Surrender

by D H Sidebottom

  “What?” Leah asked as she directed her bloodshot eyes to mine for a moment.

  “The girl at school that used to dance around the yard,” I mumbled, leaving my gaze on the fire. “Her name was Nikki.” I shrugged. “Funny what you remember, isn’t it?”

  “Mmm.” Leah smiled, nodding faintly. “I always remember my cookery teacher, Mrs Willis. She was awesome.”

  “I hated mine.”

  “I hated my French teacher,” she shared quietly, both of us still regarding the fireplace. “He was a right miserable bastard. Can’t recall his name though.”

  “It’ll come when you’re just about to drop off to sleep,” I said, knowing it was always the way.

  “Yeah.”

  “My French teacher felt me up,” Sophia piped up from the chair in the corner of the room.

  Both Leah and I turned to look at her. “Really?”

  She nodded and sighed. “Yeah.” My lip curled. Dirty bastard. “I fucked him though. If I remember rightly he was hung like a horse and kept shouting some random French shit at me whilst he was dipping his cock in my pretty French ass.”

  “Hell, Sophia.” Leah snorted.

  Sophia’s eyes shifted to Leah. “I was fifteen. Fuck, I was screwing anything at that age.”

  I stared at her, the whisky I’d downed making her a little blurry. Sophia had become good friends with Leah and me after we met her in a nightclub a few years ago. She was dancing on the tables and trying to strip. Leah and I had huddled her up when she’d eventually broke down on one of the tables sobbing that her boyfriend of eight years had just died of cancer.

  Suddenly I barked out a laugh. “Your ass is no more French than the lonely condom sat in my top drawer.”

  Sophia chuckled. “What the hell is it sat in your drawer for? I’d have thought you’d have used that fucker on Jake’s snake by now.”

  Leah sprayed the fake fire with a fine mist of whisky, choking on it as she gawped at Sophia. “Jake’s snake?”

  Sophia grinned. “I know. I’m awesome.”

  “You’re a fucking tart.”

  Sophia shrugged. “Gotta get it somehow, girl. Just ‘cos you haven’t managed to bed Kris yet, doesn’t mean we should all ration.”

  I gawped open-mouthed at Leah. “You haven’t tasted the goods yet?”

  She huffed, glaring between Sophia and me. “You make out as though I’m some kind of whore!”

  Me and Sophia glanced at each other then turned back to Leah. “You are some kind of whore.”

  The room spun slightly and I blew out a breath when Leah slapped me in jest. “Says her who woke me up screaming ‘Ohhh myyy Godddddd, Jake. Harderrrrr. . . .”

  I hissed at her, returning her smack. “You shouldn’t have been listening.”

  She reared back and snorted. “Babe, I didn’t have much choice. This place has ultra-thin walls. But don’t fret, I got off on it, my vibe has never had such a workout.”

  “What the fuck, Leah?”

  She shrugged, trying to push her drunken self off the sofa. “Like Sophia said, gotta get it somehow, girl.”

  I watched her as she precariously teetered over to the sideboard and snatched up the new bottle of whisky. “Anyway,” she slurred as she attempted to unscrew the lid. “We’re not drunk enough yet. I’m still breathing.”

  I nodded, holding up my glass to her. “Yeah, I’m with you.”

  I giggled as I watched Leah trying to pour more alcohol into my glass, her swaying hand losing half of it down the edge of the crystal and over my hand. “It’s a good job you’re not a lesbian,” I mocked, “You’re crap at getting it in the hole.”

  Grinning, she winked at me. “I would flip my funk for you and only you, Isla.”

  I snorted but nodded. Sophia huffed. “Hey, what about me?”

  Leah shook her head slowly, grabbing hold of the chair arm when the action made her wobble too much. “You’re too fucking French for my English tongue.”

  We all burst out laughing, tears rolling at the joke that wasn’t even funny. I loved my friends, so, so much.

  I frowned when I looked up and focused on a figure standing by the hallway entrance, leaning against the wall. He appeared to have a small smile on his face as he watched us silently. Noticing that I’d seen him, he smiled tenderly. “Hey,” Jake greeted me.

  “Heyyy,” I slurred, holding out my arms.

