the gossip magazines like everyone else.”

  His arm tensed on my shoulder. “You shouldn’t read that crap.”

  “It’s not like I believe any of it,” I reassured him, looking into his eyes to convey the seriousness of my confession.

  “Good.” His smile had vanished. “It’s just that, a lot of those gossip magazines have it all wrong about me. I mean, I’m not the man-whore they make me out to be.”

  “Really?” It was my turn to be serious.

  He grinned. “Nat, I’m dead serious. I’m not that bad. I mean, I’m bad, don’t get me wrong. I’m probably the worst sort of guy for you, but I’m selfish enough to ignore all the signs that say I’m wrong for you when all I want is to be with you.”

  “So first, I’m different, second I’m easy, and now you’re ignoring your common sense to be with me? Wow, I actually believe you about the gossip magazines being wrong. No way do you have any sort of game, Demetri.”

  “Hey!” He put my head down between his arm and body so it was stuck underneath is arm in a headlock. “I’ve got plenty of game.”

  “Prove it!” My words were muffled by this shirt. He didn’t smell like Alec. He smelled like peppermint and cigarettes. Did he smoke?

  “Fine.” He released me and stepped back. “Natalee.” He took both my hands in his, gone was the smile. His eyes gazed intently into mine. “You are the most unique and beautiful girl I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. When I’m with you, you make me want to be a better man. You make me dream of things I never thought possible. But it’s more than that — I want you. I want you so bad, that when you’re not by my side, it hurts.” He placed my hand over his heart then brought it up to his mouth to kiss it.

  Dumbfounded, my mouth gaped open.

  “I guess what I’m trying to say, “ he continued, “Is that my heart hurts because it never knew what it was missing until now.”

  His eyes were glazed with unshed tears. Either he was the best actor in the known universe, or he was dead serious — or on drugs. Did drugs make you spout out romantic stuff like that? Mental note to look it up it when I got home.

  “That was…” I gulped. “Beautiful, Demetri.”

  He winked. “I meant every word.”

  My heart picked up speed as he crushed his lips against mine, his hands got lost in my hair, sending shivers down to my toes.

  “Stay with me tonight,” he murmured again across my lips.

  I nodded.

  “Good.” He stepped back. “Now let’s go dance.” His eyes were glazed as he tugged me into his arms and then pushed back. He was so hot and cold it was almost dizzying being with him. Did drugs do things like that to you? I mean, not that I was suspicious, but still. His mood swings were getting strange.

  His hips did a seductive rock star move that I’m sure the kid’s channel would censor, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Whoa, easy, Tiger. Don’t go moving like that all over the place. You could get random strangers pregnant.”

  His smile froze on his face. “That’s not funny, Nat.”

  “I was kidding.” I grabbed his hand but he pulled away.

  “Whatever.” He looked away and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Let’s just get back.”

  What the heck did I just do? And why was he so upset? Geez! Talk about mood swings! Maybe he was just feeling the effects of all that drinking. He sure smelled like it, and I could have sworn I saw him pop something else in his mouth as we walked back toward the house. Ugh, I didn’t know, but either way I was more than thrilled to be back inside. Demetri led me to the dance floor again. The dancing was different. He wasn’t laughing anymore. Instead he was grinding against me, and to be honest, being kind of forceful about it.

  “I… I need to use the bathroom!” I yelled in his ear.

  He shrugged and walked toward the drinks.

  Okay. Weird.

  I had to crawl over at least thirty gyrating teenagers in order to find the bathroom, and when I did there were people making out in there.

  Awesome.

  I went to the upstairs bathroom and was relieved to find it empty.

  Shutting the door, I leaned against it and exhaled. Did I really want to spend the night with him? Was his definition of spending the night and mine the same? Or was he expecting me to do things I knew I wasn’t ready for?

  Confused, I splashed water on my face, took care of my business, and ran back down the stairs. We needed to talk. I had to set boundaries, even if he made fun of me for it.

  Chapter Eight

  I skipped down the stairs, noticing that lots of people were already passing out. According to party rumors, Evan usually rented out the nice rooms to his close friends, meaning I probably got one of the guest rooms for the night. Everyone else had to camp in his huge backyard. Other people sometimes went to the beach and slept.

  That rum punch must have been strong, because the party had been only going on for about three hours.

  I walked back toward the dance floor, but a hand reached out to grab mine.

  “Alec!” I yelled,
half because I was frightened, half because I was excited.

  “Hey.” His eyes were dark, his mouth set in a grim line. “Maybe we should go.”

