Surrender

by D H Sidebottom

  The cat suddenly squealed and shot off when I felt my head whip back sharply, my body stumbling backwards with the force of the pull on my hair. I tried to scream when my back hit a solid wall of flesh but a large sweaty hand covered my mouth before I could even get a breath, the hand that had been in my hair now covering the entirety of my throat in a harsh hold. “Scream and it will be the last thing kitty ever hears from you,” someone snarled in my ear.

  Nodding briskly, I closed my eyes and prayed I didn’t pee myself. Fuck, all I could think was ‘please don’t let me piss myself. I don’t want them laughing at me when they find my dead body’ and the thought wasn’t even a humorous one, it was a deep fear racing through me.

  “Where’s lover boy?”

  I shook my head, not understanding him. His hand was making my stomach curdle, the smell of the sweat and grime the only thing my nostrils could focus on.

  “Don’t lie to me bitch. Where’s Mack?”

  I froze. Seb was often referred to as Mack because of our surname ‘Cormack’ so this wasn’t just some random hit on the little woman who had stupidly entered a poverty-stricken area with a designer handbag swinging off her shoulder.

  I tried to answer him but his hand swallowed my words. Realising this, he slid his hand to my forehead and pressed my head back onto his chest so my neck was exposed more to his severe grasp. “What?” he barked, making me jump. My bladder was not holding out so well.

  “He’s . . . dead.”

  The pain that tore through the side of my head when he punched me felt like he’d managed to pierce my brain with his finger, a sharp stab coursing through my temple when it hit the hard floor. I cried out when a large foot pressed down on the back of my neck. “Don’t lie to me. Where the fuck is he?”

  I squinted at the poor cat who was peering at me with frightened eyes from underneath the sofa. Stupidly, all my last thoughts were that at least I was going to die with something that cared a little about me.

  “I told you . . .” I managed to splutter through the side of my mouth that wasn’t squashed into the carpet.

  His foot lifted. “I’m gonna squash your brain unless you start talking, you little bitch.”

  I closed my eyes and swore I was going to kill Seb when I got to heaven, knowing that the next breath I took was going to be my last when he brought that big size eleven down on my head.

  I heard a very faint but sharp grunt and then I was being lifted. Jake’s face was suddenly in front of me, both his palms pressing against my cheeks as he studied my face with terror in his eyes. “Isla?” His voice was eager, scared and stern.

  My mind couldn’t comprehend the swift change. In one second I was facing death and in the next I was sat on the floor with a frantic Jake shouting at me. My eyes moved from his face to a huge fat guy that was slumped on the floor. It wasn’t because his dead eyes peered at me that I started to pant, nor was it the fact that his mouth hung open and his fat limp tongue hung out that made me scream. It was the fact that his head was on the wrong way round, his neck completely twisted with his back and his face both looking up at the ceiling that made me pass out.

  I WAS MOVING. A steady rhythm rocked my body. It was relaxing and soothing to the harsh thud in my head. Light flickered behind my eyelids as we continued to rock. Surely I wasn’t hungover again? I couldn’t recall drinking. So why the hell did my head bang about in my skull?

  I shot upright, gasping for air when a sudden recollection of my last moments of lucidity came with a force.

  “Relax, Isla.”

  My head shot sideways towards the voice. Adam was smiling softly at me through a rear-view mirror as he sat in the driver’s seat of a car. I sat sideways and upright on the back seat, staring at him like he was an apparition. “You’re okay, you’re safe.” He nodded his head, his bright blue eyes glancing towards the road for a moment before they returned to me.

  I didn’t have the energy to answer him so I just stared at him mutely.

  The car slowed then pulled up. Adam yanked off his seatbelt then exited the car and came round to the rear passenger side. Opening the door he reached in and lifted me into his arms.

  “I have legs!” I managed to protest.

  He chuckled and nodded. “Okay, spitfire. Let’s see you use them.”

