Always You

by Belle Brooks

  The airport is bustling, and the excitement wrapping around my veins is overwhelming. Lexi’s flight just grounded and in a few short moments I will hold my big sister in my arms.

  Hurry up already.

  Mum has one of my hands clasped tightly, and Dad the other. The suspense is killing us as we smile between each other. Will stands by Dad’s shoulder and he looks nervous, but I’m not so sure why. Well, that is until Lexi, John, and Streeter walk down the walkway together.

  The scream that leaves my mouth almost deafens myself. I try running in my floral skirt, but my leg doesn’t allow it, so I hobble instead. Lexi looks so different. Her hair is now a short concave bob. When she left, it was long and flowing. Her skin is its usual pale colour, only now it looks flawless, but that could be because her lips are stained a heavy red, creating the illusion of paler skin. Her eyes even look wider when I shift my attention to them. Maybe seeing the world the way she has will do such a thing. A tight black singlet and a short miniskirt make her appear taller, but when she gets close to me, I realise she still smells the same…fresh, floral, and clean.

  “Maybelline.” She sobs the moment I’m in her arms. There are going to be more tears for me today, but at least these ones are from happiness. “I missed you,” she continues.

  I can’t speak because I’m too choked up.

  Looking over Lexi’s shoulder, I watch Will reunite with John-John. John is quick to wrap his hand around his brother’s head, tucking him to his chest. I have no idea what they are saying, but it is a picture-perfect moment. Streeter hangs back waiting, but when Will steps out of John’s hold, he repeats the same action his brother did only moments ago. No sooner do I blink, Willard and John’s parents have arrived and a family huddle seems necessary, with Streeter included. After all, Streeter practically lived at the Connors’ house when we were younger.

  Mum and Dad join in on mine and Lexi’s embrace and two families are reunited in an event I had no clue about. I guess they are all here for the final moments of my life. What a goodbye it will be.

  The drive home is quick. Willard went in his parents’ car, and I went in my parents’ car. However, we all pull up into the same driveway, the one belonging to our three-bedroom apartment. Nine people in our space is going to be a tight squeeze, but we’ll make it work.

  The BBQ is fired up in no time, and we sit out in our courtyard and spend the night swapping stories. Lexi has seen so much and I sit in awe of her as she explains the sites she has taken in. I can’t help but feel slightly saddened, though. All I’ve ever wanted to do is travel to the States and run around under the hanging branches of a willow tree, my favourite tree apart from Willard’s and my gum tree, of course. This won’t happen for me now, but maybe one day Willard will go to the States and see one for me in my honour.

  Streeter is as funny as I remembered him to be, still quick to the pun with his smart arse replies. His red hair is crew cut and his face baby smooth.

  “May, women dig Navy uniforms,” he teases.

  “I have no doubt they do.” I giggle, blowing against a sausage from the BBQ. Will had wrapped it in a paper towel for me. “So, no little woman yet?” I mock.

  “Lots of little women,” he jokes, causing both mine and Will’s mums to roll their eyes in response.

  “Smart man,” John finally chimes in. He’s been oddly quiet. Maybe being back in Australia is going to take some getting used to. Jet lag could also be the cause. I have a strong sense something’s off with him, though.

  Everybody hovers around our patio table, creating burgers from the salads and meats Will has laid out. John and I are the only two remaining seated. John has been glancing my way often, but until now, he’s kept his distance.

  “Are you going to eat?” I ask curiously.

  “Soon.” He turns to face me. “Hey, Squirt.” His nickname for me hasn’t changed.

  God, John looks so much like Willard. You can tell these two are brothers from a simple glance in passing. The same blond hair, the same blue eyes, even their builds are identical. If they weren’t born so many years apart, you’d swear they were twins.

  “Hey, John-John.” I smile with the use of my nickname for him.

  A sudden look of concern narrows his eyes. “May, how bad is it? Nobody has told us how bad. We just know you’re really sick, but you don’t look sick, so I’m confused.”

  “Come with me.” I half-smile, leaning towards him.

