The Satanic Verses: A Novel

by Salman Rushdie

  This needed contesting on several grounds. ‘You were married, start to finish,’ he replied. ‘Ball-bearings. I was your side dish. Nor will I, who waited so long for Him to manifest Himself, now speak poorly of Him post facto, after the personal appearance. Finally, what’s all this baby-talk? You’ll go to any extreme, seems like.’

  ‘You don’t know what hell is,’ she snapped back, dropping the mask of her imperturbability. ‘But, buster, you sure will. If you’d ever said, I’d have thrown over that ball-bearings bore in two secs, but you kept mum. Now I’ll see you down there: Neechayvala’s Hotel.’

  ‘You’d never have left your children,’ he insisted. ‘Poor fellows, you even threw them down first when you jumped.’ That set her off. ‘Don’t you talk! To dare to talk! Mister, I’ll cook your goose! I’ll fry your heart and eat it up on toast! – And as to your Snow White princess, she is of the opinion that a child is a mother’s property only, because men may come and men may go but she goes on forever, isn’t it? You’re only the seed, excuse me, she is the garden. Who asks a seed permission to plant? What do you know, damn fool Bombay boy messing with the modern ideas of mames.’

  ‘And you,’ he came back strongly. ‘Did you, for example, ask their Daddyji’s permission before you threw his kiddies off the roof?’

  She vanished in fury and yellow smoke, with an explosion that made him stagger and knocked the hat off his head (it lay upturned on the pavement at his feet). She unleashed, too, an olfactory effect of such nauseous potency as to make him gag and retch. Emptily: for he was perfectly void of all foodstuffs and liquids, having partaken of no nourishment for many days. Ah, immortality, he thought: ah, noble release from the tyranny of the body. He noticed that there were two individuals watching him curiously, one a violent-looking youth in studs and leather, with a rainbow Mohican haircut and a streak of face-paint lightning zigzagging down his nose, the other a kindly middle-aged woman in a headscarf. Very well then: seize the day. ‘Repent,’ he cried passionately. ‘For I am the Archangel of the Lord.’

  ‘Poor bastard,’ said the Mohican and threw a coin into Farishta’s fallen hat. He walked on; the kindly, twinkling lady, however, leaned confidentially towards Gibreel and passed him a leaflet. ‘You’ll be interested in this.’ He quickly identified it as a racist text demanding the ‘repatriation’ of the country’s black citizenry. She took him, he deduced, for a white angel. So angels were not exempt from such categories, he wonderingly learned. ‘Look at it this way,’ the woman was saying, taking his silence for uncertainty – and revealing, by slipping into an over-articulated, over-loud mode of delivery, that she thought him not quite pukka, a Levantine angel, maybe, Cypriot or Greek, in need of her best talking-to-the-afflicted voice. ‘If they came over and filled up wherever you come from, well! You wouldn’t like that.’

  Punched in the nose, taunted by phantoms, given alms instead of reverence, and in divers ways shewn the depths to which the denizens of the city had sunk, the intransigence of the evil manifest there, Gibreel became more determined than ever to commence the doing of good, to initiate the great work of rolling back the frontiers of the adversary’s dominion. The atlas in his pocket was his master-plan. He would redeem the city square by square, from Hockley Farm in the north-west corner of the charted area to Chance Wood in the south-east; after which, perhaps, he would celebrate the conclusion of his labours by playing a round of golf at the aptly named course situated at the very edge of the map: Wildernesse.

  And somewhere along the way the adversary himself would be waiting. Shaitan, Iblis, or whatever name he had adopted – and in point of fact that name was on the tip of Gibreel’s tongue – just as the face of the adversary, horned and malevolent, was still somewhat out of focus … well, it would take shape soon enough, and the name would come back, Gibreel was sure of it, for were not his powers growing every day, was he not the one who, restored to his glory, would hurl the adversary down, once more, into the Darkest Deeps? – That name: what was it? Tch-something? Tchu Tché Tchin Tchow. No matter. All in good time.

