When, at last, he found me.

by Adrianna Stepiano

He placed his hands on either side of my head and closed his eyes. After about 30 seconds he let my head go and opened his eyes. My headache was gone.

  Shocked, I asked the obvious. “How did you do that?”

  Like it was no big deal, he answered. “Pressure points, of course. Haven’t you ever heard of reflexology?”

  “I have, but you didn’t use any pressure,” at least I didn’t feel any.

  “I’m just good, I guess.” He said mysteriously then changed the subject. “The researchers wanted me to check out a new bacterium they found in the water. Do you mind if I go?”

  “Sure,” I was lost in disbelief. The pain from the headache was completely gone.

  He hesitated, started to get up but then sat down. “I’ll stay. You might need my help.”

  “Don’t worry. I’m fine.”

  “Great. I’ll catch up with you at dinner.” He winked and left.

  When he walked away I replayed every moment we had spent together in my head. Out of everything that he had said and done, only one thing bothered me. The way he commented on my eyes and when he spoke about the story of the girl who drowned in her own tears. It was that moment when I realized how long it had been since tears poured from my eyes.

  Later that evening, the crew gathered for dinner in the cafeteria. I avoided the main table where the researchers sat. They ignored me and kept to their conversation. However, when Joseph entered the room they fell silent; a short woman pushed her chair back, standing up. She was as round as she was tall and the white lab coat she wore didn’t flatter her in the least. Her hair was pulled tight into a bun on the top of her head and her eyeglasses were thick and dark. When she spoke, her voice was raspy and masculine.

  “Jay Mason, what are you doing in that green shirt? Why has my top researcher been assigned to toilet duty?” She scowled.

  “Dr. Radski, it’s great to see you.” He said in the friendliest of tones. “I’m just getting a few overtime hours in.”

  “I have loads of work you can do. Get out of that green shirt and into the lab coat you were meant to wear,” she was absolutely the most unpleasant woman I had ever seen.

  Joseph spoke, nonchalant. “Sorry Doctor, I can’t do that, Captain’s orders.” He shrugged his shoulders as if nothing could be done.

  “We’ll see about that.” She grumbled, leaving the cafeteria.

  All eyes were on Joseph as he grabbed a cheese sandwich, a can of Coke and headed for my table.

  “Can I sit with you?” He asked.

  My mouth was full. I shrugged.

  “I’m going to take that as a yes, since you didn’t outwardly protest.” He sounded too confident and it was slightly irritating.

  When he sat down in the chair next to me, I wondered why. There were 4 other chairs, three directly across the table. Our backs were to the researchers and we were facing the cafeteria door.

  He opened the can of Coke, taking a sip. “So, what’s first on the agenda for us this evening?”

  I continued to chew and shrugged my shoulders again. Ethan came into the cafeteria and waved. I smiled at him. When he sat with the other researchers, no one acknowledged him. I watched one researcher completely disregarded him when he said ‘hello’. Compassion filled me and my expression must have changed.

  “Huh?” Joseph said as he watched. “Your boyfriend seems like a nice kid.”

  Swallowing hard, I responded in a higher pitch than usual. “Excuse me? My boyfriend?”

  “Yes.” Joseph said, nodding his head to Ethan, who was behind us.

  “Ethan isn’t my boyfriend. He’s just a…” I stopped because I didn’t know what Ethan was to me. Even though we lived together, we barely spoke. If anything he was more like a distant acquaintance that was forced to feel some sort of loyalty to greet me.

  An accusing smile crossed his face. “He’s just a what? You two haven’t quite established things yet? Is he too shy to ask you out?”

  “Ethan, SHY? Not even close. That guy is far from introverted. He’s just someone I know, that’s all. We’re not really friends but we know each other and I lived with his family for a while.”

  “Well, it’s obvious that he’s crazy about you.”

  Turning to catch a glimpse of Ethan, I laughed out loud then lowered my voice to a whisper. “There is no way that Ethan Cottington thinks of me like that. There is no way anyone thinks of me like that. Besides, what makes you such an expert on love?”

