Myth Alliances

by Robert Asprin

  "You're on your way," Zol assured me. "I was very impressed with both your application and your wisdom."

  "I'm sorry," Wensley said, turning to me with some embarrassment. "But we can't pay you yet. Wuh is on the financial mend, and your fee will just send us back again into negative territory. I'm sorry."

  "How about an in-kind fee instead?" I said.

  Wensley looked uncomfortable, but nodded. "We owe you so much. What do you have in mind?"

  "It's something you already have," I explained. "I'd like to have your D-hopper."

  "But you don't need one," the Wuhs said, looking puzzled. "You can already travel the dimensions."

  "I know," I acknowledged, "but I do need it. What about it?"

  He looked at the others, who were clearly urging him not to give up their precious D-hopper, but he nodded. "It's caused enough trouble here," he decided at last. "I think that once we learn responsibility there will be plenty of time to learn how to travel between the dimensions."

  "Thank you," I asserted, tucking the device into my belt pouch. Bunny and Tananda gave me odd looks, knowing I had one just like it in my boot. "Good riddance to it," Loorna insisted, producing the device. She slapped it into my palm.

  Paldine came up to join me. "Come on, Skeeve the Magnificent. We've got some Deveels to dazzle."

  Oshleen came over to envelop me in a massive, bonecrushing hug. "Any time you need some quality financial work done, honey, you've got a freebie coming."

  "I've got a top accountant, thanks," I replied. Bunny, who had not even noticed she had tensed, relaxed and smiled brilliantly at me.

  "Well, any time you need someone's hindquarters chewed off, we'd be glad to help out," Charilor offered, showing her teeth.

  "Gee, where were you a couple of weeks ago?" I asked, innocently. "I was looking for an organized force to throw out a bunch of Pervects who had taken over another dimension."

  To give them credit, the Pervect Ten laughed.

  "You've got chutzpah, bubby,"Vergetta chuckled, crushing my hand in a tight grip. "Don't be a stranger. Okay, ladies, back to the castle. We've got glasses to enchant." She glanced at Wensley. "Come with us, Sonny. You might learn something."

  Tananda, Bunny and I slipped out of the hastily-convened auction going on between members of the Devan Marketing Association. Once I had introduced Paldine and had her display the wares she had to offer, the bidding began at the top of everyone's voice. I had finally gotten a chance to try the Storyteller Goggles (soon to be renamed), and I was sorry my misplaced enthusiasm had deprived the Scammies of them. They were terrific, and the Deveels knew it, too. The Pervomatic also sold itself in a matter of seconds.

  I had volunteered to stay, but once I had persuaded Hayner and the others that these Perverts were friends of mine and that any discourtesy to them counted as if it was being done to me, none of them paid much attention to us. I was glad to escape because, as I have said before, one of the few things about the Bazaar that I don't miss is the noise.

  Paldine leaned across to shake hands with me before I left.

  "I don't know who the Pervect is who befriended you before," she whispered, "but he's lucky. I hope he knows that."

  I felt a wrench somewhere around my midsection. "I'm the lucky one. He's been a good friend to me."

  Out in the street, where the voices of Deveel merchants and customers weren't bouncing off the walls of a tent, I relaxed.

  "Care to join us for a milkshake before we go?" I asked Tananda.

  "I have to get to Trollia," Tananda informed us, shouldering her small bag. "If Chumley's not in the hospital with a hernia he'll need me to referee between him and Mums. I've already left them long enough."

  "I'd better get back to my studies," I agreed, taking my D-hopper out of the side of my boot. "I've left them long enough, too."

  "You know, you don't need that thing any more," Tananda nodded. "You know enough places in the dimensions that if you practiced you could use a travel spell instead to hop between them."

  "The D-hopper's not foolproof," I replied, "but it works almost all the time, which is more than I could promise right now, considering how tired I am. I don't want to take a chance and get lost, and I sure don't want to be responsible for getting Bunny lost."

  "All right. Take care of yourself, handsome."

  She kissed me warmly. I regretted again that she'd come to be a big sister to me. I could no more imagine us having a relationship than I could with Bunny. I respected them, but I felt both of them outclassed me.

