Surrender

by D H Sidebottom

  “Oh, you won’t want me,” I choked out over his hold. “I have herpes, Johnny. Caught it off Nial Denvers.” Shit thank you brain for actually working. Everyone has a boss even the shitty drug dealers and lowest of low criminals and Nial’s was Johnny’s.

  He stiffened, staring at me like I’d just told him his mother had died. His forehead creased with the severity of his frown. “What are you doing with Nial?”

  “Didn’t you know? We’ve been together a while.”

  He peered at me and I attempted to keep the sincerity in my gaze. “I thought he was with Veronica.”

  I nodded, knowing he would have seen Nial out and about with his bimbo. “Oh he is, but, well, he likes to have me once in a while. Something different. You know how he is.”

  He swallowed. I prayed. After a heartbeat he dropped me, his face full of ire and disappointment. “Well.” He leaned down and pulled at Seb’s ties, looking like he’d lost a pound and found a penny. “Send my apologies to Nial. I didn’t realise.”

  “That’s completely understandable, Johnny. I’ll keep this between us if you refuse to serve Seb in the future.”

  I knew he’d find out sooner or later but I’d deal with that problem when it arose again. Right then I just wanted to get the fuck out. Girls moved around the hallway, their naked bodies visible through the open door, all of then peering in, all of them looking way too thin and way too high.

  Huffing, he nodded and thrust Seb into my open arms. I groaned, attempting to hold up his dead weight. “Just get him out of here.”

  Nodding, and finding the energy from my fear to drag him, I virtually ran out. The taxi driver, bless him, was banging on his steering wheel nervously. On seeing me pull Seb down the path, he shoved open the rear door for me, waited until I pushed him in and climbed in behind him then shot off at a speed that caused me to fall back into the seat.

  “You okay, love?” he asked when his eyes found mine in the rear-view mirror and dropped to my mouth. Bringing my fingers to my lip, I dabbed at the swell, cursing when blood coated my hands. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Leah would go nuclear.

  “Where to now?”

  Telling him the nearest hospital, I finally blew out a breath and leaned back, closing my eyes. “Stop!” I shouted quickly. Jerking in surprise, he slammed on the brakes.

  Pulling my door open, I leaned out and vomited all over the roadside, terror turning into nausea all too quickly.

  “Sorry,” I murmured as I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand.

  He smiled and shook his head, pulling off again, more slowly this time.

  Tears filled my eyes when I looked down at Seb, his broken face causing my heart to weep with my eyes. I stroked the hair out of his eyes and placed a gentle kiss to his forehead. “I’m so sorry, little brother. I’m so sorry.”

  He mumbled something, slid his arm around my waist and snuggled into me, groaning when the action caused him pain. “Me too, Isla.”

  IT WAS LATE WHEN I eventually got back to the cottage. I paid the driver the rest of whatever was in my purse and literally fell out of the car.

  Sighing in relief when I noticed all the lights were out in the house, I waved off the driver and pulled the keys from my bag.

  Seeing the cottage for the first time gave me my first smile in hours. It was quite secluded, rested in front of a small cluster of trees. The small front garden was amass with growth, all of it obviously landscaped. I did, however, wonder why it was called a cottage. It was more of a three floor cabin, a trio of levels each with quaint little window boards and a panelled wood exterior. Tiny lights lit my way up the path, giving me much needed security after the day I’d had.

  I closed the front door behind me and sank back against it, my back sliding down the smooth wood when the darkness confirmed that Leah was in bed. A choked sob ripped up my throat and I buried my face into my drawn up knees and cried. I’d wanted to explore my new home but even that didn’t seem so appealing anymore.

  I didn’t know how to help him. Leah always said it wasn’t up to me, but it was; it so was. It was my fault he’d taken to drugs to stop his nightmares. I’d broken my family, in fact that was wrong, I’d shattered them all. If I was honest, their continuous love for me made it all that much harder on me, my guilt refusing to subside when they looked at me with so much love. I didn’t deserve their love, I deserved their hatred and their anger for what I had put them through.