  He plonked me onto my feet then caught me two seconds later when they gave way and my body headed for the ground. “See,” he whispered as he picked me back up. “I wasn’t carrying you to belittle you. You’ve had a shock, Isla, that’s all.”

  Smiling apologetically I looked up when he carried me across the remainder of the driveway. “What?” I barked when I realised we were at Jake’s house. “I want to go home, Adam. Not here.”

  Shrugging, he continued to slide a key into the lock and opened the door, stepping inside and kicking the door shut behind him. “Ain’t worth my life, Isla. Jake told me to bring you here, so here you are.”

  “What? Where is he anyway?”

  “He had something to sort out.”

  I was just about to ask what when he stopped abruptly and froze, his grip on me tightening almost defensively. I peered up at him with question then followed what his eyes fiercely glared at.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” he spat as a vaguely familiar graceful woman sauntered down the stairs with the biggest and smuggest smile on her face, her enormous heels clicking loudly on the hard floor as her hips seemed to sway in rhythm to the sound.

  “Hello, Adam.” Her voice was like liquid gold, all soft and rich, her accent upper-class, matching her clothes. I instinctively didn’t like her, and it wasn’t because of her tall lithe figure, or the way her expensive designer jeans hugged her perfect curves, or even the way her large breasts pressed tightly against the sheer fabric of her almost see-through silk blouse. Oh no. It was her look of pure confidence as she glanced from Adam and then to me. Her lip curled as her bright blue eyes roamed over me slowly with an expression of utter disgust.

  “Found another stray, Adam? Hopefully you’ll manage to keep hold of this one.”

  The fury that radiated from him was choking and I squirmed uncomfortably in his hold. Blinking he looked down at me as if suddenly remembering I was there. Yet, he continued to hold onto me. “What the fuck are you doing here, Genesis?”

  Of course. She was the receptionist bitch at Deviant.

  She chuckled, the sound making me grind my teeth. “Relax, I’m on my way out. Jake and I had some . . . personal business to work through.”

  I swallowed, ignoring the stab to my chest. “I thought he’d fucked you off?” Adam growled.

  She laughed. I winced and felt my tooth with my tongue when I was sure I felt it crack with the pressure. Reaching us, she shook her head slowly and tutted, patting Adam on the cheek and making his embrace bone crunching. She glanced at me with a look of antipathy then leaned in to whisper in Adam’s ear.

  He stiffened so much I yelped when his hands fisted and he caught the skin on my arm. He didn’t seem aware and I watched his face contort angrily.

  “Just get out of my face!” he hissed at Genesis through his tight jaw.

  “Or what, Adam? You’ll bury me under the patio with all the others? Don’t panic, I’m going.” She chuckled again, more to herself. “Just like all the women in your life, eh?”

  I stared at her, the crazy bitch, as she laughed loudly then disappeared out of the front door.

  I sensed Adam’s fury as he stomped through the house and almost threw me on the large plush sofa, my body bouncing wildly when my arse came into contact with the soft cushions. He looked at me and I swallowed the gasp at the pain in his eyes.

  “Are you okay?” I whispered.

  His face morphed into various expressions, none of which made him look happy. “I . . .” He swallowed and blew out a long deep breath. “I’ll be around. I just need a moment.”

  I opened my mouth to say something but clamped it shut when he charged out of the room, the door maki
ng me jump when it slammed shut behind him.

  Leaning back, I rested my head on the back of the couch and tried to sort through the raging images and thoughts in my head. I groaned, forcing my eyes open when the vision of the dead fat guy floated to the front and the bile in my belly disagreed with the pictures.

  How the hell had he one minute been preparing to kill me then was in a heap, looking . . . wrong? I knew it was Jake, I knew he had done it but what I couldn’t understand was how one man had the ability to twist someone’s neck so far round that they looked back-to-front. It took skill to kill someone that proficiently, that easily and from the look on Jake’s face after, with complete disregard.

  Muffled shouting stirred me from my thoughts.

  “It has fuck all to do with you!” I turned my head to listen better, it sounded like Jake but then Adam’s voice filtered in.