  Tananda winked at Bunny. I grinned, sensing some sisterly communication between them that I couldn't translate, but I'd learned from long experience not to obsess over.

  I handed over a bag containing 500 gold pieces and gave it to Tananda. "Here's your share of our fee. Zol didn't want to be paid. I've made good to Bunny, too."

  "You don't have to do this," Tananda protested.

  "Yes, I do. Please." To my relief she accepted it. "And please take this, too."

  I handed her the other D-hopper. She looked a question at me. I took a deep breath and plunged in.

  "If you see Aahz I want you to give it to him. Tell him… tell him if this would make it more convenient to visit once in a while I'd like him to have it."

  " 'Don't be a stranger,' huh?" Tananda translated.

  I dug a toe in the dirt. "Uh, yeah. I mean, if he wants to.

  I'm the one who pushed away from everyone else. Maybe I'm getting over the funk I was in. It's up to him. I just want him to know… he's welcome. I miss him. Studying's a lonely occupation."

  "Keep it up. I think you're going to be one hell of a good magician."

  She kissed me thoroughly. An affectionate farewell from a Trollop can make you feel like you've been embraced by a tornado.

  'The same to you: don't be a stranger," Tananda waved as she sauntered off down the aisle between tents.

  "I don't want to be," I murmered quietly. "It'll just take time." I turned to Bunny. "I hope all this hasn't ruined your feelings about Zol Icty. He's quite a guy."

  Bunny smiled. "Let's just say my understanding has matured a little. I still like him a lot, and I love his books, but I'm going to reshelve them in the fiction section of my collection."

  I grinned. "Shall we go?"

  "Yes, indeed. I hope that Gleep and Buttercup haven't trashed the inn since this morning."

  Tananda unlocked the door and let herself into the dim anteroom. I waited until she turned around before I sat up. She stiffened for a moment, then relaxed.

  She came over to me, reached into her belt pouch, and came out with a D-hopper.

  "This is for you, Aahz," she smiled.

  I accepted it with a wary look. "What's he using?"

  "The same one he had before. This one was his fee for helping out the Wuhses—his whole fee. He just handed it to me and told me to give it to you."

  "What for?" I growled.

  Tanda tipped her head to one side. "I think you're smart enough to figure that one out. He misses you."

  My eyebrows went up. "He's something else," I declared. "How'd he do?"

  "He did fine," Tananda assured me. "He did really well. He's a good man. You know that. You saw him. I got you there in time so you could watch the fireworks."

  "Yeah," I muttered, thinking back with pleasure to the sight of ten Pervish females running after that darned dragon and getting penned up in their own spell. "He did okay."

  "He did more than okay, and you know it, Aahz." Tananda chided me.

  "He didn't see me, did he?"

  "No."

  "Good," I sighed, putting my feet up on the ottoman and leaning back with my hands behind my head. "Just because I'm not his teacher any more doesn't mean he's not still my student."

  "Well, I'd better get home to Mums," Tananda smiled. "I left my suitcase half-packed in my room. I hope Chumley's still in one piece. Wait until I tell him Skeeve made friends with the women who beat us up a couple of months ago.
Hey, take care of yourself, Aahz."

  She gave me a big hug and a kiss, and headed off toward her room. I poured myself some wine and settled back to contemplate the ceiling some more. A D-hopper. The kid sure knew how to send a message. I wondered if and when I would ever take him up on it.

  A knock on the door disturbed my reverie. I cracked the door, but kept my shoulder against the inner edge. You could never be too careful, even in the Bazaar.

  Standing outside was a thin, blue-faced individual with thinning white hair. I had never seen his species before, but I knew a bill-collector when he saw one.

  "I'm looking for The Great Skeeve," the visitor announced.

  "He ain't here."

  "This is his last known address?"

  "I don't answer questions like that, especially from people I don't know," I growled, showing all of my teeth. The little guy gulped, but soldiered on.

  "Well, he owes us over three hundred thousand gold pieces, and if he doesn't pay up," he concluded with a feral grin and a thumb jerked over his shoulder toward a couple of really big bruisers that I hadn't noticed before, "our collection agents will be happy to take the matter up with him personally."