Deviant

by Gemma James

  Footsteps sounded, followed by the snap of a twig. I jumped, my breath catching in my lungs as he wrapped his hand around my throat, fingers flexing before releasing me. The trapped breath swooshed out in relief.

  Twigs, belts, sticks…they were all dangerous in Rafe’s hands. His hands though…they were the most lethal of all, especially when he held my vulnerable neck captive in his grip. And that’s why it was a risk not to tell him I was late. If I was pregnant, then his fetish of erotic asphyxiation could be dangerous.

  But my entire being railed at the thought of telling him. It would only cause stress between us for something that might be a false alarm. I needed us to get back to where we were before I’d taken off in the middle of the night and sent Rafe spiraling toward the darkness that shadowed him. God, I missed him in so many ways.

  His body next to mine at night, arms sheltering me.

  The simple things, like preparing meals together or playing cards to pass the time.

  The gravelly sound of his voice in my ear, telling me to come for him.

  I inched my thighs together at the thought, despising myself for the warmth flooding my sex. He stepped back, and the switch hissed through the air an instant before it connected with my backside in a way that caressed more than hurt.

  “Legs open, sweetheart.”

  With a nervous gulp, I opened my thighs and planted my feet firmly on the ground. “I’m sorry,” I said, ignoring a pebble that bit into my heel.

  “What are you sorry for?”

  I wondered if the term pissing him off would suffice as an answer. Probably not. “For taking off on you the way I did.”

  He teased my needy slit with the switch. “You’re not in trouble anymore, but I think you want to be tied to this tree. You’re getting wetter the longer you stand here.”

  He was right, and I hated myself for it.

  “Are you hoping for my cock?”

  I moaned, practically foaming at the mouth from withdrawal. “God, yes.”

  “Fucking hell, I love that answer.” He grabbed me by the hips and brought my ass against his groin.

  No buildup.

  No foreplay.

  We were both too on-edge and desperate.

  He entered me with the speed and force of a man on the brink of madness. It had been mere days since he’d been inside of me, but he took me against that tree as if a lifetime had passed, without mercy, his movements as rough as the bark scraping my skin. With every pillaging plunge, he let out hoarse grunts.

  Pressing into my back, he planted a hand against the tree and reached around to rub light circles my clit.

  “More,” I breathed.

  “Like this?” He increased the pressure of his touch.

  “Oooh, fuck!” I shrilled. “If you stop, I’ll fucking kill you.”

  “No need for death threats. My hand isn’t going anywhere.”

  Closing my eyes, I lost myself to his groans, to the way he claimed me, to the expert circles of his thumb on my clit. Bodies slapping together, he pounded me from behind, and we both lost our minds in the midst of our primal coupling.

  We rutted like fucking animals against that tree.

  My chest heaved, and I gritted my teeth as the pressure built between my thighs. “Rafe?”

  He answered with a grunt, teeth latching onto my earlobe, breath hot against my neck.

  God, it had been so long. I was about to burst. “Let me come,” I pleaded.

  “Let you? Fuck, if you don’t, I might lose my fucking mind.”

  That was all I needed. Permission. The green light to take that dive into ecstasy without consequence. I plummeted then soared in spectacular abandon. A powerful shudder ripped through me as I cried out his name.

  He came seconds later, his teeth sinking into my shoulder and smothering a series of grunts and cries.

  “Damn,” he rasped. “I’ve missed that sound.”

  We stood like that for a while, me against the tree, his body plastered to my back as we caught our breaths. In the back of my mind, I acknowledged the sight we’d be if anyone came upon us. With our bodies still joined, his skin hot on mine, his breaths slowly leveling out to match my shallow ones, I couldn’t bring myself to care about getting caught.

  This moment was too euphoric, but beyond that, it signaled a return to our fucked up normal.

  After a while, he disentangled his body from mine and began untying the elaborate knots that restrained me. The rope dropped to the ground, and I held up my hands so he could free my wrists.