  He instantly walked towards me and scooped me up, pulling me into his firm chest where I curled up, snuggling into him. He kissed my head softly then turned to my friends. “I’m taking Isla to bed. I’ve locked the front door behind me in case you both pass out. There are two guys situated out front. Leave them; they’re security I’ve arranged.”

  Leah saluted him. Sophia just nodded then seemed to pass out, her chin hitting her chest as she immediately started snoring.

  I looked at Jake’s handsome face as he carried me up the two flights of stairs. “You should come with a health warning.” He frowned, glancing at me. “You’re too hot,” I clarified.

  He smirked, shaking his head as he sat me on the edge of my bed. “Arms up, sweetheart.”

  I grinned. “Are you going to tie me up again?”

  He chuckled, reaching up from his crouched position in front of me to softly run his knuckles over my cheekbone. “I’m always tied to you Isla, always.”

  I peered at him. “Is that some sort of innuendo?”

  He sucked in his lips, his shoulders moving faintly as though hiding a laugh from me as he swept my dress over my head.

  “Oh!” I declared suddenly. “You were being romantic.”

  “Apparently so.”

  “Aww,” I whispered, leaning forwards to kiss him. I completely missed. Jake’s arms slipped around me when I capsized beside him.

  He sighed and lifted me into bed, then stripped out of his jeans and slipped in behind me, his arms plucking me back against him. “Go to sleep, sweetheart.”

  I nodded, my eyes drooping. “Okay, night.”

  “Night,” he whispered.

  “Love you.” I sighed before the heavenly slumber started to drag me deep.

  “Fuck!” I heard Jake gasp.

  I turned to face him, burying my face into the crook of his shoulder. “So fucking much. But you know they’ll take you too . . .”

  Sleep took me then and for six hours all was right with the world as my dreams took me back to a time when my mother loved me and my family was happy.

  I’D BEEN AWAKE FOR a while, just staring at the wall. I didn’t have the energy or the heart to move. I knew Jake was awake too, his soft snores had quietened about ten minutes before.

  “She smiled,” I said out of the blue, somewhat surprised by my own revelation.

  “What?”

  I closed my eyes and sighed when Jake’s fingers found my scalp and started to massage in a small circular motion.

  “My mum, when whoever pointed the gun at her head. She smiled.”

  He was quiet, remaining silent.

  “You think her life was that awful she was glad to die?” I asked more to myself than Jake.

  “Who knows?” he whispered. I appreciated his honesty more than if he had given me comforting words that were untrue. “Maybe she was smiling at you. Or maybe as you said, she was sick of the life she had. But whichever it was, Isla, they will pay. I will personally make them pay.”

  I knew what he was saying. I stilled and closed my eyes again. “I want him.”

  I felt Jake tense behind me but I didn’t turn to him. “Are you sure?”

  “I’ve never been surer about anything in my whole life. I want him.”

  “Then he’s yours,” he whispered, kissing the back of my head tenderly as his arm slipped around my waist and he pulled me closer to him. “And I’ll be proud to watch you do it.”

  “She was my mother, Jake. She deserves my personal vengeance. I can only hope she’s at peace now. I can only be grateful for the fact that it was quick.”

/>   He nodded behind me before we once again slipped into a thoughtful silence.

  Around five minutes later, Jake whispered something that had the hairs on my arms standing on end. “My mother died giving birth to me.”

  I squeezed my eyes closed, my heart clenching with the raw emotion he said that one sentence with. Remaining quiet, I hoped he would give me more. And he did. So much more.

  “My father is Commissioner Ted Michaelson.”

  I couldn’t hold back the gasp, stunned by his revelation. “What the hell?” I turned around, slipping my arms around him this time. “Your father is the police commissioner for London?” He nodded, his eyes regarding me hesitantly. “But you’re . . . you’re . . . you.”

  A small smile lit his face, his beauty making my heart stutter. “Yes, I’m very much . . . me.”

  “Does he know what you . . . do?”

  He chuckled this time and tapped the tip of my nose with his finger. “You can say it, Isla. My illegal activity, my abhorrence of the British justice system. My hatred for the police and rules and laws and fucking authority. They’re all worse than I am, sweetheart, they’re all bent and out for themselves. I just don’t hide it.”