  “I’m no expert, just prone to state the obvious. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you back at the dock during crew call.” Joseph said with confidence. “What makes you think no one would think of you that way? Aside from your constant blacking out, you’re not that bad of a catch Seraphin.”

  It wasn’t clear whether he was complimenting or making jokes at my expense so I ignored his latter comment. “Perhaps that’s due to you making a spectacle of us both with your clumsiness?”

  His hand flew up in the air and his face held a look of disbelief. It seemed as though he was forming an argument— I quickly cut him off.

  “You STILL haven’t apologized for knocking me down.” I added a bit more fuel to the fire.

  A chuckle escaped him. “I can’t believe I forgot. Was it my infliction of emotional or physical distress that I should be apologizing for?”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” I was confused.

  “Let me explain. I know that you were not hurt when we fell, I made sure that didn’t happen,” confident when he spoke.

  I remembered his hand on the back of my head, protecting it from the ground. He went on. “Perhaps you were emotionally distressed? Was it embarrassing for you to fall in front of a group of people? I don’t think that’s the case, considering you tend to drop out of consciousness, all on your own with almost no warning to others. I imagine you are used to it by now.

  “So, this leaves my comment about your eyes. Should I apologize for this? Perhaps it made you uncomfortable and squeamish?” Acting like he was contemplating an impossible mathematical calculation, he put his hand to his chin and gazed off to nowhere in particular.

  An apology was not going to come out of his mouth.

  “Oh honestly Joseph” I said loud, then immediately realized my mistake. Looking over my shoulder I noticed a girl with coal black hair from the research group raise her head curiously. She had large brown eyes that were lost in her dark features. Avoiding my eyes, she seemed to be waiting for him to respond.

  Joseph didn’t move, he continued to stare off at nothing, far away.

  I fumbled for a way to fix it but couldn’t think of anything.

  Finally he spoke. “No, I don’t think that was his name. Robin Hood’s Merry Man was named ‘Honest John’.” He spoke loud and clear, so everyone could hear.

  Ethan turned from a conversation he was having with a guy next to him. “Jay, you’re wrong, his name was ‘Little John’.”

  Joseph spoke enthusiastically. “Yeah, that’s it. Thanks man!”

  He looked at me, scolding. “Seraphin, it seems you are really bad with names.”

  I sank down into my chair. “It seems I am.”

  “I think this makes us square on the apologies, don’t you?”

  “Sure.” I agreed, wishing I could bury my head in the sand.

  It was then that I realized I didn’t like disappointing Joseph.

  He leaned in, speaking low, “Thank goodness your boyfriend bailed you out of that one.”

  “Again, Ethan is not my boyfriend.”

  “Well, you sure are the center of his attention.”

  “If he is showing me any extra notice, it’s because I’m one of only a few people here he knows.” I rationalized. “I think he was expecting more of his friends. He’s used to being followed around by drones of uninteresting people. Maybe there is a shortage of dull people on this boat.”

  Joseph smiled and nudged into me with his shoulder, “Sure thing.”

  Mumbling under my breath, just
loud enough for him to hear, I shifted in my seat. “I’m so very sorry I made that horrible mistake. Please stop teasing about Ethan. I don’t want him to hear. ”

  My hand was flat on the table; he placed his on top of mine. It was warm and smooth but strong. Chills went through me as our eyes locked. His expression was unfamiliar and his eyes a brighter shade of blue, less soft than before but far from worried. The cafeteria seemed to disappear around us; he gripped my hand, lifting it slightly off the table. “So does this mean you’re not interested in him?”

  Where was Joseph going with this line of questioning? I honestly hadn’t considered the idea of dating Ethan. Sure, he seemed nice and interested me, but not in a serious way. He was more like a potential friend. As difficult as it was, I pulled my eyes away from Joseph and glanced at Ethan. His shoulders were broad and strong, his smile welcoming and polite, however, he looked too much like his mother and that detail alone was the one thing I could never get past.