  “Are you sick?”

  “Something like that.” He looked away, a disgusted smirk spread across his face.

  I nodded my head. “Okay, well… um, let me just go talk to Demetri first.”

  “Nat, don’t.” He grabbed my hand again, but I jerked away from him. “Don’t worry! It will just take a second.”

  Seriously. What was with these boys?

  I pushed through the crowd of people to where I saw Demetri last. He wasn’t on the dance floor. Confused, I walked to the drinks. And that’s when I saw him.

  Mauling a girl from the junior class. She was a known slut, on the cheerleading squad and absolutely hammered.

  Demetri’s hands were underneath her shirt, and she was pushing him against the wall. Clearly, he was participating.

  Rage started pumping through me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to punch her or him. How dare he say all those things to me then go scam on some cheap skank! I fought the tears that were pooling in my eyes. The music was suddenly too loud, the people obnoxious. I fought my way through the crowds, away from Demetri, away from Alec. No doubt he was trying to warn me.

  “Nat, stop.” It was Alec. I’d recognize his cologne anywhere. His arms braced behind me, holding me steady as he half-lifted me into his arms and walked out the door.

  He was silent as he unlocked the door to the car and gently put me in the passenger side. Once he started the car and pulled out of the driveway and headed back toward my house, he said, “You can cry now.”

  So I did. Weird, because I didn’t even realize how upset I was until he gave me permission to mourn the fact that my boyfriend of five minutes had just been cheating on me in front of everyone.

  I would seriously be a laughingstock at school later this week. Just another girl who had fallen for Demetri’s charms.

  Alec pulled the SUV into his driveway and wordlessly got out of the car and walked to my side. He opened the door and scooped me up into his arms. Alec carried me into his house totally silent.

  My eyes felt puffy. I cursed Alesha for making me wear mascara. I probably looked like a possessed raccoon.

  Alec gently placed me on the couch and flipped on the lights to the living room. My eyes took in the smooth buttery yellow couch he had set me on, the flat screen TV, all the pictures of him and Demetri, and the wide set windows looking out toward the beach.

  It wasn’t anything like my house. It was trendy but really comfortable, whereas my house felt sterile and lonely.

  I suddenly cried harder, knowing I had to return to an empty house. My mom and dad had most likely gone out. It was date night, after all. The thought of being alone made me want to run back to Evan’s party just so I could crash in one of his guest rooms.

  I never did do well with being in the dark by myself.

  “Here.” I didn’t even know Alec was in front of me. My eyes fell on a mug of something. I took it and sipped.

  Tea. Crap. I had just made out with his brother and he was making me tea, in his house, and telling me it was okay to cry.

  “Thank you,” I mumbled.

  Alec knelt in front of me. His thumbs wiped the remaining tears from my eyes. “I’m sorry, Nat. He’s drunk. I know that’s no excuse, believe me. But if he was in his right mind he would have never done that. I know he likes you.”

  I nodded numbly.

  “Want me to beat him up for you?” Alec asked a deadpan look on his face.

  “Would you?”

  Alec nodded.

  The idea did have merit.

  “Maybe just a black eye.”

  “Done.” He smiled and sat next to me on the couch.

  I set the mug on the table and started to get up. “I should go home. I mean, it’s getting late.”

  “Fine, but if you go home I’m going with you. Your choices are as follows. Stay with me, while I sleep on the floor guarding your virtue from my brother if he decides to track you down, or I’m crashing at your place. It’s not safe for you to stay by yourself, Nat. Your parents are gone, right?” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Look, I know it’s Seaside and not L.A. I just don’t feel good with you being there by yourself. You should hang here for a while.”

  I nodded. “You don’t have to do that, Alec.”

  “Yes. I do.” He swallowed and looked away. “So, what will it be?”

  I looked around me. It was so comfortable. How ironic that I would be more comfortable at a stranger’s house than my own. “I guess we could stay here.”

  “Good, because I already ordered pizza.”

  I laughed. “When did you do that?”

  “I have my ways. Apparently, there’s an app for that.”

  I shook my head. “Always is.”

  He grinned then cleared his throat, his smile suddenly vanishing. “Are you going to be okay?”

  “Of course.” My answer was too fast and forced.

  Alec’s eyes narrowed.

  I looked away. “I’ll be fine. I promise.”

  “Says the raccoon,” Alec muttered.

  “Jerk!” I laughed and playfully pushed him away from me. “I knew I shouldn’t have worn mascara.”

