Heroine's Journey

by Sarah Kuhn

  I hadn’t had that many opportunities to deploy my scream yet. But I was used to it having an instantaneous and devastating effect, massive monsters shattering at my feet.

  That didn’t happen this time.

  Instead, the giant unicorn raised its head, its golden horn glimmering in the usually comforting bookstore light. Then it turned. Zeroed in on me. And, was it my imagination, or did it sort of . . . nod?

  I didn’t have time to contemplate that, because all of a sudden, I heard a CRASH and whipped around to see one of the tinier porcelain unicorns in Charlotte’s collection fucking leap off the bookshelf behind me.

  What the hell . . .

  I whipped back around and . . . holy shit. All the porcelain unicorns were coming to life, hopping down from their perches, ready to wreak havoc on the poor bookstore. Some of them were inflating to actual horse size, some of them were staying super teeny. None seemed to be getting as massive as the gigantic one who’d started the whole thing, but this was definitely scarier than Bernard’s stupid pen swarm.

  “Oh, no, you bargain basement Twilight Sparkles, you are not going to make an even bigger mess up in here!” Aveda barked. “Aveda Jupiter will. Not. Have. That.”

  She charged into the fray, dodging the gigantic Queen Mother unicorn, smashing her fists into the smaller ones. It was dazzling as only Aveda can be dazzling: her eyes sparkling with untamed ferocity, her ponytail swishing through the air as she twisted and turned her body into various ass-kicking shapes.

  Evie followed her lead, targeting the smaller unicorns with her fire. Her fireballs crashed into a tiny duo of pink and purple unicorns that were originally salt and pepper shakers, and they melted into the floor.

  Hmm. So maybe my scream hadn’t worked on the first unicorn because it was just too giant? Maybe I could take down the smaller ones. I tightened my hold on Pancake and took a deep breath, gathering up every feeling I had. Then I charged forward into the porcelain unicorn melee, lobbing my screams like they were my own tiny fireballs, aiming them at the smaller unicorns. I ran toward Evie, cutting a path through the middle of the bookstore, dodging out of the way of the gigantic unicorn’s stompy hoof. One of Evie’s fireballs whizzed by my ear, and I dodged out of the way of that, too.

  “Argh! Sorry!” she yelped.

  Adrenaline hummed through my veins with every step, every scream, and I felt like I was propelled forward by some invisible force pushing against my back, giving me extra momentum. Pancake, clutched tightly to my chest, growled at the sparkly interlopers. I ran past Aveda, who smashed her fist into another unicorn. I ran past three more unicorns melting into the ground, felled by Evie’s fire. I put even more force behind my screams, even though my throat was going raw and my head hurt and my ears were ringing. And weirdly, I felt my heart lift. Because this, I realized, was what it felt like to be on a bona fide superhero team. All of us working together, our powers in sync, taking down an evil none of us could explain. Protecting all the people in that café who couldn’t protect themselves. All of the drama I’d had with Evie faded away and there was just this amazing feeling.

  This was what it felt like to be a hero.

  I finally reached Evie by the door and came to a stop. My throat felt like it had been used as a scratching post by a million cats. I whipped back around, breathing hard.

  “How many did I get, Sis?” I managed. “It felt like a lot. But I was so focused on the running and the screaming, I didn’t actually see—”

  “Bea,” she said, her voice low and urgent as she lobbed another series of fireballs at a unicorn trying to climb onto the pink couch. “I don’t think you got any of them.”

  My heart froze. “What?”

  “None of them shattered,” she said. “Annie, on your left!” she screamed. Aveda dodged out of the way of the giant unicorn yet again. “I don’t know what’s going on,” she said to me. “But just . . . sit tight. Maybe see if you can go lock yourself in the bathroom or something until this is over.”

  I took a step back, leaning against the wall for support. Pancake whined, his ears flicking back and forth. My body felt like it was going numb all over. The scene in front of me went hazy, the sound receding. I was vaguely aware of bursts of flame shooting through the air and Aveda’s body whirling through the unicorn mass and Evie barking at her to watch out, but it was like I was watching them on TV. I felt disconnected, removed. What the hell was going on? Why was the evil unicorn army immune to my power?

  BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

  The sound rose up in my ears, that all-too-familiar plane engine sound. I scanned the air wildly, looking for the blurry spot, or for signs of a veil of fog somewhere. Not there . . . not there . . . dammit. I mean, Aveda looked like she was rendered in perfect crystal-clear hi-def. I widened the scope of where I was looking, my eyes flicking over every single hidden nook of the store. No . . . no . . . wait. There it was. In the back, next to the biggest Paranormal Romance shelf. That telltale spot where everything looked fuzzy.

  BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

  The sound was threatening to overwhelm me as it always did, and I gritted my teeth, determined to rise above it. I stole a glance at Evie. She and Aveda were fully absorbed in the unicorn fracas.

  “All right, Pancake,” I murmured to the pup. “Big Sis isn’t gonna like this, but I gotta do it. Hold on tight and don’t even think about trying to go rogue and throw your tiny self at these porcelain beasts.”

  I tightened my grip on Pancake, gathered every drop of strength and mental fortitude I could muster, and launched myself into the battlefield of unicorns. I danced around a parade of miniatures charging the bottom shelf of Cozy Mysteries, kicked aside a green-and-gold glass model jumping toward the cash register, and dodged out of the way of a life-sized horse monster galloping around the pink couch.

  Aveda was in front of the massive Queen Mother unicorn, delivering kick after powerful kick to its back legs.

  “Go! Down! You! Asshole!” she snarled.

  I sped past her, keeping an eye on the blurry spot in the back of the store, trying not to get overwhelmed by the roaring in my ears. I made a quick detour to the bathroom, cracking the door open and plopping Pancake down on the floor. He whined inquisitively.

  “Stay here, buddy,” I said, scratching him behind the ears. “Stay here and don’t come out until someone who is not a murderous porcelain unicorn comes and gets you. I love your mom, and I love you, and I really can’t bear the thought of anything hurting either of you.” Pancake sat back on his haunches and gazed up at me like he got it. I stood, carefully shut the bathroom door behind me, and turned to face that telltale blurry spot in the air. The roaring in my ears was still there, but it was such a constant presence at this point, I was used to it.

  I glanced back at Evie, still sending out streams of fireballs at the unicorn army, her brow furrowed in concentration. I felt a stab of regret. I didn’t want to hurt her, to disappoint her, any more than I already had.

  We’d work it out when I returned from the Otherworld with Mom. We’d have a big family hug and she’d realize everything I’d been doing was for a reason.

  I forced myself to turn away from her, screwed up all my courage, and ran toward that blurry spot in the air. Then I closed my eyes and jumped.

  This time, I didn’t fall into darkness and land on mysterious velvety ground. Instead I found myself plopped down in a grassy field, a vast expanse of blue sky above me. I sat up slowly, anticipating the heavy press of the atmosphere around me. But that wasn’t there, either. It felt like I was just in the real world, surrounded by a bunch of mundane nature and shit. I heard rustling and turned toward the sound.

  I saw long, curly dark hair. Bright green eyes. An even brighter smile. And then I heard that voice, the voice that sounded like music, the voice I’d craved so badly for the last decade of my life.

  “Oh, Bug,” my mot
her said. “You finally found me.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  TEARS SPRANG TO my eyes. I couldn’t believe I was staring up at her. That I was hearing that musical voice out loud instead of trying to conjure it up from cobbled-together fragments of memory. That she was actually here.

  Yes, I’d held out hope this entire time that I’d find her. I’d been steadfast in that—stubborn, even. But to actually see her standing in front of me . . .

  I opened my mouth, tried to say something, and could only manage the most pathetic of tiny whimpers. I sounded like Pancake being denied food. And as the tears broke free and started to stream down my face, I realized something: In the most secret part of my sub-conscious, I’d doubted my own hope. I’d wanted so badly to find her, but deep down, I’d wondered if Evie was right. If my hope was as foolish as it had been so many other times.