  Before I turned to Joseph, I noticed the same curious girl raising her head to look in our direction.

  I answered him truthfully. “I am excited that he’s here. Plus, I’m interested in seeing if we can actually develop a friendship outside of the domestic weirdness we just came from.”

  Joseph’s face seemed to sadden.

  “With that said, he and I could never date. I don’t feel that way about him and know I never could. He’s like family, in a weird distant kind of way.”

  “Good.” Letting go of my hand, he focused on his food again.

  We finished eating. The cafeteria cleared and we were the only people remaining in the room. Voices echoed down the hallway and I was suddenly very aware of the silence between us. It didn’t seem to bother Joseph; he appeared relaxed with one elbow on the table. He had a slight lean towards me, which I was not opposed to. Uncomfortable with myself, I continually shifted my weight from side to side. Finally, I stood up and brought my tray to the trashcan.

  “We should start cleaning up.” I said.

  Devouring the rest of his sandwich in only two bites, he agreed and began picking up trays that the others had left behind.

  I made an attempt at small talk while we cleaned. “You’re kind of young to be a top researcher.” The words came out wrong and I regretted saying it.

  “I’m not that young, already 22—an old man compared to you. Are you 18 yet?”

  It made me feel like a kid. “Yes.”

  “I wish I was 18 again, I’d do a lot of things differently.” He mumbled, barely loud enough for me to hear.

  “What does being a top researcher mean?” Wanting to know more about Joseph, I kept the questions coming.

  He thought then shrugged his shoulders. “It means they give me more work than everyone else. Or, it means I have no life outside of work so I‘m able to do more.”

  “I have a feeling it’s a little more than that. Ethan told me that one of your articles was just published, something about radioactive plankton.”

  Joseph laughed. “That sounds familiar.”

  “This seems like a great company to work for, I mean, there’s job security. I heard Ethan’s mom talking about how CORE was founded by a billionaire investor in Europe who wants to clean up the ocean. Is that true?”

  “Yes, it’s true. There is a guy, though he’s not as great as you make him sound. He dumps his endless pile of money into this company with the understanding that he remains anonymous.”

  “You sound like you’re complaining. I mean, he gives you a paycheck, right? He can’t be too bad.”

  Then he turned serious and his voice dropped to a whisper. “Seraphin, there is more to my job than the money. Protecting the ocean and the lives that depend on it is what I was born to do. Remember that little fish you tried to save back at the beach?”

  “Sure. And just so you know, I did save her—right before you had to save me.” I trailed off, slightly embarrassed when I thought back to myself screaming, soaking wet with a twig tangled in my hair. What a sight I must have been. Without thinking I reached up and smoothed a few wild strands down.

  “Right, of course.” Sarcasm seeped through his voice. “Anyway, you felt like you had to save her. It came from deep inside you, am I right?”

  I thought about how I needed to rescue her and how I had no choice. My life was second to that little fish’s life. “Yes.”

  “That’s how I feel all the time, for everyone, even people I don’t like. I feel the need to heal them, protect them. The urge is unfathomable to most. It’s so strong at times I have to suppress all my instincts. Maybe it is impossible to imagine?”

  Shame flooded my memories as I recalled the many times he came to my rescue. He was just doing his duty. It was instinctual and I understood because while some people are able disregard all compassion, I let it consume me. My father’s life ending haunted me because I continually looked for a way to help him. Joseph and I were very much alike and that new realization terrified me—though I wasn’t sure why.

  He was intense with his delivery and he didn’t leave much in the way of explanations. I got the impression he wanted to tell me more—hoping it could be leading to an account of where Ms. Z might be. Unfortunately, Dr. Radski walked in and shattered my hopes of digging deeper.

  She interrupted. Her face was red and by the looks of it, the Captain didn’t heed to her demands. Again, she gave orders for Joseph to abandon his green MOLE shirt for a lab coat.