  “Really? Really? You stupid fool. You never learn. She’s evil, Jake. Fucking twisted and all out for herself!”

  “Just because you don’t like her doesn’t make her unsuitable!”

  I had the temptation to thrust my hand in the air and tell Jake that I didn’t like her either.

  “Jesus Christ!” Adam cried out but then silence descended.

  The door to the room flew open and I stared at Jake as he glared at me. The anger on his face scared me. His usual soft green eyes sparkled with ferocity, specks of darkness glinting heatedly. His whole face was stern, his jaw so tight I wondered if he had an ability to hide his teeth somewhere to make it possible to thin his lips that much. His right cheek twitched with an angry tic and each fist hung by the side of his rigid body.

  I flinched when he stalked across the room and flung my car keys onto the cushion beside me. Holding up a finger at me, he leaned into my face. “Just once. Just fucking once would I appreciate it if you would do as you are fucking told!”

  I gawped at him, my eyes wide and my mouth open in a perfect circle. “Excuse me?”

  “No!” he spat. “I told you I would take you to Seb’s for a reason, Isla. But as usual you just thought I was being awkward. I don’t do things to demean you, I do them for a reason. A damn good reason.”

  He snapped upright and marched across the room. I was too shocked to even reply. My mind was still rerunning the ‘do as you’re told’ line.

  He snatched things up; a glass, a bottle of whisky then poured it and downed it in one before coming back to me. “I thought you were fucking dead!”

  So did I, I wanted to say but thought better of it.

  His chest heaved as he stared at me, his eyes scanning my face. Suddenly, his expression softened when his gaze landed on the place where the throb in my temple refused to bate. I flinched, causing him to growl quietly when he reached out towards my face. Softly brushing my hair aside he ran his finger down my temple, making me wince when it pressed over a bruised section.

  Hissing through his teeth, Jake closed his eyes for a second then shook his head and sat down beside me, running his hands through his thick dark hair. “Does it hurt?”

  I shrugged, unable to say anything due to the restrictive emotion clogging my throat.

  The way he looked at me, full of something I couldn’t decipher, made my chest ache. His compassion, the pain on his face, it forced out a single tear that dripped from the corner of my eye and trickled slowly down my cheek. “His home was so clean,” I whispered. Out of everything I wanted to say, that was the only thing I could voice. It was still the most significant thing that made my heart hurt.

  “Seb’s?” he asked softly.

  I lowered my eyes to the carpet but nodded. “It was clean and tidy. He had small items of furniture.” He nodded, patiently allowing me to carry on. “He had curtains, brown ones. And . . .” I smiled softly. “Cushions that matched them. And his carpet was fairly clean. I . . .” I looked down and regarded mine and Jake’s joined hands, unaware of when he’d actually slipped his fingers through mine. “He had a home that he never let me see.” Finally I looked up at Jake, hating the fresh tear that had joined the first. “Why? Why wouldn’t he let me go there?”

  Jake smiled as he tenderly wiped away the two tears with the edge of his thumb. “Because he loved you, Isla. It wasn’t exactly a nice place, you saw that. And Seb loved you enough to shield you from that. He knew you’d worry about him and he wanted to spare you that.”

  I nodded. It made sense. “Is it . . .” I started but swallowed and looked away. Jake caught the edge of my face with his finger and turned my face back to his.

  “Is it what?”

  I blinked, and lowered my voice to a whisper. “Is it silly that I already miss him, even after a day?”

  He smiled warmly and shook his head. “No. It’s your heart missing what it knows it will never touch again. And that’s normal. Even if it was one hour ago that Seb had died, you’d miss him already. He was your little brother.”

  “He was, and it was my job to protect him. I could never protect him, Jake,” I whispered with desperation. “I failed him. I . . .”

  I pushed him away when he tried to pull me into him once he felt me fracture but he was too strong and to be honest, right then, I needed his comfort and security.

  Pulling my head to his chest, one arm circled my body as he slipped the other under my legs and pulled me onto his lap. “Don’t hold on to the grief, Isla, it will consume you otherwise. Let it go.”