  I felt sick with the thought of drawing money from the credit card Adam had given me for business transactions. What the hell was I going to say? I hadn’t even started work properly, he’d given me this week as a settling in week, moving and learning all about the different divisions of Deviant. It didn’t look good, the new girl syphoning money before she’d even gotten her feet under the table.

  “Hey,” Leah whispered as she settled beside me on the floor. I sank into her, needing the comfort she offered.

  “Fuck, Leah. I thought I wasn’t getting out of there in one piece.” I hiccupped.

  She sighed, wiping at my tears with the sleeve of her pyjama top. “What happened?”

  She pulled me through to the kitchen as I explained. Her grumbles were loud as my eyes popped everywhere when she flicked on lights throughout our journey through the house.

  “Oh my,” I breathed, staring at the high ceilings and the luxury of the home. Everything was in rustic wood, the furniture simple but plush, no deep heavy colours marring the cottage’s décor. Everything we needed was there, including a state of the art kitchen, of course in a wooden finish.

  She filled the kettle then came to sit at the farmhouse table with me. “Yeah, it’s lovely isn’t it?” Her eyes smiled as she looked around the room with me, both of us in awe at the place.

  “I’m sure they could rent this place out,” I murmured. “Why use it as staff accommodation?” I frowned at her when she looked away suspiciously. “What?”

  Shaking her head, she refused to answer me, and got up to make our drinks.

  “Leah, what?”

  She placed my tea in front of me, her eyes curious as she sat beside me. “What kind of relationship did you have with Jake at college?”

  My eyes widened, the sip of tea I’d just swallowed burning my throat. “We didn’t have any sort of relationship. I don’t think he uttered two words to me never mind everyone else. Why?”

  She pursed her lips. “I dunno, just an impression I got from him at dinner.”

  “Oh, how did it go?”

  “Okay. We hardly spoke about anything but you.”

  “What?” I choked out, the other mouthful of tea I’d taken now dribbling down my chin. “What did you tell him?”

  “Relax,” she said quickly when she saw the horror on my face. “I didn’t tell him anything important. Just silly stuff, just to keep him off the trail.”

  Nodding gratefully, I blew out a breath. “I don’t understand.”

  “Mmm, but he did slip up.” I watched her, waiting for her to continue. She grinned. “It was his authority that you have this place.”

  “What?”

  She rolled her eyes at my one syllable conversational skills. “Yeah, he clammed up after he told me. But seriously Isla, the guy has the hots for you.”

  I laughed. “Leah, Jake Devine doesn’t have the hots for anyone. That I can guarantee.”

  She shrugged, getting up and placing her cup in the sink. “I’m taking a guess that he does. Why else would he give you the best accommodation on the property?”

  “He didn’t.” I chuckled, following her lead and planting my mug beside hers. “Adam did. He’s bigging himself up, having you on.”

  “Uh-huh.” She smirked, giggling when I slapped her arm.

  Taking me up two flights of stairs, she opened a door at the top. “This is your room,” she told me with a sly grin before giving my cheek a quick kiss and disappearing back down the stairs.

  My breath caught in my throat when she shouted after me. “Now tell me he
doesn’t feel something for you.”

  I couldn’t take my eyes off the right section of the attic room that spanned the entire size of the house. A black glossy baby grand piano sat in front of the little window, a small plush red stool situated in front of it. I didn’t pay any attention to the rest of the room, my feet just carried me across the floor, my lungs refusing to work as tears slid down my face.

  I drew my fingertips over the Steinway & Sons name emblazoned into the satin case. “Holy fuck,” I whispered, my breathing refusing to return to normal. “It doesn’t make sense.”

  Instead of questioning it, I slid onto the stool, my soul directing me without argument as my fingers slid across the mirror-like surface. Eventually, I moved to the keys, hovering, almost not daring to touch them in case my clumsy fingers broke something so utterly priceless.

  “What the hell, Jake Devine?”

  My fingertips moved hesitantly, my eyes never moving from the top of the case. Surely there must have been some mistake. This couldn’t have been placed there for me. Steinways took around a year to build and exceeded £40,000, even for baby grand’s.