  “Bug.” Mom held out her arms. “Come here.”

  I scrambled to my feet. The tears were streaming freely down my cheeks now, blurring everything around me. But I managed to stumble forward into her arms. I slumped against her, deflating completely. It was like all the tension, all the sadness, all the pain of the last two weeks—hell, the last ten years—left my body. In her arms, I could remember everything about her, all the vibrant detail I’d lost the longer she’d been gone; the gentleness of her hands stroking my hair, her light scent of cinnamon mixed with magnolia. I could have just stayed there, being soothed, forever. It felt like coming home.

  “Bug,” she said, pulling back and putting her hands on my shoulders. “Let me look at you.” She smiled at me warmly, her green eyes—the eyes Evie always said were so much like mine—sparkling. She was wearing an outfit I vaguely remembered, one of those hippie-dippie maxi-dresses with bell sleeves she’d loved so much. This one had a tiny daisy print. “You’ve gotten so beautiful. And look at this hair, like a mermaid’s. It’s so you.” She laughed in wonder.

  “Mom,” I choked out, trying to get my bearings. I needed to get my shit together for two seconds so we could get her out of here. “I have to figure out how to get back,” I continued, my words spilling out in a rush. “I mean, before it was automatic, I just hear that plane noise again, and then I get dumped back to where I came from, but I’m not sure how to take someone else with me. Do you know?”

  A shadow passed over her face. “It’s going to take some doing, my darling. I’ll explain in a moment. First, please tell me how you are. How Evie is. I want to know everything.” She clasped my hands in hers and beamed.

  “We’re good, Mom,” I said. I was still trying and failing to get a handle on the chaotic mass of emotions crashing through me. Every nerve in my body felt like it was standing at attention, like the world around me was turned up way too loud. “I mean, mostly.” It didn’t really seem like the time or place to get into Evie’s and my dysfunctional dynamic. “Evie’s a badass superheroine, and she protects San Francisco from demons, and there are even comic books based on her adventures and stuff. And she fell in love and married the most amazing guy. He seems kind of grumpy and dour at first, but he’s actually the kindest, most patient person, and he loves her so much. And I’m . . . um . . .” I swallowed hard. What could I say that wouldn’t make me sound like a total loser? I’m a currently-on-probation part-time superhero and directionless bookstore lackey who’s in a fight with one of her best friends and sleeping with the other one? I’ve never, ever figured out how to not be a total disappointment to the one other remaining member of our fractured family?

  “Oh, Bug,” my mother said, reaching up to brush tears from my cheek. “You’re in so much turmoil. I can see it written all over your face. You know, while I’ve been trapped here, I’ve been able to see snippets of your life. I know you’re trying so hard. And you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

  “Th-thank you,” I whispered, my voice shaky.

  “I can’t believe I’ve missed so much,” she said, shaking her head. “Kathy’s been catching me up. Is it true that your father—”

  “Wait a minute, what?” I interrupted. “Oh, and, uh, yes, Mom, Dad’s a total deadbeat, sorry. But more importantly: Kathy’s evil! She tried to mind battle with me at the Market and I’m pretty sure she’s the one who trapped you here—”

  “Oh, no, Bug,” Mom said, her brows drawing together. “Kathy’s a true friend. She’s been trying to help me get out.”

  I frowned. “Are you sure?”

  “Of course I’m sure,” my mother said, smiling.

  “B-but she’s trapped other people here, too,” I said. “This guy who owned a pretzel stand—”

  “I’m afraid you’ve misunderstood. Or more accurately, you’ve been misled.” She frowned, getting that steely look Evie was always talking about—the Tanaka Glare. But it wasn’t aimed at me; it seemed to be directed at whoever had been doing all this misleading. “Those people in the other dimension are dark forces, trying to imprison more people as I’ve been imprisoned all these years. Kathy’s been trying to stop them. But they will try to trick you, Bug—you can’t listen to anything they say.”