  “So what happened?”

  His stunning green eyes darkened as his face hardened. “Meredith Tyler happened.” I frowned as I observed the pain that covered his face. “She came into my life when I was eleven. My father fell completely in love with her. Fool.”

  He sighed and squeezed his eyes closed for a moment. I reached out and cupped the side of his face gently. “You don’t have to tell me if it hurts too much.”

  He smiled softly and shook his head. “No, you need to know. This involves you and you can’t understand if you don’t know.”

  I frowned harder. “What? Why does your childhood have anything to do with me?”

  “Because Meredith had a son.”

  My eyes widened, the sudden realisation of Meredith’s surname making my heart judder and my stomach clench. “Oh my God. Dwaine.”

  He nodded slowly. “Yeah, who soon became my stepbrother.”

  I covered my mouth with my hand, hoping it would hold back the vomit that was violently curdling in my stomach. “Oh my God, Jake. I’m . . . shit!”

  “Hey,” he growled when I shot upright in panic. I had killed Jake’s brother. I had killed my lover’s brother! “Don’t you dare feel guilty for that prick. He was evil through and through. He deserved what you gave him. I only wish I had been given the chance.”

  “I . . .”

  He shushed me with a finger to my lips. “Meredith hated me. That woman made my life hell from the onset, as soon as she stepped over that threshold as my father’s wife. Dwaine was a pussy, a mummy’s boy. I didn’t stand a chance against him.”

  “But you . . . you put him in hospital.”

  He blinked slowly, his eyes piercing mine earnestly. “For you, Isla. For you. I told you, I heard him planning what he was going to do to you. I warned him, time and time again but he didn’t listen. The day I watched you in the auditorium playing, he saw me, knew I had a thing for you. He wouldn’t let up from then on; goading me, baiting me about what he was going to do, and how much he was going to hurt you.” He sighed and looked away. “This particular day, he had his mates round. I’d just come in from college and he didn’t know I was in. I overheard him in the kitchen.”

  “Overheard what?”

  He shook his head, his eyes flashing as his jaw clenched. “Apparently you had a date with Leo Hamal.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I remember now. To be honest I was surprised he’d asked me out.”

  “It was a ploy. Leo was Dwaine’s friend. He was going to pick you up then take you somewhere out in the sticks where Dwaine would be waiting.”

  “What?” I gasped, a shiver running through me. “Oh my God.” But then it occurred to me that maybe that would have been the better option knowing what happened instead. I didn’t voice that theory though. I didn’t want Jake blaming himself any more than he already obviously did.

  “So, you know the rest,” he murmured. “And my father made sure I was appropriately punished. He made it his personal mission, on Meredith’s counselling of course, that I went to prison for as long as possible. He cut me from his life, his protection and his will.”

  I was struggling to breathe. I looked up at him as a tear trickled down my cheek. “I’m so sorry, Jake. I’m so sorry. I ruined your life. My own fuck ups . . .”

  He shook his head adamantly, his fingers curling into the top of my arms roughly. “No, Isla. No. It was my choice, and I would savour the chance to redo it and finish him. When you told me what he did, it felt like he had won anyway.”

  “But your father . . .”

  A grin covered his face and his eyes held a gleam I hadn’t seen before. “Why do you think I chose this profession, sweetheart? This . . .” he gestured around him with his arms as though we were deep within the centre of all his criminal ventures, “is everything he hates.”

  “But surely that makes things ten times harder for you?”

  He smirked. “Meredith Tyler is the chair of Gregory Enterprises.” I shook my head, not understanding what he was saying. Gregory Enterprises was a huge venture that made it their personal mission to aid the under-privileged in the UK, a scheme that created jobs and granted cheap housing to those in poverty. “Well, thanks to my connections, some information came to me about six or seven years ago about the angelic Meredith.”

  My eyes widened. “What?”

  He chuckled at my eagerness. “It doesn’t matter and what you don’t know can’t hurt you, but let’s just say my father can’t touch me otherwise his precious wife, and those in her circle, would be shunted faster than a whore with leprosy.”