  A smile replaced my frown when the music purred around me, the quality even in the loft space absolutely heart stopping. Gearing up, my eyes closed and I dissolved into the rich sound, allowing it to regulate my heart beat, my blood pumping with each strike of the keys, my soul playing along with me.

  Time evaporated as I played, my mind forgetting everything but how my heart wanted to play. Tears flowed, I couldn’t make them stop, but they weren’t tears of sorrow. I was literally weeping for joy, my emotions refusing to play ball as my fingers sang with the notes.

  Finally coming to a slow close, I jumped when a slow clap echoed in the silence from behind me. Spinning round I jolted backwards when my eyes landed on Jake, who sat on my bed. His gaze was soft, almost as if he was in awe.

  “I remember once,” he said quietly, his eyes holding mine hostage. “Walking past the auditorium at college. This . . . this sound came floating around me, lyrical, as though each note was singing its own song.”

  I couldn’t move, my shaking legs and his look refused me any escape.

  “I looked through the window. You were in there in the dark, completely on your own. Yet you weren’t alone, Isla. The music, your playing was the only company you needed.” He smiled softly then stood up and pulled open the door. “Now you’ll never be alone again.” With that he walked through the door and closed it quietly behind him.

  My body failed to do anything other than allow my heart to stampede in my chest as I sat and stared at the door.

  SEB LAUGHED AT ME, the sound of his deep infectious chuckles making me laugh as I twirled around the floor, the full skirt of the dress I had chosen to wear to the New Year party Leah had dragged me along to swirling around me. Mum and Dad grinned happily, their bodies swaying to the music as I danced for them.

  They clapped when the song came to a stop. “Woohoo!” Seb hollered into his hands, my dad whistling through two fingers.

  The front door opened and Leah walked into the room, her eyes smoked up perfectly and her expert application of make-up lifting her high cheekbones even further, giving her an exotic look. Her tight leather dress got the attention of my father who quirked an eyebrow at her. “Leah Gent! You’re never going out like that?” Mum chastised as though she was Leah’s mother.

  “Oh relax, Marianne. I can taunt but they never touch.”

  I stared at her, the lying troll.

  She stuck her nose in the air, narrowing her eyes when she saw my expression. “You ready, babe?”

  Nodding, I snatched up my bag, turning to blow my family a kiss. Their admiring gazes and love for me reflected back in their eyes. “Have fun,” Mum shouted to me. “Don’t drink too much, and make sure you stick together.”

  I stilled, looking at each of them as my hand held onto the door handle, a slight tremor shaking my bones when a deep ominous sense of dread made my legs feel like jelly. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe, my heart careering off course as my breastbone struggled to keep the frantic beat in my chest.

  “Isla?” Seb peered at me anxiously, his head tilted to one side. “You okay?”

  “I . . .” My mouth was too dry to form words. Leah’s soft touch on my arm pulled me from my sudden hunch that something wasn’t right and I blinked up at her.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head, forcing a smile to cover my stupidity. I’d scared the shit out of them all, their faces pale as they studied me curiously. “Nothing, I’m sorry. I just had a feeling that I’d forgotten something.”

  “Well, come on, we’ll never get to the bar before midnight at this rate.”

  Laughing I let her pull me over the threshold. The atmosphere seemed to rush at me in a whoosh when someone shouted my name from inside the house. Dropping Leah’s hand I turned back. My breath caught when I saw myself standing in the middle of the room, my dress swaying from side to side as though there was a breeze whipping around me. My own eyes met me, but these replica orbs were full of tears. Blood seeped down my forehead, my cheekbone crushed and part of my mouth hung to the side, my jaw broken and the front two teeth missing. I was holding a hand over a gaping wound in my side, the blood seeping through my fingers and spreading across my pretty pink dress as more blood trickled down the inside of my thighs, pooling over the soft cream high heels. My hair was matted, the clip that had swept it aside so beautifully four hours ago now hung limply at the ends of the clotted strands.

  “Don’t go, Isla. Don’t go,” my image whispered, her head shaking from side to side.

  “I . . .”