  When John stands, he’s slightly shorter than Will. I forgot that Will had more height. I guess being older doesn’t mean you’re taller.

  Leading John inside, we sit at the kitchen table. I sit on one side, John on the other.

  “May. How bad?” Stress lines mar his face.

  “I’m dying, John.” I offer a gentler tone to try and lessen the impact.

  “Dying?” He rubs below his temple.

  I nod in response. “Did they tell you about the baby?”

  “Baby?” His eyebrows form the shape of two caterpillars crawling towards each other.

  “We’re having a baby.” My shoulders lift with my beaming smile as his mouth hangs wide. “I’m a few days over ten weeks. The doctors are hoping I survive until thirty-two weeks so the baby has a really good chance.”

  “What?” He throws his head back. His eyes fill with anger.

  Shaking my head, I try to remember for everybody else this is a shock, though for me, it is reality. “I don’t have a lot of time left because my pregnancy will speed up the attack of the cancer cells. I’m riddled with it, it seems, so it’s now a race against time.”

  “Fuck, May.” Slumping his body has his head facing downwards.

  I’m alerted to a clearing of a throat, Willard’s.

  “You told him.”

  I nod.

  “John, are you okay?” Will’s voice wavers.

  “No, Will, I’m not okay. Why the fuck didn’t anyone tell us? How long have you known?”

  “About six weeks.” Will takes the seat at the end of the square glass table.

  “I can’t believe it.”

  “I know. I can’t either.”

  “I’ll let you two boys talk. I’m going back outside.” Standing, I don’t make more than a few steps before John has me to his chest.

  “Squirt, I’m really sorry.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for, John. I’m so happy you’re home.”

  “I don’t want—”

  “John, it is what it is. You’re going to get a niece or a nephew, so this is a celebration.”

  “I love you, May. Only you could find reasoning like this.”

  “I’ve had longer for it to sink in. Talk to your brother. He’s going to need you.”

  Releasing his arms, I turn and take two steps before running my hand over Will’s head and bending to kiss his cheek. “See you outside, handsome.”

  “Okay, beautiful.” He winks.

  Reaching the back door, I wonder how much Lexi knows. I’ll wait until later to find out.

  Willard and John take a long time until they return, but they do. The evening moves along with much laughter. All three of our newly homed family members have had the most amazing adventures. Willard and John hit the beer hard and the few times I’ve addressed Will and suggested he slow down, he hasn’t.

  “I climbed the Eiffel Tower, Mum.” Lexi leans back, sipping a glass of red wine.

  “You can’t climb the Eiffel Tower,” Streeter butts in, flipping a beer cap with his fingers.

  “You can so,” Lexi huffs.

  “On the outside.” His eyebrows hitch high on his head.

  “No, don’t be stupid. On the inside.” Lexi is not amused by Streeter stirring her up.

  Streeter’s shoulders shake from his laughter. He seems to be enjoying giving her shit. I think he has a thing for Lexi, so I laugh too.

  Willard and John along with my father and Will’s father don’t seem to be paying attention. They are muttering amongst themselves.
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  Tiredness hits me like a truck. My body is aching. My leg is throbbing. I need to lie down. My morning sickness will be back in full swing come morning and I think I’ve enjoyed a little too much excitement for one day. My body is changing in a lot of ways already. I’m sure it’s from the pregnancy.

  Standing from the chair, my head whirls. I blink my eyes rapidly and feel the pull of darkness…oh shit, I’m going to pass out.

  I do. When I open my eyes, I’m held in my father’s arms.

  “I caught you, Slugger.” The lines around his eyes and mouth are more pronounced.

  “Thanks, Dad, was I out long?”

  “A few seconds.”

  The sound of glass smashing causes me instant worry. “What just happened?”

  “Let’s go inside, May.”

  “Why? What happened?”

  “May, we need to go inside.”

  “Will,” I call out and then I hear him yelling.

  “This is bullshit. This is fucking bullshit. Why can’t this be happening to some lowlife scum of the earth? Why my wife? Why?”

  “Holy shit,” I whisper.

  “May. Come on,” Dad repeats.