  His eyes caught and held mine as he rubbed my sore, rope-chafed skin. Taking hold of my left hand, he kneeled and pressed his lips to my belly, gracing each inked letter of his name with a kiss.

  “You’re everything to me, Alex. I hope you know that.”

  Something about the way he gazed at me, with a seriousness darkening his irises, sent my heart into a somersault.

  “I know that.”

  “I put you through hell.”

  I had nothing to say to that. It was true, but I was still exactly where I wanted to be.

  “And the worst part, babe? I’d do it again. You know I would.”

  “I know,” I whispered.

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a white ring box, and I failed to breathe.

  “I want you to think long and hard about your answer.” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he lifted the lid to reveal a gorgeous jade stone ring. “Though I already know what it is, and fuck, Alex, I’m dying to hear you say it. But be sure. Once we do this, there’s no going back.”

  I sank my fingers into his thick hair, a smile of irony forming on my lips. “We passed the roundabout a long time ago, Rafe.”

  “That’s true, but you know I’d move Heaven and Earth to pave a new one…if it’s what you really wanted.”

  “It’s not. You’re what I want. What I’ve always wanted.” I glanced at the ring he held between two fingers. “I want to marry you.”

  He rose and backed me into the tree, issuing a gruff order to raise my hands above my head.

  I did as told, and his mouth collided with mine, annihilating me with the insistent darts of his tongue. As he gripped me by the nape, he trailed his fingers up my left arm, never breaking our kiss, and slid his token of forever on my ring finger.

  Oh my God.

  I was delirious, my mind floating on a plane of existence I hadn’t thought possible to reach. But Rafe sent me there with his unspoken promise of unconditional love, with the reality of his commitment circling my finger.

  “I love you,” I said, inching my head back and gripping his hard biceps.

  He engulfed me in his arms and buried his head in the crook of my shoulder, breaths shuddering against my skin. “You make me believe in miracles.”

  Loving him wasn’t a miracle. It was as certain as death, as darkly beautiful as life. It was a predestined absolution.

  I gripped him by the hair, and we stood like that as if time didn’t exist. Clutched each other as if our lives depended on it. In the middle of the woods, naked and vulnerable, the babbling sound of my biggest phobia just yards away, I found peace.

  Discovered a rarity.

  Sometimes love was enough.

  He picked me up, fingers digging into my ass, and strode toward the shallow, calm part of the creek.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m taking you home to get married, but first, I want to get you wet.” With a wicked grin, he carried me into the water, feet splashing.

  24. Confirmation - Alex

  For the first time in what seemed like forever, it poured. This wasn’t a mere shower of warm, summer rain. This was the kind of torrential downpour that kept people inside, even in August. The weather didn’t stop us though. Rafe led me through the parking lot of a strip mall, my hand clasped in his, and we ducked under the awning of the bridal boutique where Angel and I were scheduled to get fitted for our dresses.

  She and Jax joined us second
s later.

  “Stay inside the store, okay?” Rafe said.

  I nodded.

  “Call me if you feel something is off, no matter how small. I’ll be right across the street.”

  We’d spent so much time together, just the two of us in the safe solitude of our own making, that neither of us knew how to let go, especially Rafe.

  Because my dad and Zach were still threats, and the worst kind—soundless and invisible—possibly preparing for a strike we wouldn’t see coming. As a result, Rafe didn’t want to let me out of his sight.

  “I’ll be fine, I promise.”

  He frowned, and I sensed an admonishment on the rise about how I shouldn’t promise things I couldn’t guarantee. Before he got the chance, I stood on tiptoe and covered his mouth with mine. He responded, his lips parting to accept my insistent tongue.

  “Jesus, babe,” he said, reluctantly breaking away. “I’ve got supplies to get. If you keep kissing me like that, we’re going straight home instead.”