  “Don’t go!” Her voice grew louder and louder, her tone piercing and pleading. “Don’t go! DON’T GO! HE’S COMING ISLA. DON’T GO . . .”

  “Isla!”

  My eyes snapped wide and I shot upright, my fingers clawing at my throat when I couldn’t breathe past the sudden rush of vomit.

  “Isla?” Leah’s face swam before me. Pushing her aside I bombed it into the small bathroom attached to my bedroom and vomited into the toilet, my heaves loud and violent.

  “Fuck!” I choked out as another wave of illness hit me and my stomach muscles pulled at the force of my retches.

  Leah swept my hair aside, her hand softly rubbing at my back as she shushed me tenderly. “It was just a dream, Isla. It’s okay, babe.”

  I nodded, fixing my eyes on her as I manoeuvred round and slumped against the toilet column. Grabbing her hand, needing something physical to force the truth that I was awake, I blew out a breath and swiped the sweat from my eyes with my other hand.

  “The usual?” she asked, her eyes full of pity.

  I nodded then slowly shook my head. “No, it was . . . different this time.” She stayed silent, waiting for me to go on but I pushed off the floor and started to brush my teeth. “I’m okay,” I mumbled around the toothbrush when I noticed her watching me warily through the mirror. I gave her a smile and Leah nodded and left.

  I blew out another breath and gripped the edge of the sink, fighting back the images that were trying to burst my sanity.

  “Oh, get a grip, Isla. It was just a dream for Christ’s sake.”

  Switching on the shower, I pulled off Seb’s old large football jersey which I always slept in and stepped inside the cubicle. Immediately my eyes narrowed on the shower cream that sat on the little glass shelf beside the showerhead. I froze. I knew Leah hadn’t unpacked my stuff because she’d told me so. So how the hell was the shower already equipped with my favourite, and rather expensive, product? It was so expensive that I used it sparingly and only replenished my stock in the half price sales after Christmas. Those actual sales were still over five months away, so why the fuck was this bottle full, with the little plastic seal still covering the lid?

  This was no longer too much—it was downright creepy.

  Leah stared at me when I stormed through the house ten minutes later, snatching up my bag
and car keys from the sideboard. “Isla?”

  “I have something to do!” I shouted to her, huffing and storming past the brand new, shiny red Ford Fiesta sat on the driveway with Adam just climbing out of it sporting a huge grin as he tried to hold out the keys to me. “Take it back!” I growled, making his eyes widen and his feet shuffle back slightly.

  “What?”

  “I said take it back!” I shouted as I climbed in my own car. “Tell your boss I don’t want it!”

  He froze, his eyes widening when he realised I’d sussed him out. “And,” I screamed at him as I wound down my window and poked my head out. “Get your fucking removal men to pack our stuff up and deliver it back to my old flat.”

  I didn’t give him chance to say anything else as I tore along the driveway, my head shaking with anger when I realised I didn’t have a clue if the exit out of the damn resort was left or right. “Oh fuck it!” I screamed to myself and went straight forward, my wheels spinning in the plush green grass and sending tufts of mud flying in every direction as I went north . . . across the golf course, in front of the damn luxury cabins, straight across a lovely little picnic area, I knew it was a picnic area when I squashed some fucker’s ham sandwiches under my tyres and saw the bread flick off to the right as I pressed the accelerator and forced my stupid little car to go even faster.

  I wanted an explanation. I wanted it right then and I wanted to kill him, but the explanation would come first.

  After banging on the door for a second time I fisted my hands and punched the wood until I saw his silhouette approaching behind the glass.

  As soon as the door swung open I was on him, my finger prodding him hard in the chest. “Why did you make me wait so long? You knew I was coming, your bloody gate troll alerted you that I was here but you made me stand here like a fucking whore without a coat for a bloody age because you think you’re above everybody!” My jaw dropped and the words disintegrated in my throat when none other than Raquel swanned across the foyer towards the front door, a smug smirk on her face, her six inch stilettos that I was sure were glued to her feet clicking loudly on the shiny wood. I made a mental note to pay Jake’s cleaners to use high gloss beeswax on the floor next time.