  I sobbed into him, using his refuge to make sure I didn’t fall apart at the seams. It was like a small haven, holding tightly to his firm warm body, his allowance of my despair giving the grief authority to be set free. He held me closer when my sobs turned into wretched cries, my mumbles, although confusing to him, making me cry even harder when I refused to let the guilt of Seb’s death go.

  “It’s not your fault, Isla,” Jake whispered but I clung to him harder, shaking my head furiously.

  “It is!” I argued. “I gave him nightmares for the rest of his life. He was never free of them. Couldn’t forget the image of me, his sister, his once gentle sister, with so much hatred and the crazy look on her face. He forever saw the blood. It was everywhere. On the walls, on the windows, even on the damn fucking light bulb.” I felt Jake stiffen; I even sensed his ears prick up, his attention very much on me.

  Pulling back I stared up at him in shock. He stared back, his eyes wide and stunned at my tumbled revelation. “What?” he choked out. “What are you talking about?”

  Shaking my head I managed to yank myself out of his hold. I made a run for the door but he was on me in seconds, his arms grappling with me as he carried me back to the sofa. Throwing me down, although gently, he clambered on top of me, refusing my escape as I struggled beneath him.

  “Tell me what you’re talking about!” he demanded.

  I shook my head and squeezed my eyes closed, starting to sing and childishly covering my ears with my hands to refuse him any of my senses.

  He snatched my hands in his and forced them against the back of the sofa. He didn’t seem angry, he just stared at me with the most intense look of need. “You tell me what happened, Isla. Right now.”

  I shook my head, the tears I had refused earlier now liberated and making the most of the chance as they fell freely and briskly. “I can’t,” I whispered. “I can’t.”

  “You can,” he insisted. “And what’s more, you’re not leaving here until you have.”

  Everything froze; my tears, my breathing, even the beat of my heart stilled when I knew he was serious.

  It was finally time to talk.

  “YOU NEED TO GET off me.”

  He peered at me sceptically, his eyes narrow as he contemplated whether I was going to escape.

  “It’s okay. I’m not going to make a run for it but I can’t concentrate while I have your dick in my lap.”

  He blinked, shocked at my attempt to lighten the situation, and especially the context of my humour. A small smile broke his seriousness and he shuffled to one side, my heart disapp
ointed at the loss of him. Of all the things I thought about Jake, the principal emotion he roused in me was safety, a complete feeling of being protected and right then, I needed that more than anything, particularly after what had happened at Seb’s. I wasn’t sure what else I felt for him. His arrogant and dominant character took a little getting used to, but there was something about the way he looked at me that gave me a sense of belonging, a feeling that I was needed and above all, desired; something that had been missing from my life for a very long time.

  “Okay, but only because I understand how my cock would be difficult to ignore.” I smiled back but he grew sombre when he witnessed the anguish running through me. My mouth had gone completely dry, the heat in my blood evaporating all the moisture from my body and as if sensing it, Jake tipped his head at me in question. “Do you want a drink?”

  Nodding, I watched his fine body cross the room. I wondered how it would feel to be that good looking. Was it more of a hindrance than an asset? Would you always be wary that any female attention was just because you looked good rather than who you were as a person?

  He opened a cupboard door then pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels. Snatching up two crystal tumblers from a rack to the side of the bottles, he pressed one to a lever and three lumps of ice fell into the glass. I pursed my lips, impressed. I’d have loved one of those; I would play for hours, experimenting with different colours and flavours. Simple things.

  Although it was still early afternoon and usually way too early for me to be drinking alcohol, I appreciated its comfort as it glided down my parched throat and warmed the chill seeping into my bones.

  “Where would you like me?” he asked. I shook my head indicating I didn’t understand. “To sit,” he clarified. “I want you to feel comfortable enough to be open with me. If my being too close compromises that then I’m happy to sit in the other chair.”

  “Oh.” I shrugged. “Umm, anywhere is fine.”