  “I’ll calm him, Dad. Will’s kind and gentle. He doesn’t have a bad bone in his body. I’ll—”

  “May, Willard’s a man suffering a great deal of heartache right now, not to mention he is liquored up to his eyeballs with his brother in tow…this is not a good combination for any man. Hell, if it were me and this were happening to your mother, I’d say I’d probably be the same way. Come on, let’s go inside.”

  I heed Dad’s warning and begin limping in the direction of the back door. That is until Dad swoops me in his arms and runs me the remainder of the way as a chair goes whizzing by us in full flight.

  I told Will to slow down on the booze.

  Lexi is yelling at Will as she too enters the house behind us with Mum in tow.

  “He’s lost it. Why is Will acting like this? Why is Will screaming May is going to die? I mean, we know you’re pretty sick now, but you’re not dying.” She huffs with a crossed gaze before puffing her cheeks out in frustration when I shift my eyes in her direction.

  Well, my question on how much my sister knows has been answered. Not much by the sounds of it.

  Mum glows a shade of pink when I spy her. Swallowing hard, she drops her head downwards.

  “What?” Lexi tuts at both of us. “You’re not dying, May.”

  Lacing Lexi’s fingers in mine, I lead her to the lounge and sit close so our knees touch.

  “May, you are kind of scaring me right now.”

  Placing my hand against the side of her head, I feel the softness of her freshly cut hair. Fiddling with the strands, I delay my response because I don’t want to see Lexi lose it as well.

  Watching her eyes open wide and her mouth do the same tells me I can’t hide this from her any longer.

  “May.”

  “Lexi, I am dying.” I planned to say this with strength, but it comes out like a trembling mouse cornered by a cat.

  “Mum. Tell May she’s not.”

  I can’t help but smirk. Typical Lexi, running to Mum. She was such a dibber dobber growing up.

  Mum sits on the other side of her, patting her hand against her shoulder. “May is.”

  Lexi twists sharply, and Mum gathers her lovingly. She cries with such force, I find myself unable to handle the sound and retreat to the bedroom, closing the door swiftly behind me. Tonight did not go well and I’m feeling hot and frazzled.

  Tapping against the door has me calling out, “Yes.”

  “It’s Dad.”

  “Come in,” I answer.

  Striding towards the bed, I notice the purple heat pack in his hand. “Thought you’d be needing this.”

  “Another thousand of them would help more.”

  “A lot of pain today?” He scrunches his face.

  “Yeah.” I press my lips hard together as I lay the heat pack on my thigh.

  “I can go down to the chemist and get some more. There’s an all-night pharmacy a few blocks away.”

  “Will got me more. They are under the kitchen sink.”

  “I’ll go heat some up for you, Slugger.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  Just as Dad walks out of the bedroom doorway, Sylvia enters flinging her arms around in a tizzy.

  “Sweetheart, I’m sorry about Willard’s behaviour. He’s—”

  “It’s okay. Dad explained Will’s letting off steam.”

  “I’ve never seen him like this. Not even as a teenager.” Desperation is scrawled across her face. Her normally bright hazel eyes are depleted of colour. Her black hair is tied in a messy up-knot.

  “Me neither. I guess we aren’t ourselves when we’ve been drinking and are facing something so life defining.”

  “I guess not. I’m going to take Willard back to our house tonight. Is this okay with you, sweetheart?” Sylvia sits on the bed, rubbing the top of the heat pack laid across my thigh.

  “It will be for the best. I agree. I’m feeling really sick tonight anyways.”

  “Will’s not staying here,” Dad says, handing me four more heat packs when he enters.

  “I think it’s best we take him home to our place so he can sleep it off.” Sylvia stands, shifting her body to face Dad.

  “Probably best, you’re right.”

  “I’m so sorry, Cliff, you know our Willard is a good man.”

  “I do. He’s human. This is understandable.”

  “I’m going to take him home now. Rest up, sweet girl.” Sylvia presses her dry lips beside my ear. “Our hearts are all breaking,” she confesses.

  “I know,” I whisper through a sudden burning throat.