  I sighed, thinking about all that Jake had lost for me. “But why, why do all that for me?”

  He blinked for a moment. “You’re it for me, Isla. All the girls at college, they were sluts and only actually went into education for the social notoriety. But you, you studied, you didn’t give those silly whores the time of day. You’re beautiful, funny and smart but I knew, I saw something in you that called out to the side of me that was always hunting.”

  “Why did you never say anything?”

  He snorted. “With Dwaine constantly trying to ruin everything I touched? I couldn’t let him near you, Isla. I wouldn’t allow that. Your innocence meant more to me than my family. I needed you to study, to make something of your life, to make me proud.”

  I smiled through my tears. He reached out and brushed them away. “You amaze me every damn day. When I saw you in my house at the party, your wide beautiful eyes looking up at me, I was terrified I was just going to whip you up and carry you away. My emotions were all over, my need overpowering. I’d have scared the fuck out of you.”

  “I thought you hated me,” I whispered.

  “I could never hate you, never. I hated myself, what my life is now because I thought . . . I know it’s no good for you. I’m dangerous, Isla and I hate myself for dragging you into this life but I can’t not. I can’t walk away, it’s not possible. I tried to push you away but my heart made me realise that I’m selfish and greedy because I’m risking all that you are just to keep you.”

  His honesty floored me and I reached out, cupping the nape of his neck to pull his mouth to mine. He moaned quietly, his hands framing both sides of my face as he kissed me back tenderly. This time, his tongue stroked mine gently, his lips firm but loving, his grip unyielding but his touch needful.

  “I love you, Isla Cormack. I have loved you for ten years and I’ll love you until my heart no longer beats.”

  Lifting one of my legs, I manoeuvred until I was straddling his lap. “And I will love you until my soul no longer tethers me to this earth.”

  He closed his eyes as if my words physically touched him. He slipped his hand between us and pulled my knickers to one side. “Show me,” he breathed as his eyes pinned me unde
r his gaze.

  I didn’t wait, I couldn’t. I reached down, positioning him to my entrance and sank down slowly. His top teeth pushed into his bottom lip as a shiver shot through him. My mouth fell open, the exquisite fullness pressing against every delicious spot inside me, slicking my walls so I could take him deeper. No sooner had he unhooked my bra than his lips were embracing my nipple, his tongue circling and his teeth nipping gently.

  I moved on him, slowly and leisurely, enjoying the pure look of rapture on his face as he allowed me total control. His cock swept in and out, each stroke on my g-spot making me shudder with need as my body sang with the pleasure surging through me.

  I could see the strain on his face as he neared his climax but waited for me, making sure I jumped with him. As soon as he felt my muscles tighten around him, he pushed his hips up hard and came with a cry, his arms encompassing me so he could pull me tight to his body.

  “God damn!” he cried out as though his orgasm was torturous. I screamed silently, my head falling back as the bliss took me, my body crying out in pleasure as Jake’s face pressed against my chest.

  Wrapping him up, I held him tight for a long time, giving him the comfort he so desperately needed. He would never word it that way but I could feel his despair seeping from him in waves of heartache. He held me back just as hard, taking what I was giving him. I had a feeling it had been a long time since anyone had held him, if ever. And that broke my heart more than anything else he had told me.

  I promised myself I would make it right. I would give this broken unloved man more love than he had ever witnessed. I would take his broken heart and I would fix it, bit by bit if I had to.

  It was when I looked down at him that I once again saw the tattoo under his heart. I gasped, causing Jake to look up at me through his long eyelashes. Noticing what I was looking at, he smiled. “Now you understand.”

  I traced the tattoo of the small isle inside a chariot. The isle was me, Isla. The Gaelic meaning of Cormack is a chariot driver.

  I nodded, completely in awe of this man. “Now I understand.”

  ISLA WAS IN THE shower. She thought I hadn’t heard her cries but I had, yet I knew she needed the solitude to deal with her grief, so giving her the space she needed, I had made coffee and was sitting at the kitchen table when her dad joined me. Isla had brought him to stay with her after Marianne’s death. I’d never seen a man with so many troubles on his face. For his age he was a very handsome man, however now he resembled a man in his eighties.