  I took a deep breath, trying to make sense of what she was saying. “What do you mean ‘other dimension’? How many demon prison dimensions are there? And if Kathy’s on the side of good, why has she been trying to block me at every turn? I mean, she basically punched me with her mind—”

  “Bug.” My mom took my hands in hers and gave me a gentle smile. “Slow down, love.” Tears pricked my eyes again. Being able to touch her and talk to her and see her smile at me the way she had when I was little—it was all so sweet and fresh and novel. Even though I was confused, even though we were chatting in her demon dimension prison cell, I felt soothed. Like that wild, unruly piece of me, always looking for the next exciting distraction, was finally calm. Serene, even. For once, I wasn’t looking for anything other than what was right in front of me. That missing piece had finally snapped into place. I felt whole.

  “I’ll explain everything when I can,” Mom said, squeezing my hands. “I promise. But for now, I need you to help me get out of here. We need to stop the dark forces from imprisoning all of San Francisco here in the Otherworld. They have almost everything they need. If I don’t get out soon—”

  “Tell me how.” I tried to rally my focus around that single question, brushing aside the million other queries I had.

  “In order for me to be free, we need to trap one more dark force in the prison dimension—the place where you encountered those souls who would mislead you—”

  “Hold on,” I said, unable to help myself. “Back to my first question: how many freakin’ demon prison dimensions are there?”

  “This place is part of that dimension as well,” my mother said, gesturing around her. “The Otherworld’s prison dimension is sectioned off in ways I do not completely understand.”

  “You definitely got the nicer digs,” I said, scanning the idyllic golden field. “Okay, so one more dark force: how do I find it?”

  “It will be housed in the body of a seemingly regular human—but that person is rotten down to their very core,” Mom said. “You’ll know who it is, my darling. You’ll feel it. And when you find them, take their hand. Compel them to go with you. The rest will come.”

  “I need more than that—”

  “You don’t,” she said, smiling. “Trust your gut, Bug. I do.”

  Warmth washed over me again, and that lovely, soothed feeling pulsed in my chest.

  “I’ve missed you so much,” I said, tears filling my eyes again. “I’ve felt so lost, and I’ve done so many things wrong and . . .”

  “And now we can make everything right,” she said. She smoothed my hair away from my face.

  “Mom—” My voice caught, and a sob clogged my throat. There was so much I wanted to say to her, so much I wanted to—

  But before I could finish that thought, the roarin
g was in my ears again, and I was falling through the air screaming for my mother, and then I was falling on my ass in the middle of It’s Lit, the real world coming back into harsh focus around me.

  “No! Goddammit, no!” I screamed. I clawed wildly at the air, my eyes scanning the room, desperately trying to find that telltale blur. I needed to get back there. I needed to talk to Mom some more, I needed—

  “Bea!” Evie was at my side, her hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay? God, what happened? Why did you jump into the Otherworld again? Why—”

  “I found Mom,” I choked out. “I found her, and now I have to get her back. And once I do that . . . everyone in San Francisco will be safe. From being trapped like she is.”

  I looked around again, Evie’s incessant barrage of questions fading to a burble as I took stock of the scene. The unicorns were gone—or at least the ones that were still there had turned back into harmless porcelain. The shop was wrecked, busted furniture and books and other detritus tossed everywhere. The barricade had been raised, and Aveda was moving amongst the distressed Art Jam customers, making sure they were okay. Leah was huddled on the somehow still intact pink velvet couch, cuddling Pancake in her arms.

  That part of me that had felt so soothed and comforted and right while I was talking to Mom had shattered. I was twelve years old again, in that hospital waiting room, and Evie was grasping my shoulders, and I was screaming, and my entire world was falling apart. I couldn’t believe Mom had finally been right in front of me, only to be ripped away in an instant. I had to get her back. I had to save the city.

  And she’d told me how.

  I scrambled to my feet, still ignoring Evie’s insistence that I tell her what was going on.

  You’ll know who it is, my darling. You’ll feel it.