  “Good night, May.”

  “Good night, Sylvia.”

  Once Sylvia leaves, Dad lies down on the bed beside me. Shoes and all. “Where do you need those packs?”

  “Everywhere, Dad. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

  “Here.”

  Placing one to my forehead makes me groan in appreciation. Another is placed across my knee, one on the opposite arm and the other one I lay against my chest. I’m not sure if the bones are hurting or my heart is breaking, but either way it brings some relief.

  Pulling the covers to my chin, Dad says, “Stay still and relax.”

  “Okay, Daddy.” I close my eyes and only open them again when the television hanging from the roof at the foot of the bed switches on.

  “I can turn it off if it’s bothering you,” Dad is quick to remark.

  “No, leave it on.” I smile.

  “I’m going to stay right here, if you’d like. I’d like to stay with you a while.”

  “I’d love that, Daddy.”

  When I start to feel overheated I take the heat packs from my skin and place them on the bedside cupboard.

  “Are you okay?” He shuffles upright, offering me help.

  “Too hot. I feel really sick,” I mutter.

  The air-conditioner switches on quickly. Rolling over, I lay my head on Dad’s chest, and he wraps his arm around my upper back.

  “Go to sleep, Slugger.”

  “Okay, Daddy.” My eyes flutter closed and I’m welcomed into a peaceful sleep.

  At first, it’s a minor rolling sensation. Then it flips the pit of my stomach and before long it sends my stomach’s contents up my throat and into my mouth. Trying to throw back the covers is difficult when your body feels as though it’s been pasted to the bitumen by a steamroller. Launching to my feet has my right leg buckling and me hitting the deck. When my stomach presses to the carpet, another wave of nausea rolls through me. I grip my mouth, trying to contain the vomit behind my pinched tight lips, but it doesn’t work and forces its way out. My shoulders heave as does the remainder of my body while I complete the act of morning sickness all over the bedroom floor.

  I need Willard.

  “Will, I didn’t make it. You didn’t carry me.�
� My voice is strained.

  He doesn’t answer.

  “Will, babe, I’ve spewed all over the carpet.” Warm liquid leaks down my inner thighs. Turning my eyebrows in before glancing my eyes downwards, I’m alerted to the large water patches on either side of the inside of my pants. I just fucking wet myself.

  “Will, I wet myself, babe.” How embarrassing.

  “You what? What’s that smell?” Lexi’s croaky morning voice startles me. Why is Lexi in here? Better still when did she come over?

  “Lex.”

  “Holy crap, May.” Lex kneels beside me, away from the mess.

  “I know.”

  “No. May, there’s blood on the floor.”

  “Doctor Brown says some blood—” I stop talking when I’m faced with the pile of vomit. This isn’t a little bit of blood…this is all blood. “That’s not normal, Lex, get help.”

  “Mum…Mum…Dad…Dad…help.” Lex’s screams muffle the farther she moves away.

  Looking back at the brightly red stained carpet, I panic. Why is there so much blood? Looking down at my pyjama pants sets my heart into a frantic sprint. They are also streaked with blood. “Holy shit,” I try to scream, but gargle instead. Dropping my jaw downwards causes more blood to flow out of my mouth and it slides over my chin. “Help me,” I gargle again.

  At first I’m spinning, then I’m floating before I fall like a tree cut from its stump deep in the forest. The colour red fills my sight and as I lie here, unable to move, I think of Willard and me frolicking in the forest on an epic treasure hunt. I wish I could be on a treasure hunt with Will right now, because here in this room I’m petrified.

  Muffled voices call my name. Hands touch and pull at my skin before I’m rolled onto my back. Trying hard to focus, I see my father’s face zooming in and out, the fear he’s displaying makes me even more frightened.

  “No. No. No. May, not yet, don’t leave us yet.” He’s frantic, he’s screaming, he’s crying.

  I try to speak, but there is no sound. “I love you, Daddy,” I manage to mouth.

  “Please, May, hold on. Hold on for Will. He’s not here…he’s not here with you…you can’t leave him without a goodbye. You can’t leave him this way.”