  But the city in its corruption refused to submit to the dominion of the cartographers, changing shape at will and without warning, making it impossible for Gibreel to approach his quest in the systematic manner he would have preferred. Some days he would turn a corner at the end of a grand colonnade built of human flesh and covered in skin that bled when scratched, and find himself in an uncharted wasteland, at whose distant rim he could see tall familiar buildings, Wren’s dome, the high metallic spark-plug of the Telecom Tower, crumbling in the wind like sandcastles. He would stumble across bewildering and anonymous parks and emerge into the crowded streets of the West End, upon which, to the consternation of the motorists, acid had begun to drip from the sky, burning great holes in the surfaces of the roads. In this pandemonium of mirages he often heard laughter: the city was mocking his impotence, awaiting his surrender, his recognition that what existed here was beyond his powers to comprehend, let alone to change. He shouted curses at his still-faceless adversary, pleaded with the Deity for a further sign, feared that his energies might, in truth, never be equal to the task. In brief, he was becoming the most wretched and bedraggled of archangels, his garments filthy, his hair lank and greasy, his chin sprouting hair in uncontrollable tufts. It was in this sorry condition that he arrived at the Angel Underground.

  It must have been early in the morning, because the station staff drifted up as he watched, to unlock and then roll back the metal grille of night. He followed them in, shuffling along, head low, hands deep in pockets (the street atlas had been discarded long ago); and raising his eyes at last, found himself looking into a face on the verge of dissolving into tears.

  ‘Good morning,’ he ventured, and the young woman in the ticket office responded bitterly, ‘What’s good about it, that’s what I want to know,’ and now her tears did come, plump, globular and plenteous. ‘There, there, child,’ he said, and she gave him a disbelieving look. ‘You’re no priest,’ she opined. He answered, a little tentatively: ‘I am the Angel, Gibreel.’ She began to laugh, as abruptly as she had wept. ‘Only angels roun here hang from the lamp-posts at Christmas. Illuminations. Only the Council swing them by their necks.’ He was not to be put off ‘I am Gibreel,’ he repeated, fixing her with his eye. ‘Recite.’ And, to her own emphatically expressed astonishment, I cyaan believe I doin this, emptyin my heart to some tramp, I not like this, you know, the ticket clerk began to speak.

  Her name was Orphia Phillips, twenty years old, both parents alive and dependent on her, especially now that her fool sister Hyacinth had lost her job as a physiotherapist by ‘gettin up to she nonsense’. The young man’s name, for of course there was a young man, was Uriah Moseley. The station had recently installed two gleaming new elevators and Orphia and Uriah were their operators. During rush-hours, when both lifts were working, they had little time for conversation; but for the rest of the day, only one lift was used. Orphia took up her position at the ticket-collection point just along from the elevator-shaft, and Uri managed to spend a good deal of time down there with her, leaning against the door-jamb of his gleaming lift and picking his teeth with the silver toothpick his great-grandfather had liberated from some old-time plantation boss. It was true love. ‘But I jus get carry away,’ Orphia wailed at Gibreel. ‘I always too hasty for sense.’ One afternoon, during a lull, she had deserted her post and stepped up right in front of him as he leaned and picked teeth, and seeing the look in her eye he put away the pick. After that he came to work with a spring in his step; she, too, was in heaven as she descended each day into the bowels of the earth. Their kisses grew longer and more passionate. Sometimes she would not detach herself when the buzzer rang for the lift; Uriah would have to push her back, with a cry of, ‘Cool off, girl, the public.’ Uriah had a vocational attitude to his work. He spoke to her of his pride in his uniform, of his satisfaction at being in the public service, giving his life to society. She thought he sounded a shade pompous,
and wanted to say, ‘Uri, man, you jus a elevator boy here,’ but intuiting that such realism would not be well received, she held her troublesome tongue, or, rather, pushed it into his mouth.

  Their embraces in the tunnel became wars. Now he was trying to get away, straightening his tunic, while she bit his ear and pushed her hand down inside his trousers. ‘You crazy,’ he said, but she, continuing, inquired: ‘So? You vex?’

  They were, inevitably, caught: a complaint was lodged by a kindly lady in headscarf and tweeds. They had been lucky to keep their jobs. Orphia had been ‘grounded’, deprived of elevator-shafts and boxed into the ticket booth. Worse still, her place had been taken by the station beauty, Rochelle Watkins. ‘I know what going on,’ she cried angrily. ‘I see Rochelle expression when she come up, fixin up her hair an all o’ dat.’ Uriah, nowadays, avoided Orphia’s eyes.