  “Go,” I said, pushing against his broad chest. God, I loved summer, despite the rain. The black sleeveless tee he wore showed off his ink, not to mention his toned biceps. Rafe pulled me against him for another taste.

  “Save it for the bedroom, guys. We got shit to do.” Jax snickered, and I shot him a glare, almost giving in to the urge to sock him. He held up his hands though the grin didn’t melt from his face.

  “You ladies have fun in there.”

  “We plan to,” I said, enough sass in my tone that Rafe gave me a warning look. I stole another kiss before entering the boutique, Angel on my heels, silent as usual, and the first sign of a panic attack hit.

  My pulse accelerated. Doubt consumed me.

  I looked over my shoulder at Rafe’s retreating back through the glass, and I wanted to call after him. Beg him not to leave me.

  What if I wasn’t ready for this after all? Without him by my side, I felt exposed and vulnerable.

  Angel grabbed my hand and squeezed. “It’s okay.”

  Those whispered words, spoken from a girl who had seen more horror than I had, snapped me out of the surge of oncoming hysteria.

  Truth be told, I was nervous for a couple of reasons, the biggest having to do with the drugstore next door, and the thought of getting in and out of there without the guys spotting us.

  I watched Rafe and Jax cross the road and disappear inside a grocery store, and before I lost my nerve, I grabbed Angel’s hand and pulled her out of the bridal boutique.

  “Where are we going?”

  “I have to buy something next door.” I studied her expression, my nerves winding around my throat. “Can I trust you to keep a secret?”

  She nodded.

  I’d take it. I didn’t have much choice. Considering she didn’t talk much, maybe I could trust her to keep this small secret.

  Except it might not be so small after all.

  As we headed down the sidewalk, careful to stay under the awning and out of the rain, I glanced across the street to where the guys had gone.

  Please don’t let them see us.

  Just in case, I had a backup plan. I was going to buy two things; a pregnancy test, and some pearly nail polish for the wedding.

  The doors slid open, and Angel and I strolled inside. In my peripheral, I noted how she scanned every corner of the store, her eyes lingering extra long on the few men shopping. Her natural instinct was to distrust the opposite sex. Hell, she probably distrusted the human race, period. And who could blame her?

  Angel was an enigma to me. I empathized with her on a more personal level because she and I understood the type of horror few people would ever endure. But I couldn’t help the curiosity growing inside me, either.

  Had she left behind any friends in the compound where Jax found her? Did she know what joy felt like? Had she ever experienced the passionate side of sex—the all-consuming, soul-to-soul connection that had the power to send you to another realm?

  I doubt she knew what any of those things were. I figured we could start with friendship, and slowly, joy would follow. The sex and relationship part…that would be a huge hurdle for her.

  “What are you buying?” she asked as she followed me down the feminine hygiene aisle.

  I stalled in front of what I needed, a plethora of options all touting the best, most accurate results on the market. Even knowing that I could more than likely trust her, I still had trouble getting the words out. “I need a pregnancy test.”

  She took a step back, her blue eyes wide and fearful, as if she could catch the condition of pregnancy by proximity.

  “Don’t tell anyone,” I pleaded. “I don’t know for sure, but if I am…”

  I couldn’t even go there. My brain was incapable of handling the what-ifs right now. I’d take the test, then I’d know.

  And if I had Rafe’s child growing inside me, I’d bury the knowledge until after the wedding. For the sake of my sanity, I needed to.

  Picking out a rectangle box with a plus symbol on the front, I was torn on whether I wanted to see that little pink sign show up on the piss stick.

  “I won’t say anything,” she said, a genuine note in her soft voice.

  “Thank you.” We headed toward the cosmetic section where I grabbed a shimmering bottle of pearly nail polish before going through the checkout stand. With the small brown bag clutched in my hands, purchases hidden inside, I hesitated outside the restrooms. Thankfully, they were single use, so I wouldn’t have to worry about others coming and going while I waited for the type of news that would irrevocably change my life.