  “Mason, you have three minutes to get out of that ridiculous shirt and into your lab coat. There are some radiolarians slides that need classified. Get on it.” She demanded. “Your time can be used more efficiently.”

  She left.

  Surprisingly, he didn’t respond to her hassle. It was as if she had not walked into the room. He seemed deep in thought while sweeping the floor and remained not at all affected.

  I was surprised at his insolence. “Aren’t you going to classify the radioactive slides?” I provoked.

  “Nothing we do here is radioactive, you know that.” His tone was mocking.

  “Sure. Yeah, I know.” I laughed. I waited a few minutes before entering into my next line of questions. My approach was straight; I wanted to know what he was feeling and thinking. “Don’t you think this work is a little beneath you?”

  “Yes.”

  “I knew it. You think you’re too good to be on the cleaning crew here.” Part of me felt validated, like it was a new development that had been uncovered.

  “What is wrong with that?” He asked.

  I shrugged not ready for such a response.

  Explaining, he stopped sweeping and our eyes met. “I think that most people are too good to have to clean up after someone else and that includes you. You shouldn’t have to mop up after these slobs. People should pick up after themselves, but sadly, they don’t. That’s why this planet is dying off one species at a time.”

  He was right. Most people felt they were statistically higher than someone on a cleaning crew, but sadly, sometimes it was the only job a person could get. Not everyone has a PhD in Micro Biology. Ms. Radski was right though; Joseph’s talents could be used more effectively.

  “You should go. I can handle this on my own. If you stay, you might jeopardize your job and for some reason I feel like it’s my fault you’re here.”

  “Seraphin, I was given a job to do by the Captain of the John F. Kennedy. The worst thing a man at sea can do is disregard orders from his Captain. Until the Captain tells me otherwise, I will continue to carry out the job that I was told to do. You have no effect on my contempt for Dr. Radski.”

  “But I have something to do with your being here. Don’t try to hide it. You’re protecting me from something, aren’t you?” Looking away it was difficult to not yell.

  “I protect lots of people from lots of things. I told you before, it’s my duty.”

  His elusive behavior bothered me because I wanted to know more. About him or about the situation, I wasn’t sur
e. “Why won’t you just be honest with me? I can tell you’re hiding something.”

  He met my eyes again. “Seraphin, solitude is where I’m most comfortable and I don’t confide in people so it’s hard. I know you think I’m odd but it’s the truth.”

  How could I argue with this? It’s the same way I felt. I wasn’t ready to open my life to him so why should I have expected him to do the same?

  Sensing some tension on the subject, I decided to shift the conversation to something a little less intense. “Have you been on all the research vessels? Some of those are amazing. I toured the George Washington and Theodore Roosevelt. They’re more like cruise ships.”

  “Every one of them!” He said proud, relieved at the change of topic. “I helped design the labs for the George Washington, they’re spectacular. We took a whale tagging crew up to Alaska last October. It has all the comforts of home. State of the art everything; you could live on those two ships. They’re like floating cities.”

  We continued talking casually about the ships and the CORE facility. When he spoke I listened attentively, he was quite intelligent and even though I carried a 4.0 grade point average, all through high school, his knowledge intimidated me.

  When we finished in the cafeteria we were called to the main deck to clean bird droppings from the railings. The work was demeaning. If Joseph felt ashamed, he didn’t show it. His spirits were high and he talked almost non-stop. Most of the conversation revolved around his classes at the University of Maine. Earlier that spring he had finished his Bachelor of Science degree in Marine Science. In the fall he was entering into the first year of the Master of Science, Oceanography program. When he asked where I would be going to college, I shrugged my shoulders.

  “You should have picked a school by now. What are your choices?” Concerned he stopped working and gave me his full attention.

  The truth, I hadn’t sent any college applications in. When my grandmother died earlier that year, so did my ambition. The attorney said I had a trust fund that my father arranged. I could use the money for college but it didn’t appeal to me.

  “I don’t have any choices,” sheepishly admitting. “I never actually applied to any schools.”