  ‘Can’t figure out how you get me to tell you me business,’ she concluded, uncertainly. ‘You not no angel. That is for sure.’ But she was unable, try as she might, to break away from his transfixing gaze. ‘I know,’ he told her, ‘what is in your heart.’

  He reached in through the booth’s window and took her unresisting hand. – Yes, this was it, the force of her desires filling him up, enabling him to translate them back to her, making action possible, allowing her to say and do what she most profoundly required; this was what he remembered, this quality of being joined to the one to whom he appeared, so that what followed was the product of their joining. At last, he thought, the archangelic functions return. – Inside the ticket booth, the clerk Orphia Phillips had her eyes closed, her body had slumped down in her chair, looking slow and heavy, and her lips were moving. – And his own, in unison with hers. – There. It was done.

  At this moment the station manager, a little angry man with nine long hairs, fetched from ear-level, plastered across his baldness, burst like a cuckoo from his little door. ‘What’s your game?’ he shouted at Gibreel. ‘Get out of it before I call the police.’ Gibreel stayed where he was. The station manager saw Orphia emerging from her trance and began to shriek. ‘You, Phillips. Never saw the like. Anything in trousers, but this is ridiculous. All my born days. And nodding off on the job, the idea.’ Orphia stood up, put on her raincoat, picked up her folding umbrella, emerged from ticket booth. ‘Leaving public property unattended. You get back in there this minute, or it’s your job, sure as eggsis.’ Orphia headed for the spiral stairs and moved towards the lower depths. Deprived of his employee, the manager swung round to face Gibreel. ‘Go on,’ he said. ‘Eff off. Go crawl back under your stone.’

  ‘I am waiting,’ replied Gibreel with dignity, ‘for the lift.’

  When she reached the bottom of the stairs, Orphia Phillips turning a corner saw Uriah Moseley leaning against the ticket-collection booth in that way he had, and Rochelle Watkins simpering with delight. But Orphia knew what to do. ‘You let ’Chelle feel you toothpick yet, Uri?’ she sang out. ‘She’d surely love to hold it.’

  They both straightened up, stung. Uriah began blustering: ‘Don’t be so common now, Orphia,’ but her eyes stopped him in his tracks. Then he began to walk towards her, dreamily, leaving Rochelle flat. ‘Thas right, Uri,’ she said softly, never looking away from him for an instant. ‘Come along now. Come to momma.’ Now walk backwards to the lift and just suck him right in there, and after that it’s up and away we go. – But something was wrong here. He wasn’t walking any more. Rochelle Watkins was standing beside him, too damn close, and he’d come to a halt. ‘You tell her, Uriah,’ Rochelle said. ‘Her stupid obeah don’t signify down here.’ Uriah was putting an arm around Rochelle Watkins. This wasn’t the way she’d dreamed it, the way she’d suddenly been certain-sure it would be, after that Gibreel took her hand, just like that, as if they were intended; wee-yurd, she thought; what was happening to her? She advanced. – ‘Get her offa me, Uriah,’ Rochelle shouted. ‘She mashin up me uniform and all.’ – Now Uriah, holding the struggling ticket clerk by both wrists, gave out the news: ‘I aks her to get marry!’ – Whereupon the fight went out of Orphia. Beaded plaits no longer whirled and clicked. ‘So you out of order, Orphia Phillips,’ Uriah continued, puffing somewhat. ‘And like the lady say, no obeah na change nutten.’ Orphia, also breathing heavily, her clothes disarranged, flopped down on the floor with her back to the curved tunnel wall. The noise of a train pulling in came up towards them; the affianced couple hurried to their posts, tidying themselves up, leaving Orphia where she sat. ‘Girl,’ Uriah Moseley offered by way of farewell, ‘you too damn outrageous for me.’ Rochelle Watkins blew Uriah a kiss from her ticket-collection booth; he, lounging against his lift, picked his teeth. ‘Home cooking,’ Rochelle promised him. ‘And no surprises.’