  And Rafe’s.

  But getting my feet to move was the hard part.

  “You’ll feel better once you know,” Angel coaxed. “I won’t go anywhere, promise.” She twirled a lock of blond hair around her finger, blue eyes continually on the lookout, though I wasn’t sure what she was searching for. She had a habit of playing with her hair when uncomfortable or nervous.

  She didn’t handle being in public well.

  “I’ll be out in a couple of minutes.” As I enclosed myself inside the restroom, I let out a breath. The light over the sink flickered every couple of seconds. Grime lined the tiles, and the space had that dirty-restroom-smell that older buildings tended to have, especially when they weren’t properly cared for.

  Great. I was about to get life-changing news in a filthy public restroom. I would have laughed if my heart wasn’t thrashing against my ribcage. I tore into the thin box and pulled the instructions out, followed by the foil pouch containing the test. The directions were simple enough. I settled in to do my business, then I waited. Three minutes later, I had my answer.

  One missed pill, and one little stick to confirm my fuck-up.

  Shit.

  Rafe was going to kill me.

  25. Homebound - Rafe

  “He’s going to hate me.”

  Alex sat in the passenger seat of the Jeep, her expression sullen. Maybe it was wedding jitters, or anxiety about returning home, but she’d been fucking moody as hell lately, ever since we’d gone into town for the gown fitting two weeks ago.

  “He won’t hate you.” I darted a glance into the rearview and spotted Jax’s black pickup keeping pace behind us.

  “I sent you to prison. Why wouldn’t he hate me?”

  “That’s history, babe.”

  She leaned her head against the window and watched a train chug along the Washington side of the Gorge, its colorful boxcars lined up like blocks on the hillside.

  The truth was, I didn’t know how my brother was going to react to meeting Alex. Adam and I weren’t that close, and other than the few phone calls to check in and let him know I was still alive, we’d had little communication.

  But he’d had a hand in restoring the island, and he’d welcomed the idea of using the vineyard as a venue for the wedding. I hadn’t detected any harsh feelings from him toward the woman who would become my wife. If anything, his tone had been neutral.

 
; He knew the history.

  The fact that she’d thrown me under the bus for something I hadn’t done. He might even suspect that she’d had something to do with the fires on the island and at the vineyard, since the arson committed against our family’s legacy had never been solved, and she’d re-entered my life about the same time.

  But he hadn’t asked about it.

  Fuck, for all I knew, Alex’s worry was justified, because there was a lot my brother didn’t know. A lot I could never tell him as he had no idea how sick and twisted I was down to my soul.

  Alex had been wrong to lie all those years ago, but Adam had no fucking clue about my destructive, downward spiral after I got out. He didn’t know his own flesh and blood was a kidnapper, a step below a rapist. I might not have fucked her by force, but the threat had been there. It was a reality I often ignored, pushing it into the darkest corners of my mind to never resurface.

  But the question emerged now.

  What if she had fought me? What if she’d said no? Would I have fucked her anyway?

  Probably.

  Trampling over her protests was what I did best, and shameful or not, that wasn’t changing.

  The landscape of high desert gave way to forest, and soon the island appeared on the river, a shadow against a deep blue in the wake of the setting sun. I pulled onto the shoulder and motioned for Alex to get out of the car. The driver’s side door dinged as I stepped out, and I left it open as I rounded the hood and met her at the railing, arms winding around her waist from behind as we both stared at the island.

  “Just a few more days,” I whispered into her ear.

  Jax came to a stop behind the Jeep, but neither he nor Angel got out of the truck. Maybe they recognized a private moment when they saw one.

  “It doesn’t look as bad as I remember,” Alex said.

  “Some of the trees on the north side got lucky.” But others hadn’t escaped the lick of flames. The newly built cabin was in full view of the highway now, unobscured by the trees that used to offer privacy. We’d replant. The island would heal, same as us.