  “It’s not like you need it anyways.” Alec’s blue eyes scanned me intently. “You have the thickest dark eyelashes I’ve ever seen. It’s like you’re waving every time you blink. Actually I’d like to think it’s a greeting each time, ‘Hey, Alec. How you doin, Alec?’”

  I burst out laughing. “Oh my gosh! That’s kinda creepy, Alec, and I’m pretty sure every time I see you I’m going to blink even harder, because I’ll be thinking about it, and then people are going to think I have something in my eye.”

  “Oh, I hope so.” He grinned and jumped up from the couch. “That would be entertaining for me.”

  “Yes, and it’s all about you,” I joked.

  “No.” He turned back to me and offered a warm smile. “It’s about you.”

  My heart stopped beating. Awesome. Breathe, Nat, breathe! Finally, my mouth opened and I was able to suck in enough air so I wouldn’t pass out on his couch. Unfortunately, the air was saturated with Alec. Seriously, the way he smelled did things to me. I’d never been the type of girl to fixate on cologne, but wow. It confused me, made me want to jump on him.

  Maybe those two sips of rum punch messed with my head.

  “So…” Alec politely ignored my second awkward moment that night. “Until the pizza gets here, what do you say we play some cards?”

  “Cards? You play cards?”

  “Um, yeah? What else do you think there is to do on tour busses?”

  “Sing?” I offered.

  “I think not.” Alec sauntered to a drawer and pulled out a deck of cards and a pad of paper. “I take a vow of silence while I’m on the bus, saves my voice.”

  “A vow of silence?”

  He nodded.

  “How exactly does that work?”

  He smirked and shrugged.

  “Oh, very funny.” I narrowed my eyes and ripped the deck of cards out of his hands. “So a vow of silence. So you’re like a monk?”

  “Sure.” He smiled. “Just call me Ghandi.”

  “Was he a monk?”

  “I have no idea. That’s why I’m in school, to learn smart crap like that.”

  I laughed and shook my head. I loved this side of Alec. He was so funny and different. I cleared my throat, hoping it would clear my head as well. “So what game are we playing?”

  “Go fish,” Alec said without smiling.

  “Seriously?”

  “Oh, absolutely.” Alec grinned and reached behind him revealing a giant pack of Swedish fish. “So, this is how it works, every time a player says go fish, you have to literally go fish, but you can’t use your hands.”

  “What do I use?”

  “Your mouth.” He winked. “And you can’t le
t your lips touch the counter, it has to be all teeth. Cheaters will be punished.”

  “You’ve played this before?”

  “Oh, honey, if this was an Olympic sport I’d have more medals than Phelps.”

  “Crap.” I quickly dealt the cards and so started the game.

  Within ten minutes I had already eaten five Swedish fish and accidently touched the table with my lips twice. The punishment he spoke of was the other player licking the Swedish fish and placing it on the cheater’s cheek. You had to stay that way until it fell off, and then you had to eat the fish.

  Good thing he had a five pound bag, because with the way I was playing it was going to be gone.

  After the first game, I had successfully eaten fifteen fish. Alec had four.

  A knock sounded at the door. “Oh, that’s the pizza.” Alec shot out of his seat toward the door, then abruptly turned back. “No cheating!” He placed his cards farther away from me.

  I was never one to listen and had always been a rebellious little girl. Plus, I had the biggest sugar high. I grasped his cards and swapped them so he would have to keep eating the fish.

  By the time he came back, the smell of pizza filled the living room. My stomach growled.

  “I knew you were hungry.” Alec went into the kitchen and returned with a couple plates and napkins. “You gotta eat before you go to a party, Nat. That’s like Partying 101. Never drink on an empty stomach, kay? Promise me if you ever go to a party again and plan on drinking, that you will eat beforehand.”

  I nodded. “I promise, Mom.”

  “Thanks, sweetie.” Alec patted my head and laughed.

  It was so easy with him. It was like, oh gosh, I’m totally going to kill Stephenie Meyer and Twilight. It really was like breathing. Sorry Jacob and Bella, but it’s true. And I’m sorry, but being with a werewolf would not be like breathing. It would be like dying.

  It was unexpected and completely confusing. I didn’t expect Alec to be so relaxed, or fun, or even protective for that matter. Alec moved casually around the kitchen and grabbed some forks for us. He was so normal. It was as if I was the most important thing in the world, the most important person in the room. Even though it was just us, his phone kept buzzing off the table. He never once looked at it.