  ‘You filthy bum,’ Orphia Phillips screamed at Gibreel after walking up the two hundred and forty-seven steps of the spiral staircase of defeat. ‘You no good devil bum. Who ask you to mash up me life so?’

  Even the halo has gone out, like a broken bulb, and I don’t know where’s the store. Gibreel on a bench in the small park near the station meditated over the futility of his efforts to date. And found blasphemies surfacing once again: if the dabba had the wrong markings and so went to incorrect recipient, was the dabbawalla to blame? If special effect – travelling mat, or such – didn’t work, and you saw the blue outline shimmering at the edge of the flying fellow, how to blame the actor? Bythesametoken, if his angeling was proving insufficient, whose fault, please, was this? His, personally, or some other Personage? – Children were playing in the garden of his doubting, among the midge-clouds and rosebushes and despair. Grandmother’s footsteps, ghostbusters, tag. Ellowen deeowen, London. The fall of angels, Gibreel reflected, was not the same kettle as the Tumble of Woman and Man. In the case of human persons, the issue had been morality. Of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil they shouldst not eat, and ate. Woman first, and at her suggestion man, acquired the verboten ethical standards, tastily apple-flavoured: the serpent brought them a value system. Enabling them, among other things, to judge the Deity Itself, making possible in good time all the awkward inquiries: why evil? Why suffering? Why death? – So, out they went. It didn’t want Its pretty creatures getting above their station. – Children giggled in his face: something straaange in the neighbourhood. Armed with zapguns, they made as if to bust him like some common, lowdown spook. Come away from there, a woman commanded, a tightly groomed woman, white, a redhead, with a broad stripe of freckles across the middle of her face; her voice was full of distaste. Did you hear me? Now! – Whereas the angels’ crash was a simple matter of power: a straightforward piece of celestial police work, punishment for rebellion, good and tough ‘pour encourager les autres’. – Then how unconfident of Itself this Deity was, Who didn’t want Its finest creations to know right from wrong; and Who reigned by terror, insisting upon the unqualified submission of even Its closest associates, packing off all dissidents to Its blazing Siberias, the gulag-infernos of Hell … he checked himself. These were satanic thoughts, put into his head by Iblis-Beelzebub-Shaitan. If the Entity were still punishing him for his earlier lapse of faith, this was no way to earn remission. He must simply continue until, purified, he felt his full potency restored. Emptying his mind, he sat in the gathering darkness and watched the children (now at some distance) play. Ip-dip-sky-blue who’s-there-not-you not-because-you’re-dirty not-because-you’re-clean, and here, he was sure, one of the boys, a grave eleven-year-old with outsize eyes, stared straight at him: my-mother-says you’re-the-fairy-queen.

  Rekha Merchant materialized, all jewels and finery. ‘Bachchas are making rude rhymes about you now. Angel of the Lord,’ she gibed. ‘Even that little ticket-girl back there, she isn’t so impressed. Still doing badly, baba, looks like to me.’

  On this occasion, however, the spirit of the suicide Rekha Merchant had not come merely to mock. To his astonishment she claimed that his many tribulations had been of her making: ‘You imagine there is only your One
Thing in charge?’ she cried. ‘Well, lover-boy, let me put you wise.’ Her smart-alec Bombay English speared him with a sudden nostalgia for his lost city, but she wasn’t waiting for him to regain his composure. ‘Remember that I died for love of you, you creepo; this gives me rights. In particular, to be revenged upon you, by totally bungling up your life. A man must suffer for causing a lover’s leap; don’t you think so? That’s the rule, anyway. For so long now I’ve turned you inside out; now I’m just fell up. Don’t forget how I was so good at forgiving! You liked it also, na? Therefore I have come to say that compromise solution is always possible. You want to discuss it, or you prefer to go on being lost in this craziness, becoming not an angel but a down-and-out hobo, a stupid joke?’

  Gibreel asked: ‘What compromise?’

  ‘What else?’ she replied, her manner transformed, all gentleness, with a shine in her eyes. ‘My farishta, a so small thing.’

  If he would only say he loved her:

  If he would only say it, and, once a week, when she came to lie with him, show his love:

  If on a night of his choice it could be as it was during the ball-bearings-man’s absences on business: